Ch38 - I’ve already left that club ages ago, okay?

It was a crazed gamble I took out of despair. I had earnestly thought back then that I could receive Sheng Min Ou’s acknowledgement and win his heart by playing into the various clues I was able to gather off him.

It was too childish, and too naive. No wonder Qi Yang called me a brat who was yet to have grown up, no wonder… Sheng Min Ou was angered to that extent. 

I regretted my actions, and was penitent over what I had done more than once.

Desire was a fountain, in small volumes it improved blood circulation and helped symptoms of hematoma, overall strengthening the body. However, in large volumes, it was an apocalypse calling, pulling people in a deep abyss, condemning them to eternal damnation.

 

 

Everyone had a valve controlling desire and held it in their hands. If they wanted to shut it off, they could, and if they wanted to open it they could do so too. Until they were faced with danger at the very last second, they’d always be under the false pretense that their life was one devoid of worries, without a semblance of self-awareness towards the danger that was encroaching.

Take the once prodigal youth with boundless talent, Mr Liu. Sheng Min Ou had remarked on how he succumbed to the desires lurking in the depths of his heart and had let himself go, as he lost himself in the delusory pleasures brought upon by alcohol. And what about me? My desire for Sheng Min Ou had led me to lose my sense of self, as I lost the fundamental decision making ability that was crucial in response to events, resulting in an irrevocable mistake. 

Those words that I had promised him before, saying I’d protect him and take care of him had simply become false assurances on a worthless piece of paper. I also had even said that I was different from Qi Yang, bullshit I was different. In the end, I wasn’t even a better person than him. At least when he was open and upfront in his psychopath behaviours, unlike me, who could only speak in pretty words.

 

After the beating from Sheng Min Ou, I felt as if he actually had whacked some sense into my head. The mania and chaos simmered down when confronted by unchecked violence, and I started to reflect on everything as I started to realise how laughable a person I was.

I spent all the time remaining in that term attempting to contact Sheng Min Ou. I was too afraid to meet him in person, and had no face to do so. Instead, I resorted to calling him or sending him texts. Giving him a call every day was an established routine, followed by a lengthy text. This would contain inconsequential details of my everyday life, words of care, some sincere apologies, and occasionally I would also include some positive, uplifting excerpts.

He had not once picked up my calls, and naturally he never returned any texts I sent either. Just like this, two months passed, the semester ended and summer holidays came around.

 

It was an ordinary summer night, I dialled Sheng Min Ou’s number as usual, however what responded wasn’t the cold, apathetic robotic female voice.

No one spoke, there was only shallow breathing coming from right next to my ear. Excited, I immediately jumped up from lying supine on the bed, as I sat up straight.

“Ge…” I spoke, my voice trembling.

 

Sheng Min Ou seemed to have forgotten the argument we had last time, as he asked for me to go meet him the next day in the abandoned building we used to frequent when we were younger. 

Though the location was slightly strange, I never questioned anything he said, so when he wanted me to go, I followed his instructions and went to meet him at the specified time and place.

That place wasn’t far from where I lived, so I arrived there slightly earlier than when we had agreed to meet up. However, there I didn’t see Sheng Min Ou, rather I bumped into Qi Yang, who had been waiting there for a long while….

—–

The back of my knee flared up in pain as I stumbled to one side and gripped onto the toilet as I fell to my knees. I turned my head back and saw Sheng Min Ou retracting the deer antler cane. 

His back was against the cubicle stall door, as he lifted my chin with his cane, eyeing me with an expression of disdain.

“Enough with playing pretend, and enough of this facade of appearing as if you’re looking out for me all the time. You can’t watch over me, compared to you, I’m the one who understands better what it takes for one to survive in this world.” The cane shifted down slowly, leaving a trail past my collarbones, and stopping in front of my heart. “What did you think you could do for me? You can’t even drive a car properly, and you still delude yourself into thinking you’re able to light the way for me and show me a path? You can’t protect anyone, Lu Feng.”

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“You..”

Before he could open his mouth to give me another admonishment, I grabbed onto the cane with one swift movement, and wrenched it towards myself. He was taken off guard as I hooked one hand behind his head and without giving it another thought, moved forward to bite his lip.

