A light, playful smile and gentle eyes appear before me.
Kendrick’s smiling face appeared as usual. His appearance was so unexpected that my mouth slightly opened without realising.
“I…..”
A shaky and trembling voice flowed out before I could notice it.
“Don’t you hate me?”
At the question, Kendrick’s eyes lowered sympathetically.
“Why would I hate our Rwen?”
The viscount, who was stunned by his sudden action, made a troubled expression before turning towards me. His sharp eyes appeared to be scolding me for muttering nonsense.
“I, my lord. My apologies, but Arwen is my child. I mean, if you’re going to bring her away–”
“Viscount.”
Marius cut off Viscount’s careful speech. There was no difference from her usual indifferent tone, but her voice seemed frigid.
“If you want to pretend that you care about your daughter, be a little more sincere.”
At those words, guilt flashed through the Broschte couple’s faces. Then, they hastily denied and made excuses, but Marius didn’t care and shrugged them off coldly.
“Since a while ago, the child’s face had turned pale. Is there anything you want to say other than to flatter us?”
Frightened, I instinctively hugged his neck. Kendrick patted my back and stood up.
My field of vision increased and the Viscount family appeared very small.
“It is true that Arwen is a child of the Viscount, but as long as she is in the Duchy, she is still a guest of Kendrick and I. I believe you will not deny the hosts’ right to serve their guests?”
Marius’ cold speech was not heard clearly, but Kendrick whispered back ‘Okay.’.
In a few steps, he managed to leave the parlour and the door slammed shut right behind me.
Before the door was closed, Marius stared at me. Her magenta eyes were very warm.
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Kendrick carried me and walked away steadily. I frowned in his comfortable, warm arms.
He didn’t say he hated me. Even gazed at the Viscount family with such contempt.
I knew I was being sympathised but I didn’t hate it.
And at the same time, I recalled something.
“Um, sir.”
“Yes?”
The moment I called, an answer was instantly returned. There was not a single sign of annoyance. I hesitated for a while, but eventually opened my mouth.
“My…if my parents request a reward for finding Shuel on my behalf, then you don’t have to do it. It wasn’t something I did in hopes for a reward.”
The words that had been lingering inside me finally came out.
Overthinking, I uttered something I didn’t intend. My head began to hurt and I felt dizzy.
“They might request an engagement with Shuel, but I really didn’t want that. So….”
Don’t hate me.
I couldn’t bear to say that last sentence.
Kendrick looked down at me when my words began to fade.
I lowered my head, avoiding making any eye contact with him. Then, I heard a voice above my head replied gently.
“Alright.”
* * *
Kendrick brought me to my room. On the bed, Rieta and Shuel were sleeping side by side.
I watched the peaceful scene, took a deep breath, and left the room quietly.
Walking through the cold air after the rainfall, my dazed mind gradually became clear.
Only then did I slowly realise what I had done.
I had practically confessed that I was more scared of being hated by the people of the Duchy than returning back to the Broschte estate.
It was funny that I had only met them for a little over two weeks but I am feeling this way.
How could I do such a reckless thing just because I didn’t want to be hated by these people?
It’s not a big deal. It’s just, nothing special….
After some reflection with myself, I stood tall. Then I walked around aimlessly and ended up in the corridor.
The place where I stood and smiled just a few hours ago, thinking I was going to survive.
It made sense to say that what destroys a person was not great despair, but a small hope.
It felt as though the whole world was pushing me to my death.
While I was slowly getting used to the pain, happiness appeared for a brief moment. The pain that returned became much more devastating.
It wasn’t an extreme pain. It was just…a very lonely feeling.
In this world, a child’s custody was entirely the parent’s right and duty.
Kendrick brought me out of the parlour, but that was all it was in the end.
Would Kendrick or Marius go through all that fuss to try and save me?
The world’s mercy was not so generous.
They could consider saving Rieta, who faced no issues regarding the adoption process.
It was good to get an affirmation from Kendrick, but in the end…it was clear that nothing would change as I had wished for.
