Chapter 8: Chapter: 8 To Bind A Shooting Star

The star had fallen in a field on the north side of Alhaven. The night air was cool, the sky was a hazy red and birds were waking up and chirping noisily.

The only people on the streets were a few drunks that had passed out the night before and a group of Night Watchmen who stood around a fire waiting for their shift to end.

I passed a fletcher that had a statue of a woman drawing a bow in front of it and took a left at an intersection at the end of the road. I approached the town gates. They were closed but the stone giant from the night before was still on guard.

“Hey you Mr. Namestoolongforanyonetoremember,” said the giant.

“That's quite a mouthful,” I said.

The giant winked at me.

“That's not all that's a mouthful if you know what I mean.”

“Too much information.”

I wondered if my hero skill would work on a monster. I squinted and the familiar message appeared.

*

Name: Flint

Race: Stone Titan

Level: 4

Health: 45

Status: Lonely

*

“Flint, that's your name right?”

“You remembered. Now aren't I just the lucky Stone Titan? Where are you heading so early in the morning?”

“I'm off to capture a falling star.”

The titan winked at me again.

“You’ve already captured my heart. Isn't that enough for you?”

The conversation was getting a bit weird.

“I think I need to go--”

“Wait!” he said. “Don't leave me. I'm just nervous, you know. I don't get people hitting on me often, it's all new to me. Let's start over from the beginning.”

I was having more luck with this titan than all my years of hitting on girls. I thought I’d try to push my luck a bit further.

I pointed through the gate.

“Is it dangerous out there?”

The titan shook his head.

“Alhaven is surrounded by a ward of monster protection. There are no enemy magical beasts around here. The worst we get are smugglers, tax evaders and maybe if Im lucky we get a murder or two just to give us guards something to do.”

“How do I know what’s an enemy?” I asked. “Are their icons above their heads or red auras around them?”

“They try to kill you.”

I nodded. “Fair point. I have a spare binding card, could I bind you?”

“I can't believe you asked me that.” If a stone could blush, Flint the titan did just that. “I have never been so insulted and strangely aroused at the same time.”

The giant ran a stoney finger down my arm.

“I have a contract with the city guard. Even though I’d give my left ball joint to get away from this place, rules are rules.”

“Do you think we could do a, you scratch my back I scratch yours, kinda thing?” I asked.

“You want to touch my back?”

“How about you open the gate for me?”

“Oh, the gate. No problem, it's sunrise now so I need to open it anyway.”

Great, I'd wasted ten awkward minutes being hit on by a giant pile of rocks when I could have just asked him to open the gate from the start.

---

I left the main road and cut across a large meadow heading in the direction of the fallen star.

The sun appeared over the horizon as a red smudge. There were still no travelers on the road but I did spot a family of rhinos the size of pigs. They burst out of a bush and glared at me for a second before running off again.

A flock of birds the size of silver coins hovered around me inquisitively and then flew off into a nearby tree with large purple fruit hanging from it. I wondered if the fruit was edible. I'd skipped breakfast and my stomach growled. But if my years of watching survival reality shows had taught me anything, it was that eating strange fruit in the middle of nowhere would definitely not end well.

I didn't know if it was my hero skill or if the fallen star was calling to me but I could sense it pulsing like a heartbeat. I had no choice but to trust my strange sixth sense.

I reached a large willow tree with glowing psychedelic flowers that smelt of sickly sweet perfume. Under the willow amongst a pile of animal bones lay my fallen star shining an eerie silver light.

I heard a branch snap underfoot and I turned around in time to see a man dressed in green standing across the stream. I dropped and rolled under a bramble bush before he could see me. The man was the first person I’d seen out here but something about the way he continuously looked over his shoulder made me suspicious.

He was clearly looking for something and trying not to be seen in the process. He paced up and down and eventually he stopped beside an old tree trunk. He looked around nervously, then he activated a spell card and touched the air in front of him. The air shimmered like oil in the ocean and a massive dome stretching as far as my eye could see became temporarily visible.

The man tapped the dome again and a large crack appeared in the air above my head. A ripping sound filled the air as pressure built and then the dome shattered and rained down around me like falling glass.

I braced myself for impact but as the fragments fell they turned into sparkling lights which drifted down like falling snow. Where the lights touched the earth, green shoots sprung up and plants bloomed. The willow tree’s psychedelic flowers grew and doubled in size and a bee hive in its branches began to buzz with life.

