Chapter 6: Chapter: 6 Beastkin

We made the deal and I left the Card Shack with a new spell card, two silver coins and a spellbag hanging from my belt.

I reached into the bag and felt a cold smooth stone. As soon as I touched the spell an image of what spell it was appeared in my mind. I pulled out the stone and it transformed into a card. I did this repeatedly for a minute before Ahri punched me.

As we left the shop Ahri tripped over something lying in the road and stumbled forward.

“Hey watch out for my tail,” shouted a woman dressed in a green robe. She was clutching a bottle under her arm and scratching her fluffy ear with one of her paws.

“A cat-girl,” I said.

The starter race for any good harem.

“You got a problem with that?” asked the cat-girl.

“No, just the opposite. I love cat-girls.”

“Sorry but you’re not my type,” said the girl. She looked me up and down. “Too creepy.”

“That's what I said,” said Ari. “It's something about his eyes, they just scream pervert.”

The cat-girl nodded then took a swig from her bottle.

“Isn’t it a bit early in the morning to be drinking?” I asked.

The cat-girl waved the bottle at me and then hiccupped.

“Or late in the evening,” she said. “The world is falling apart, might as well part till the end.”

“Or until your liver fails,” I said.

The cat-girl gripped my cloak and peered into my eyes and her tail flicked against my leg.

“The end is already here,” she breathed.

Great, are all the girls in Umbra bat shit crazy.

Ari, whose eyes were following the tail, reached out and caught it and stroked it all the way up making it all poofy.

The cat-girl purred, sending shivers through my body.

Ahri sniffed and wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I had a giant teddy bear called Jaxx.” She sniffed again. “He was so fluffy, like this.”

She hugged the tail tight against her body.

The cat girl’s face turned from white to pink to deep red.

“You should probably stop,” I mumbled, even though I was enjoying the show.

“I miss my Jaxx.”

“Ari, maybe let's not stroke other people in public. They might get the wrong idea.”

---

We arrived at The Flaming Wand, a tavern on the east side of Alhaven and Gladys, a busty barmaid with a gray wiry beard and nursing a hangover grunted a greeting at us.

“Table for two,” said Ahri.

Gladys’ eyes focused for a moment and then she pushed herself away from the wall and led us to one of the many empty tables.

Ahri leaned in and whispered, “Check for rats.”

“What do you have for breakfast?” I asked once we had been seated.

“Pottage,” Gladys said the word slowly as if it had taken all of her energy to speak. She leant forward and held onto the back of my chair for balance.

“Anything else?” asked Ahri.

“I have some leftover perpetual stew.” Gladys took a deep breath. “Two braces of deep fried rabbit.” She blinked a few times. “And a few streaks of bacon. It's Samhain tonight so there ain’t much for breakfast.”

“One of each,” Ahri said without hesitation.

“What's Samhain?” I asked.

“Harvest festival,” said Gladys.

“Thanks, what’s in the pottage?”

Gladys sighed heavily and said, “A bit of everything.”

---

Ahri spent the next ten minutes telling me in painful detail about every meal she had ever eaten since she was five years old. That might have been an exaggeration but it really felt like she had listed every meal that was ever created.

“And the best part,” she continued. “I am served in bed on golden trays and I have a crystal chalice that my servants keep permanently filled with redberry juice.”

I stopped listening to her when she got into detail about how she liked her fries. Apparently pillowy on the inside and crispy on the outside but not so crispy that it hurts her teeth.

“Are you even listening, Talasin?”

I nodded absently and mumbled the first thing that came to mind.

“Maple-bacon waffles.”

Ahri snorted. “You humans are so weird. What is your obsession with finding ways to turn savory foods into desserts? When I was in your world I saw a human selling blood sausage ice cream. Don't get me wrong, red ice cream looks fantastic but blood really- I mean where do you draw the line?”

Ahri swiveled her head around.

“What’s taking so long?”

Before I could say a word she stood up and crossed the room to the kitchen counter.

---

I passed the time watching people walking past the window. I saw a woman with fish scales all over her body, a man the size of a labrador who was wearing a hat that was twice as tall as he was. I also saw a young man pass by with a monkey with eight arms on his shoulder. The monkey pressed its face against the glass and puffed out its cheeks.

“Talasin?” said a voice.

“Talasin?” the voice repeated and a person stepped in front of me blocking my view of the monkey.

“Sorry,” I stammered. “I'm still getting used to the name.”

“What are you talking about?” asked a young girl with short black hair.

I took in her outfit- a linen shirt with faded black trousers over scarred and scuffed brown boots- and even had time to check out her breasts before she noticed.

“Do I know you?” I asked sheepishly.

“I sure hope you do,” she said.

