Chapter 4: 4

Chapter 4 – Visiting a Patient

 

Fu Shen did not sleep well. The medicine he took had countless side effects including heart palpitations, nightmares, and shortness of breath. Halfway between sleep and waking, he felt as if a large boulder was pressing down on his chest. He could not move, his head spun, and his ears buzzed——it was exactly the symptoms of “sleep paralysis”1 described by the commonfolk.

Although Fu Shen had not yet fully awakened, his consciousness was clear. He quietly slowed down his breathing and tried to blink his eyes. When he finally regained control of his eyelids, he reached out to grab the bed in order to try and sit up——

But he forgot that his legs were still disabled and he had no sensation below his knees. His arms and abdomen both used force at the same time. Because of this excessive force as well as his unstable center of gravity, he toppled over and fell straight off the bed.

The bed was not particularly high, but there was a footstool right underneath. When Fu Shen fell down, his abdomen was first poked harshly by the footstool. Then he landed on his back onto the ice-cold floor tiles, knocking the back of his head to the point where his vision darkened and his ears could not stop buzzing.

But before he could feel the dull pain start up, the door of the bedroom was kicked open and someone rushed into the room to pick him up in their arms. The coolness of the autumn night still floated up from that person’s sleeves, but their palm was so warm it almost felt scalding.

Fu Shen was hugged up, his head leaning against that person’s chest and his face pressed against the dark blue brocade official’s robes. The fabric felt soft and smooth to the touch, and a wave of warm and tranquil eaglewood2 fragrance seeped from the collar and sleeves. This seemed to be a person he was very familiar with, but that suddenly came off as strange because of the close distance between them.

His burning-hot breath saturated the thin clothing, so scalding that the person’s body suddenly tightened up in shock. He was immediately set back onto the bed, and a slightly rigid hand was placed on his forehead: “How is your breath this hot, do you have a fever?”

As both his blurry line of sight and the pain in his body gradually cleared up, Fu Shen recognized the person holding him. His first action was to push that hand away: “What did you come here for?”

Following behind, the old servant and the young Flying Dragon Guard heard this cold and harsh interrogation as they entered the door. They immediately halted in place, thinking the rumors weren’t false after all: neither of these two men were nice friendly people, and when the fighting inevitably began it would be of utmost importance to first hold down Yan Xiaohan.

Yan Xiaohan shut his eyes and took a deep breath, not wanting to stoop to Fu Shen’s level. He stiffly said: “Your fever is making you confused, get up and drink some water. I will have someone take your pulse and give you a prescription.”

Fu Shen closed his eyes and gave a lukewarm reply: “Don’t bother. Let’s talk business: Sir Yan honors my humble abode with your presence in the deep of night, what teachings have you come to enlighten me with?”

Yan Xiaohan ignored him. Without asking first, he walked to the table and picked up the teapot. Upon pouring out a half-cup of already cold tea, his expression immediately darkened. He coldly glanced at the old servant: “This is how you serve your master?”

Fu Shen felt his head ache: “Are you still not done yet…”

Yan Xiaohan said: “The Marquis’s noble body is incomparably precious3, how could such a slight be tolerated? If you continue to be so careless, don’t blame this official for reporting this status of affairs to His Majesty and exacting punishment.”

Fu Shen’s fingers, hanging by his side, twitched almost unnoticeably.

The old servant was by no means capable of enduring this kind of fright, and hurriedly knelt down to plead for mercy. Fu Shen was so annoyed that he couldn’t stand it anymore, and finally gave in: “That’s enough, thank you Sir Yan for managing my household servants in this Marquis’s place.”

His words carried a hint of sarcastically rebuking Yan Xiaohan for meddling in other people’s business. Yan Xiaohan adeptly went with the flow4, icily spitting out a “Bring some hot water” before reluctantly showing generosity and letting the servant go.

There were now only three people left in the room. Yan Xiaohan stood by the bed and looked down to watch him. The bedside lamp was not bright enough, so most of Fu Shen’s face was trapped in the shadows, making the outline of his features appear especially sharp with hidden depths. He had truly been worn down to just skin and bones, yet was also truly beautiful beyond compare—so beautiful it almost hurt one’s eyes.

Yan Xiaohan smiled a smile full of very false sincerity: “The Marquis is simply in the heart of the emperor. Hearing of your return to the capital, His Majesty specially ordered me to bring someone to take the Marquis’s pulse.”

Fu Shen’s eyes were half-closed as he spoke with wearied weakness: “Thank Your Majesty for his care in my place. You may go back and reply to the decree: this Marquis is fine. I have already been diagnosed and treated by the Northern Yan Army military doctors, so there is no need to bother any imperial physicians.”

