Chapter 84: Chapter 79

 

Directly outside of Honiu's quarter, Chitu is already waiting for me.
Even without the pheromones, her bearing tells enough about the deep distress she's in.

 

<Please, stop causing suffering to my princess.> (C)

 

Uh, right now she's basically a child begging me to have mercy on her parent.
Even if I think I'm in the right, it's hard not to feel guilty seeing this.

 

<Listen, Chitu. By no means do I want to cause harm to your princess. But honestly, she needs this.> (F)

<She... needs this!?> (C)

 

Well, as anticipated she doesn't buy this explanation.

 

<Chitu, if you look objectively at your princess' state, can you really say that she's as fine as she should be? For example in comparison with other princesses?> (F)

<My princess simply focuses on her production.> (C)

<This might be. But because of this, she neglects herself. At least she needs to learn to be independent enough to take care of herself. Otherwise, I fear her condition will only deteriorate, and eventually, this will be her demise.> (F)

 

It's not a novel discovery that it's not good to never move and avoid all physical exertion.
I don't know too much about insect bodies, but I fear that Honiu's might be the same.
I simply cannot believe that it's healthy if she never leaves her bench and lets her servants do all the things she could do on her own.

Chitu isn't taking my statement too well.
Rather, she panics distinctively.

 

<This, this cannot be! I take good care of my princess!> (C)

<I don't doubt you. But sometimes too much care is just that, too much! I promise I won't overdo it. For now, I'd simply like to know the way to the storage, so I can bring Honiu her meal.> (F)

<Y-yes.> (C)

 

Immediately she guides me to a small room filled with those mushrooms.
There's also right away some kind of tray to transport them.
After this, she brings me to another room.
I need a moment to process that I'm in a great hall filled with nectar units.
Sadly the entombed kind.
Erys didn't want us to see them, but it was kinda inevitable as we were most of the time in her courtyard.
Anyways, I have an idea regarding what comes now.
Chitu procures a vessel and hands it to me.

 

<The nectar for a princess needs to be fresh. Please fill it up. You need to stimulate the gland to make it release its contents.> (C)

 

The implications worry me deeply.
I really would like to abstain, but I guess I'll have to get used to it.
They're basically their cows and necessary for the swarm.
Slightly reluctantly I move closer and touch the thing which I believe is the gland.
The touch is almost sickening soft, but there's a slight pressure from within.
I touch it like I would with a cow and shortly after a stream of thick, yellowy liquid escapes.
I manage to catch most of it with the vessel, which I place on the tray.
I want to wash my hands but all I have for that would be Chitu's cleansing fluid.
After that, I'm done and can return to Honiu.

 

<Took you long enough!> (H)

 

Yes, sure, likewise!
I place the tray with her meal on the next stool and wait.

 

<I require my sustenance now. Feed me.> (H)

 

She raises herself into a sitting position and then spreads those clamps on each side of her mouth while also opening the same vertically.

Oh no, I won't!
Hell, will I do and put my hand in there!

 

<Sorry, not happening. That's something you'll need to take care of yourself from now on.> (F)

<You will feed me this instant!> (H)

 

For a second I consider doing so before I regain my mind.
After this, I'm just annoyed.

 

<For your own sake, I would recommend you to stop sending mental commands into my head. It won't improve our relationship the slightest bit.> (F)

 

Well, she's at least taken aback.

 

<You are required to provide me sustenance. It's essential!> (H)

<Your claws are healthy and your mouth works. So you can very well take the food on your own and eat. Even my youngest child can do this much, so it’s just sad that this seems to be such an impossible task for you.> (F)

<You can't deny me my feeding! You have to!> (H)

 

Instead of answering I move over to the tray, take a mushroom, and nibble on it.
I know when a child is throwing a tantrum and the best course of action is to let it run out of stamina.
The taste is pleasantly sweet as usual.
I haven't told my family as I didn't want to worry them but ever since the change this particular taste became even better for me.
This might have something to do with how my throat changed or something like this.
I don’t know.
But it’s a fact that I can enjoy them now much more.
Honiu on the other side clearly grows impatient, but I won’t budge.

 

<This cannot be.> (H)

 

She glances at me, but I stay intentionally indifferent to show her that I have no intention to give in on this matter.

