Chapter 37: Ch 036

It felt like a bolt of white lightning had lanced his brain.

 

All Toshi could do was hold his head and whimper as he rolled around on the floor. After a minute the pain started to fade. He could tell someone was nearby. Someone else was fumbling around yelling in a panicked voice, "Where IS the phone???"

 

“Stop.”

 

Everyone stopped. Hirofumi came rushing over, “Toshi? Hold on there. We’ll call-“

 

“Stop.” Toshi held up a hand, “It's over.” His father started to talk again, but Toshi cut him off, “I’m fine.” He sat up slowly, “I… just… remembered something.” He frowned, “I think it was the day dad kicked mom out.” Hinako recoiled, the color draining from her face, “What?” Toshi looked up with growing regret on his face, “I said that same thing back then, didn’t I?” He sat up and ran his hand through his hair, “I’m a damn monster.” Hinako shook her head, “No! Why would-” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

 

Everyone was quiet for quite some time.

 

“Ice cream.”

 

Everyone looked at Hirofumi. He looked around, clapped his hands once, “No buts. Everyone. Quiet. To the kitchen. We’re having ice cream.” Asuka started to say something but Hirofumi clapped his hands in her face, “No talking. To the kitchen. Sit at the table. Ice cream.” Everyone quietly got up and headed to the kitchen. There was a definite tension in the air, but at this point nobody wanted to speak. It felt like too much had been said, or maybe there was something important left unsaid.

 

Either way, there wasn’t the right amount of 'said'.

 

Everyone sat down at the table and Hirofumi proceeded to make up four bowls of ice cream, putting whipped cream and sprinkles on top. In a few minutes, four bowls with spoons slid across the table to come to a stop in front of everyone. It was the first time Toshi really noticed there was a fifth chair at the round table. “That’s not for guests, is it?” Asuka and Hinako both flinched. There was a clink from Hirofumi tapping the side of his bowl with his spoon, “No talking. We need to cool down and think. Eat your ice cream.” Everyone ate in silence. Halfway through his bowl, Toshi just dropped the spoon in the bowl with a clatter. Everyone looked up.

 

“It’s not that you aren’t my real sister. It’s just I’m not sure if I am a real brother.” Hirofumi started to talk, but Toshi cut him off with a raised hand, “I'm calm. I am being rational. I have been struggling with this since I… revived. Am I your Toshi?” He tapped the side of his head looking anywhere but the others, “I just got exactly one memory from before and it’s a horrible one.” He tightly squeezed his eyes shut, "I have these sudden bursts of emotion that make no goddamn sense and I think it's part of my brain firing at random." He tilted his head to the side and tapped his temple, "It's like if I let down my guard, I'll slip into auto pilot, but I don't know I'm doing it." He glanced up at Hinako, “I shouldn’t have said... that." He looked away, "Either time." His eyes flicked back toward her, "I’m sorry.” Hinako bit both her lips and nodded in acknowledgement.

 

Toshi sighed and stared at his ice cream, “The sad thing is, I thought I had an answer, and then I came back home and now I don’t know.” Asuka rubbed the back of her neck, “Well, you are our son, regardless.” Hirofumi looked up at his wife and said sweetly, “Dear?” Asuka looked over, “Yes?”

 

“Shut up.”

 

Asuka blinked and looked surprised as Hirofumi promptly ignored her and focused everything on Toshi, “You said you came up with an answer. What was it?” Toshi picked up the spoon and started to stir the ice cream, “It doesn’t matter.” His father reached over to put a hand over Toshi’s free hand and squeezed, “It matters to me.” Toshi snorted, “The more I think about it, the more stupid it sounds.”

 

“Try me.”

 

Toshi lifted up the spoon then turned in to let the partially melted ice cream drip down into the bowl, “There was this old guy. He had a broom. The straw fell out so he replaced it.” Hinako mused, “Who uses a straw broom-OW!” That last exclamation was most likely because Hirofumi kicked his daughter under the table.

 

“Go on.”

 

Toshi glanced at the exchange then dropped the spoon back into the bowl. He spoke quickly just wanting to get this over with, “He replaced the straw, then the binding gave out, and then he replaced the binding, but then he broke the handle, so he replaced that and then he asked me, was it still the same broom?”

 

Hirofumi nodded, “Was it?”

 

Toshi looked up, “I didn’t think so at first, but then he said something.”

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Hirofumi waited patently.

 

“He said he was still sweeping with it.”

 

Asuka and Hinako looked at each other and shrugged.

 

Hirofumi moved his chair closer to Toshi and put an arm around his son's shoulders, “So even though you’ve been broken and repaired, you are wondering if you’re the same person.”

 

Toshi just nodded.

 

Hirofumi pulled Toshi into a hug, “I never stopped loving you, so what’s that tell you?”

 

“That I'm still sweeping.”

 

“Ah. But I don’t think that’s the question you want answered, is it?” Toshi was silent. Hirofumi rested his chin on top of Toshi’s head, “I think the real question is, are you a part of this family?”

 

Toshi tensed up, but remained quiet.

 

“Let us review. Biologically you are my son, and over there is your mother. We both have many documents notarized, certified, and organized that show as far as the government is concerned, you are our child.” He let out a long sigh, “But that doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like you are.”

 

Toshi looked glum as he nodded, “I know you are going to say I’m family, but…” He lowered his chin to his chest, “How can you say that when you don’t know the new me?” The only sound for quite a while was the ticking of the clock on the wall.

 

Hinako spoke first, “You learned english.”

 

Asuka thought for a second, "You have been working out and..." She glanced at her husband then looked away as she mumbled, “You’re getting scary good at your self-defense lessons.” Hirofumi gave Asuka a look that said, ‘we-are-going-to-talk-later’, but made no further comment.

 

Hinako added, “You are willing to take on way more than you can chew to protect someone weaker than you.”

 

Hirofumi snapped his fingers, “The teachers all say that you are doing excellent in all your classes. I think everything except for history, but I think that’s to be expected.”

 

Asuka reached over to ruffle Toshi’s hair, “I might not understand it, but you want to protect me and your sister from perverts.” Hinako chuckled, “I think we’ll be fine, but it's nice you care about our rights.” Asuka smirked and gave Toshi a wink, “We got plenty, by the way.” 

 

Hinako snapped her fingers, "You are crazy good at shooting games!" She looked at Asuka, "Hey, can he come to the firing range with us sometime? I want to see what he can do with a real gun." Asuka blinked at this, "Really?" Hirofumi protectively squeezed Toshi, but said nothing. Asuka noticed the reaction and simply replied to her daughter, "We'll talk about that later." Hirofumi relaxed his hold, “We can all tell that you care about other people and have a strong sense of justice.” Hinako interrupted, “And no sense of self-preservation.” Asuka nodded and pointed at her daughter, “That. You scare the crap out of us.”

 

Toshi reflexively mumbled an old truism, “Anger is the place you go when you no longer can tolerate fear.” Asuka flinched, then rubbed the back of her neck as she looked away, “Yeah… maybe I did overreact.” She glanced back at Toshi, “What were you doing anyways?” Toshi stiffened up and looked around at everyone’s faces, then his shoulders slumped, “Don’t laugh.” Everyone looked at each other and nodded. Toshi took a deep breath, “I went to go talk to God.”

 

Silence.

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