Chapter 4: Volume 1 - CH 2

The next morning arrived, and I woke up from a nightmare. It was a terrifying one. Everyone found out about my true strength (basically that I’m a small fry), and hung me upside down. My subordinates that had respected me thus far now glared at me like I was their enemy, screaming in rage as they lowered me into a pot filled with boiling water. After they let me cook for around ten minutes, they served me as grilled food. As if that wasn’t enough, there was a girl who licked her tongue with a Looks delicious, looking awfully similar to Vill, the perverted maid that apparently really couldn’t care less about my own life. Eventually, she just stuffed me into her stomach—

“Good morning, Komari-sama.”

“Woaeh!?”

The second I thought my life was over, I almost actually died from the shock. The perverted maid had snuck right into my bed. I tried to escape instantly, but she just clung to my belly, not setting me free.

“W-Why are you here!?”

“You don’t remember? None other than Komari-sama has invited me. Ahh, just remembering all the tempestuous intercourse we had, I can feel my body burning up yet again.”

“I actually really don’t remember inviting you!”

“Ahnn~”

I pushed off the perverted maid and escaped away to the wall, glaring at her like she was my archnemesis, and—Hold on a second! She’s naked!? There’s no more room to argue anymore, she actually is a super pervert!

“You…what did you do…?”

Vill flashed a bewitching smile as she spoke.

“My deepest gratitude for the food. It was terribly delicious.”

I felt a shiver run down my back. I would have rather preferred to be eaten as deep-fried food.

“Oh my? If you feel cold, I wouldn’t mind warming you up.”

“I-I don’t need any of that! You just go and put on some clothes! You’ll catch a cold!”

“…Do you dislike yuri?”

“Yuri? I don’t hate it, but where did that come from…”

“Is that so? I’m relieved to hear that.” Vill showed a happy smile for some reason.

I feel like there’s some grave misunderstanding between the two of us, but I couldn’t be bothered to think any more deeply into it. It was probably just my imagination. Vill sat up straight on the bed, showed a single roll, and immediately was in her usual maid attire. It was like a magical illusion or something.

“…And, what did you come here for?” I asked, to which Vill jumped off the bed.

“In order to fulfill my vow of love with Komari-sama…”

“Enough about that already!”

“To have sex with Komari-sama…”

“Only your phrasing changed!”

Can you not blurt out such obscene stuff this early in the morning? I’m getting tired of retorting on every single thing.

“Answer me. Why are you here?”

“There are two reasons.” Vill raised two fingers. “The first reason is simply because I am Komari-sama’s personal maid. I have the duty to stay with Komari-sama from early morning to late night.”

“You really don’t.”

“The other reason is because there is something I needed Komari-sama to know. I have found a truly interesting news article in today’s newspaper, so I got too excited, and destroyed the door in a rush.”

“You destroyed the door!?”

I looked over at where the door should stand, and indeed found it collapsed on the floor. If this isn’t a crime, I don’t know what I’m dealing with here. Just calling her perverted maid isn’t even accurate anymore. She’s a perverted criminal maid now.

“Komari-sama, forget about the door, and take a glance at this article. It even has the picture of yesterday.”

“What are you talking about! I don’t care about the newspaper right now—wait, what?”

The second my eyes fell on the bundle of paper Vill handed me, everything about the door immediately vanished from my head. This is impossible. I can’t believe it. Right on the first page of the bundle, I could see the unparalleled beauty (?) that I was, and the ridiculous news article—

The birth of a new Seven Crimson Deva: “I will make this entire world into omurice.”

On the 8th day, the new Seven Crimson Deva of the Mulnight Empire, Terakomari Gandezblood, has shown an overwhelming victory against the neighbouring Laperico Kingdom. Previously, on the 2nd day, her predecessor and commander Augus Nupayer had been killed, and she had stepped in his palce five days later…(omitted)….The new general of the Laperico Kingdom’s army, Hades Molkikki stated that “We will never forgive them. One day, we will get our revenge, and humiliate them”, openly requesting another battle. In response to this, the commander herself claimed “I love omurice. I’ll murder the generals of the other countries, turn them into ketchup, and use their innards for my omurice,” showing clear and fiendish killing intent…(omitted)…

This is clearly fake reporting no matter how you look at it!?!?! What kind interpretation is that!? I only added the part of me liking omurice because I felt generous and answered another question of that reporter, not to add some hidden message like that! Stop reading between the lines when you clearly don’t have to!