 

<You… Tell Uma that I give up. She can demand everything she wants, I'll comply. As if she hasn’t already taken enough.> (H)

 

Huh, maybe I've pushed her a little too far.
Seems like she's totally through with the world.
However, this isn't what I aimed for.
Not in the slightest.
I want that she gets her act together and not break her.

 

<This isn't what you truly want, right?> (F)

<What I want is a nurse who actually acts according to her role!> (H)

<Miss Honiu... Do you maybe... need someone to talk to?> (F)

<How would that matter? As if anything might change.> (H)

<I just believe it might be pretty boring to stay all day cooped up in here. And you seem... troubled. Talking can sometimes help to alleviate your stress. So would you please tell me what is troubling you.> (F)

 

She blinks at me with those ominous second eyelids so she doesn't have to cease her bewildered stare.

 

<Are you seriously asking me what my problem is?!> (H)

<We both know that this is not about me. The cause of your issue lies deeper. Something happened that prevents you from conducting even the most basic measures of self-preservation. So, would you be so kind to tell me what that was.> (F)

 

She still stares.
But not anymore with simple bewilderment.
Now she's rather... brooding, for lacking a better word.

 

<It doesn't matter. You wouldn't be able to understand.> (H)

<You could at least give it a try. As you said, I'm atypical. Maybe I'll surprise you.> (F)

<You're a nurse! How could you understand how it is to see how all your brood gets eradicated in front of your eyes?!> (H)

 

This was until now her strongest emotional outburst.
Nothing I saw compares with this.
For a moment there was pure grief.
Deeper and more severe pain than any of my little teasings could ever cause.

 

<I'm also a mother. So please, explain to me what happened.> (F)

<Uma speaks always from the capture of the princesses for her swarm as if it was an achievement. As if someone was saved. But this is just half of the truth. In reality, it was a terrible slaughter. She came by surprise. Dug tunnels leading around our defenses. Aiming with intent to reach the princesses. I didn't even know what it was that came for me. They had barely any scent and were so fast and silent when they came after me. I wouldn't wonder if Uma had prepared them specifically for this single purpose. A very special royal guard, not thought for direct combat but to ambush. But what happened when they reached me? Can you imagine?> (H)

 

Nothing good looking at the result.

 

<Sorry, I don't know.> (F)

<Didn't expect you to. Usually, the goal would have been to kill the princess. Weaken the opposing forces by cutting their reinforcements. But not Uma, no. She was just so much crueler. She took me hostage, they held me at blades length, always ready to end me in an instant. And when my brood desperately wanted to retrieve me she left them a choice that wasn't one. Either they attack now their very own swarm or I die. Not only did she use my own brood to guard their retreat with me, but worse, my troops had to invade the nursery and slaughter the larvae.> (H)

 

This revelation is shocking.
I could imagine that conflicts between insects could become cruel and show terrible results, but I don't even want to imagine this happening in the nursery.
However, thanks to the pheromones I do just this.

 

<Oh, do you think she was through with me after this? No, no. A good portion of my brood survived that time. But naturally, they were difficult to control. Hostile, eager to free their broodmother, unwilling to leave my side. They were so close to resorting to violence back then. So what do you think did Uma do in this situation?> (H)

 

All this sorrow is basically oozing out of her.
Just from inhaling the pheromones, I become sad and my eyes fill with tears.

 

<Are you implying...> (F)

<Exactly. She let all my brood gather directly in front of me, while I was at the mercy of her soldiers. Each of them was told that I would die the moment they move. And then they all got culled in front of my eyes. Methodically, one after the other. None of them did even as much as twitch that day. And I had to watch till it was over. After that, I had to proceed to lay eggs as usual. The new brood was less prone to attack as they were raised along with the other drones of this swarm. Naturally, they were aware of my situation, but there were never enough to become a threat and my old swarm suffered too much and succumbed, so I had no place to return to. Not long after this, the swarm wars ended. Uma's tactic to consolidate her swarm worked out perfectly. And I had to continue my role as a princess in her swarm as if nothing had happened. Can you even imagine how it is to see all your brood in front of you dying?! Impotent to protect, to save them?!> (H)

 

And impotent she's even now.
Barely bottled up anger.
Pain she lived so long with that it became a part of her.
And even today she has simply no other place to go and has to bear with it.
With this background, it is already understandable why she became as she is.

