Chapter 11: 17

Content warning (minor):

References to Gu Yan’s past again (sexual assault/drugging + illicit photographs), in the first few paragraphs, and Gu Yan later talks about it himself (in a very nonexplicit way).

Volume 2, Chapter 17

The Gu Yan in the photographs looked very young, scarcely over twenty, and his appearance very inexperienced. Although his face was beautiful, his eyes were slack and his cheeks red, as if he had been drugged by someone. He was wearing only an open white shirt, his bare legs completely visible, and the red marks on his chest even more distinct. The photographs all had the same background, with only the positions having changed, and the further down, the more unbearable…

Qin Zhiyuan remembered when he first met Gu Yan that the other was also in this kind of sorry state, stumbling out after escaping from a hotel room, crashing right into his chest.

Were these photographs taken at that time? Or even earlier?

Originally, it wouldn’t be such a big deal if these kinds of pictures were taken of a man, but Gu Yan was a public figure after all, and was even now embroiled in another scandal, so if these photos actually got out, then Gu Yan would be ruined.

When Qin Zhiyuan thought of that, he almost wasn’t able to hold onto the cellphone, but he simply closed his eyes and very quickly regained his calm, lowering his head to investigate the phone number that sent the texts.

Upon seeing that this matter couldn’t be hidden, Gu Yan also joined him in looking and said, “It’s an unknown number.”

Qin Zhiyuan nodded and carefully thought back, confirming that he indeed hadn’t seen it before.

“Don’t worry, the other party probably just wants to give me a warning, letting me know that I should stay away from a certain someone. Or else they could’ve just directly posted it on the internet instead of specially sending it to me.” Gu Yan patted Qin Zhiyuan’s hand and took his cellphone back, flipping through each of the photographs and saying with a smile, “Don’t you think that my physique is much better now than it used to be?”

Even at this kind of time, Qin Zhiyuan was still amused to laughter by him. “That’s true. In the past, you were much too skinny. You’ve fattened up quite a bit now.”

Gu Yan felt quite pleased hearing this and said, “Then maybe I should go shoot a pin-up collection[1]? It could act as a good comparison for these photos.”

Seeing this person act so calm and easy, with every word trying to comfort him, Qin Zhiyuan didn’t know how to express what he was feeling, but he suddenly reached out a hand and pulled Gu Yan tightly into an embrace. Since he used too much strength, the other’s back ended up a bit sore, but Gu Yan didn’t protest, allowing him to hug like this.

Only after a long while did Qin Zhiyuan slowly re-adjust his mood. He rubbed his chin against Gu Yan’s neck and said, “I’m going to the balcony to make a call.”

“OK.”

“Delete all the photos on your cellphone.”

“Huh? I can’t keep them to admire for myself?”

Qin Zhiyuan ignored him, using a hand to grab the cellphone and, within moments, cleanly deleted all the photos. Only then did he loosen his hold, standing up and heading towards the balcony. In one move, he dialed his dad’s phone number.

Qin Jing had always been willing to take responsibility for his actions, but when Qin Zhiyuan asked about the matter of the photographs, he actually denied it.

Qin Zhiyuan still didn’t believe him and continued to ask, “Does it really have nothing to do with you?”

“The moment that Gu Yan comes up, you can’t keep your cool.” Qin Jing laughed on the other line and said, “Other than me, isn’t it possible that there’s other people he’s offended?”

For a moment, Qin Zhiyuan really couldn’t think of any.

Perhaps Qin Jing was in a good mood as he very considerately reminded, “Even with my temperament, I can’t accept my own son being together with a man. Then how about the Lin family’s most pampered Lin Jiarui? Right now, matters have gotten so big, so would his family just leave it alone?”

Qin Zhiyuan was finally enlightened.

He had originally thought it strange, since there were plenty of people to choose from if his father wanted to spread rumors about a sex scandal with Gu Yan, so why was Young Master Lin specifically targeted? And now he understood the reasoning behind it.

Right now, the one who held power in the Lin family was Lin Jiarui’s youngest uncle. It was said that when this uncle was young, he was ignorant and incompetent, spending all his days hanging out with gangsters, angering the Lin family patriarch so much that he was kicked out of the family. Later, no one knew how it happened, but after a few years, he actually made an impressive return and even seized authority over the Lin family corporation. But he never got rid of his gangster habits, having no qualms with running amuck even in the business world, always taking his little gang subordinates everywhere, even to banquets.

