It was early morning. I remember because of the shrill voices of birds outside of my window. They reverberated through my skull as I clutched my head, sitting curled up on the floor of my kitchen.
"This isn't happening, this isn't happening," I kept on repeating to myself.
I couldn't believe what I've done. Internally, I hoped it was all a bad dream. I couldn't recognize myself or my actions, not even my words or thoughts. A squeezing sensation coursed through my stomach, making me want to vomit - but I didn't.
I don't know how long has passed since I began trying to collect myself, but I was sure I would not be able to go out anywhere any time soon. I sent a text to my boss, excusing my absence through a bad case of stomach flu. I suppose the feeling wasn't that far off.
If only I could get some time to actually just sit like that, in silence, maybe eventually the clutching of my head would transform into some sort of soothing massage. But that was not my fate.
Throughout the day, my phone kept on buzzing with new texts - from someone I last expected to ever contact me.
"I know you're there"
"coward"
"what do you think you're doing???"
"come out of there"
"NOW"
Suzanne kept on blasting my phone and I was too terrified to either answer or turn it off. I felt like even touching it would bring a foul spell upon me. Finally, when the buzzing was less bearable than my headache, I reached for it, attempting to lob it across the room, all the way down the hallway.
Just when I was about to make a swing, there came a loud, insistent knocking at the front door. Having almost had a heart attack, I set in silence, wide-eyed, listening closely.
"I know you're there, Matt!" Suzanne raised her voice. "Open this door!"
I didn't dare say anything. This seemed to have upset her, as her knocking became more insistent.
"You're not going to just leave like that!" she spoke over the knocks.
I thought I'd wait her out - it's the only thing I could do at that moment. There was a sound of pacing around for a moment - high-heeled shoes stomping on a tiled floor. Then, when it stopped, I remained motionless, like a prey waiting for no signs of a predator.
"Okay, I guess I'll just evict your lousy ass!" she yelled again, this time sounding like she was moving away.
I had to wait a good half an hour to stop shaking. Telling myself I'll find some way to deal with it, I stood up, cautiously, and was immediately met with Ra'zizi's face. I yelped and stumbled back a few steps, trying to reach for something to hold onto, and knocking over a few pans in the process.
Ra'zizi giggled. "My, my, you've gotten yourself into a pickle, darling."
I tried to not acknowledge her.
"Shall we deal with that somehow?" she stood over me and started caressing my shoulders, "I know something that could help ease all that stress..."
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"Just some tenancy stuff."I knew it was do-or-die. I reached out and touched her shoulder, in a reassuring manner. "I swear, Izzie, I'm not like that. Look, listen..." I noticed her facial expression change as I was talking. "The only thing there is, is a tenancy agreement, okay?"
She looked down, as if she had to ponder for a moment. She then looked up at me, without lifting her head. I completely ignored Ra'zizi's face jutting in between ours, repeating "liar" at me with a coy voice. After a moment she gave me a faint half-smile.
"Okay..."
I breathed a sigh of relief, trying to make it not too loud.
"Listen... about that other date..."
"Oh, yea, I remember!" she seemed to pipe up.
Having for the time being calmed her suspicions, we agreed to meet up once more. It felt dirty - the way I could just make an offer and have it accepted with enthusiasm. The fact that I was rapidly getting an erection from the succubus's touch through my pants didn't help. I didn't want going out with Izzie to be like that, but one thing I wanted even less was for her to turn away from me. I suppose I cared too much - I couldn't stop asking myself which part of this was genuinely me attracting her. "This isn't what I wanted", I thought, "why can't I ever be happy with what I get?"
"Oh, I don't know about that. I haven't heard anything," Ra'zizi piped up, mocking my denials. "I guess it felt so good you went deaf that night?"
I tried not to wince at the succubus's taunts as me and Izzie said our byes.
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