Chapter 6: An Ode to Simply Living

An Ode to Simply Living

Dear reader,
I ask that you wait a moment
before continuing to read this poem
If you are reading aloud,
to yourself
Or to an audience
Pause a second
A little longer
That’s it
Thank you for listening
To me, and for that little moment
To the world
To the silence of a crowd
Or to the silence of your solitude
Sometimes it can be hard
Just to listen
To live
Even for a little moment
To the crunching of leaves under your boot
Or the lyrics of a song you love

The wind blowing over the river
Or your own thoughts in your head
Did you know it took me 19 years to
Listen to my own thoughts for the first time?
I hated myself so much that I just shoved them out
Convinced myself I was worthless
Convinced myself that no one loved me
Convinced myself that I was no one
Someone who wasn’t me
But then, ironically, I was forced into
Solitude, otherwise known as college
During a pandemic
It took a pandemic to listen to my own thoughts
For the first time
How fucking crazy is that?
And I’m thankful for it
Just as thankful as I am
For music
For writing
For being a girl
For a good shit
For the sun rising even
When I don’t want to wake up
Because life is really hard sometimes
But it tells me to get up anyway
Because the sun is like a mother

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Even when you hate her
She makes sure you don’t waste away
Like I did back in high school
Drowning myself in hoodies and sweatpants
Which I’m still thankful for,
Because men’s jeans suck almost as much
As being a man (sorry men)
It’s hard to call my life back then living
It was something closer to just surviving
Whatever it was
it was hard
And even harder to be grateful for it
And yet I am
I’m grateful for those long nights
As I stood under the snow in winter
Looking up at the moon
Who’s like a sister
She’ll listen to you cry
And still make you laugh afterward
And she’ll make you feel safe
As you sit alone in the snow
Which I am also grateful for
Even though it’s fucking cold
When I think about it
I’m grateful for a lot
Especially to my name
Which means “love” and “peach tree”
Because a peach tree lives long
Just as my love for this world
I chose it myself
Unlike my old name
Which doesn’t mean anything
I’m grateful for all the little things
The big things too
Like you
Like breathing
Like walking through a forest
And seeing a family of deer
And they see me too
And the thing I’m grateful to the most
Is something I couldn’t always do
Is still hard sometimes
Is simply living
In a world as beautiful
As wonderful
As you.

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