“I especially like the picture they have added. You truly look like an Empress of Evil.”

“This is just horrible! The other countries will come for my head, won’t they!?”

“You most likely stand correct in assuming that. Currently, the largest problem should be the chimpanzees of the neighbouring country. I have received reports that they put up wanted pictures of you.”

“Nooooooooo!!!” I violently scratched my head and fell back on my bed.

The heck is this. I thought I could enjoy another three months of staying in my room, and they had to release this declaration of war! Mass media really are good for nothing, damn it!

“Do not worry. I will protect your virginity, Komari-sama.”

“You’re the one I’m most worried about!”

I pushed Vill off the bed as she tried to lay down next to me, and wrapped myself up in my blanket in order to escape this cruel reality. As if I’d go to war again. I decided that I’ll become a shut-in again!

“Komari-sama, about our plans for today.”

“Bla bla bla, I can’t hear you! I’m taking the day off!”

“You can’t rest even if there is no battle to fight. The Seven Crimson Devas have a duty to work every single day.”

“I’m feigning an illness then, so tell everyone.”

“This isn’t school. If you plan on keeping this resilient, I have my own plan of action.”

“…Hmpf, I won’t tolerate any violent attacks, okay. If you get only one step closer, I’ll use this crime prevention buzzer and start crying.”

“‘How to make strawberry milk’.”

“………” I stopped moving altogether.

Isn’t…that…

“‘I always wanted to experience a love that tasted like strawberry milk’.”

“…………”

“‘Sweet and mellow, leaving no sharp sensation on my tongue, tasting warm and invigorating, a love like the calm sunshine’.”

“……………Stop.”

“‘You might laugh at me, complaining that I’ve read too many stories. You might say that such a love would never exist. At first, I felt the same way. But—After meeting that person, my entire world looked as pink as strawberry milk’.”

“Stooooooooooooooooooooop!?” A roar escaped from the depths of my chest.

Subconsciously, I jumped off the bed, leaping at that perverted maid. However, against her immense arm strength, I couldn’t do anything, and was locked in a fierce hold instead. At a distance close enough for our breaths to touch the other, the perverted maid flashed a devilish smile.

“Your work was truly interesting, Komari-sama.”

“Ah, ahhhh…” My head burned up to a level it could put magma to shame.

My mouth opened and closed like a fish’s waiting to be fed, when I finally found the words I wanted to say.

“Where…did you…”

“I was cleaning up the trash bin in your room, and found it.”

“………”

“Is this supposed to be a rejected attempt? I did make a copy of it just to make sure.”

“……”

“Still, I was quite surprised to find out you wrote romance novels. Do you have any experience in love?”

“……”

“By the way, if you were to skip your work any further, I will hang up this novel everywhere in the royal palace. Naturally, while adding your name.”

“……”

“Eh? Komari-sama, are you listening? Komari-sama—”

I grabbed Vill by the collar. Or more accurately, I rubbed my head against it. I grit my teeth, and spoke up.

“…I’ll listen…to whatever you say…So please, don’t tell anybody…”

Pffft! Blood came gushing out of that perverted maid’s nose.

*

Now then, let us make this a bit of a thinking time. The greatest weakness of mine had been grabbed by that extremely dangerous and violent perverted maid. At this rate, our relationship will be overturned immediately. No matter how perverted she might act, assaulting me even in my most defenseless times, she can just bring up the novel again, and I can’t argue against that. This is excessively bad. I have to come up with some countermeasure.

1st countermeasure: Burn all the copies of my novel she has—Rejected. She always brags about having a great memory, so even if I burn the paper, nothing will change.

2nd countermeasure: Forcefully erase that perverted maid’s memories—Rejected. I can’t use memory erasure magic, and I would feel bad hitting her enough times that her memories get erased. Also, I doubt I have the strength to even achieve that.

3rd countermeasure: Find out about her weakness—Usable. I can’t think of anything else besides that. If I find something comparable to my novel, or even a bigger weakness, I can turn things around. For example…her bed-wetting even at her age…

Alright, I’ll go with that. Now all I have to do is observe Vill 24/7. We should sleep together as well, that would be the best, yeah…Staaaaaare.

“K-Komari-sama…it’s embarrassing if you stare at me so passionately…”

“Don’t say it with such a disgusting voice!”

