Chapter 6: 4 : A Shard of the Past

Tsuki could feel her consciousness slowly disappearing until the concept of being faded from her mind. It was as if she had never existed and never will as she fell into a forced slumber. Only darkness and nonexistence were in her mind; whether it lasted a moment or an eternity, she didn't know. All she knew was that there was a moment with nothing and in the very next, she found herself in a strange location.

She was in an old cathedral, praying in front of a large multicolored stained glass of someone in armor who looked like herself. That is, not like her current body, Alice’s body, but the one she was born with. It was uncanny to look at, but solace could be found in the few differences, such as the eye color and the hair which were both a dark brown as compared with her original green eyes and wheat-colored hair. She had no clue as to the reason she was even praying in this place, but she could feel peace and safety.

Other large stained-glass windows created a colorful and warm light in the building made of otherwise pretty dull dark bricks. The cracked stone flooring was warm and there was enough furniture around the place that it felt habited. Some cots and sleeping bags were on the floor with a strangely huge number of pillows that were just thrown about. Simply made wardrobes protected a wall in the back, on the other side was something like a large, improvised kitchen. A large table with crayons drawing on it was just on the right of Tsuki, and she could see three kids talking to one another while making long candles. A task they didn’t do well as the table was filled with blobs of dried wax they had wasted. They would at times give glances at Tsuki but return to what they were doing while whispering to one another and letting out some small laugh.

Tsuki wasn’t able to understand what was going on. She remembered that she was in a forest not too long ago and that she was running from some strange monsters. She had managed to escape in a strange structure after having been attacked by one of the things she was running from. Was she dead? What happened after that? She didn’t know.

Close to her was a mirror that was as tall as she was. What she saw wasn’t Alice but her original body. Her hair was just a bit longer than what she usually liked but other than that, she was herself. She tried to pinch her cheek and felt a sharp pain from it. Was she really in a dream?

Suddenly, a door was opened by a young boy who tried to run toward the three other kids that were making candles but was stopped since Tsuki was in his way. He looked a bit troubled by this as he didn’t know how to interact with the girl blocking him. In turn, Tsuki asked him if something was wrong since she wanted to better understand the situation she was in.

“Brother Liam, as well as sister Mira and Valery, have returned and they are outside with the others throwing a small party.” The boy said everything in a single quick breath and hoping that Tsuki would go outside. But she was still too confused to move, and the boy had to squeeze between her and a shelf. As he was about to make a dash and join his friend, a young girl who was sitting by a bookshelf had heard them, got up while hugging a book, and tried to run toward the exit, but after just a few steps, fell face first by tripping on one of the many pillows.

The boy rolled his eyes at the clumsy situation in front of him. He had no patience for those two exact troublesome girls and simply left them to join his friends who were now laughing at him. Tsuki wanted to be mad at the boy, but she was more worried about the girl who had yet to move. Tsuki helped her get up and surprise! Her nose was bleeding and tears were falling down her cheeks. Tsuki panicked and took a blanket from one of the beds to wipe the crying girl’s face which managed to cause a commotion from the candle-making kids but because they were annoying, Tsuki left with the girl.

For every five steps, the girl would come close to tripping. Tsuki found it strange, and she even thought that this girl was playing a weird prank on her but when she turned around to look at her, she saw a pair of white glassy eyes.

“Zuuuki, waiiiiit pleas~,” The blind girl said with a calming voice the moment Tsuki stopped moving. The girl had black hair with some locks of white.

“Sorry, Sora. It was stuffy in there.” Tsuki tried to explain her action of moving forward with this girl, but her mind stopped for a moment. She had never seen this girl before but knew her name for some reason. It was as if pieces of memory were slowly coming back to her. Or was it just a false memory that was constantly being manufactured? Was the floor she was walking atop even real? A dream or a lie? And if it may be the case, wouldn’t it be possible that the misty forest was also just a fake reality? Was she, herself, even real? Before she could ponder on this, Sora said more things which confused Tsuki for a moment.

“Zuuuki, I wanna see Mila. Mila. Mila. Mila. I waited and waited. Waited long. Pleas~ Zuuuki.”

“Who?”

“Mila! Milllllla!!! Outside. Go. Pleas~…” Sora stated with an angry tone but mellowed down by the end as she was scared Tsuki would be angry from this small outburst.

Tsuki or should it be Zuuuki wasn’t sure of who Sora was talking about, but she was able to connect the dot and understand that Mila was one of the persons the rude boy had said had returned.

Tsuki got on her knee and presented her back “come here, climb on my back. I don’t want you to trip again. Alright?”

“Zuki…I can see…You just had to move slower.” Sora said with a whimsical voice and before Tsuki could turn around, she got on her back and passed her heavy book to the front.