It was rumored in the capital that the Marquis of Jing Ning was headstrong and fiercely independent, immune to both cajolery and coercion5. These did indeed appear to be true.

The accompanying Flying Dragon Guard military doctor Shen Yi’ce took a step forward. Out of a physician’s benevolence, he intended to entreat the stubborn general on his superior’s behalf. But Yan Xiaohan immediately raised his hand to gesture for him to stop, indicating that he first wait. The expression inadvertently revealed on Yan Xiaohan’s face was exactly like that of one dealing with a troublesome fierce beast.

“His Majesty is concerned about the Marquis’s injury, so this lowly official6 came here today to give His Majesty peace of mind.” Yan Xiaohan looked at Fu Shen’s side profile, slowly and clearly enunciating every word: “To be able to earn the Marquis’s trust, that military doctor in the Northern Yan Army must possess exquisite medical skill. This lowly official is not worried about misdiagnosis. It is just that the Marquis’s injury is so incredibly important, and it is always a good idea to find a few more doctors to check as a second opinion. What do you think?”

Fu Shen lifted his eyelids and met his gaze.

Meeting this gaze as chilly as cold iron, Yan Xiaohan’s heart shivered. A strange illusion suddenly rose to his mind, as if Fu Shen was looking through him to stare frigidly at another person.

After a while, this incredibly stubborn Marquis of Jing Ning lowered his eyes. He combed up a handful of scattered long hair and listlessly stretched out a hand, gesturing for Yan Xiaohan to help him up: “Since you’ve already come… then if I may trouble you, please go ahead.”

Shen Yi’ce froze, but Yan Xiaohan did not seem to have realized anything wrong about this arrangement. Fu Shen probably counted as the first person to ever order the Flying Dragon Guard Royal Inspector Envoy around like his own personal maid.

Yan Xiaohan helped him up, while he himself sat sideways on the bed. Afraid that the head of the bed would bump into his injuries, Yan Xiaohan extended an arm to pad Fu Shen’s back, almost taking him into his arms to prevent him from sliding down. Because of this exact movement, Fu Shen’s hair was scattered, so Yan Xiaohan offhandedly hugged him over and carefully tucked the fallen locks of hair behind Fu Shen’s ear. In this way, most of Fu Shen’s body fell into his arms. The Marquis of Jing Ning probably thought that this ‘cushion’ was softer than the bed, so he did not make a fuss over how detestable Yan Xiaohan was as a person—after shifting around a little, he chose a comfortable position to lay down.

This position appeared too intimate for two “sworn nemeses”, but fortunately Shen Yi’ce was entirely concentrated on Fu Shen’s condition. He did not notice when the Royal Inspector Envoy feared by all officials considerately pulled up the blanket and wrapped it around the Marquis of Jing Ning, nor did he see how the Marquis of Jing Ning relaxed his tense back under the quilt and let his entire weight press onto Yan Xiaohan’s body.

Fu Shen did indeed have a high fever, and after that recent fall his entire body ached all over. He was not actually such a delicate person, but Yan Xiaohan had probably seen too many high-ranking officials akin to “weak willows trembling in the wind”7 and thus subconsciously treated him like a fragile vase.

“The Marquis’s body is injured and his constitution is not as good as before, so he must be careful to avoid the cold. Do not use any chilly items or eat stimulating food. The bedroom should ward off the cold and be free of moisture. Now that the weather has gradually grown colder, charcoal braziers and their frames should be ignited early.” After Shen Yi’ce finished feeling his pulse, he released Fu Shen’s wrist and continued: “Marquis please forgive us, this lowly official6 needs to look at the wounds on your legs.”

Yan Xiaohan silently opened the quilt and helped him roll up the cuff of his trousers. During these actions, his fingertips inevitably made contact with skin. Fu Shen felt something abnormal in his motions and gave him a strange look.

He remembered that Yan Xiaohan clearly did not feel dizzy or sick at the sight of blood, so why was he trembling?

Although Fu Shen did not feel any pain at the moment, Shen Yi’ce still tried to avoid using too much strength: “The surface wounds have healed very well. The fever must be because of the cold wind outside. The Marquis’s most severe injuries are in the knees and veins. These will require three to five years of slow rehabilitation and have hope of recovering a little, but… I am afraid that standing up and walking will be difficult in the future.”