 

We were like two ferocious wild beasts, tearing at each other, resisting each other, and struggling against each other.

The stench of urine encroached my sense of smell, as some of the piss got onto Sheng Min Ou’s pristine, white dress shirt. Instead of finding it filthy, it instead unleashed a thrill of pleasure, like I had defiled some god or spirit. I intertwined my fingers through his hair, everything was damp and hot, and I had no idea whether it was sweat, or water. 

It couldn’t be called a kiss at all, there wasn’t any part of it which contained a trace of gentleness. At first, it was just me single-sidedly attacking Sheng Min Ou, biting his lips until I pierced through skin and drew blood. Sheng Min Ou resisted fiercely, but it was hard to shake me off in such a confined area when I stuck to him like glue.

That would teach him a lesson, who allowed him to lock the door behind himself anyways.

Afterwards, Sheng Min Ou evidently became triggered by my actions, as he started launching a counter attack. He repaid the favour by giving me even more pain and injuries, and he almost even bit my tongue off.

In the end, I wasn’t sure if I should describe it as a kiss ending, or a battle ending, but after we stopped we were both short of air. His lips had cuts from the places I bit into, and there was a splotch of red. His complexion was a shade of green as it darkened considerably and then changed again, exactly like how a young lady would react if she had been taken advantage of by some pervert. 

I figured that my lips probably didn’t look much better. I wanted to touch the cuts as I raised a hand, but I suddenly remembered that my hands had piss splattered on it, so I dropped it again.

“Go, you can blow up at me now.” I said, fully aware of how shameless I was being right now, as I hoistered myself up and sat on the toilet seat. As the saying went, a dead pig wasn’t afraid of being boiled by hot water, and so that was the mentality I adopted.

Sheng Min Ou picked up the cane that he had dropped during the chaos previously, and before he could open his mouth to reprimand me, sounds of people outside the door drew closer, and it was more than one person.

Sheng Min Ou froze for a second as he relaxed his movements. I stared at him curiously, and suddenly wanted to know … would he let out a sound. Would he let other people know, that in the cubicle of his company’s bathroom, he had done such an unspeakable thing with his own younger brother. 

I pressed my palm against his leg as I glided it up until it came to an especially important part of his body.

Sheng Min Ou glared at me, his gaze looking particularly sinister and terrifying, but he made no noise in telling me to stop. I knew that this was still within the limits of what he could tolerate.

“The restaurant below us is pretty good, their new pineapple bun addition is legit…”

“The milk tea is also good too, except it often keeps you up at night after you drink it.” 

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The two people who had walked within the bathroom started partaking in idle chit-chat, and seemed to not have discovered the existence of Sheng Min Ou and myself.

I took advantage of the opportunity and pushed for more. I slowly pulled down his zipper, in an attempt to make as little sound as I could.

He grabbed onto my hand, yet still he did not say a word.

This was his kingdom, and he was the ruler here. How could he allow for his subjects to witness him in such an unsightly situation? 

I knew he wouldn’t make a sound, he had to endure it all, so I became even more bold and reckless.

I didn’t react as he reached out to grab my elbow, instead I lifted my gaze up, met his eyes and gave him a smile to goad him, as I slowly lowered myself.

 

“The sausage also tastes good, it’s really thick and long at the same time…” Mid sentence, that person belatedly realised that their sentence could be interpreted in another way, as they paused awkwardly for a moment before continuing, “Anyways, it just tastes great.”

The other person however didn’t pick up on any underlying meaning behind his words, as he continued, “Yeah, except it’s too hot, and in the middle there’s this cheese filling as well. Last time I bit into it it almost burnt my tongue off.” 

“Yeah yeah, and their juicy beef balls, after eating it you really will piss, it feels great…”

Could you guys not discuss sausages and beef balls so passionately in the bathroom? Now I’m even hungry after listening.

I accidentally used more force than intended, as immediately a muted grunt came from above me, followed by a forceful tug at my hair. Sheng Min Ou wanted to pull me away.

