Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Self Destruction

"Kill me..." I managed to gargle from a pool of my own blood and guts.

A horrific car crash between a semi truck and myself had left my body broken beyond belief. I was unsure how I was still alive, but it hurt so badly I wanted to die.

"Fuck you Truck-kun," I said with my dying breath.

Looking back on it, that was a really cringe thing to say. I wish I could turn back time and say something more profound or intelligent in my final moments.

Then god spoke to me.

An old man dress in white robes appeared before me and said, "Sorry about the whole smashing you with a semi truck thing, my daughter is still new to this."

He showed me his young daughter, also dressed in all white robes. She was the perfect image of Aphrodite, sparkling blue eyes, flowing blonde hair, and supple features that could drive a man mad. Luckily I was dead, so my interest in women had been reduced to zero.

"I"m sorry you died because of my mistake," she said, taking a deep bow, "I can't send you back to your own world, but I can reincarnate you to a new fantasy wor-"

"Do it!" I said, interrupting her. I had always wanted to be isekaied, and now was my chance.

"You'll get a cheat skill to help you survive, but please do be careful," she blushed and fidgeted with her hair.

"Just Isekai me already! I need to take my mind off of being killed, as soon as possible."

"Now let's spin the gatcha wheel to determine your cheat skills," She said, pulling out a magical slot machine.

I pulled the lever down with a whoosh and the three skill slots turned into a blur of speed. One after another each wheel stopped. The first one was... Self destruct.

The goddess explained the skill to me, "Self destruct is super powerful, you'll pass out, but deal increasable damage to everyone around you. It's really good in team fights."

The second wheel stopped... Self destruct again!

"This means your self destruction is even stronger."

Then finally the last cheat skill.. Self destruct for a third time!

"Hey! What the hell is going on?" I asked the gods.

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"Sorry, but the gatcha is final. Good luck with your reincarnation!"

"Hey wai-", I tried to protest but it was too late. I had been reincarnated.

"Wwwwaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!" I cried.

'What the duce, I've become a little baby boy,' I thought to myself as I opened my eyes and cried.

"Our baby boy is so handsome," A young woman, presumingly my mother said, cradling me in her arms.

"He's got your eyes," My father said as he started down at me, lovingly.

'All of this is just too much! I can't believe I'm a baby! It's enough to make anyone explode!' I thought, my mind racing.

Then I heard a sound which would become familiar to me. A hiss like a lit fuse went off, and my body lit up brighter than all the stars in the sky.

EXPLOSION!!!!

I self destructed, blowing my parents into tiny chunks of human meat. The midwife was instantly incinerated, along with our dog, cat, and all of our earth possessions. I had just come into this world, and I had already murdered my entire family. All that was left after the incident was a crying baby, covered in black soot, in the crater where my family had once lived.

I was quickly found by a neighbor and sent to live in the city orphanage. Here I could live a peaceful life, surrounded by nuns, monks, and other religious people. But the most important thing for me, was the books. If I couldn't rely on my cheat skill, I needed to immediately start learning and practicing magic. It was just an assumption, but I would expect my mana to grow if I started training magic early and often.

"Read! Read! Read! Read! Read! Read! Read! Read! Read! Read! Read!" I babbled as best I could at one of the nuns, trying to get her to teach me to read. The nuns were always responded well to my baby jabber. With a child's mind learning new things was surprisingly easy. 

In a few weeks I was stealing ever book on magic I could get my hands on. The orphanage was part of a monastery, so there were always plenty of books and scrolls to read. Monks there even worked as scribes, copying old books l, translating, and writing completely new ones.

Unfortunately, no matter how hard I tried to learn new techniques, or how great my mana capacity became, I could use only one spell, Self Destruct. 

At the age of five, I finally took off from the orphanage. I was done being a burden to them, and besides, I had to find my own way. I would keep searching and practicing and experimenting, trying desperately to find a away to use magic without Self Destruction.

And that's how I became the world's youngest bounty hunter, the strongest suicide mage, and the protagonist of the greatest Isekai story ever told.

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