Yan Xiaohan folded Fu Shen’s trouser legs bag down for him, and rolled him up in the quilt again. Shen Yi’ce took back the wrist-cushion he had used to take the pulse: “I shall write a prescription for the Marquis, first focusing on curing the cold. As for the injuries on the legs and feet, continue to follow the Northern Yan doctor’s treatment plan for the time being. This humble one will go back and consult with the imperial physicians to continue pondering. Drawing on their collective wisdom, we may be able to come up with a better way.”

Just as Fu Shen nodded, he suddenly sucked in a cold breath and hissed: “….Gentler!”

Shen Yi’ce: “Huh?”

“…Nothing,” Fu Shen gritted his teeth and flexed the shoulders that Yan Xiaohan had gripped to the point of soreness. He nodded and thanked him. “Thank you Doctor Shen8 for taking all that trouble.”

“I dare not accept your praise,” Shen Yi’ce humbly turned sideways. “This lowly official’s medical skills are unrefined, and I am truly ashamed at being unable to help relieve the Marquis’s worries and difficulties.”

“Doctor Shen is by no means unskilled,” Fu Shen was instead the most serene and broad-minded one here. “Having been injured to this extent, I am well aware of my own situation. I can only do whatever I can and heed what Heaven has willed for me.”

“Marquis please rest assured, Heaven never seals off all one’s exits—there will inevitably be a way to cure your injuries.” Yan Xiaohan spoke suddenly, and then turned to Shen Yi’ce, “Take the prescription to the servants of the Marquis’s residence and get them to decoct the medicinal herbs. If any medicine is missing, have someone go out to buy it. If none can be found, take some from my own residence.”

Shen Yi’ce sensed that the two of them seemed to have something to say to each other, so he bowed to Fu Shen and followed orders to leave.

Yan Xiaohan supported Fu Shen to lie back down, his expression unfathomable. He was born with a naturally sincere, kind, and gentle appearance. Looking at his face alone, it would be impossible to tell he was the one who had just pinched the firm and unyielding General Fu until the latter had to suck in a breath of cold air.

At last, only the two of them were left in the room. Yan Xiaohan pulled out a stool and sat far away from him: “Your legs—”

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“Didn’t I already say it just now, it’s just like this,” Fu Shen reached out a hand and interrupted him, “Pour me a glass of water.”

Yan Xiaohan frowned: “It’s cold.”

“I still want it if it’s cold, you want me to die of thirst instead?” Fu Shen said, “In the same vein, I still have to live even with broken legs.What, would I hang myself for just this?”

Yan Xiaohan was left speechless. He could only empty the half-full cup of residual tea and pour a new one to hand to him: “Doubt remains in His Majesty’s heart, and he specially had me bring people over to check.”

Fu Shen: “Then that old man9 can now be relieved.”

Yan Xiaohan unceremoniously responded: “The way I see it, not necessarily. Aren’t you still breathing?”

Fu Shen looked at him with a clear expression of “you’re making trouble out of nothing again.”

“I always feel like this all isn’t actually real.” Yan Xiaohan asked, “You truly didn’t leave yourself an out, or deliberately release falsified news?”

Fu Shen asked back: “Why do you think this?”

Yan Xiaohan straightforwardly replied: “Because you were born with a clever and intelligent appearance. Just looking at your face, you should not be the type to do this kind of idiotic thing.”

“It’s true,” Fu Shen shook his head and slowly finished drinking the water. “A weapon in the light is easy to dodge, but an arrow from the dark is difficult to guard against. Thinking that I would never be tricked or fall into a trap… aren’t you thinking of me too much like a god?”

Yan Xiaohan did not expect Fu Shen’s evaluation of himself to be this low, and froze for a moment.

Entering the military at a young age, achieving awe-inspiring exploits on the battlefield… Fu Shen seemed to exist to break the concept of “impossible.” The Marquis of Jing Ning and the Northern Yan Iron Cavalry were invincible myths in many people’s hearts. This image was too deeply rooted in people’s minds, to the point where these illusions had even affected Yan Xiaohan.

But Fu Shen was just an ordinary person, without three heads and six arms, without copper skin and iron bones. His body of flesh and blood still could not resist a huge boulder falling from the sky.

“Do you know, on the way back to the capital, I stopped in a tea shop and chatted with people there. I heard them say there is a folk ballad being passed around in the capital, called ‘As long as Commander Fu is in Northern Xinjiang, the capital can still sleep peacefully’.” Fu Shen continued, “It really is ridiculous when put like that. I stayed in Northern Yan for seven, eight years. All this time I thought I was just making a distinguished career for myself, protecting the country and reassuring the people. I was so arrogant and wild that I even forgot my own surname. Now in the end I’ve finally realized that I wasn’t just preventing the Tatars and Zhe people from sleeping—I have even disturbed ‘that one’s’ peaceful sleep as well…..”