The man climbed onto the back of a colossal grasshopper and leapt high into the air and vanished into the rising sun.

Before I could sigh in relief I realized I had a new problem. Bees swarmed out of their hive and surrounded me. I swung my arms like a crazy person and pumped my legs and ran straight for the stream. The buttholes kept stinging me all the way to the water's edge. I dived in and held my breath under the water.

The bees hovered over the water for a minute and then seeing a wild boar drinking downstream they rushed after it. I rose to the surface just in time to hear the death cries of the boar as it was stung to death.

Nature is such an asshole.

The hive was empty when I returned to the willow tree. I wanted to take the honey, those bees deserved none of it but Ahri's words about not eating wild honey came to mind. Ahri was batshit crazy but she was possibly right about the honey thing, it made a strange kind of sense.

---

A cool wind blew through the willow tree and a cloud of pollen drifted from the psychedelic flowers. My head grew heavy and the world began to melt all around me.

“What the hell is going on?”

Colors bled into each other and shapes pulsated and moved.

Is this what extreme hunger feels like?

Suddenly, the hallucination changed from a 60's acid trip to an episode of Little house on the prairie. I was standing on a hillside surrounded by rolling hills and it was night time again for some reason.

A single star appeared in the night sky and then a second star appeared followed by- you guessed it- another star. Energy shot from one star to another forming a pentagram in the sky.

That's not creepy.

The lights converged in the center of the pentagram and a beam of energy shot down from the sky and hit the ground right in front of me. I jumped back but instead of landing on the ground I was high in the sky looking down on the planet.

The earth trembled and a wave of green chaotic energy rippled through Umbra flattening villages and destroying cities.

“Ouch, shit, ouch.”

Bee stings roused me from the vision. I slapped a bee and watched it splatter against my arm in a rainbow of colors.

I looked up at the sky and realized the sun had moved. I’d been standing in the same spot for over an hour.

The tree’s pollen had to be hallucinogenic. Was I tripping balls or was the willow tree trying to show me something?

I didn't have time to think about it. I shelved that piece of information next to every other thing that made no sense in this world. I would have to take a long bath later tonight and figure out what the hell was going on. For now I had other problems, the bees were returning.

I drew out the binding card and pointed it at the crater formed by the falling star.

* Target out of reach

What is the range of these things?

I covered my face with my shirt to keep the pollen out and moved closer. A branch swung at me and racked across my face.

“Hallucinogenic flowers, killer bees, and a pissed off tree. Couldn't the star have fallen in a meadow?”

There is no way that I'm losing to a tree.

I filled my pockets with stones. I’d show this tree that I was smarter than it. I tossed a handful of the stones at the tree and as the branches swung at the stones I ran straight at the star.

I dived low under a large branch, lost my balance and fell face first into the dirt. The tips of the branches stabbed into the ground all around me. I rolled, dodging two swinging branches and stopped beside the crater. I drew out the binding card and placed it on the pulsating star.

* Binding

Branches swung at me. I needed to leave but the binding was not finished.

* Binding complete

You are reading story GOD OF CARDS [DECK BUILDING] [LITRPG] [COMEDY] at novel35.com

* Congratulations you have bound…

A branch hit me directly in the chest and flung me backwards away from the tree. I hit the ground and the beehive flung from the tree and landed next to me.

---

I was winded and bleeding from hundreds of tiny cuts and stings.

“It came from this direction,” shouted a voice.

Ned and Layla, the mayor's pain in the ass kids, arrived in the clearing. Ned strode up to me like he owned the place; he had a quarterstaff in his hands and his spellbag swinging on his hip.

“It's the old man,” he said.

I got to my feet and faced the siblings.

“You’re the kid that lost a duel to his little sister.”

“Shut up old man,” said Ned. “We are looking for something.”

“Aren’t we all?"

“We are hunting for a falling star,” said Layla. “It's a rare spell card.”

I shrugged and as I did I slid the card into my spellbag.

“I'm harvesting honey to sell in the marketplace,” I said innocently. “I don't know anything about falling stars.”

“Why are you beaten up so badly?” asked the girl.

Ned swung his staff and it hit me in the gut.

“You're hiding something, Gramps.” He walked over to the honey.

