Chapter 10

 

The kiss had disintegrated May on contact, like an asteroid hitting a news satellite on the way down. But now she realized she was somehow actually still alive and burning up in the atmosphere instead, her brain sort of fizzling away in the blazing heat of oh my god he was still kissing her.

At some point her mind gave out and she just allowed it to happen. She could worry about why this was happening when she woke up from her kiss-coma. Right now, all she wanted was his arms around her, the smell of his hair and clothes in her lungs, just… him. 

Much as they wanted this to be perfect and forever, they were both very new at this, and more than a little bit awkward. Both of them pulled away gasping for air at the same time, looking a little bit sheepishly.

“Hwhf,” May said, trying to put her head back on the right way. Drew looked guiltier than she’d ever seen him, but she also didn’t have the mental capacity at that moment to understand why, let alone to reassure him. Instead they just stood opposite each other while waiting for the next ice age to come around. “Wh-uh,” May tried again. “Wha-uh-wh– um. What?” 

“I kissed you,” Drew said like a scientist in a disaster movie (which wasn’t too far off) who had just discovered the earth was about to explode, equal parts horror and disbelief. “I’m– I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean– I’m so sorry!”

“What? Why? Why are you sorry? That was so good! I mean I’m not don’t worry about I think you don’t have I what to sorry?” May felt the word salad fall out of her mouth like a regular salad, making a mess on the ground. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried again. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about, or to say sorry for?”

“But I didn’t even ask–”

“You literally did,” May said. “I mean, I don’t understand why you did it..”

She had never seen Drew look so exasperated before, or so shocked. His eyes bulged. “You don’t un– May!!” 

“What?” 

“I like you!” He had his hands on her shoulders. May couldn’t tell if he was trying to convince her or keep himself upright. May blinked.

“But I’m not a girl,” she said. “Doesn’t that bother you?”

Drew was getting slightly red in the face. “Why would th– Do you think I just like you because you started putting on make-up and women’s clothes?!” 

“I… I mean, I didn’t want to assume…”

Drew took a deep breath. “But you did.” May frowned. He wasn’t wrong but she just didn’t want to assume that he would like someone like her, especially if she changed her pronouns and appearance. But she also hadn’t wanted to assume that he would have liked her because of that, and she didn’t know which of those options would have been better or– “Stop it.” She blinked. “I can see the gears of your brain turning and I can tell you’re spinning in little circles in there.” He cupped her cheek, and she wondered if he could feel how hot her skin was against his hand. “I like you because I like you.”

“But–”

“No. No but. I don’t care what you look like. I liked you last week and I like you now and I’ll like you next week. Um. May.”

“Oh.” May moved her hand up to touch the back of his. “But–”

“If you say “But” again I will kiss you, May.”

“Oh.” She looked up into his big eyes and smiled a little, letting herself hope that this was real. “But.” 

Drew was a man of his word. 

When both of them came up for air again, May held up a hand. “Okay. Okay. Okay, Drew, okay. So you like me.”

“I do.”

“So why… uh… now? Like, I don’t mean this week or whatever, but like… right now.”

“Oh,” Drew said, presumably because he, just like May, had forgotten what had happened until about two kisses ago. “I was scared for you. You got into a fight, May, with Paxton. Like, not to be an asshole but he could probably fold you in half. He practically owns the track team.”

“I have you to protect me,” May said as an attempt at defusing the situation and immediately realized she’d made a mistake. His jaw tensed up and he shook his head, pulling away. She quickly stepped forward to touch his arm. “I know. I’m sorry. He’s just… he’s a dick, and he thinks he’s better than everyone, and he just kinda got to me.”

“I’m not saying he shouldn’t get his ass kicked,” Drew admitted, “just that when you do it, I get worried. Let me worry about fighting him.” Out of habit, May ignored the butterflies that came up when she realised he wanted to protect her, and then realised that maybe she didn’t have to anymore. 

“You’re right,” she said. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey.” He put his hand on her cheek again. “You already apologised. I… I just don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t care about this whole contest but I want you to be happy and to be happy without getting your shit kicked in by Paxton.”

“Okay, hey, I’m not that weak.” May smiled, and he smiled back. Her whole world was butterfly tingles for a second. “Oh my god,” she mumbled. “You kissed me.”

“I did, yeah,” Drew said breathlessly. “Was, uh, was that okay?”

“Yes!” May exclaimed, maybe a little more enthusiastically than what was perhaps explicitly necessary. “I mean, um, yes. That was very okay.” She put her hands behind her back and looked him in the eyes. If ever there was a time, it was now. “I think I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a long time now, Drew, but I was worried—“

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“I know,” he said, and kissed her forehead. “I was figuring myself out too. But you’re… well, you are who you are, and I’ve always loved who you are.”

“Do you, uh, want to be my boyfriend?” May asked, wringing her hands together.

“If you do, yeah,” he said with a shrug, then studied her face for a bit. “Maybe while the whole contest is going on, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

May latched onto that like a lifeline and nodded her head enthusiastically. “Yes please!”

“Awesome,” Drew said, then gently took her chin between his thumb and forefinger to tilt her head up, before kissing her. She could die happy now, but sadly bodily functions do not care all that much about one’s happiness. Drew pulled away to breathe. “I’m… going back inside to confirm that everything’s alright with the other two. See you there?” Her smile felt like it was impossible to fight, and May happily agreed. 

Classes for the rest of the afternoon went by like in a haze. A fluffy, pink, cozy haze. She was practically floating. Others took notice, and she did not care one single iota. Drew had kissed her! During her last class, she raised her hand and asked to be excused to go to the bathroom. A little white lie. 