“I thought you were blind! Wasn’t it even lady Moune who made your eyes? How come you can see then?” Tsuki found it strange that she would talk about things as if she had known about them for years. Those unknown elements would pop in her head whenever she needed them, making her feel more and more like everything wasn’t real. Maybe it was for the best to not think and see where things were heading.

“Don’t tell the other,” said the ‘should be blind’ girl. “Ok? They’re stinky dinky fish. It’s magic. Magic makes me see. Not well, but it works.”

“Magic huh? Can you someday teach me how to do magic thingy?”

“What for?”

“Hmmm. Honestly, I don’t really know. Maybe make food grow faster…You’re way too thin after all. If only we had more food, you might stop being just flesh and bone. Or maybe something to zap the rat when it gets annoying. I’m not really sure…I don’t really know what magic even is after all.”

As the two girls talked with one another, Tsuki would come to regret having shown too much interest in magic after being drowned in a deluge of complicated subjects which only stopped when they reached the other people outside.

‘Freedom!!!’ Tsuki said to herself when she saw a large group of people. The two girls had exited the church from the main entrance, but everyone else was on the opposite side of the building which prolonged Sora’s unending barrage of complicated magical theories. Still, she did look to be enjoying herself, so Tsuki wasn’t even mad or annoyed by it.

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During this short walk, Tsuki was able to remember and understand a lot of things about her surroundings. Things like the name of some people or the places she would often go to. Yet, she hadn’t understood everything. Some she simply couldn’t even guess. Like how this world was a memory of the first time she began to truly exist. Her soul first manifested into a dying world and what she was currently experiencing was her memories in a lost orphanage in the middle of nowhere…

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This word had one day been invaded by strange monochromatic beasts who razed most cities in their wake. The few places which survived did so by sheer luck only. Although, some would like to claim otherwise. Still, there were some who saw the truth, that one day, their own hubris would cause their fall. One of them was a young untalented painter who managed to gain some fame from his eccentric art style which depicted different ways that cities could be destroyed by those fiendish beasts. Those in power, be it political or religious, were mostly against any reminder that their living situation was hanging on a thread. Still, the painter managed to live in relative peace for some time and even managed to marry a tailor who later gave birth to his child. Alas, after a shift in political power, he was forced to escape the city of bones, the one he had cared for all his life and was born in, with his family. In their escape, they were attacked in a forest by the very monsters the painter often claimed would one day destroy the city. He died with the bitter knowledge that the city he grew up in would soon be destroyed.

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Not long after the attack, a lady dressed from head to toe in black and white found a destroyed coach containing painting supplies and a lone crying child. The lady brought the child to the church she owned and took care of her just like the other she had found in this dangerous forest.

This was how Tsuki grew up in this church in the middle of an unnamed forest. She wasn't liked by most since they found her weird and those who hung out with her were few in number.

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As the two girls turned around a corner the annoying and loud laugh of a girl with rust-colored hair assaulted their ears. She was carrying a bag, that was twice her size, filled with food of all kinds. A juicy apple even fell from the overfilled bag which a strange oversize rat made of bone tried to catch. This resulted in flying bone as the falling apple crushed the rat without the slightest hesitation.

“Maaaa! Ricardo’s fucking dead again…” exclaimed the girl with the bag while giving small kicks to the rat’s skeletal head. She did so until a tall figure appeared behind her and placed a gloved hand on her shoulder.

“Hey maa,” she said to the person behind. “Look what we found. Bunch of food for the little ones. Oh, and look, what do you think of this silver spear I found? Also, your pet is dead. It’s his fault, alright!”

The person behind the girl was about the pat her head, but when they heard the last part, her hand that was on the girl’s shoulder became a powerful and painful grip that squeezed the girl’s flesh and bone.

“owowow it hurt it hurt! Why???”

And the grip became stronger.

“Are you deaf? Are you stu-”

And stronger…and stronger…

Tsuki wanted to help but Sora suddenly got off her back which worried her, and she began to run toward a girl with shoulder-length brown hair who gave a strong and dependable look. Sora was screaming: “Milla, Milla, Milla.” Over and over until she came to this girl and hugged her. Her real name was Mira and she had gone on an expedition for a few weeks with two others to find rare resources and information to improve their life in this damned world.

“Milla. Don’t leave me again.” Sora said sullenly. “I was so lonely. Please, don’t ever leave me again…Never ever again.”

Tsuki heard what was said and felt as if this Mira might one day face some danger from this strange not-blind blind girl. Still, Mira somehow managed to diffuse the situation expertly.