No can do, I can’t win against her. I guess I’ll have to put aside this problem and possibly find a weakness of hers at a later time. For now, the bigger problem is my job.

Currently, I am present in the office room of the Seven Crimson Office. Every one of the Seven Crimson Devas has been given their own office room to use. As for my office room, it is located the furthest up inside this Office, allowing me to immediately see everything of the imperial capital with just a quick glance outside the window. However, I didn’t even have the time to admire that view, because I had to focus all my attention on this hard labour in front of me.

“—So, what do I have to do?”

“Yes, Komari-sama, there will be a meeting with your subordinates soon.”

I narrowed my eyes. I just met them a while ago, right?

“The goal this time is to get to know everybody that belongs to the upper brass. They are all hooligans that might very well become your closet subordinates, so it would be best to get to know them as quickly as possible.”

“Did you just say hooligans? Not something like decisions?”

“Hooligans. They are hooligans who would not hesitate a second to overthrow you.”

“I see, I see. Let me just visit the toilet really quick.”

Vill grabbed me by the shoulder.

“Let me go! I don’t want to die yet!”

“‘Strawberry Milk’.”

I sat right down again. Vill nodded, and explained the situation.

“There are currently four people with the rank worthy of this, not including me. However, one of them is dead, so he can’t participate.”

“If only everybody could die…”

“That is why, your work for today will be to talk with these three, and solidify your future course of action. Simple, right?”

“How is that simple…”

My face tightened up. If I make a tiny mistake, I’ll be dead meat. Also, what should I even talk about during that meeting? Even if she says ‘future course of action’, I have no idea what she means by that. I have absolutely no knowledge about military affairs (apart from tactics), so I don’t even have anything to say.

“It’ll be fine. You just have to sit on the chair, give comments such as I see or Huh or Makes sense. That will be enough to satisfy your subordinates.”

“Isn’t that taking it too far? They’ll overthrow me if they find out that I have no clue.”

“If you are this worried, then…I know, you should praise them. If you succeed at that, you might be able to grasp their hearts.”

“What kind of praise would they be happy about?”

“For me, a hug would be more enough of a reward.”

“I’m not asking you.”

I guess the safest way would be something like Thanks for always working so hard~, huh? Going along with my common sense, everybody would be happy to get praised by their superior, right? Then, using common sense might be the best bet here.

“Now then, as for the participants of this meeting.”

Vill took out three individual papers from the files she was carrying, putting them down on the desk in front of me.

“First, please confirm this information right here. That way, the conversation will surely move along more smoothly.”

“I see……Woah, look at this, Vill. He’s a dog!”

I looked inside the CV, and found a picture with a dog head in it, which made me giggle a bit. Oh right, this person (?) finished off the chimpanzee yesterday, right. Thanks to that, I didn’t have to participate in the battle myself, so I guess he saved my life to a certain degree. Alright, I know what to praise him for.

“Lieutenant Belius Inu Kerbero, is it. He had previously been stationed in the 6th Corps, but had been moved after committing manslaughter.”

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“I don’t want him in my corps anymore!”

What kind of wild beast is he supposed to be? Wait, I heard the 7th Corps that I have under my control has various other members gathered who committed similar crimes and instigated problems in other corps, right? So that means—

“T-This person is also…”

“Lieutenant Chaostell Cont, indeed. He had been ejected from his previous corps having been a suspect in the abduction of a little girl.”

“Isn’t that a super serious crime!?”

“And last, we have Captain Melaconcy. He had been moved to the 7th Corps because of an attempted bomb attack on the royal palace.”

“He’s a terrorist!?” My head was spinning.

I know it’s a bit late for that, but isn’t my workplace kind of dangerous? I sunk deeper into my chair (which was super comfortable and luxurious-looking), when I felt a hand on my head. For some reason, Vill was gently rubbing it.

“You don’t have to worry. Even if someone dared to harm you, Komari-sama, I will turn everyone to ashes.”

“Vill, you…”

“Now, let us prepare for the meeting. Naturally, I will stay with you the entire time.” Vill said with a gentle smile.

She’s a helpless pervert, but she’s at least supporting me when I need help. I guess I could thank her for this once.

“T-Thanks, Vi—”

“—Fuwaaaaah! This smell, this wonderful smell of your hair, Komari-sama! A hugging pillow really won’t be enough to taste the smell, I need the real deal! Ahh, I want to fall asleep while being enwrapped by this sweet strawberry milk smell—Sniff sniff sniff!”

