God Is Dead

Chapter 45: Chapter 43


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*SLAM*

The moment Sidheag leapt through into the room, the door slammed behind her. The torch in her hand flickered and buzzed, and for a moment she felt like the classroom walls were morphing in the blinking light before it finally clicked off, and she was left in total darkness.

She didn’t know where her other classmates had ended up, as none of them had chosen the same room as she had, but she followed her dutiful spirit to the end and chased him through the door he selected.

“..?”

As she thought of him, she froze.

Manifested spirits were inextricably linked to their masters, and when she focused, she would be able to share his senses. This time however, her vision became hazy when she sought him, and though they entered the same room, she couldn’t feel his presence clearly.

“...Faolán, come to my aid.”

She spoke out into the silence. If he had somehow been dismissed by some trick from the demon, she would be able to call him back, as after all he was just an extension of her being.

At least, she should have been able to.

“Faolán!”

Her pulse rose and she shouted into the emptiness. Even though they’d been inside for some time, her eyes still struggled to adjust to the darkness in the room, and a sickening feeling of being alone began to swell from her stomach.

“Faolán, come! Faolán!”

Anxiety flooded her mind as she screamed her spirit’s name. Though she couldn’t see them in the pitch-black gloom, she could feel her hands trembling with uncertainty, and she fell to her knees.

“...What is she doing?”

A whisper came from beside her. It was faint, but as she heard the voice, she felt as though it had been there all along.

“Is she sick?”
“I’m scared.”
“Don’t go near her.”

The voices surrounded her, and they echoed through her mind, sweeping away any thought she tried to muster. As she raised her head once again she saw them standing there, crowding around her with looks of fear and concern.

It was children. Young children, all staring directly at her as if she was some kind of disgusting creature that they had found and didn’t understand.

“Don’t touch her.”
“She’s a freak.”
“When will she leave?”

Every word they said cut her deeply, and she was right back where she started. Ever since she visited the school, Sidheag had been uncomfortable, but she dismissed those memories of the past as a petty childhood ordeal that was all in the past. She’d left it all behind her, and moved on.

“She’s dirty…”
“She’s muddy and gross!”
“Throw something! Throw something!”
“Leave! Go away, leave!”

This wasn’t a school she knew. She’d never even visited the city in her childhood, but the voices were all so familiar to her. She covered her face with her hands to hide the visions that she saw, but even in her mind they were still there, and they were becoming more and more frightening. She felt her palms on her skin, and they were small and childlike, she opened her mouth to cry for help, but the gasp was squeaky and high-pitched.

“...!”
“She’s trying to curse us!”
“Waa! Waa! Make her leave!”
“Make her leave!”
“Make her leave!”

*THUD*

She winced in pain as something heavy hit her side.

*THUD* *THUD*

‘...I remember this…’

Wheezing, she curled up into a ball to protect herself. The schoolkids grabbed handfuls of rocks and threw them at her as hard as they could while they cried out fearfully. All she had done was try to show them some of the interesting things she found in the woods, but every time she met someone new they recoiled and ran away.

She just wanted to make friends at school. Everything there was new to her, and it was so scary being alone - she thought that maybe, if she shared her love of curious bugs and frogs, it wouldn’t be so lonely. That it wouldn’t be so scary.

*THUD* *THUD* *THUD*

The rocks came harder. Through the pain, she wished she had never come. That she had never left her home to come to the city, that she had never tried to fit in by going to school with the other children.

She wished that she had never tried to be accepted.

“...It’s different now though, isn’t it?”

“!?”

A different voice cut through the noise. This time it wasn’t grating, but soft and soothing. It was one she hadn’t heard for so many years, but there wasn’t a day that passed where she didn’t long to hear it again.

“Darian…?”

She raised her head, unafraid of the stones. Her surroundings were blurry, but there was a figure standing before her, and he held out his hand as he had done so many times before. The boy was only in his young teens, but his emerald eyes warmed her heart as he looked at her, and she felt safe once again. His forest green hair was short and styled cleanly, exactly how he always liked it, and it brought a smile to her face.

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“~~~!”
“~~~!”
“~~~!”

She took his hand and rose to her feet.

The mob of frightened children were now only hazy shades, and their words didn’t reach her ears. As she stood looking down upon them curiously, she realised she was back to her normal self, and when she turned to see her saviour once more, in his place was her trusty companion.

Faolán’s eyes watched her gently just as the boy’s had done, and she embraced the wolf, happy to see his return. She didn’t feel alone anymore - no, she wasn’t alone anymore, and she kept the words that healed her on the tip of her tongue.

