HEAVENS FEEL

Chapter 10: 10. UNRAVELING


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“You wouldn’t believe me even if I tell you who I am.”

“I don’t think there is anything that would surprise me anymore at this point,” I replied, still standing.

She took a deep breath,

“If I should tell you right now that I am your mother, would you believe me?” she asked.

I started with a smile which progressed into giggles and finally bursting out laughing.

“I see you are good at telling jokes aren’t you?”

The woman returned a smile,

“And moments ago, you stood there saying that nothing I said would possibly surprise you.”

Of all the absurdities I expected to hear, this one was the least I’d expected. There was no way it made sense because my mother was long dead.

“Do you know who I am?” I asked her, not really expecting a response.

“You are Svan and you have a sister called Yukina.”

Though I was taken by surprise when she called my name, I kept calm. Choryth was a very popular house in all of Stavren, and though the names Edger and Evren could be used synonymously with the Choryth name, I didn't expect that common folk could possibly know who I was. Maybe I was a lot more popular than I had imagined.

“My sister is called Evren not Yukina,” giving her more of a correction than a reply.

“That’s what you were meant to believe and it was based on my request.”

My whole thought process was at sixes and sevens, I wanted to scream the words, “shut the hell up,” regardless of how disrespectful it might sound, but it wasn’t the right course of action. 

For starters, I didn’t even know how I ended up in the same room with her, I didn’t know where I was, and I didn’t know what happened to Yukina. I had to be calm though it was proving increasingly difficult with each passing moment. I resolved to let her do the talking if I really wanted to have the slightest idea about what happened, and for the fact that she mentioned my name and Yukina’s, she seemed to have an idea about who we were.

“Okay, calm down, just breathe,” I said to myself. 

“Let’s assume that everything she says is a lie, I might still be able to pick up a thing or two from it.”

“Alright, I am ready to listen to whatever you say,” I said to her.

“Ummm, where should I start from?” she asked in what seemed like a question directed to herself.

“I knew a day like this would come eventually, though I wished it never did and for you to be here could only mean one thing,” she continued.

I struck her with a demanding look, expecting her to finish with what she was saying.

“You….”

For some reason best known to her, she paused and didn’t finish with what she was about to say, changing the subject of the narrative.

“Have you ever really thought about why you, as a Choryth, isn't a fire caster, or why your Feel hasn’t even manifested yet.”

I could literally feel my blood boil because that was the last thing I wanted to be reminded about.

“I think I have thought about it more times than you possibly could.”

My response was cold, perfectly characterizing my annoyance with her earlier statement. She was quick to catch on to my mood change,

“I am not saying this to hurt your ego by any means, there is a lot more to it than what you might ever imagine.”

She took another deep breath,

“Fifteen years ago, a heavily pregnant woman and her daughter who was barely five were on the run, fleeing for their lives. Thankfully, she happened to have an old friend from Stafford in the northeastern part of Stavren. Edger took me in and nurtured me to full health and there, I was able to birth you. I know you think I am saying crazy words. You still don’t believe me don’t you?”

I was silent at first, lost in my thoughts.

“What does she stand to gain if she claimed that she was my mother,” I clamored within myself.

No sane person would spill nonsense like that if it weren’t true, but she looked completely sane to me. She wasn’t flinching or stuttering. She sat composed and said well-articulated words.

“My mother died when I was born,” I said slowly to her, almost like I wasn’t in control of the words that came off my mouth.

She nodded.

“That’s both correct and incorrect, depending on the context, and more reason to believe that your mother is dead is thanks to the fact that you bear the Choryth name. There was a weird coincidence that even I couldn’t fathom. Lord Edger and I had daughters the same age and you are supposed to be around his son’s age, was he still alive.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, looking lost.

“Lord Edger didn’t just lose his wife, he lost his son too. The situation was dire so I came up with an idea that would benefit the both of us. I told him he could have my son and though it couldn’t possibly fill the void of his loss, it definitely did a lot of damage control. Thankfully, he agreed so I had to leave the both of you in his care.”

“W-why did you do that?”

“Keeping the both of you with me would have endangered all of us. There is so much more going on than what just meets the eye. From now onwards, I believe you will slowly begin to understand.”

I didn’t know how to feel or what kind of emotions I had pent up at that moment, and though she sounded convincing, I couldn’t just bring myself to believe her.

“How do you want me to believe that a High Lord of Stavren just happened to have an acquaintance with you?”

She let out a faint smile, 

“Though it doesn’t sound plausible, we actually do have a peculiar relationship but that would be a story for another day. Honestly, I don’t expect you to believe a thing I say but slowly with time, you would eventually learn the truth yourself. What’s more important is that both you and your sister are safe.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came out. My whole life had been a lie, and the thought of it made me sad and annoyed at the same time. It was no wonder lord Edger treated me with disregard. I wondered if Evren knew about it; chances were she did, as it could easily explain her cold and distant behavior towards me. On the bright side, I would say at least Yukina knew nothing about it….or did she? At that point, I couldn’t tell between the truth and a lie.

