Chapter 85: Book 2 – Chapter 12c

Toshi's eyes went wide with terror, "hi?"

 

Okuda pushed the door open and leaned against the doorframe. She looked fairly disheveled with bags under her eyes and a ruddy complexion. She sniffed and rubbed her nose, "What are you doing up here?" Toshi avoided the question and tried to change the topic, "You okay? You look sick?" Okuda sniffed and rubbed one of her eyes, "I'm suffering from allergies and I needed to take a nap. I came up here to catch a few winks in one of the storage rooms." She seemed to pull herself together, "And I asked you a question. Why are you pounding the wall and talking to yourself in here?" Toshi made an internal note to stop his habit of banging his head against a nearby wall whenever he was frustrated.

 

Toshi decided that getting as far from this room as possible would be a good idea and stepped out into the hall, "It's complicated and I need to get to class." The teacher glanced into the room, saw no evidence anyone else was in there, then closed the door, "Then I'll walk you down." She jogged her head backwards as she joined Toshi, "How'd you get in there?" Toshi looked back, "Oh. The door was already open. I just stepped in to be alone for a while." He internally rationalized the deception by remembering that Naora held the door open for him. He gestured back where they came from, "I've never been up here before. (Also true) I wanted to explore it during my free period." (Wanting and doing, being two different things) He opened the door to the stairwell, "Do you know there isn't an elevator for these floors?" He asked in another attempt to change the topic and distract his interrogator.

 

As they stepped into the stairwell, Okuda grabbed Toshi's hand, "Stop." He looked back, inwardly scrambling to try and come up with some new topic to distract her. "Toshi, I try not to meddle in my student's lives, but..." She slowly let go, "But it's hard not to notice that your life isn't all sunshine and puppies." She moved to block his way down the stairs, "Please. Explain what you can't talk about." She gave him a look that showed she was coming from a place of true concern. Toshi realized that he wasn't getting out of here easily. He looked away and thought of a kooky solution before turning back at her, "Okay. You want what's going on?" She nodded.

"I'm thirty three years old."

Okuda blinked, "What?" Toshi gestured to himself, "I feel like it. I feel old. I feel like everyone around me is an immature kid." He held his arms out to the sides then let them fall to slap his thighs, "I also want to fuck." Her eyes bugged out of her head, "WHAT?" Toshi nodded, "Yes. I want to fuck all these girls around me, but they're girls and I'm an adult and I feel like a monster every time I think it!" He pointed off into the distance, "But everyone sees me as sweet, innocent, pure as the driven-fuckin'-snow Toshi." He held up his hands and waved them dismissively, "OH NO! Toshi could never be THAT!" He snapped his fingers, "And if I did fuck, they wouldn't think I was using them, they'd think they were using me."

 

Okuda had the look of a deer caught in headlights of an on-coming eighteen-wheeler flat-bed with multiple story-high rolls of steel all loaded shotgun style. This was not something she was prepared to handle. She swallowed nervously as she nodded along, feeling that she might have just blindly wandered into a minefield, "Okay..." Toshi continued, "Now you? You're just my type. You are just the right look, and age, and everything, except I only FEEL I'm thirty three years old, I am physically sixteen and if I made a move on you, it'd destroy your career." Okuda went white as all the blood drained from her face, "oh?" Toshi nodded, "Yeah. So here I am! A bundle of contradictions with no way to sort this mess out and nobody to talk to about it."

 

Okuda nodded and physically backed up against a wall in a subconscious attempt to keep as much distance from Toshi the ticking timebomb and herself as possible, "I see." She looked away from Toshi, "Well, I think..." She stopped then suddenly relaxed, "You know what? I have no idea what to tell you." She looked over at him, "Except I am a teacher and you are right about us and what would happen." She got a wistful look, like she was flattered, "It isn't unusual for a student to be attracted to a teacher, but nothing should ever happen about it." Toshi blinked, "Uh... Okay." He suddenly realized he had no idea what response he had been expecting.

It just dawned on him what would have happened if this teacher had less scruples. This was a female student confessing to a male teacher in his old world, but here he still couldn't see this teacher as she truly was. It was sharp contrasts like this that revealed his blind spots and he was always shocked. He wondered if he would ever get used to things, or if he was too hard wired to ever adapt. As he looked at her, he admired her for her conviction, and for a moment, he wished she was far less virtuous.

He instantly hated himself for the very thought.

 

She cleared her throat and composed herself, "And... sex isn't about using people. It's about sharing yourself. It's something special that you do with someone who is close to your heart." She coughed into her fist, "When you have sex with lots of partners, it cheapens you. Not just in the eyes of others, but in your own eyes." She looked up with a sympathetic smile, "I get the urge to want to... do it... but I think you might want to do it because of the attention you get from it, not because of the connection."

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Toshi frowned a bit, "I... huh. Yeah. I guess I've been thinking about sex as 'using' someone, when it isn't... if done right." He blinked, "Oh god I'm an idiot." She laughed and shook her head, before sneezing a few times. Toshi frowned as she recovered. She sniffled, "Damn allergies. It always gets bad time of year." She smiled softly and regarded him with sympathetic, yet blood shot eyes, "Look. You are just a kid with... more problems than most. My only advice is that your life is complicated as is. Don't add sex to the mix."

 

Toshi nodded slowly, "Okay. Sound advice." He smiled softly, "Thanks." Okuda gestured to the stairs, "Any time. Oh, one more thing," Toshi paused as he took a step, "What?" She tilted her head to the side, "Don't come up here again. People might get the wrong idea." Toshi opened his mouth to make an excuse, but thought better of it, "Right.". They both walked down the stairs.

 

On the third floor they both went their separate ways. As they stepped out, Kenko was hanging around in front of his next class talking with his usual clique. The same class he shared with Toshi. He frowned as he witnessed the two step out of THAT stairwell. As Toshi came over to enter the class, Kenko stepped up and smiled, "Hi, Toshi!" He gave him a hug. Toshi returned it awkwardly. Abruptly Kenko let go, "Oh. Sorry. Forgot." Toshi just nodded and gave Kenko his standard phony grin of steel, "No problem." And entered the classroom.

 

As Toshi walked past, Kenko's own fake smile faded. He had not forgotten Toshi hated hugs, but he needed to get close to check something. As he embraced Toshi, Kenko leaned close and inhaled deeply, trying to sample Toshi's scent. You'd be surprised what sort of smells linger in your clothes. Smoke from cigarettes. Alcohol from drinking. Perfume from close proximity to other people who wear that sort of thing. In Toshi's case...

 

He smelled of sex.

 

As Toshi walked into the classroom, Kenko turned and looked down the hall. He focused on Okuda as she walked away, his eyes narrowing...

 

 

 

With every...

Single...

Step...

She took.

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