Chapter 74: S-35. Christmas in January?!

“Is she alright?” Sabina asked, fretting like a mother hen.

“Huh?” I looked at her worried eyes and tried to discern her meaning.

“My sister, I mean. Is her date going well? Is Spider-Sveta treating her right?”

I absentmindedly scratched my ear with one of my dinosaur claws. “Sabina, I don’t have a live feed to whatever Spider-Sveta’s doing. We sync up memories once a day, not every ten seconds! And besides, they’ve been gone for literally three minutes. They’re probably still in the turbolift!”

“I know, I know. I just worry!” Sabina pulled on her hair as she spoke. I quickly placed my hands on hers and guided them away from her poor scalp.

“Cut that out, you’ll go bald. Do you go through this every time she’s on a date?”

“…Maybe.” Sabina looked at me guiltily.

“Well, let’s keep your mind occupied so you won’t worry. Now, I believe you were overclocking my secondary processor.” I gently shoved her back into my cockpit.

“Yeah, yeah…” Sabina resumed her work, still clearly distracted. I sighed, and spared a thought for Spider-Sveta and Genevi.

You two had better make this work. Poor Sabina is about to have a conniption.

*****

Apropos of nothing, Genevi sneezed. Her sneeze was soft and cute, an “mm-chu” as compared to Miette’s loud, somewhat obnoxious “WAHCHOO!”

“Bless you,” I said, my spider-legs twitching a bit. I had a picnic basket in one hand, and I patted her back with the other. “You know that means someone is talking about you, right?”

“I-It does?” Genevi’s eyes widened. “I’ve never heard that.”

I chuckled. “Well, maybe it’s just an old wives’ tale.”

“Are you an old wife, Sveta?”

I crossed my arms in an X-shape. “No comment.”

Just then, the turbolift dinged and one of the Tektites announced, “Main Plaza, Residential District.”

“Thanks, Tektite.” I took Genevi by the hand and lead her into the residential district, towards a very familiar park.

Genevi looked around in amazement. “This is Eros’ central park?”

I nodded. “You’ve never been?”

“I’ve never had time. Wow, I haven’t seen this much greenery since my layover on the agricultural colony of New Albuquerque. It’s really beautiful.”

“Isn’t it?” I smiled warmly as I led her towards the center of the park, along one of the footpaths that wound in between the trees. Genevi’s neck craned as she looked up at the rustling leaves and the artificial sunlight which filtered down cast dancing green patterns of light and shadow on her face.

When we arrive at the center of the park, a clearing covered in a bed of luscious green grass, Genevi immediately noticed the one thing that was out-of-place.

“What is that?” she asked, pointing at the large machine sitting on the grass. It was around the size of a small car and looked like twenty camcorders attached to a hemispherical metal shell.

“That,” I responded, “is one of Zehra’s holographic projectors. A full-sized one, capable of generating illusions as large as a square mile. Zehra placed it here to decorate the park for the Christmas Festival, and with the recent attacks we’ve been too busy to bring it back to the lab.”

At the mention of the Christmas Festival, Genevi’s expression grew sad. She had originally been scheduled to attend on Christmas Day, but Moby’s attack had brought a premature end to festivities. This was the reason I suggested we come here in the first place, but she didn’t know that yet.

Setting down the picnic basket, I walked over to the projector and began to wirelessly interface with it. Let’s see… DOS boot menu, standard mode, and…

There was a loud DING, and a hologram of Zehra popped up. “Please enter this CAPTCHA to prove you’re not a robot.”

I smacked the machine. “That joke wasn’t funny the first time.”

“I’m sorry. My responses are limited. You must ask the right questions.”

I heard Genevi giggling softly behind me. Frustrated, I grit my teeth. “Pop culture references are MY schtick. Now boot up before I pound you into scrap metal.” I tapped against the projector’s metal shell with two of my spider-legs to emphasize my point.

The Zehra-imitating expert system in the BIOS must have been sufficiently intimidated because it quickly started up the projector. Without any more input from me, the projector loaded its last-used program and the entire park once more transformed into a winter wonderland, with snow-laden trees, sparkling Christmas lights and soft flakes drifting to the ground. The projector itself was replaced by a massive Christmas tree topped by a crystal angel.