Right now, she needed some fresh air. Once outside, she collapsed against the school wall and gently screamed into her hands. Had today really happened? It all felt so surreal. It felt like both it had been mere minutes and yet also hours and seconds and oh God Drew was her boyfriend now and she was a girlfriend — hold on, she was a girlfriend did that mean she would get to be pretty for him? What did it mean to be a girlfriend? — and she couldn’t wait to figure out what that meant. 

She was about to head back inside when the door swung open and almost hit her in the face. Paxton glared at her with his hands in his pockets. Panicking, May looked past him, in the hopes of seeing Drew inside somewhere, but the hallway behind the taller boy was empty. “Hm,” she said, taking a step back. She looked around to see what the best direction would be to run if he did something like lunge at her. 

Paxton pulled his hands out and raised them. “Truce,” he said, his voice gruff with annoyance. He sounded tired, more than anything. May frowned. 

“Truce?” She asked. The boy made no attempts at crossing the distance between them, only letting the door fall closed behind him. He nodded.

“Truce.”

“Okay,” May said, chewing her tongue. “I’ll bite. Why?” 

“Why are you doing this?” He said. “What’s your end goal here?”

“I just want to win a wish,” May said. “I have people to take care of. My b— best friend, my parents, they could all use what comes out of a wish, you know? Why?”

“Right now, it looks like I’m going to win, two to one,” Paxton said. “I’m going to destroy you. So why do you keep fighting?” He waved at her as he walked outside. She noticed he was maintaining the same distance, at least a dozen feet from her. That was something at least. “Do you really want a wish so bad that you’d put yourself through… this?” He made an explicit show of looking at her clothes. 

May frowned. “Paxton, what the hell are you talking about?”

“Having to pretend to be a woman,” he said. “You can stop pretending like it doesn’t bother you, being a spectacle for everyone who looks at you. You’re having to do all of the work of being a girl without actually getting to be one. Everyone sneering at you, losing friends, family…”

“Paxton, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but despite your lead, I’m still in second place. Nobody cares,” she said. “Everyone calls me May, everyone uses female pronouns, and a huge chunk of girls have been really sweet to me. Even the teachers! Also, my parents are totally on board and my friends…” she thought back to Drew and only just barely managed to avoid biting her lip when she thought of him kissing her. “Let’s just say they don’t mind.”

“But you didn’t know that. Like, the normal response to doing something like that is everyone hating you. How could you take a risk like that?” He asked. May was about to say something snippy but realized he was genuinely asking her. 

“I… Why do you think the normal response to dressing like a girl is your loved ones hating you?” She asked, and took a step forward. He looked as if she’d punched him in the gut. “Because it’s not. The proper response is people accepting who you are.”

“No,” Paxton said. “It isn’t. Because what you’re doing is… it shouldn’t work.” He frowned. May could see he was taking short, deep breaths, calming himself down. “This isn’t how that goes. You’ll see. Your parents will call your friends’ parents and tell them you can’t be around them anymore until whatever it is you’re doing ends, and that will be that.” He blinked, like he suddenly remembered where he was. “And then you’ll lose the tournament.”

“Yeah, but we’re not talking about the contest anymore, are we?” May said. “Paxton, no shame, did you try dressing up as a girl once?” His eyes grew wide, and he shook his head, but tears betrayed him. May took another step closer. “Is that why you’re so scared of losing?” He opened his mouth, but all that came out was a sort of breathy sob. He swallowed it. May closed the distance a bit more, and stopped in front of him. “Are you scared of what your parents are going to say if you don’t win this?”

He didn’t move. He didn’t say anything. He just stared at her as his eyes, now red, ran with tears. The school bell rang, and he practically jumped out of his skin, and then looked back at her. Something snapped inside of him, and he cried in earnest now, heaving sobs he was trying to cover with his hands. He covered his face, like he was trying to hide from her. 

“Ah,” May said with a groan. “Fuck.” She took a step forward and wrapped her arms around him. He froze for a moment, then melted into it, burying his face in her shoulder and soaking it through with his tears. “There there,” she mumbled. “Maybe if it’s any consolation, you can always tell them you didn’t have a choice in the matter…”

“They’d know if I didn’t do everything I could,” he said. “They’d know.” He sagged down against the wall, and May sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulder and wondering how she had gotten into this ridiculous situation. Wasn’t he supposed to be her bully? He cried into her shoulder some more while she looked at the app. The contest was going to count down in a couple of minutes, but she and Ryan were still doing well. No worries there. 

“Yo. Is that Paxton? Crying like a girl, my dude?” Both their heads shot up. One of his cronies was shouting at them with a look of incredulity on his face. More importantly, he was holding his phone. “Dude, you got the cross-dresser to comfort you? Bitch move, man.”

May frowned at him. “Uh, are y—“

“Hell yeah I’m streaming this!” The boy said. “This is hilarious!”

“Oh no.” Mumbling, May checked her phone. Whoever had decided that a high school needed a group chat was a genius, a monster or both. The boy was, indeed, live-streaming Paxton’s breakdown. The bully in question was hiding his head in his hands, though it was too late, of course. Opening the contest app again, May checked the numbers. Paxton was falling. Fast. He looked at her with defeat in his eyes. All she could do was shake her head. 

There was a beeping sound as the ten second alarm went off. She scooted over and wrapped her arms around Paxton as he exploded in a ball of flowers and glitter. While Matthew and Drew came sprinting outside, having seen the livestream and ready to tackle the boy with the phone, May just gently held the girl quietly sobbing in her arms.