Qin Jing had his dignity, and no matter how he disliked Gu Yan, he also wouldn’t use these kinds of lowlife methods. But that surnamed Lin wasn’t the same way; if someone pissed him off, then he was capable of doing anything.

Qin Jing knew this, so he had intentionally stirred up the sex scandal between Gu Yan and Lin Jiarui.

Letting someone else do his dirty work.

And Qin Jing still insisted on putting on a good person act, even advising on the other end, “If you’re willing to bow your head now, then I still have time to make things clear, or else once these photos make it to the internet, even I can’t do anything about them anymore.”

Qin Zhiyuan stiffly inhaled a long breath and then politely said goodbye, scowling at his phone as he hung up. He couldn’t blame the other person for having such a skilled plan, only himself for being too careless.

He also didn’t plan to tell Gu Yan about this matter, afraid that the moment he said it, Gu Yan wouldn’t take it as a big deal and would even applaud Qin Jing for the other’s skill.

Qin Zhiyuan stood on that balcony by himself for a long while before going back inside. Upon seeing Gu Yan still watching TV, he turned it off and said, “It’s late now, so you should sleep a bit earlier.”

“Huh?” Gu Yan stared blankly and said, “It’s not even ten o’clock yet right now.”

“Sleep.”

Qin Zhiyuan said only this one simple word and, uncaring about whether Gu Yan was willing or not, dragged the other person into the bedroom.

Gu Yan didn’t have a choice and so obediently changed his clothes and laid down on the bed.

Qin Zhiyuan pulled up the blankets, tightly wrapped him up, and softly brushed aside the pitch-black hair on his forehead, gently saying, “Sleep then.”

“What about you?”

“I need to go back in a while. I’ll come back later to see you.”

“If your work’s too busy, then you don’t need to come.”

Qin Zhiyuan didn’t reply, simply using the palm of his hand to cover Gu Yan’s eyes, tone still as gentle as before, “Quickly sleep.”

Gu Yan then actually closed his eyes.

Qin Zhiyuan waited for him to fall deeply asleep before using his fingers to stroke his delicate features for a moment. Then, he reached out a hand to turn off the wall light and soundlessly exited the room. It was already getting late, but he didn’t return home to rest. Instead, he fished out his cellphone and made another call.

This time, after he hung up, his original gentle expression was nowhere to be found on his face, and what replaced it was a never-before-seen expression of firm resolution.

Qin Zhiyuan had never been as clear-headed as he was now.

Regardless of the past, regardless of the future, and even regardless of whether there’s love or not.

His heart had only Gu Yan.

He simply single-mindedly thought that he wanted to protect this person.

***

It wasn’t until the third day, at the crack of dawn, that Qin Zhiyuan appeared again.

At the time, the sky still hadn’t completely brightened, and Gu Yan was still in the hazy realms of sleep. It wasn’t until after he was woken up by the noise of several knocks that he slowly crawled out of bed to open the door. As a result, the moment he opened the door, he saw Qin Zhiyuan leaning against its frame, still wearing the exact same suit he wore two days ago, his eyes so tired they were red while some stubble graced his chin. A faint scent of alcohol could even be smelled on him when he moved closer.

Gu Yan couldn’t help but be scared at the sight and asked, “Why do you look like this? How long since you last slept?”

Qin Zhiyuan stepped across the doorway and, in an instant, fell onto Gu Yan, beard scraping his face, voice low against his ear, “The matter with those photographs has been resolved.”

Gu Yan said an ‘oh’ and wasn’t surprised at all. In fact, he asked, with no small amount of regret, “Then there’s no chance of me shooting a pin-up collection now?”

Qin Zhiyuan didn’t even have the strength to laugh, simply leaning against his shoulder and saying, “Let me borrow your bed to lie down a bit.”

Only then did Gu Yan finally adopt a proper attitude, stowing away his jokes, and helped support him into the bedroom.

With eyes closed, Qin Zhiyuan fell onto the bed.

Gu Yan found this funny as he helped him take off his shoes and then covered him with the blanket.

Although Qin Zhiyuan’s eyes were closed, he still reached out a hand to grab Gu Yan’s wrist and, with a bit of effort, dragged the other into an embrace, saying, “Sleep with me for a while.”