Yan Xiaohan said: “Since you have figured it out, why not just simply hand over your military power and go home peacefully for a quiet retirement on a farm? Isn’t being a wealthy and honorable idler better than campaigning on the battlefield or getting caught up in political intrigue in the capital?”

“Come on now,” Fu Shen laughed mockingly. “Is this the first time we’ve met? Brother Yan, I thought no matter what, we’d count as ‘acquaintances who can still engage in deep conversation’, yet you’re still giving me this talk?”

He lowered his voice: “The Eastern Tatars have not given up on their schemes and the Yi people still eye us covetously. How many people in the imperial court have been blinded by these ten years of peace and prosperity? If I leave now, who will take over the Northern Yan Iron Cavalry in the future? Who will be willing to bargain with the imperial court on behalf of the border armies? When the time comes that the attacking army reaches the city gates, would the unluckiest ones not be the ordinary soldiers and innocent common people?”

“What does that have to do with you?”

Fu Shen abruptly raised his gaze, as if he could not have imagined Yan Xiaohan would so quickly turn against him.

Yan Xiaohan coldly said: “His Majesty fears you, the courtiers doubt and suspect you, those foolish commonfolk only know how to blindly yell into the wind. Now that you have fallen to this state today, is there anyone who actually cares about you? You barely even have a place to shelter yourself, yet you still have the spare heart to worry for all those under the heavens. Don’t you find this ironic, General Fu?”

These words were cold and heartless, against all societal grace. But against Yan Xiaohan’s expectations, Fu Shen actually did not retaliate sarcastically.

Yan Xiaohan watched his side-profile with eyes lowered in deep thought, and suddenly realized that Fu Shen’s youthful arrogance and eye-catching sharpness of the past… were currently dimming and fading away.

By illness and pain, by the wind and snow and dust, or by other things… being completely worn down and whittled away.

They were separated by a physical distance, but their attitudes were much more frank and open than back in the beginning, to the point where this could almost be called “opening their hearts to each other.” The two did indeed disagree, but this disagreement was far from the publicly rumored mutual dislike. They had become acquainted with each other back in their youth, and the relationship of so-called “sworn nemeses” was just a misunderstanding they had conveniently taken advantage of. After all, one was an important minister holding military authority, while the other was the beloved and trusted confidant of the Emperor—if their relationship was too good, it would instead attract others’ suspicion.

They played along as strangers to hide the underlying intimate talks and tacit mutual understanding. But though this arrangement admittedly allowed them to avoid quite a bit of trouble, it also amplified certain differences into a widening gap between the two.

The Fu clan had earned noble merit generation after generation. Those of Fu Shen’s father’s generation had all died on the battlefield; loyalty and responsibility were almost carved into his bones and flesh. On the other hand, Yan Xiaohan was of humble and lowly origin. He had stepped on countless people to have risen to his current position today. The only thing he obeyed was the imperial will—no principles, no bottom line. He was entirely incapable of understanding these “upright gentlemen of honor” who steadily lost money without earning anything in return, even including their ultimate fate.

In the end, the two of them did not walk the same path. Perhaps both of them had long since expected this. They just had not imagined that the conflict would catch them unprepared, and actually require them to pay such a high price.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Footnotes:

1. 鬼压床 literally translates to something like “ghost pressing down on you in bed”, but today we call this condition Sleep Paralysis. Basically, you are conscious but unable to move. It is often accompanied by hallucinations of a supernatural creature as well as pressure being applied onto one’s chest, with associated fear and panic.

2. Apparently 沉水香 = “lignum aquilariae resinatum”? Don’t ask me what this smells like lol.

3.千金贵体 literally translates to something like “noble body worth a thousand gold”

4. 顺坡下驴 literally translates to something like “dismounting from the donkey when traveling down a slope”

5. 软硬不吃 literally means something like “will eat neither soft nor hard.” Basically, you won’t get any results no matter if you sweet-talk him or threaten him.

6.下官 lit. “lower official” is a humble/self-deprecating term used by government officials to refer to themselves, regardless of their actual rank.

7. 弱柳扶风 is imagery for being especially weak/feeble.

8. Fu Shen technically calls Shen Yi’ce “先生”, which normally translates to “Mr.” However, this term is also uniquely used to address teachers and doctors. I just kept it as Doctor since that feels the most natural in English.

9. 老人家 is a polite term for an old woman or man. I was kind of unsure how to translate this since “old man” seems a bit informal, but oh well.

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