Genevi gasped in wonder, looking left and right as she drank in the sudden shift in the scene. I sidled up beside her.

“Do you like it?”

“It’s… incredible…” Her eyes sparkled.

“This is how Zehra decorated the park for the festival. Since you missed it, I figured we could recreate our own little festival for our first date.”

“That’s really thoughtful, Sveta! Although I do feel a bit guilty letting you take the lead, since I’m the one who asked you out to begin with…”

I waved my hand dismissively. “Don’t worry about it.” I pulled out the picnic blanket from my basket and began to spread it on the (fake) snow, directly next to the Christmas tree. Genevi looked at me incredulously.

“Uh, Sveta… what are you doing?”

“Hmm? I’m setting up for a picnic, of course!”

“A… pic-nic? What’s that?”

I looked at her in astonishment. “You’re kidding, right?”

“I’m not!” she said, suddenly sounding embarrassed, “I’ve never heard of a ‘picnic’ before! Is it some kind of prewar thing?”

Seriously? I suppose people these days don’t have much leisure time, but she doesn’t even know what a picnic is? That’s a huge gap in your common sense, Genevi!

“Well… a picnic is where you have a meal outside and enjoy the weather and sights of nature.”

“Ooooh. I see, I see!” Genevi nodded.

“You’ve seriously never heard of it before?” I asked her.

She shook her head. “Nope! If we had eaten a meal outside on Earth, we would have frozen to death!”

Right, because of the Sarcophage-induced ice age. Still, don’t they have picnics on the colonies, at least?

“W-Well anyway, I guess this is your very first picnic. Hand-in-hand with your very first date with a robot!” I plopped down on the blanket and motioned to Genevi to sit next to me.

“Yeah!” she replied enthusiastically as she sat beside me, quickly attaching herself to my arm. Unlike Miette, Genevi was actually a bit shorter than me, so it felt like she was a small animal… especially when she looked up at me with those big, quivering eyes. Instinctually, I began to pet her hair with my free hand, and she cooed like a dove.

C-Cute… There’s no way my little Genevi is this cute! I said, feeling my (simulated) heart skip a beat.

*****

After I had indulged myself for a few minutes, I pulled my hand away from Genevi’s head and started retrieving the food from the picnic basket. Simultaneously, I used my speakers to broadcast a few Christmas carols.

“Th-These are…” Genevi tilted her head as the music began.

“From the festival. I pulled them up out of my memory archive.” I explained, handing her one of the sandwiches from the basket. Of course, I couldn’t eat anything myself, so everything inside was for her; hopefully, that wouldn’t make it awkward.

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Genevi slowly tapped her fingers to the music, bringing the sandwich to her mouth and taking a bite. Then she made a sour face.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

“It has mustard on it,” she replied, frowning.

“Are you allergic to mustard?” I already knew she didn't have any food allergies from her personnel file, but I figured it was polite to ask.

“No, I just don’t like it…”

Oh boy, here we go…

I handed her another sandwich. “This one has mayo on it, I think.”

“Ohhh… I don’t really like mayo either…”

I rolled my eyes, then stuffed the sandwich in her mouth. Her eyes went wide. “Mmph! Mmph mmmmph!”

“No talking with your mouth full. Chew and swallow.”

She complied, then glared at me. “What was THAT for?!”

I smiled innocently. “You were being picky, so I took the initiative.”

“P-Picky? No, I wasn’t!” she protested.

“You totally were. This is Sveta’s Romance Lesson Number One: No Nitpicking!”

“I really don’t think I was…”

“Both you and Sabina warned me about this. What was it last time? Breaking up over an argument about hot peppers?”

“I… uh…” I had checkmated Genevi, and now she struggled to come up with a reply.

“I’m not trying to be mean, but I am trying hard to make this work. And that means I have to nip any problems that sabotaged your past relationships in the bud. Problem number one is being nitpicky. So we’re starting by broadening your palate.” I said, grinning.

“Mouuuu…” Genevi replied, looking pouty.

I’ve never actually heard someone say ‘Mouuuu’ out loud before. Adorable! I cleared my throat, “If you finish the sandwiches, I have a special treat for you. Something super DUPER delicious!” It occurred to me I sounded not unlike a mother trying to get a toddler to eat his veggies with the promise of dessert.