Gu Yan looked at the clock nearby and said, “I still have work today.”

“Just two hours is fine.” Qin Zhiyuan was as tired as could be and a bit disoriented as a result, but he was still quite strong, holding onto Gu Yan and not letting go.

And how could Gu Yan bear to disappoint him?

So he just laid there against Qin Zhiyuan’s chest, pulling up the blankets to wrap up the both of them.

The sky beyond the windows was currently brightening little by little.

Qin Zhiyuan was half-awake and half-asleep, his fingers occasionally brushing against Gu Yan’s hair. Gu Yan, however, wasn’t the least bit sleepy and asked him, “Did you not sleep for these last two days?”

“No, I just slept a bit less than usual.”

“It’s just a few photographs, that’s all. You didn’t have to spend so much effort.”

“This matter happened because of me, so of course I also have to be the one to settle it.” Qin Zhiyuan was unwilling to discuss this further and said, “We should talk about something else.”

“About what?”

“Anything else is fine. You can also sing a lullaby if you want.”

Gu Yan laughed out loud. After he finished laughing, he quieted down, not saying a word, turning his head to look out the window.

Qin Zhiyuan simply thought that the other didn’t want to talk, but when he had waited until he was almost asleep, he heard that soft voice saying, with a hint of hoarseness, “At that time, I had just turned twenty.”

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Qin Zhiyuan’s heart leapt. No matter how much he craved sleep, the moment he heard those words, he became wide awake. But he didn’t speak in fear of disturbing Gu Yan, simply quietly listening beside this person.

“Before my dad’s business failed, I thought that all human lives were naturally smooth sailing. I ate well and slept well every day, and the most I ever thought about was how to become a chef in the future… Who could’ve known that there would come a day later on where everything would suddenly be turned on its head. No matter how our family ran and hide, we were never able to escape those creditors. For a time, what I was most afraid of was hearing the sound of knocking in the middle of the night because this meant that we would have to move again…”

“And then? Your family just abandoned you and fled overseas?”

“Did Wang Yali tell you?” Gu Yan shook his head and said, “No, that’s wrong, it wasn’t that I was abandoned; it was that they had no way to take me with them.”

Qin Zhiyuan didn’t know how those two statements were any different.

Gu Yan continued with, “In order to pay back the debt, of course I couldn’t continue going to school, and the money I earned from work was also just a drop in the bucket. When I was in the most dire straits, I met a certain person.”

As Gu Yan spoke, he said a certain name.

Upon hearing it, Qin Zhiyuan frowned. This person’s name wasn’t unfamiliar, and he could be said to be somewhat famous in the circle. An overly generous description would be that he was a manager, but in reality, he was basically a pimp.

Since meeting him, how could Gu Yan have made any kind of good living?

“At the time, I was in a rush to earn money, so I believed whatever anyone told me. That person said that I would be able to earn money fastest in the entertainment circle, so I just foolishly jumped into it…” Speaking to here, Gu Yan suddenly laughed and said, “Yes, and that was actually true, just as long as you’re willing to lower yourself, to throw away your self-respect and your shame.”

Qin Zhiyuan’s heart tightened, and the hands he had around Gu Yan’s waist trembled slightly.

It wasn’t like he knew nothing about Gu Yan’s past. Even if the other never mentioned it, he had more or less guessed some of it, but now that he was hearing Gu Yan talk about it as if it wasn’t a big deal, he felt an uncontrollable bitterness arise in his mouth.

Gu Yan hadn’t been born thick-skinned and invulnerable, flawless and unrivaled; he had simply hidden his own injuries far, far too deeply, not letting anyone else even get a glimpse of it.

Perhaps it was that Qin Zhiyuan’s hold had gotten too tight because Gu Yan let out a stifled groan and said, “If you strangle me to death, then you won’t be able to hear the rest of the story.”

“There’s more?”

“The actual climax is what comes next. You also know my temper. In the past, I was surly to the extreme, not even knowing how to fake a smile, so I suffered quite a lot. Until one day…” Gu Yan closed his eyes, as if he was recalling those events unknown to anyone, his voice lowering close to hoarseness, “A person held out his hand to me. He took off his jacket and draped it over me and told me that I should learn how to smile.”

