Chapter 149: Revelations – Chapter 141: Second Nature

"It will be a moment longer before everyone will arrive," the Dark Judge said, "as we did not know if you would return immediately or if you would wish to speak to the accused beforehand."

"I do not wish to speak to any of them," Aperio replied. "Even if I did, I doubt they would tell me anything of value." They hate me too much for that… Or maybe, fear me.

Epemirial and her ilk were undoubtedly aware that all she needed to remove them from her creation was a thought. That's probably what I should do, she mused. It would be so easy to make the deities that slowly filtered into the courtroom just disappear. All she needed to do was will it.

As she looked around at them, they all looked so strangely sure of themselves, as if whatever would happen here would have no impact on them. Even Epemirial herself seemed to be at ease in the Court, despite the fact that her status as a deity was not only irrelevant here but would also be revoked in just a little while. So smug.

A single thought would be enough to solve this problem. Just have to remove them… If the pantheon that was against her no longer existed, who would stop her from just living her life? There was no-one that could go against her; all Aperio had to do was give herself a little push.

Just ignore the questions, she thought, pulling on her well as her aura flowed into the courtroom. Remove the problem; ignore the questions.

"Aperio?" Caethya asked, her voice pulling the All-Mother from her thoughts. Her disciple placed her hand on Aperio's arm only to pull away again as a few tiny arcs of mana jumped across to her hand. "What happened?"

The All-Mother blinked, once. Twice. She shook her head, letting out a long breath of silvery mist. "I do not know," Aperio mumbled, shifting her gaze to her hand. It shook ever-so-slightly, her fingers twitching as if they wanted to curl around someone's neck. She balled her hand into a fist, her nails digging slightly into her palm. "Anger?"

As gently as she could, Aperio reached out with her mind to show Caethya what she had felt. Words could not properly describe the experience, and even if they could, she did not want the Judges to know.

It was not exactly a desire to kill; she wanted to rid herself of a problem. The easiest and simplest way to do that was killing those who were causing her problems. That's not me… I don't just kill people.

"Could you leave us for a moment?" Caethya asked, stepping in front of Aperio and taking her hands into her own. "Please."

"Of course," the Judges replied in almost perfect unison.

"We shall begin with the reading of the judgement," the Light Judge said. "The introductions alone will take a while. We will have The-One-That-Moves get the both of you when we are ready to begin proclaiming the judgment. Does that work?"

"Yes," Aperio replied, tearing her gaze from her disciple to look at the Judges for a moment. "That is fine."

As soon as the Judges had left the room Aperio slumped to the floor, dragging Caethya with her. The All-Mother wrapped her arms and wings around the Elf as she adjusted her position on the floor slightly.

A touch of her magic ensured that no-one — not even the Judges — would be able to listen. She did make an exception for the door that already had what Aperio assumed to be a projection of The-One-That-Moves next to it, so they could still perform the duty they had been assigned.

"Feel better now?" Caethya asked, her voice slightly muffled as she spoke into Aperio's chest and dress.

The All-Mother loosened her hold on her disciple a little, letting the Elf pull back somewhat before she spoke. "A little," she said. "But… I was so close to giving in to that feeling." She pulled her wings a little closer to herself. "So close."

"But you did not do it," Caethya said, shifting in Aperio's lap to better look at the All-Mother. "And that's what counts."

"I did not because you stopped me," the All-Mother mumbled in reply. "And now any trust the Judges had in me is gone as well. They'll figure out that I'm nothing but a fraud in no time."

Caethya heaved a sigh as she leaned back, Aperio's wings easily supporting her weight. "You are not a fraud, Aperio. And I am convinced you would not have acted on that impulse, either.

"Don't truckle every time you take a step back," she continued, leaning forward and cupping Aperio's face in her hands. "Nobody knows how your mind is supposed to work. But I know you would not cause that much harm without reason. You may come close, but you would not do it — even without my intervention." She leaned in closer, brushing her thumbs over Aperio's cheeks. "Have a bit more faith in yourself, okay?"

Aperio sighed and carefully removed Caethya's hands from her face, holding them in her own instead. "Thank you," she said, giving her disciple's hands a careful squeeze. "But I need to know why this happens. There is no world in which this would be normal." Or good.

Coming close to murdering a room full of people because it would solve a problem could not be considered a good outcome by any sane person — at least in Aperio's mind.

"Considering what happened to you," Caethya said, shifting slightly as Aperio narrowed her eyes, "I think it is probably how you would have solved this in the past. This wouldn't be the first time, either.

"Back in the Ebenlowe Dungeon," she continued, leaning herself against Aperio's wings, "it happened too, no? I did not see what you did, but your anger — this kind of anger — was the same. It felt the same."

"That does not make it any better," Aperio replied, letting go of Caethya's hands and holding her head. "I almost killed them! Irrevocable death!" She paused, taking a deep breath. The air in the Court did not provide the calm her Void did, but helped her clear her mind nonetheless. "I cannot be among mortals if I lose myself like this.

"I want to kill them," Aperio said, holding up her hand to postpone a reply from Caethya. "What they have done has no excuse; but where would that end? Would I just turn into what Epemirial accused me of being? …She was not wrong, was she?"

"She is wrong," Caethya replied with a shake of her head. "If she was right, she would be dead right now and you would be playing with her Soul; doing to her what she did to others. Instead, you are here, questioning your own sanity because you almost gave in to instincts you no longer identify with."

"While waiting to pass judgement on the people I want dead," Aperio quietly added as she shifted her gaze to the floor. Why am I like this?