Walking through the crowd of fleeing wisps, she no longer feared them. Their once-stinging pebbles bounced off her skin like gentle snowflakes, and she strolled past without giving them another look. She didn’t feel hateful for her past, but rather, she was hopeful for the future.

The void was still cold and empty, but somehow she knew exactly which way to go. Exactly where to find the door she needed, and exactly where her classmates were. Her friends.

Reaching through the darkness, her beloved wolf by her side, Sidheag opened the door once more.

******

Valeriya stumbled into what she hoped was safety, and whipped her head around to see the opening which she had barely escaped through close behind her. Immediately her eyes sharpened, as the simple door of the primary school seemed far more ornate and elegant than she remembered, and the gaudy red wallpaper along the walls of the room was exquisite.

She gripped her rapier tight, as the beautiful decorations spread like a tsunami across her vision, and a sprawling room of lavish furnishings appeared before her eyes. She turned to the centre of the room, and stopped dead in her tracks.

“It seems you cannot even manage to arrive on time when summoned. I should have expected as much.”

The man sighed deeply as he lowered his gold inlaid tumbler, and reclined further in his chair. Though he was clearly muscular once, his time had long since passed, and the velvet robes he wore constantly were thick and puffy to cover his failing, wiry body. His silver hair had lost its lustre and begun to fade to grey, but the piercing crimson eyes that bore into her soul were as cold and heartless as ever.

She was late again. How she’d managed to be so senseless and poorly organised, she couldn’t even remember, which only irritated her more. Excuses didn’t matter at this point, and she could only bow her head silently and pray her punishment was a light one.

“Are you simply trying to waste father’s time? How ungrateful.”

Stinging words resounded from behind her back. She hadn’t heard her sister enter, but she could almost see her sadistically smug grin without even needing to turn around.

“N-No, I…”
“To think, father had to send me to fetch you. You’re no better than a dog.”
“F-Father, I can explain…”

She stumbled over her words, and her mind ran in circles. Any reason that popped into her head was far too flimsy to even mention, and her pathetic floundering was an embarrassment to herself, and the ones before her.

Wasn’t there something she wanted to say? Didn’t she have some good news to share?

She wanted something, anything to bring forward about the hard work she’d done. It encompassed her every waking thought, so there must be something.

“Valeriya.”

Her mind went blank. Under her father’s gaze, it was all meaningless anyway. It all amounted to nothing.

“...”

He simply looked at her as if she were pitiful, and she begged he would speak. Even if it was to scold her, to call her useless and a disappointment, she wanted more than just this. She felt her stomach turn and wanted to vomit, but her body wouldn’t budge - at this point, her instincts wouldn’t allow her to move unless he said so.

“Father, why don’t we just get rid of her already?”
“Hmm.”

There weren’t any words to say. She knew she was too weak, and had long ago used her last chance, so it was only a matter of time. She couldn’t hold a candle to her sister’s abilities, and despite having access to all of the same resources she was nothing but a failed attempt.

She prayed her father would send her to some distant place where she could live as a recluse, without the shame of anyone knowing her past. She prayed she wouldn’t be wed off to some politically affluent suitor to be chained by her failures, used only for her body and her name.

She even prayed that he would send her on some kind of suicide mission against the demons so that she could at least die an honourable martyr.

Valeriya fought back her tears and wished it had all turned out differently. If only she had a shred of her sister’s talent, then perhaps she would be the one who held the mantle of the country’s strongest, and her father would be proud.

Maybe she could even leave the icy tundra of their home behind, and see the world beyond the walls of their lavish castle. Since she was young, it had always been her dream to feel the ocean breeze caress her face, and feel the thrill of exploring lands unknown. Not for glory, or for pride, but so that she could experience all that life had to offer.

She blinked, and woke from her daze. The disrespect that she had shown her father by daydreaming in front of him… no longer caused her to wince.

His penetrating eyes focused in on her, and she could feel his biting rage as the candles around the room faded in the frigid chill.

“~~~!”

His mouth opened, but she couldn’t hear his words. No, perhaps she simply ignored them, or was unwilling to listen.

Her sister watched silently, ready to pounce at a moment’s notice. Valeriya knew she would likely never be stronger than her, but as she was now, that didn’t matter. If her sister tried to stop her from leaving this room, she would rather fight to the death than submit and go back to that life.

Phoenix, its students, and its unruly faculty too - she finally had somewhere she called home, and the dreams she had once lost were now a reality.

Valeriya turned her back to her flesh and blood, and pulled open the door.

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