Of course, Qin Zhiyuan knew who that person was.

His heart felt tight, and he didn’t know whether it was from bitterness or sweetness. The only thing he could do was call out, “Gu Yan…”

Gu Yan had been looking out the window this entire time, and only now did he slowly turn back and meet Qin Zhiyuan’s gaze. His eyes seemed to be filled with layers of emotions, like a butterfly leaving its cocoon. He asked, voice soft, “The present Gu Yan exists now only because the past Gu Yan once existed, isn’t that right?”

Qin Zhiyuan couldn’t speak, and only after a long while did he say, “But I didn’t save you from the abyss of suffering. I simply held out a hand.”

Gu Yan began smiling and placed a finger against his lips, saying, “That was already more than enough.”

Qin Zhiyuan took the chance to kiss that finger.

From that finger, he moved downwards, kissing slowly and meticulously. In the end, those warm lips touched the center of that palm, where that scar resided.

Gu Yan slightly wavered, but he didn’t struggle.

Qin Zhiyuan then kissed it, trembling all the while.

Just as if, with incomparable tenderness, he had… kissed Gu Yan’s heart.

Gu Yan slept with Qin Zhiyuan for more than two hours, up until it was past 8:30. If he delayed any longer, then hotshot Director Lin might actually throw a fit, so he finally threw off the blankets and got out of bed. Carefully and cautiously, he tucked that person in bed back into the blankets.

With his arms abruptly empty, Qin Zhiyuan seemed somewhat dissatisfied, muttering for a moment, but he really couldn’t bear to open his eyes and so could only turn around to continue sleeping.

Gu Yan thought that he looked extremely amusing like this and really wanted to lower his head to kiss those eyes.

But he clenched his right hand and, in the end, endured it. Standing up, he went to the kitchen and made some century egg and pork congee, adding two light side-dishes alongside it. Before he left, he glanced at his cellphone, finding the message inbox completely empty, all those messed-up things having already been wiped clean. From beginning to end, he hadn’t asked Qin Zhiyuan how the other had taken care of the issue with those photographs.

Just like he had never turned to look back on the road he had once walked.

Sometimes, he’d pause his steps to discover that his feet had long already been drenched in blood.

But what did that matter?

After all, that blood was his own.

Gu Yan closed his eyes and sucked in a breath before putting on his usual smile. He stuffed his cellphone back into his pocket, wrote a note to Qin Zhiyuan, and then left the house.

Qin Zhiyuan slept until noon before waking up.

The rays of the sun shone through the window onto the bed. Qin Zhiyuan remembered the warmth he felt as he held Gu Yan to sleep and reached out a hand to chase those slivers of golden light, feeling his heart also fill with warmth. Although he was the only one left in bed, the other person’s scent still faintly remained, making him feel reluctant to leave, so he laid there for another while longer before crawling up. Of course, he was still tired, but his spirits already felt a lot better. The moment he left the room, he saw the note that Gu Yan had left, and after he cleaned himself up, he ended up eating most of the congee in the pot.

The suit he was wearing was wrinkled to the extreme, and naturally he couldn’t continue wearing it, so Qin Zhiyuan first drove himself home to change before then finally going to the company to work.

The moment he pushed open his office door, he saw Qin Jing sitting at his desk.

Qin Zhiyuan startled, thinking that his dad usually didn’t care about matters at the company, yet the other had suddenly appeared here today, and it was clearly not going to be for a warm family discussion.

As expected, Qin Jing’s face didn’t look good, but he still maintained his usual elegant and refined attitude, opening his mouth to ask, “You’re coming in so late to work?”

“I already took leave.”

“I heard that you also didn’t come to the company yesterday.”

“Yes, I’ve been busy with some private matters these last two days.”

“Busy with what? Helping your little lover take care of those nudes?” Qin Jing did his best not to use any vulgar language, but it was clear what his mood was just from his tone. “Just for the sake of a few photographs, how many connections did you use these past two days? How many debts of gratitude do you owe people now?”

Qin Zhiyuan was naturally very clear on this.

He had made who-knew-how-many phone calls alone and had sought out any friends who could help. He truly had expended a lot of goodwill and a lot of effort, but he thought that these were all prices worth paying. He nonchalantly walked up to the desk and flipped open the folders on the table, saying, “I’ll slowly return all those debts myself. You don’t have to worry about it, Dad.”