I suspected that she was the old Talasin’s ex lover. There were clues. Her tone was overly familiar but also quite hostile, the balled fists at her side and the throbbing vein on her forehead told me that she wasn't pleased to see me.

“Listen,” I said. “Whatever I did, I apologize. I was probably drunk and these hands of mine do strange things when--”

“Talasin, I'm your sister, you pig.”

I stared at the girl blinking in confusion.

“What?”

Ahri returned at that moment, completely ignoring the girl and not noticing the awkward tension at the table.

She threw herself into her seat.

“That bar wench told me to sit down and shut up or she’d spit on my food. Can you believe the cheek?”

“Ahri,” I said when my words finally came back to me. “This is my sister…”

Oh shit, I don't even know her name.

“Cora,” said the girl.

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“Yes, that is your name, good job.”

Cora stared at me like I had lost my mind.

“Dearest sister of mine,” I said. “This is Ahri. She's a goddess, and she has a bed so large that you can get lost in it, oh and she gave me an STD.”

The girl’s face creased in a frown.

“I don't know what’s going on here, bro. You’re acting weirder than usual.” She leant over me. “Since when could you afford such high class prostitutes?”

“Ha, high class,” said Ahri. “Finally someone who recognizes superior breeding.”

“I don't think that’s a compliment, Ahri.”

Cora tapped a finger on the table.

“You are meant to be helping dad at the sawmill today.”

I tilted my head towards Ahri.

“Can't you see I'm busy?"

Cora’s face turned red.

“You wait till father hears about this.”

And then she turned on her heel and stormed out of the tavern muttering all the while in a low voice.

“We really need to get out of this town,” I said when she was out of earshot. “We have gods, mages and a crazy sister after us now. I think it's time we left. Isn't there another god you know that likes you? Someone we can talk to and find out what’s going on?”

“Were you hitting on your sister when I arrived?” she asked.

“Firstly - if I was hitting on someone I wouldn't know. I never learnt that skill and secondly it doesn't count as incest if one of us is dead.”

“Talasin, you are messed up on so many levels. Were you dropped on your head as a child?”

“It was probably the knife wound in my stomach that made me like this,” I said. “So which god are we visiting?”

Ahri sighed. “Ok, you don't have to bring that up the whole time. I said I was sorry. We should visit Ramogos’ temple. It is the closest but it's still a few days by foot.”

“Why are there no temples in Alhaven?” I asked. “It's a massive city with races from all over but I’ve seen no shrines or temples.”

Ahri shot a glance at the barmaid who was clearly ignoring her dirty looks.

“People can be fickle,” she said. “And the gods are tragically misunderstood.”

“You mean nobody likes you?”

“You’ve been here for less than a day and you think you understand the complex dynamic between gods and worshippers?”

“I'm just messing with you Ahri. You are amazing. I can't imagine why people wouldn't want to build statues of you and bow at your feet. Shit If I could I’d build a shrine to you with bits of chewing gum and stray animal hair.”

Ahri glared at me then shrugged.

“If we are going to Ramogos’ temple we should spend the night here first and get cleaned up. I can't be seen by another god looking like a stable hand.”

---

I finished my lukewarm bowl of pottage, Gladys was right; it did have everything in it, including a few of her beard hairs and a cigarette butt.

“Ahri, I have a really important question I need to ask.”

Ahri took a sip from her drink and nodded absently.

I lowered my voice.

“This tingle rot. How long before I lose- you know- it?"

Ahri smirked.

“That's your important question?”

“We’ll, it's important to me.”

She lifted a finger to her mouth and sucked it.

“That’s not helping,” I stammered.

She dipped her wet finger into my drink and stirred it.

“I don’t think flirting with me is helping.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, apeman. I’m blessing it. Drink up and you’ll be cured.”

I took a sip. It tasted like lukewarm pond water with a berry floating in it. I downed the rest and checked my status.

*

Name: Talasin Wright

Race: Human

Class: Sawyer

Level: 2

Health: 18

Skills:

- Hero’s Insight

Status:

- Tingle Rot

- Mindworm

Spell Cards: 1/10

- Polyblade

*

“What was in that spit?” I asked.

“Honey and spice and all things nice,” Ahri said in a sing-song way.

I pushed the mug away.

“The tingle rot is still there and your spit gave me mind worms. What the hell is that?”

“Don't blame me,” Ahri said as she wiggled her wet finger in my face. “I feel sorry for the worms, they’re probably starving in there.”

“Is that meant to be a joke?”

“It helps lighten the tension,” she said defensively.

“What do the worms do?”

“Probably turns your brain into mush.”

“Why would you say that so calmly?”

Ahri shrugged. “Panicking isn’t going to help- besides my breakfast is getting cold.”

---

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