Still, it worked. Genevi’s eyes lit up and she quickly grabbed the mustard sandwich and wolfed it down.

I’m happy that worked, but also a bit frustrated? She really is that easy! I suppose the easiest way to a girl’s heart is through her stomach…

*****

When Genevi had finished the sandwiches, I pulled out the treat I had promised. I opened up an insulated, metallic clamshell container to reveal a half-dozen oval, golden-yellow foodstuffs that were still piping hot. I wrapped one in a napkin and handed it to Genevi.

“What’s this?” she asked, sniffing it.

“A surprise,” I responded, “Go on, try it.”

She gingerly took a bite, and her eyes widened. She took a second bite, then a third… then scarfed the whole thing down like a starving wolf.

“I-It’s delicious!” she exclaimed, reaching for another, “What is it?”

“It’s a Mexican dish, chile relleno.”

She froze with the second chile relleno halfway to her mouth. “Ch-Chile?”

I nodded while grinning maliciously, “Yup. Basically, it's a poblano pepper stuffed with cheese, covered in an egg-white batter and deep-fried.” I had put together the ingredients with Vicky’s help; fried foods were a rarity in this world, so I suspected Genevi would find it delicious.

“Ch-Chili peppers…” Genevi repeated in disbelief, “But how could chili pepper be THIS tasty?”

“Well,” I said while shrugging, “If you don’t want it, I can give the rest to Zehra instead.”

Genevi puffed out her cheeks. “You’re mean, Sveta.”

I drew my face close to hers. “I just thought a cure for your past romantic woes would be to replace bad chili pepper memories with good ones.”

Genevi blushed a bit, then stuffed the second chili relleno in her face. I sat back with a look of smug satisfaction on my face.

*****

“You know, Sveta,” said Genevi, sitting back and rubbing her belly, “There’s a such thing as being TOO direct.”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” I replied, chastised.

“I mean, I understand what you were trying to say, but maybe a gentler approach would have worked? Oh, who am I kidding? The word ‘subtle’ isn’t even in your dictionary, Sveta.” Genevi smiled as she levied that accusation, and it was my turn to be flustered.

“H-Hey, that’s not true! I’m capable of being subtle! It’s just that my personality is…” Suddenly my mouth was stopped up; Genevi had darted in and stolen a kiss. “MMPH?!”

She pulled back from the kiss, grinning. “It was my turn to shut you up. Consider it payback for earlier.”

“…I suppose I had that coming,” I responded, also grinning.

And so we snuggled and watched the artificial sunlight slowly fade.

*****

It was nearly 2100 hours when Spider-Sveta and Genevi returned from their little soiree. Sabina was currently asleep in my open cockpit; I had urged her to go to bed earlier, but she insisted on remaining awake until her sister returned. The scene reminded me of a worrisome father waiting for his daughter to come home from a date. I gently patted her sleeping form and smiled, beckoning to Spider-Sveta and Genevi to come over.

“She waited up?” Genevi whispered.

“Uh-huh,” I replied.

Genevi smiled and shook her head, “She’s such a worrywart.”

I noticed Spider-Sveta and Genevi were holding hands. “I take it the date went well?” I’d get all the details later when I synced memories, but the suspense was killing me.

“Very well!” Genevi said, before placing her hand over her mouth. In her enthusiasm, she had responded a little too loudly, and Sabina had stirred a bit. “Oops.”

“Glad to hear it. Now run along, you two, before Sabina wakes up and puts you through the interrogation wringer. Sleep tight, Genevi.”

An hour after the two of them retreated to Genevi’s quarters, Sabina woke up and found out her sister had returned. She angrily chastised me for not awakening her, and very nearly barged into Genevi’s room; I held her back and calmed her down, reassuring her that Genevi would still be there to answer her questions in the morning. Sabina finally gave in and dozed off in her cockpit chair again a few minutes later. I silently watched her with a tired smile.

pynkbites

Let's say, dear reader, that you get isekai'd as a giant robot pilot in this universe. Let's also say your isekai body is of the gender and appearance you prefer. With that in mind, what kind of Sveta would YOU like to act as your robot's AI?

Sassy? Kind? Catgirl? Goth? Dom? Sub? Anything's possible with the power of holograms!

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