I had blamed myself for so long for my inability to experience the Feel, which I had just discovered was entirely beyond my control. It wasn’t even my fault. I always felt inadequate of the Choryth name, but it turned out that I wasn’t even a Choryth, to begin with. 

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Every thought and emotion flowing in and out of me was too much for me to bear. I couldn’t hold it in for much longer as tears flowed freely from my eyes down my cheeks, and before I knew it, I was already sobbing. I couldn’t really point to a particular reason why I broke down in tears. Maybe I was simply overwhelmed by what I had just learnt. 

I felt her arms wrap around me as my body clasped tightly against hers.

“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry for what I have put you through, what you had to endure because of my actions but I’m here for you now and will always be, I promise.”

A feeling of warmth radiated throughout my body. Both her body and her words brought me much-needed comfort. She waited for me to stop crying before she said to me,

“You should rest, sleep a bit more. Come morning, we will have plenty to talk about.”

“What about Yukina, I need to know what happened to her.”

“She is well and alive, trust me.”

I simply nodded. Her footsteps receded until I could hear them no more; she’d left. 

I lay on the bed staring at the nothingness the ceiling above me provided. It felt weird that I seemed to believe her too easily. I tried to confide in my thoughts, but they were just spiraling. The dimly lit room was getting dimmer as the torch burnt the remainder of its life away.

“Maybe it’s best I sleep, I might wake only to find out that everything happening now is just a dream.”

* * *

I woke to the sound of chirping birds. I attempted to open my eyes and was met with the blinding rays of early morning sunlight, which illuminated the room through a double casement window just a few inches right and above my bed.

“So it wasn’t a dream after all,” I muttered as I clasped my hands on my face.

I got up to my feet to look at the view outside the window. Upon looking down, she immediately noticed me and turned towards me, smiling and waving at me.

“Come on out, breakfast is ready.”

I didn’t know how to reply and that was when I realized I didn’t even know her name. It still felt surreal that I was actually looking at my birth mother, a part of me really wanted to believe it, but it didn’t just sink in well enough.

I had no choice but to go meet her outside. Leaving the room, I found myself walking through a narrow passage that ended in short stairs that led me downstairs to my left, then navigated my way to the garden I had seen in, her moments earlier.

“Hope you had a good night's sleep.”

“I think I did,” I said, replying shyly.

“Take a seat,”  she said, pointing at a makeshift table entirely made of tree stumps, a much larger one and two smaller ones.

Gesturing with a quick slight bow, I sat down.

“A nice house you’ve got for yourself.”

“Oh, thanks”, replying as she hurriedly went inside the house and, moments later, she came back out with a pot and two bowls.

“I hope you don’t mind, I prefer eating outside right next to this garden.”

“Sure, I don’t. May I ask why?”

Her smile broadened,

“I love watching the butterflies and when I do, I always think about Yukina. When she was little, she used to chase after butterflies in a little garden we had back then. So when I moved here, I cultivated a replica. In the mornings and evenings, particularly during breakfast and dinner, there always seem to be plenty of them. Speaking of Yukina, how has she been?”

“She is fine. If you missed her this much, why did you abandon her?” I asked in what sounded like a grumble.

I expected her to feel sad, but she didn’t stop smiling.

“I guess you are right.”

Looking at her face at that moment gave me even more, lesser conviction to doubt her claims of being I and Yukina’s mother. Though she looked a lot more like Yukina, I could still make out tiny features of resemblance to me.

“I didn’t get to know your name.”

“Oh, silly me,” she gasped. 

“How did I not tell you my name? I am Eliora Ayling.”

I nodded without uttering a word. She bore the same name as Yukina. Was that just a coincidence? Did I need more conviction? I couldn’t come to a conclusion. I watched her as she dished out some lamb porridge into the bowls placed in front of the both of us. 

The aroma alone excited the insides of my stomach as my nose couldn't help but lavish at what it smelt. She was undoubtedly good at cooking, as I fought hard to prevent myself from salivating. I hadn't had a proper meal in days, and thankfully, this one seemed to be the real deal.

As soon as she passed a plate of porridge to me, I wasted no time digging in. I ate non-stop until I ate more than half of the porridge in the bowl. Upon noticing she wasn’t eating, I stopped for a moment. She just sat, her meal between elbows, as she supported her head with her palms, looking at me and smiling.

“Doesn’t she even get tired of smiling?” I wondered.

I got a little uncomfortable as I reduced my eating pace, which she seemed to notice.

“Please don’t mind me and eat as you see fit.”

Both she and I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I was already embarrassed, so I had to finish the rest of the food, eating like a normal person at least. Noticing that I was a bit embarrassed, she began eating hers. Both of us ate in silence until I asked,

“So how was I able to somehow find myself here?”

I didn’t look at her when I asked the question. My gaze was focused on my food but judging by how she sounded, I knew she wasn’t smiling anymore.

“Alright, I would tell you everything you need to know.”

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