However,

 

<I can imagine.> (F)

<What?> (H)

 

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I give her a sad smile.
It hurts to think about this, but as affected I already am by the pheromones this is the perfect mood to talk about it.

 

<I perfectly know how you're feeling. I experienced it myself.> (F)

<This can't be right! You're just a nurse!> (H)

<I'm a mother. Just so you understand it. All human females are capable of bearing children. And I have two. That might not be as many as yours but this only makes them all the more precious to me. They are your purpose and your future. Can you understand this? To only have two single entities which mean everything to you?> (F)

 

She's contemplating.
She is still staring at me, but I feel that she's deeply in thought.

 

<I'm not sure.> (H)

<Well, it's good enough if you try to. You see, the day when my Erys got here... We were attacked. Not by the swarm but simply another human faction.> (F)

<So humans do the same? For what reason?> (H)

<That's not the point here. It doesn't really matter who they were, only that it happened. We're no fighters, not like them, so all that was left for us was to run. I took my little son, barely more than a larva after your standards, and did so. And then, I saw it...> (F)

<Tell! What was it you saw?> (H)

 

For once I don't mind the little mental nudge.
I was already prepared to proceed and it helps not to get caught up in my mood and break down.
And I know that this memory is capable to cause just that.
As often I already went through it in my mind.
Always and always blaming myself.

 

<I saw how she got caught by the soldiers. I wasn't too far away and they all were occupied, so no one noticed. But I saw how they hit her and pressed her to the ground. Believe me, I wanted to help her. I would've given my life for the merest chance. The thing is... I also had her little brother in my arm. I am no fighter, I knew I had no chance. Still, I wanted to. But I couldn't. Because it would've meant to also give up on my other child. Not knowing where my husband was at that time and with the soldiers present, I couldn't abandon him as it would've meant to leave him for his demise. And all I could do was close my eyes, turn around, and run.> (F)

<So you chose to sacrifice one half of your brood so that the other can live. That was a reasonable decision.> (H)

<If this would've been all there is to it. But it's so much worse. Human females... what they have to expect if they get caught... Let's just say some fates are worse than death. And I willingly left my daughter to this fate.> (F)

 

My mood darkens.
I know too well how this trail of thought can affect me.
The many times when Rowen had to wake me up from my nightmares.
It got better since I reunited with my daughter.
Something that still feels like a goddamn miracle.
But nonetheless, it hurts.

 

<And that's the story. Erys can't know about this, you hear me?> (F)

 

She'd only be sad.
Maybe feel betrayed, or simply uncomfortable in my presence.
In any case, it won't help a bit to press this.

 

<If you say so. But your daughter is still alive.> (H)

<Yes she is. And I will be eternally grateful for this. Even if for a human, her new role might have some really unpleasant aspects. Still, I take what I get. But all things considered. Do you think those two situations, both our decisions we made, are they truly so different?> (F)

<Decision? I never had a choice!> (H)

<You had. When you were captured you could choose to die. You didn't. You couldn't allow this to happen. I don't believe for a moment that it was because you fear death. No, what you care about is your brood. Especially all the future prospects. Isn't that right?> (F)

<I do. And it was taken away from me.> (H)

<But look around you! You're surrounded by them! I was just begged by a nurse to treat you better! They all care for you and love you! I know, the memory hurts, over and over pressing unceasingly into our minds. But you still have a reason to live. Then why can't you act accordingly?> (F)

 

She stared the whole time at me.
I feel how she's still irritated.
But I believe my words had an effect on her.
At least she was very much into my story.
And since I know that I now have her attention I shove distinctly her plate with the meal a bit closer towards her.

 

<Look, your brood means much to you, right? Right in front of you, you find what they need to grow healthy. All you have to do is to take it. Is this really asked too much for their sake?> (F)

 

If I can understand one thing, then that she feels motherly love.
And I know that this might be enough to press her to take action.
She might be hurt, lazy, and indifferent, but she cares.
That I'm sure about.
And this is proven when she takes a mushroom and eats it.