I will eventually have to return to the same life I once lived before again…
Should I be glad that I found someone that would cry for me when I die? Or should I be sad that there was no one who would die for me?
I stared at the ground. The garden was dark once the dusk fell. The corridor built out of stone felt long and wide.
At that moment, I could hear the echoes of tiny footsteps.
The sound broke the suffocating stillness of the dark night.
The owner of those tiny footsteps soon reached me.
“Rwen.”
I turned my head in shock, like a child who was caught doing something bad.
Dark green hair shone underneath the blue moonlight.
“…..Rieta?”
In her pyjamas, Rieta stared at me with a strange expression.
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
Rieta approached me quietly without answering my question. The child stood in front of me and simply stared.
When I couldn’t stand the silence any longer, I was about to speak first but Rieta held out a small pouch to me.
I accepted the pouch, unconsciously. The stained pouch was quite heavy and a clinking sound could be heard.
“Take this and run away.”
My mind became blank from the nonchalant remark.
“…..What?”
Even as I struggled to believe it and was about to question it further, Rieta remained calm. She held eyes too deep to be of a five year old.
“No, what are you talking about? What is this in the first place? Where–…”
While I was trying to warn Rieta not to touch other people’s belongings, I froze when I opened the pouch.
It was a familiar sight of small coins in a worn out pouch.
A thought immediately came into mind.
“You, this……”
In the beginning of the original story, Rieta’s stained pouch was an essential description to her character.
This was Rieta’s hard-earned money for her escape.
Rieta, who died horribly in her first life, suffered from severe distrust after her regression.
Even after being adopted by the Marquis of Schrider, she couldn’t shake off the wariness that they could kill her at any moment. So she saved as much money as a child could.
In the original story, Rieta did not give up her escape funds until she had reached ten years old.
Now she had changed places from the Marquis to the Duke, but the child couldn’t have released her vigilance in less than a year.
The money Rieta gave me was equivalent to her ensuring that she survives.
There were stains present on the pouch. The coins inside glistened with how much she polished them, indicating that this pouch was very precious to Rieta.
I remembered Shuel, who stood in front of Jeffrey when I screamed for help. This pouch that Rieta held the same emotions as that situation did back then.
She was very kind. Her innocent and clear heart overwhelmed me.
How much courage did this child need to have before making the decision to give this to me?
“It wasn’t stolen, really.”
When I was speechless, Rieta clarified to me in a hurry.
Even if I hadn’t read the original story, it wasn’t hard to believe her words. The duke was generous to his servants and no one was poor enough to cherish these coins.
‘I know.’
Perhaps due to the drowsiness, I muttered unclearly and Rieta squirmed. Her reaction seemed to indicate that she was ashamed of her shabby pouch.
But I knew exactly how precious it was for her to give this to me without hesitation.
The child’s grey eyes were clear.
Even after giving up on her important item, there were no signs of regret. She even appeared apologetic for not being able to provide more.
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There was nothing I could say to that face. After hesitating for a long time, I finally was able to utter a word.
“Thanks.”
My voice trembled at the end. The weight of a life felt heavy in my hands.
Rieta, who had been hesitating, approached me and gently hugged me.
“Sister Rwen, don’t die.”
Pat pat. A hand, small as a fern, patted my back to console me.
She caught me as I was about to fall at the edge of the cliff.
Perhaps the time I took to contemplate had been too long, and the dawn began to rise. It was incredible how the darkness immediately became bright.
As if proving that it is always darkest before dawn1, the sun rose in the blink of an eye.
The night soon passed and the morning arrived. It was the start of a new day.
Red painted the sky and Rieta hugged me tightly.
With my trembling hands, I hugged Rieta.
“Okay.”
The word flowed out before I could process it. I couldn’t figure out what I was thinking when I said that.
In response to my answer, Rieta’s embrace became stronger. I held on to that precious warmth within my arms.
Just like a miracle. What else could I say?
“Really…thank you.”
As the golden sunlight coloured the corridor, all I could do was repeat those words like a broken clockwork doll.
[1] A quote to essentially say things always seem dark/more bleak or at their worst before it will get better.