The vehicle that killed my dad was an overloaded cargo truck.
He wasn’t meant to have been on that road. However, in a few days it was going to be my mother’s birthday, so he went to reserve a cake for her. On the way back, he took a route that he usually wouldn’t have gone on for the sake of convenience.
The accident happened then.
He was driving an electric scooter as usual when from behind a cargo truck suddenly burst a tyre as the vehicle lost control and slammed into him. The truck should only have been carrying fifty tonnes of cargo, however it had overloaded by twenty tonnes. The driver was fully responsible for the incident, but the insurance company quoted the clause of ‘no compensation owed due to illegal overloading on the vehicle and transportation of goods’. Hence, they refused to provide the payout.
As for the driver himself, he had even bought the car under a mortgage, and asserted that he didn’t have any money but what he did have was his life – if worst comes to worst he would just have to go to jail.
My mother couldn’t accept the fact that my father had lost his life for no reason and we couldn’t even access the compensation that we were even entitled to. The only thing we had was a sheet that summoned both the driver and the insurance company to court.
The lawyer assigned to our case was recommended to us and being a pro bono lawyer, we only needed to pay a very meagre sum for his services. However, it also meant that our expectations for his service couldn’t be too high.
The lawsuit dragged on for two years and the lawyer we had clearly did not put it at the forefront of his responsibilities. It would frequently result in my mother having to incessantly follow up with him to learn about how the case was progressing.
In the end, the court had passed its judgement. Based on the contract, the insurance company was not liable to any payouts. As for the driver, he would have to pay for the costs of the emergency treatment, medical expenditures and the funeral service, coming to a total of two hundred thousand renminbi.
Two years, one life, two hundred thousand renminbi…
My mother could not accept the fact that a human’s life was treated so lowly and expendably, so she had in a fit of rage decided to file a lawsuit. However, who could’ve guessed that a person’s life was indeed just a low and expendable presence.
Outside the law court, she held onto the lawyer’s sleeve without any regard for how she must have looked as she broke down in tears, begging him to think of another way. All she got in return was a darkened expression and a response filled with disdain, “Know when enough is enough.”
From his perspective, he had wasted two years of his time taking on this case for us, so it could be said that he had done plenty of good things, showing ample benevolence. Being compensated two hundred thousand renminbi was already an extremely good result, and if we continued to pester him then it would only be a waste of time for both sides. Someone who was capable of being appreciative would already have lauded him with abundant praise and thanks, accepting the outcome of this lawsuit, instead of acting like my mother being boundlessly avaricious and insatiable.
It was as if this two hundred thousand renminbi was a reward of some sort gifted by the heavens, a first prize in the lottery, rather than the result of our incessant follow ups and the compensation that we deserved.
Displeased, the lawyer shook off my mother and walked away in big strides. My mother fell onto her knees, sobbing uncontrollably as she yelled out my father’s name, asking him how he could just pass away like this. She would then curse at the heavens, criticizing them for being so unfair as she questioned whether a good conscience still existed on this earth.
I enveloped her in a hug, sporadically patting her back in an attempt to have her calm down.
Within the courthouse, the floors were tiled with thick slabs of marble. Due to it being old, every tile had signs of abrasion, and when people walked on the tiles, there would be soft clicking sounds. When the place was less populated, this would be the only sound emitted as it echoed down the long corridor, the contrast of which making the whole building appear more solemn.
In my memory, my mother’s helpless cries still tugged at my heartstrings, giving me my first taste of feeling utterly powerless. However, what haunted me the most was still that lawyer’s unflinching footsteps as he left, and the image of his back, impenetrably cold.
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“Ge?” I was a bit afraid of the expression he had on his face, and I had a nagging feeling that it was different from usual.
Sheng Min Ou turned towards me in response and stared at me for a long while before suddenly opening his mouth, “It turns out in this world, you can still receive punishment even if you don’t commit murder.”
He didn’t appear to be resentful, rather it was spoken as if he had only just had the realisation, and it left a profound impact on him.
Frissons ran up my spine as I stared blankly, stunned. Sheng Min Ou’s words, the atmosphere around me, my mother’s wailing, the departing lawyer, all of this interwoven with each other caused twelve year old me to be nonplussed and at a loss.
I didn’t know how I should respond to him; what he said couldn’t even be called a question. It was more like a mammoth boulder that was a tonne in weight, careless and silent as it hurled and crashed into me.
“Ge…” I mumbled a response, struggling to find the right words to express myself. His words were a weight that crushed me, as I suffocated underneath it without respite.
Without finding a place to let out my struggles and with no other choice left to me, hot, bitter tears escaped and dripped down as I tilted my face the other way. I was scared that if I let my emotions out of control, my mother would feel even worse, so I could only grit my teeth, forcing myself to hold on, to the point where my whole body would tremble in silence.
I don’t know how long had passed, maybe it was a few minutes, or a few seconds, but a hand suddenly gently grabbed my shoulder. When I turned around, Sheng Min Ou had already moved beside us.
“Don’t be scared, you still have us.” He spoke quietly, and I had no idea who he was saying this to.
My mother at that time was extremely emotional, so I wasn’t sure if she heard the words he said, but in that moment, this phrase provided me with enormous relief.
Ten or so years later, a similar case had made its way to Sheng Min Ou’s law firm and was chosen by him. I don’t know if he was still unable to reconcile with the events from the past, or if he felt resentful from what had happened, but he rejected two cases to pick that one. It probably was a conscious decision, making it so that this case was the only one remaining.
In the afternoon I felt slightly tired since I didn’t rest well from the night before. I had only closed my eyes for two hours on Sheng Min Ou’s carpet in his living room, where I lay for the night without falling asleep. I decided to make my way to the law firm’s sofa and took a nap there.