 

<Stop emitting those complacent pheromones.> (H)

<Sorry, I'm new to it and just feel good right now. So no promises.> (F)

<Tsk. Whatever.> (H)

 

And thus, since a for me unknowable long time, Honiu eats by herself.
And eventually, she can finish her meal.
And then once more looks at me.

 

<You... You can stay.> (H)

 

Wow! I'm actually a bit touched.
Not directly because of what she said but because I know what she felt while saying it.
And this took really some conscious effort on her side.
So it must mean that in some way she accepts my presence.
And that's kinda touching.
So much so that I will not remind her that she had no choice in the first place.
This job might actually not be so bad.

 

"Plop"

 

Wha-?

 

<What are you waiting for? My session starts. Assemble the nurses and begin!> (H)

 

Okay, okay. You've already seen Kyska doing this.
Actually, they said it's allowed that I receive help here.
As fast as I can I leave the room and walk to Chitu, who is still in attendance.

 

<Chitu, Honiu has a session. I need help!> (F)

 

Far faster and more directed than I could move Chitu rushes off while sending out a pheromone assembly signal, which I didn't know yet was possible to produce.
Could I replicate this?

Anyway, it works.
Quickly the nurses gather and I go back into the room.
There I see that already five eggs have gathered below Honiu.
Sadly I don't know what I shall do in this situation.

 

<Bring me to my throne.> (H)

 

Did she read my mind? Well, my pheromones?
Honiu points at a wall and I notice there's an earthen seat with a hole in the middle.
It was a bit hard to notice, as this place isn't as well lit as Erys' district.
She seems to have trouble walking.

 

"Plop"

 

And the emerging eggs don't help.
At least I can guide her by her arm there.
She takes place and the moment she settles her weight on it another egg comes.

 

"Plop"

 

Just in time, I manage to catch it.
It's firm, but also disturbingly soft and wet.
I really worry that I could accidentally damage it.
Which could be partly due to pheromones.

Fortunately, the other nurses finally arrive.
Some split to take care of those strewn on the ground and the others gather at the throne.
They start to bring them over to some workers waiting outside.
Before I can manage to do the same Chitu comes close and extends her claws expectant towards my held egg.

 

<Shouldn't I go over there?> (F)

<Your role is to directly attend to your princess. And don't forget to count the eggs.> (C)

 

Wait!
Counting?
Nobody said something about this!
Okay, five on the ground, already four while she's sitting on the throne.
This makes nine.

 

"Plop"

 

Ten.

I proceed to help.
Apparently, it's also part of my duties that I help to extract the eggs and give them to the next nurse.
Touching Honiu's ovipositor leaves me a bit troubled, but I tell myself that a midwife has to do almost the same and it's not embarrassing.
Yet I still can't completely shake off this weird feeling when I take the eggs out there.
I'm at forty-eight eggs when it finally subsides.
The other nurses are directly gone again.

 

<How many?> (H)

<Forty-eight.> (F)

<Hm. This means I'll have likely one more session in my alcove. You have to prepare better by then.> (H)

<Excuse me, but I really can't stay the whole day here. That's simply not possible.> (F)

<A personal nurse stays always close to her princess while not on an assignment. Besides, due to the order, you're the only one.> (H)

<Okay, that's a problem. Would it be possible to somehow contact the queen?> (F)

<For what reason should I interact with Uma more than necessary?> (H)

<I'd like to ask if she can't at least lower my load a bit. I'm not sure if she has considered that I'm simply not able to do as much as a personal nurse. She can't want that you come to harm because of that.> (F)

<Probably not, but what is the exact problem?> (H)

<I still have other duties regarding my family. Also, I cannot tend to you during your sleep or permanently live here. This all consumes too much time and even my Erys has two personal nurses. I'd like to explain to her that issue. Which would benefit you as well, right?> (F)

<You have a point. I'll call for one of her messengers during your next appointment interval.> (H)

<Good to hear.> (F)

<I'll now enter my alcove. You can leave and return to your "family", nurse... Farrah.> (H)

<Thanks, and see you tomorrow.> (F)

 

With this, an extremely uncommon day comes to an end.

 

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