I thought about telling them not to eat it in case it made them sick. But I didn't really care, the bastards deserved to puke their guts up.

Ned dipped the end of his staff into the honey and lifted it to his mouth.

“It's good.”

The girl drew out a pocket knife and cut a chunk of the honeycomb and ate it.

“At least this wasn't a complete waste of time,” she said. “We should take the rest and give some to Father.”

Ned froze like a startled animal.

“Did you hear something?”

I looked around but saw nothing. What the hell was the little shit talking about?

Layla shrieked and swatted at the air.

“Bats,” she cried. “They’re in my hair.”

“What the fuck is happening,” Ned shouted. “The trees are melting into the earth.”

It took my lightning fast mind a solid minute to figure out what was happening. The bees had collected pollen from the hallucinogenic tree and the drug was now in the honey. The siblings were tripping.

This was bloody brilliant. It was time for payback.

“Watch out behind you,” I shouted and pointed at nothing.

Layla ducked and covered her head with her hands.

I laughed, this was going to be fun.

“What's happening to your skin?” I asked the boy. “It's turning orange.”

“What?” he shouted. “I'm turning into an orange?”

I nodded. “You have a really nasty case of orangafication. Watch out it doesn't attract fruit bats, they’ll eat you alive.”

Layla ran over with her knife clutched in her hand.

“Don't worry brother. I have my knife, I'll peel you out of it.”

“Wait,” shouted Ned. “There’s a flying baboon with bat wings and a snake's tail. It's coming right at us.”

The girl swatted at something imaginary then ran over to her brother and pulled out her knife.

“Baboon,” she echoed as she tried to peel her brother's skin with her pocket knife.

I wondered how long I should let this go on before stopping them.

Maybe let them draw a bit of blood.

Something smashed into me and a baboon with its mouth wide open displaying massive fangs bent over me. Its tail was a snake and it rose up over its shoulder and hissed.

I kicked the creature off me and ran.

“Run you dumb shits.”

The chimera leapt after us and flapped its batlike wings to give its leap more distance. It caught up to us, pinned Ned to the ground and struck at him with its snakehead.

I dived into the creature and we both rolled in the dirt. The creature clawed and snapping at me. My strikes were probably tickling it so I rolled away, reached into my spellbag and a menu appeared in my mind.

* Use- Polyblade

* Use- Heart of Stone

I thought of the card I wanted and immediately I felt the spell grow warm in the palm of my hand.

“Polyblade,” I shouted the name like an anime protagonist and the card materialized in my hand. I released the card and it rose up into the air. A blinding white light shone and a message flooded my vision.

* Reticulating probability--

* Swapping time and space--

* Filtering luck--

* Weapon selected--

* Have a good day

Something large and squarish fell from the sky. It crashed violently and blood and bits of fur splattered on my face.

Since coming to this world I’ve been covered in piss, shit, mud, and now blood. I hate this place. What I’d give for a wet wipe or a bottle of hand sanitizer.

A new message appeared.

* Goblin Catapult

This catapult was made to launch goblins strapped with explosives over castle walls. In their three thousand years of living goblins have yet to learn that explosives can be strapped to rocks.

The chimera was pinned under the most primitive looking catapult a semi intelligent human could build. It let out a final gut wrenching shriek that echoed all around us and then it died.

* +120 Exp

There's exp in this world?

I didn't have a chance to give that discovery any more thought, the chimera’s shriek was picked up by hordes of monsters and soon the air filled with the sounds of grunting baboons.

---

My legs propped me forwards through the underbrush. I leapt over a fallen branch, dodged a startled deer and almost tripped over a rock.

The troop of chimera were still after me gaining ground with each flap of their powerful batlike wings.

A status message popped up.

* Congratulations

I swiped the message away then twisted around to dodge a chimera baboon that landed in front of me.

* You have leveled up

“Hell yeah, but terrible timing.”

* Level +1

My muscles tensed as power entered me and I shot forward with a sudden burst of speed. I misjudged my next step, kicked a rock and tumbled through a hedge of gooseberries.

The baboons' snake tail lashed out and snapped at my face and I drew out the Polyblade spell card.

* Spell Card Can Only Be Cast Once Per Combat

“Why is there no instruction manual for these damn cards?”

I drew Heart of Stone, the only other spell card I had and a sparkling rock appeared in my hand replacing the card.