Caethya shook her head as she closed the small distance that separated her from the All-Mother. She placed her hands on Aperio's shoulders, trying and failing to push her down until her Goddess gave in.

"What's this supposed to do?" Aperio asked, tilting her head and letting her wings spread out across the floor.

Caethya only offered a shrug as she laid herself down next to the All-Mother. "If you are uncomfortable with what your old self would have done, why not do something she would have never done? People change, and so do you."

"I did not really care for manners in the past," Aperio said, rolling onto her side to better look at Caethya. "When I went to the crowning of Moria's son, I just lounged in a random chair for most of it. Legs over the armrest and all."

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"They had chairs for your size?"

Aperio frowned at the words. "No," she said. "I was smaller then, split between multiple bodies… Maybe that is a problem? Staying in one body?"

"I doubt it," Caethya replied. She reached out, brushing a few strands of hair out of Aperio's face. "I think whoever tried to remove your memory only managed to take actual memories and not your instincts, leaving you with contradicting emotions."

"So, what you are saying is that I am a right old mess?"

"You are my mess," Caethya said, moving herself closer to Aperio in order to rest her head against her chest, hugging the woman as best she could. "But that is beside the point. Everyone is a mess in their own way. Your problem is just one that is wholly unique, and the only one who would know anything about it is part of the problem."

The All-Mother heaved a sigh, smiling slightly at the quiet giggle that came from her disciple. It did not really make sense to Aperio why Caethya calmed her the way she did. The Demigoddess did not shy away from her like others — had no issue telling her what she thought. Maybe that's why…

She wrapped her arms and wings around Caethya and herself, holding her as tight as she dared. While the fragility of everything else still bothered her, it was not something she wished to change either. The Gods she had made were already abusing what little strength she had given them. With more, they would likely fall into even greater depravity. Would do what I wanted to do just moments ago.

"So I need to go back to retrieving more of my memories," Aperio mumbled, her voice furthered damped by Caethya's hair.

She took another deep breath, relaxing slightly as Caethya began to slowly stroke her arm. There was something surreal about the moment that did not quite want to make sense in Aperio's mind. She was lying on the floor of the [Court of Heaven], holding the woman she was starting to suspect she loved. And yet her mind was running in circles, telling her that what was happening was not real. That she was a monster that used Caethya for her own pleasure while also being used by her for reasons unknown.

"Stop doubting yourself," her disciple said, tapping Aperio's arm. "I would not be here if I did not like you."

"How?" Did I accidentally let her know?

That was a downside of only needing a thought to make most things happen. A little distraction and a stray wish would have been enough to inform Caethya of everything she had been thinking about. Or hurt her…

"You are easy to read, Aperio," her disciple said, shifting a little in the All-Mother's embrace. "And remember, I can feel what you feel — especially when we are close."

"Really?" Aperio knew that she was not the most outwardly emotional person. Every time she had shown what she had felt in the past, after all, it had been punished. She had been more open with Caethya than most anyone, but even then, her doubts had never really left.

"Yes," her disciple replied. "You also pick up on what I feel without me telling you. And apparently without noticing it, too."

Aperio could practically hear the smile in Caethya's voice, a fact that caused one to spread across the All-Mother's face as well. "I did not know that," she said, pulling away slightly as she sensed The-One-That-Moves shift a little. "I just do what I feel is right…"

"So do I," her disciple replied, hesitating a moment before she continued. "For someone who did not get to live a normal life, you are doing very well. At least as far as I am concerned."

Caethya pushed herself up slightly, planting a quick kiss on Aperio's lips before pulling away again. "It will be a long road," she said, brushing her hand over the All-Mother's cheek, "but I am here for all of it. I am here for you ."

Aperio blinked as Caethya untangled herself from her arms and wings. She wanted to continue to hold her, ignoring the people that waited for her in the courtroom, and just do nothing.

"Feel better now?" Caethya asked as she slowly stood up and fixed her dress.

"A little?" Aperio guessed. If she was honest with herself, she was not quite sure what to think. She still feared what she had almost done; how close she had come to just killing a room of people because it was easy. And that I have to explain this to the Judges…

"Cuddles never fail," her disciple said as she stepped behind the now-sitting Aperio and ruffled her hair. "Ready to judge?"

"No," Aperio sighed, her shoulders slumping. "But it needs to be done. The-One-That-Moves will call for us at any moment now, too."

The Celestial was obviously anticipating its cue to come as it already had its knuckles in front of the door, just waiting to knock and ask for them.

"I figured," Caethya said. "I can't really see outside this room, but I can feel it move."

A thought caused Aperio to appear behind her disciple. She wrapped her arms around Caethya's waist and rested her chin on her head. "Thank you," she said. "For stopping me, and for helping me."

"Of course," her disciple replied. "But" —she flicked her finger against Aperio's forehead — "stop thinking you are a monster. You are not."

Aperio's reply was postponed by a knock on the door. With a sigh and an unneeded wave of her hand she opened it. "Yes?" she asked, not bothering to let go of Caethya as she fixed her eyes on The-One-That-Moves.

"The Judges wish to proclaim the crimes and the judgement," the Celestial replied, bowing slightly. "They have requested your presence."

"Let's go," Caethya whispered, tugging at Aperio's hands that were still wrapped around her waist. "What's done is done."

"What is done is done," the All-Mother echoed, letting go of her disciple and offering her her hand instead. Let's just hope I don't kill them all.

GamingWolf

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