Chapter 16

 

May sat and spun the little bottle like a top, the little cloud of wish swirling around. In the other room, she heard Drew laughing at something her dad had said, undoubtedly smack-him-with-a-pillow worthy. She had a lot to think about, obviously, like the medication she’d been taking. She hadn’t noticed any changes yet, but it was still early. However, the sense of happiness she got when she took it was unmistakable. That said, first and foremost on her mind was the fact that there was a wish on her kitchen table, the sound of glass spinning on the lacquered wood strangely relaxing. 

Did she give it to Drew? She knew he’d do something good with it. He would probably use it to build a dog shelter or something. Maybe he’d donate it to charity. Was it selfish that she wanted something a little closer to home? She might never get a chance at something like this ever again, after all. 

Her parents, then? She knew that, whatever they’d do, they’d do it with her best interests in mind. How much money was “too much money” for a wish? Was a college fund allowed? Or maybe they’d use it to fix the car, saving on payments without actually giving money. Or maybe they’d spend it all on things like costumes and paint and who knew what else. She shook her head. She loved them, but her parents were too… well they were her parents and she wasn’t sure she wanted to give them access to that kind of silliness. 

Heather, then? She certainly deserved a good thing after what had happened to her. May grumbled to herself. She simply didn’t trust Heather not to do something vindictive with it. Maybe her parents’ house would collapse or something, and despite everything they had clearly done to the girl, May wasn’t sure she was ready to hand someone what could be a weapon. She tapped the bottle. No, Heather was out, although maybe using the wish for Heather was worth a shot. 

For now, the former bully (it was hard being a bully when you were seen as the saddest loser in school) was staying on her couch. Honestly, May had expected her to be a lot more… grumpy? Annoying? Instead, she was up before everyone else in the morning, the blankets folded on the sofa, and reading something while having breakfast. She was consistently nice when she spoke to May’s parents, albeit a bit overly cordial, and her usual venom was lacking when she addressed May too. It was like having an awkward cousin over instead of having her bully live with her. 

At the moment, the others were in the living room, watching something or other while throwing popcorn at the screen. May, for her part, had asked if it was okay if she was May while she was at home a little bit longer, because that made it easier to be May at school, too. After all, she wasn’t going to ask her teachers and fellow students to suddenly switch names and pronouns again. Sure, it had been easy for them the first time, but who was to say it would be easy to switch back, huh? And then being May at home was like… practice. 

The doorbell rang, playing a chiptune cover of a song from a game from before she was born – thanks mom – and she heard Drew say “I got it,” over the sound of bad television with worse laugh track. May looked around the corner and saw a tall man wearing a tight muscle shirt walk in. He looked at everyone – including May – and waved awkwardly. May waved back. 

“Dylan?” May asked. Drew nodded as the man made his way inside. May walked into the living room with the others. “What’s he doing here?” she whispered to Drew as she took his hand, her fingers fitting perfectly between his. The family resemblance was definitely there. The man was easily 6’4, maybe 6’5, and built like a piece of construction equipment. He was glistening with sweat, like he’d sprinted his way here. 

“May, right?” Dylan said. She nodded. He went over to her family and fist-bumped her dad’s hand, which had been ready to shake Dylan’s. It was awkward enough to make May want to try and hide under the furniture like a cat. They went through a few more attempts at greeting, including an extremely awkward bow from her dad, finally ending in the most ridiculous bro handshake she’d ever seen. Thankfully, Dylan settled for a head nod at her mom and Heather.

“What brings you here, Dylan?” Drew said, his face completely straight. How he managed that, she had no idea. “Everything okay?”

“Uh, yeah,” Dylan said. “I mean yeah, yes. Hey May, do you still have that medication?” May nodded. She’d told her parents about it, of course, and they’d simply nodded happily and asked her if she needed financial help with anything. Family of Drew was trustworthy, after all. “Can you go get it, please?” he asked. 

May ran upstairs and came back down with the little orange pill bottle. She still had a few weeks left. “Is something wrong with them?”

“No, no,” Dylan said as she handed them to him. “Sorry it took me so long to get here, by the way. The stunt those girls pulled means there’s a lot of dumbasses running around saying some truly dense shit.” He nodded at May, raising his eyebrows meaningfully. 

“Excuse me?” May said.

“You’re excused,” Dylan said as he popped the cap off the pill bottle and tossed a few into his mouth. May’s mouth fell open. “Oh, don’t give me that look,” he said. “They’re candy. I don’t know shit about kids. Haven’t had that course yet. Physiology and stuff.