The two people outside continued to discuss the delicacies being offered by the restaurant, as they washed their hands and subsequently left the male bathrooms at a leisurely pace. 

To close off a tap that was leaking drop by drop was an easy task, however, to seal a pipe that had a crack in it already was something that was much harder to do.

Desire was also much the same.

This was even moreso the case when it came to a man’s desire.

The male bathroom resumed to be a two-person world once more, containing only Sheng Min Ou and I. Yet the silence stretched on. 

Listened to attentively, it wasn’t just the silence, but there were also other scattered sounds, noises that slipped out, leading people to think about their wildest thoughts.

In the end, the thought of not being discovered was no longer on our minds, and neither of us cared about whether or not someone else would walk in.

Sheng Min Ou let go of me, leaning back on the cubicle door, and panted as he ran a hand through his hair.

I turned around to spit out what was in my mouth and flushed it down, hearing at the same time the sound of the lock opening behind me. 

I waited for a second before looking back, and by then, as expected he had already walked out.

I reached out for toilet paper as I wiped my hands, and exited the small cubicle after.

Sheng Min Ou stared at his reflection in the mirror, his rumpled up shirt, his lips that were bitten and swollen, and his expression darkened.

I washed my hands in another basin, and after seeing him like this, I wasn’t sure what came over me as I walked towards him as I said, “Sorry, I did it a bit too hard.” 

I used too much force, but he wasn’t exactly gentle on me either. I poked my tongue out as I inspected the perimeters of mu mouth and discovered that he had indeed bit down and broken skin.

Luckily I had fast reflexes and dodged, otherwise if he had bitten down on my tongue, that would’ve just been the end of me.

 

I pulled out a paper towel and wiped my hands dry, after which I made no attempt to acknowledge his existence as I walked out without sparing him another glance.

Afterwards, I didn’t feel like returning to the law firm again, as I figured I could just attend the second hearing. With this in mind, the next day I headed back to the pawn shop as I resumed my role at work. 

As soon as I stepped in I saw Wei Shi sitting in my seat, with Liu Yue snacking on sunflower seeds as always, fervently following her TV drama that was airing. However, Shen Xiao Shi was nowhere to be seen.

“How come it’s you?” I removed my jacket and tossed it to a sofa on the side as I leaned over the counter, “Where’s my younger brother Xiao Shi?”

Wei Shi raised his head from previously staring at the phone and asked in surprise, “Why are you back? Is your brother completely recovered now?”

“You didn’t know that he’s superhuman? He was fully healed on his second day.” 

Wei Shi rolled his eyes at me and reorganised the place before getting up and returning my seat to me.

“I’m here today to cover a shift, Xiao Shi has some stuff going on at home so he called in for leave.”

I heard this and was stunned for a second, I had known Shen Xiao Shi for so long, yet I had never heard of him bringing up anything remotely related to his family. It was as if he came into existence by emerging from a crack in the earth. As if he had no father, no mother, and no relatives, like he knew to fight before he could even utter a single word.

“I heard it, it was a girl who had called him on the phone!” Liu Yue raised her hand as she pitched in. 

I met Wei Shi’s gaze, “No way, Xiao Shi has become a grown up now!”

“My son has finally grown up now, it really wasn’t an easy journey. In the evening, let’s call up Da Zhuang, and we’ll go to yours to eat some red bean rice.” Wei Shi opened the iron door and walked so he was beside me as he offered words that felt too sincere and heartfelt, patting my shoulder as he remarked, “Now in our family there’s only you left, you better start hurrying up.”

He really was making a fuss when he had no idea of what had happened, I’ve already left that club ages ago, okay?

I was just going to give him a little thrill when Liu Yue dropped her sunflower seeds and covered her ears exclaiming, “What non PG-13 content are you guys talking about, I’m still young!” 

Later on that night Wei Shi contacted Shen Xiao Shi, but was unable to reach him. Even when we tried to call him, his phone remained to be turned off. In the end, we had to scrap the red bean rice and use it for soup instead.

Following that day, the next day, and the day after that, no one would be able to contact Shen Xiao Shi. It was as if he had disappeared from the face of the earth.

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