I was half asleep when the conference room suddenly opened and I woke up from the early stages of my nap. Coming into the room was the receptionist, and she had a thirty something year old woman and little girl following her as they stood by the door.
“Ah! Mr Lu, apologies, I didn’t know you were resting.” The receptionist hurriedly apologised as she saw I had woken up after her entrance.
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I sat up and pinched the bridge of my nose, “It’s fine, I’m the one who’s occupied your space. If you need to use it then please do so, I’ll be fine going somewhere else.”
The receptionist took a step back and looked at a direction past the room, then after a while returned her gaze back on me as she replied, “No need, no need. These two guests will just be temporarily staying here. Lawyer Sheng will be seeing them immediately once he has time.”
She had the woman and the girl take a seat first, then left to pour a drink for both of them.
The woman appeared tired, her complexion frail, and her clothes had evident signs of wear and tear, with the occasional stain. Looking at her expression, it was clear she had a lot on her mind. The girl on the other hand clung on tight by her side, her condition appearing a bit better, but in her eyes was a gloominess that was unfitting of someone her age, and she always stared at people with a timid look in her eyes.
The woman nodded at me, then moved to sit opposite me.
“Nana, look at how small those buildings look from here. Don’t they look good? Why don’t we take a further look at it?” She said, attempting to brighten the little girl’s mood. However, the girl had no interest in new, unfamiliar sights. She chose instead to stick by the woman, looking as if she wanted to disappear in her embrace.
The woman appeared a bit frustrated, and for some reason let out a long sigh, her eyes slightly red.
“How old is the child?” I asked, voicing my thoughts.
The woman was stunned for a second as she looked at me, then made herself return a spiritless smile as she replied, “Six years old, she should be attending school next year.”
“Is her name Nana?”
The woman nodded her head, “Yes, her name is Xu Na, her nickname is Nana.”
I changed the tone of my voice instantly as I spoke in a more lighthearted manner, “Nana, Shushu is going to perform a magic trick for you, okay?” From the table I took two sheets of tissues and took off my jacket so it now covered both hands as I continued, “Now, I won’t usually perform this magic trick to anyone. Today is an exception as I’m performing it to a cute girl like you, so make sure you don’t blink at all.”
Xu Na remained silent as she continued clutching on to her mother, however her eyes showed her growing curiosity.
I worked with the two tissues under the jacket as I folded a flower bud and crafted the petals. At the end, I reached out with one hand to grab the collar of my jacket, and in a fully serious tone, unveiled the trick.
“It’s coming, this is a present only for little cuties, ta-da!” I pulled the jacket off, revealing a lifelike rose made from paper tissues, as I held it in my hand.
Xu Na’s eyes instantly widened, her expression one of astonishment as she looked as if she had never anticipated this result.
I took a step forward and knelt down on one knee, giving her the rose that I had crafted for her.
Xu Na hesitated for a second, then shyly reached out to accept the rose, and quietly said her thanks.
I saw that there was a small smile on her face so knew that she finally could begin to let her guard down in this place. Seeing this, I suggested, “Do you want to learn this? Shushu can teach you if you’d like?”
Xu Na looked back at me, enthusiastically nodded her head twice, then spoke in a quiet and shy tone, “I’d like to learn.”
I started teaching Xu Na the steps on how to fold a rose. Once she had finished learning it, I then taught her how to fold a mouse, a swan, and a rabbit. During which, the receptionist walked in to deliver water, and stared in wonder at what we had created as she asked how I knew so many origami folds.
If she had nothing to do for ten years, and could only stare up at the sky far past the confines of the tall walls, then she would also have many meaningless little tricks up her sleeve.
For a period of time, I would even fold the letters I wrote to Sheng Min Ou into hearts. In retrospect, that was unbearably corny.
The receptionist entered once more afterwards and spoke in a cordial tone to Xu Na’s mother, “Mrs Yang, Lawyer Sheng is available to see you now, please follow me.”
Xu Na was enchanted by me as we played. Mrs Yang clearly did not want to disturb her daughter’s enjoyment so turned to me slightly embarrassed as she asked whether or not I could look after Xu Na for a while.
“Of course, there’s no problem.” I answered straightaway.
Mrs Yang explained to Xu Na that she would be just a room away, and told her to continue playing in this area. Once she had finished seeing the really capable lawyer shushu, then they would be able to return home.
Xu Na quietly and obediently nodded in response. Before Mrs Yang left, she even gave a little wave.
I stayed by Xu Na’s side and almost finished folding a whole box of tissues as she organised and played with a row of the roses we had folded on the table. Suddenly, she raised her head and asked me, “Shushu, do you know how to fold little people?”
“Little people?”
Xu Na pointed at herself, “A little person, just like me, so that people can look at it and know right away it’s meant to be me.”
“This sounds a bit difficult, shushu skill’s haven’t developed to be that meticulous yet, so I’m temporarily unable to fold a little girl as cute as Nana is.”
Xu Na seemed slightly disappointed, then quietly responded with a ‘oh’.
“Why do you want to fold a little person?” I couldn’t help but follow up and ask.
“Because…” Xu Na responded in a low voice, “Mummy said, whatever we burn for daddy is what he will receive. If we burn money, he’ll be able to receive that. If we burn houses then he’ll receive a house, then maybe if we burn ‘me’, daddy will be able to receive Nana. I miss daddy, daddy probably misses me a lot too…”
I never would’ve been able to guess that the answer turned out to be this.
It was a rollercoaster of childish naivete, humour, thriller, warmth, tragedy; a mix of all the flavours that exist – it truly was a taste of the human world.
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