“But…” May said, and suddenly she felt a pang in her chest. For some reason, all the comfort she’d found in wearing girl’s clothes, the makeup, being with Drew, it all felt like it was falling through her fingers, and she didn’t understand why. It was, by all accounts, completely unreasonable. But something about taking those pills had felt normal and final and right and now that had turned out to be fake and maybe she was fake and this had all been fake and she was just some fucked up weird thing and—

“Hey!” Drew said, wrapping his arms around her. “Breathe, May. Breathe!” She found herself hyperventilating into his chest, but feeling him close was helping her focus on the here and now. She hadn’t lost him. He was here. That meant it wasn’t all gone. He was here. He called her May. She was still May.

“Oh, Jesus,” Dylan said. “Hey, kiddo, it’s going to be okay.” He fished into his coat and pulled out a small card. It just said, “Dylan” on it. “There’s a clinic on 8th. Give them this. They’ll take it as a referral and they’ll get you on the stuff you need asap. Relax. There’s potions for this.”

“Oh,” May said as she accepted the card. 

“Maybe ask to speak to the local gender therapist there? He’s a friend of mine.”

“But why?” May said. “I’m not trans.”

“Are you serious right now?!” Dylan said. “May, do you want to be a girl?”

“Well, yeah but—“

“Okay, contest is over, do you want to still be May, she/her pronouns, and if possible, be turned into a girl?” 

“Well, sure but—“

“No but,” Dylan said. “What do you think a girl is?”

“Well, a girl is someone who identifies as a girl, right?” May said. “I did some research into trans people.”

“Of course you did,” Dylan groaned. “Well, do you want to identify as a girl?”

“Sure.”

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“But you don’t.”

“Well no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m not trans.”

“I’m going to scream,” Dylan said. “Just so we’re clear: a trans girl is someone who identifies as a girl, but you can only identify as a girl if you’re trans. And you’re trans because you’re identifying as a girl.”

“Uh, yes,” May said, a little uncertain.

“Okay, I’m going to walk you through your own process one more fucking time, but after that you’re on your own.” He took a deep breath. “If the prerequisite for being a trans girl is how you identify, and the prerequisite for identifying is being trans, then that means…”

“…it’s impossible to be trans?” May said. “Hold on, that’s not right.”

“You’re right that’s not right,” Dylan said. “Maybe it’s not that fucking complicated. Anyway. Go talk to the clinic. Treat my cousin right, alright?” He walked over to Drew and put a hand on his shoulder. “Good luck, bro.”

“Don’t think I’ll need it,” Drew said with a smile. 

“If you say so,” Dylan said, wearily. “I have more places to be. You’d be surprised how common this nonsense is when people have their noses rubbed in stuff they’re not ready to deal with.” Heather scoffed. “Oh, shit,” he said. “Speak of the devil. Look… there’s not a lot I can do but I’m sure that the clinic can probably help with some resources. I know this is a tough time but–”

“Don’t,” Heather said, holding up her hand.

“Uh, yeah, fair,” Dylan said, rubbing the back of his head. “Sir, Ma’am. Uh… girl. Heddy?” He waved at the others. Heather visibly cringed. “Good to see you, bro,” Dylan said, giving Drew a small fist bump.

“Uh,” Drew said, “you too.”

“And May, in case you do figure yourself out, I know some folks you could maybe talk to. You know, people a lot like you,” Dylan said with a meaningful look, and then left, leaving May stunned. Drew squeezed her hand. 

“You okay?” he asked. Her family gathered around her. 

“Uh, yeah,” she said. “I just… realized I’ve been having Tic Tacs for two weeks thinking it would turn me into a girl.” She saw Heather bite almost clean through her lip in an attempt not to say something. 

“Do you… want to use the wish to turn into a girl, sweetie?” Mom asked. “Then you won’t have to worry about medication and stuff anymore.” She paused. “Well, I lie, you’ll have to worry about different medication, but we can talk about that later, right?”

May shook her head and looked at the card in her hand, and then at Heather. “Hey,” she said. Heather raised an eyebrow. 

“What?” 

“Are you cool staying here for a while?” she asked. 

Heather shrugged, then squeezed her eyes shut. “Yes,” she said. “Yes, I’m okay with it. I’m really grateful for the time and space you guys have shown me but I can’t just stay here forever. This is your living roo–”

May pulled the stop off the bottle. The vapor filled the air around her, like a tiny storm cloud. Tiny lightning strikes flashed inside of it. “I want a large basement with several rooms, fully furnished, with plumbing and electricity and stuff.” The house groaned and then, with a pop, a door appeared under the stairs. 

“Oh,” Heather, her parents and Drew all said.

“Now you can stay as long as you want to,” May said happily as she handed the empty bottle to Heather. “You know, until you figure something else out for yourself.”

“But what about y–” 

May turned around and faced her parents. There was something in her chest that felt like it was about to explode, and she let it. “Mom. Dad. Drew,” she said. “Is it okay if we go to that clinic tomorrow?” They nodded. “I think I want to be a girl.”

“Fucking finally,” Heather said.