The last person who had gone on the expedition came close to Tsuki while giving a warm smile; his long blond hair hiding part of his face and brushing against his delicate lips. One of his hands came atop Tsuki’s head, caressing her hair while the other passed her a small bag filled with apples of all sizes and shapes. He said in a warm voice: “Take this little Tsuki. Can you be a good girl and give some to those who are still inside? It should make them happy. Please?”

Tsuki gave a nod and left with the bag, wanting to be useful to the other. As for the blond boy, he had a sad look on his face. He didn’t want Tsuki to be close to them for now. Those who had just returned wanted to report their finding and devise plans for the future. They had spotted a gigantic snake-like monster which from their understanding, was the same monster who had eaten Tsuki’s parents. They were also under the impression that it was now looking to finish what it had once started…

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Tsuki ran back inside, giving apples to everyone who was working on something or was resting. She went round and round until there was only one apple left in her bag, but she couldn’t find someone who hadn’t received an apple. And round and round she went, not realizing she didn’t take one for herself, turning in circles, while everything was the same. The spiral continued until a soft and nostalgic humming could be heard in a secluded corner of the building.

Tsuki moved on her tippy toes trying to not make any sound and peeked her head from a wooden shelf filled to the brim with painting apparatus'. In this small, enclosed place was a girl with long and straight black hair who sang about the sea all the while painting something. 'Here, there she was' Tsuki thought. It was the Alice she knew and loved. Tsuki moved to the right of Alice to see what she was painting, but the light coming from a broken window blinded her. Thus, she instead moved to the left and she was able to see what the painting was.

The painting showed a group of four individuals talking to one another in a field of chrysanthemums. One was a brave man with long red hair tied in a ponytail. Another was the same girl she saw on the stained glass. The third was Alice herself. And the last was the figure of a woman but her face was replaced with a large black circle. As for Alice, the one who was painting, she would take different colors and paint in a spiral over the dark and eerie circle, making it bigger and bigger.

Alice didn't even notice Tsuki who was just above her shoulder and kept doing her own thing. It did make Tsuki a little bit sad. She also didn't want to interrupt this painter by touching her in case she got scared and accidentally ruined the painting. As such, she tried to sing with Alice; however, she didn't know Alice's song. Instead, she tried to mix her own song with Alice’s. Song of pasture and dancing wind. Yet, it wasn't successful. It was as if there was something missing that could have completed the song. Maybe it was simply that Alice was still ignoring Tsuki.

This time, Tsuki was annoyed by Alice and tried to hug her. But her arms didn't touch anything as Alice had disappeared. Tsuki was left with the strange canvas. The black hole made in the canvas looked to be spreading as it swirled and twirled in circles. Round and round until it was all black. Round and round until more were black. The ground, the walls, the very air around Tsuki. Round and round until all were dark. Tsuki became scared from the quick change. She felt as if she was stuck in a dream and knowing this, she did everything she could to wake up. The knowledge that her surrounding was fake, was slowly forcing the darkness to melt and show beads of the real world. The trees, the windchimes, the stars in the sky…were they also fake? What was real about this fading darkness which was painted in her eyes? She didn’t know.

Her eyes opened slowly. She was alone at the same place she had fallen asleep. The bird, the snake, and the wolf couldn’t be seen at all. She was back to her lonely self…She got up and dusted herself. Began to walk. Began to feel sad once again…There was a strange feeling pulling and tugging at the back of her head as if something was trying to open a heavy curtain. She walked and walked aimlessly until a breeze touched her cheek without having any grass or any branches move. The pulling and tugging became stronger as she felt like she was still stuck in a dream. Round and round, she looked at her surroundings, to find where the strange feeling was coming from, and here it was, in the darkest part of the forest. A pair of red eyes were looking at her. She knew she was still in a dream, that she had yet to wake up, that everything was fake, and above all, that those eyes were the most dangerous things to ever exist. She wanted to escape, to open her eyes again and never have to see those eyes but in an instant, those scarlet eyes came in front of Tsuki. It was as if they had always been just in front of her. Following this, the owner of those dangerous eyes brought a tattooed arm toward Tsuki and grabbed her by the throat.

Only then did her eyes open…

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Tick tock. The clock calls us to our usual family tea.
We link arms around the table
Is it a river below us?
Come sit. Here. There. Where.
Where do I sit at our usual table?
Is it I or do I no longer have any place?
My leaves are all dried up and have lost their usual taste.
I have long not blossomed my usual smile. Usual light.
Tick tock. At this unusual time, I must take my leave.
The sun is too yellow. Why? We all used to be so mellow…
I see. I am the one who has changed.
My new unusual usual.
I shall take my leave. No longer of any use.
I shall go cry this river that only I can see…
My tears long for our usual days.

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