“You don’t find it embarrassing, troubling other people for this kind of thing?”

“It’d be even more troubling if the photographs had actually been sent out. And if it wasn’t for your meddling, Dad, then things wouldn’t have gotten this big.”

“So it’s all my fault.” Qin Jing was angry enough to laugh as he said, “Zhiyuan, since you were little, you’ve always been smarter and more well-behaved than other children. I also thought that you’d quickly understand things this time, so I didn’t do anything too excessive. Or else… do you think it’d be as simple as some nude photographs?”

Qin Zhiyuan had originally been signing some documents, but at those words, his pen stilled and he quietly shot Qin Jing a glance. “Dad, I’ve already acted like a good son for over thirty years, and I don’t want to keep pretending anymore.”

“What?”

“Did you know that, when I was young, every time you went to ‘that other house’ to stay overnight, deep down, I loathed you? And Qin Feng, every time he opened his mouth to say ‘big bro’, I just wanted to give him a ferocious kick.”

This was the first time that Qin Jing had heard such things, and he couldn’t help but be brought up short.

Qin Zhiyuan said, “But I’ve always been too much of a coward, and I never dared to take off my mask.”

“But you dare to now?”

Qin Zhiyuan didn’t respond, simply raising the corners of his lips into a smile.

This smile contained a lot of hidden meaning, and Qin Jing was able to infer some things as he asked, “Is it for the sake of that Gu Yan? What kind of charm does he have exactly? That he can mesmerize you into such a daze?”

Qin Zhiyuan asked in response, “What kind of charm does Qin Feng’s mother have? What kind of charm does the woman living in that Cannes[2] villa have? That would let someone who’s already a father like you decide to give up his own family.”

Qin Jing’s face changed slightly. “What… villa are you talking about?”

Qin Zhiyuan very simply spat out a name, “Tang Anna.”

For a moment, Qin Jing wasn’t able to speak. After a long while, he finally said, “At least everyone I liked was a woman.”

“Yes,” Qin Zhiyuan nodded and said, “I’m not like you, Dad, I’ve never liked many different men at once. I’m really grateful for that.”

Qin Jing stared at him with wide eyes, not daring to believe that his previously well-behaved son would say such things.

Qin Zhiyuan also didn’t want to anger his dad into a heart attack and very quickly changed his tone back, saying calmly and evenly, “The past is already in the past. There’s no need to keep turning up old debts. At least regarding the matter right now, both of us have our own points of view, and we also don’t have to keep fighting over who’s right and who’s wrong. I simply wish that you wouldn’t cause trouble for Gu Yan anymore.”

Qin Jing was truly quite elegant, even able to laugh upon hearing this. Of course, it was a cold laugh. “And if I’m not willing?”

“Regardless of whether you agree or refuse, I’ll always respect you as my father, and my attitude towards you won’t change. But…” Qin Zhiyuan closed the documents he’d signed with a thump and said with a smile, “Why did the Miss Tang Anna whose popularity had been growing by the day suddenly retire? I think plenty of people are interested in some behind-the-scenes gossip.”

“You’re using this to threaten me?” Qin Jing suddenly stood up and said, “Just for the sake of that frivolous little lover of yours?”

“He’s not some ‘little lover’.” Qin Zhiyuan’s pitch-black pupils darkened, and he corrected, one word at a time, “He’s the one I love.”

[1] 寫真集 is literally translated as “photobook” — apparently a loanword from Japanese. It primarily refers to sexy photo collections, ala gravure models, etc. 

[2] 康城 So I stared at this for a long time because I’m not sure what this is supposed to be referring to? Since usually city names are given to be as vague as possible in these modern stories (see: the previously mentioned “A City”). I’m not sure if this is a made up city (康 = healthy/abundant btw), or if it actually refers to Cannes… but since I thought Cannes sounded better, I picked that. 

So I haven’t mentioned this until now, but in case you don’t know, Lin Jiarui has his own story called “Old Dreams” that is apparently even more popular than this one. It’s him and his uncle, I think? I haven’t read it yet, but it sounds very dogblood just from the summary lmao.

Also, I’m reminded of how Gu Yan mentioned that Tang Anna is the type of woman he’d go for if he was into women, so does that mean… he and Qin Jing have the same tastes? (LOL)

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