“Give me back my gratitude!!”

Her patting me on the head swiftly changed into her sniffing my head. Yeah, she doesn’t deserve any thanks.

*

Ten minutes later, the three subordinates I gathered information about arrived at my office, after having been summoned by Vill. The second they walked inside, the atmosphere in the room changed drastically. It felt like I was locked inside a cage with blood-thirsty animals. These guys are as scary as ever. I should have gone to the toilet after all.

I carefully observed the three men lining up in front of me. To the right was Chaostell Cont. He was built like a withered tree, and was a hidden pervert. In the middle was Belius Inu Kerbero. He had the head of a dog, and a heavily muscular body, a trained killer. To the left was Melaconcy. He speaks in mysterious rap rhythm, and is a terrorist…Yeah, I’ll probably die.

“A wonderful day to you, your Excellency. How can I assist you?” Chaostell showed a grin, and said so.

Now that I look at him, he definitely has the type of face that would abduct a young girl without hesitation. Since I’m not a young girl though, I should be outside of his strikezone, but being careful never hurt.

“Indeed.” I nodded. “For now, take a seat.”

“………”

“What’s wrong?”

My subordinates did not move. I thought something was off, when Belious showed a complicated expression.

“Your Excellency…There are no chairs.”

I forgot to prepare theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem!? Isn’t this a seriously bad impression!? I’m supposed to sit on a luxurious chair, while I make my subordinates kneel on the ground? I can’t just ignore human rights like this!

“What are you saying, Belius! Her Excellency has told us to sit, so keep quiet and sit down at her command! Even if we don’t have chairs, if it’s for her, we have to sit down even on a cold ground, on top of a sea of lava, a mountain of needles, or even on her lap!”

“Yeah~ Dogs should sit on the ground, perfect place for a hound!”

“Who’s a dog!?” Belius roared, and sent a fist straight into Melaconcy’s face.

Right after that, Belius glanced over at me in fear, and lowered his head.

“Excuse me! I will gladly sit down here!”

The three sat down on the floor…No no. No no no no! Where should I even retort on here!? There’s way too many things, you know! Me forgetting the chairs doesn’t even matter now! But, as a Seven Crimson Deva, I have to act strictly.

“N-Now then! I thank you for gathering like this! It might be a bit sudden, but I would like to hold our first executive staff meeting. If possible, I want to confirm future plans and course of action for this 7th Corps.”

“An executive staff meeting! What a wonderful sound!” Chaostell commented, seemingly excited already.

Belius and Melaconcy didn’t seem too bothered by the idea, so I guess this is doable.

“Let’s get started right away then. Let me ask you—what are your plans for the future?”

“Endless war,” said Belius.

“I want to observe your Excellency’s future activities,” said Chaostell.

“A rap battle with your Excellency! Yeah!” said Melaconcy.

The last one is a mystery to me, but I got the gist of it. Basically, every single one in this 7th Corps is some sort of berserker, be it in brains or muscles.

“I-I see. So you want to keep fighting.”

“Exactly.” Chaostell shrugged his shoulders, and said so. “You should be aware of it. The greater number of our Komari Squad has caused problems in other corps before, and was moved to this one. The main reason for this is simply because we cannot get enough fighting—One time when the battle had been postponed because of a typhoon, someone ran rampant in the city, and when the battle was cancelled last-minute, another went for the enemy general’s head nonetheless. Things like these happened.”

But you abducted a little girl, right. Well, nevermind that, I guess that the 7th Corps really is a gathering of criminals, huh. Also, isn’t killing the enemy general like that against the International Treaty?

“…I got the gist of it. You are all thirsting for battle and war, correct?”

“Correct.”

“Right, right…I wholeheartedly understand those feelings. I’m a girl of the army as well. It’s in my blood, urging me to fight.”

Of course, that was a blatant lie.

“Then, would you mind sparring with me tomorrow, your Excellency?” The dog looked at me, his gaze filled with expectation.

I froze up for a second, but…

“—I-It’s a hundred years too early for you! I will give you the right to fight me after you’ve defeated all the generals of the other countries! Only if I feel like it though!”

“Is that so…” His dog ears dangled down.

What’s that reaction, so cu—Wait, no! He’s not cute at all, he’s a monster ready to kill anybody in his way!

“Yeah! A rejected wild dog should just sit down, be careful or her Excellency will make you drown, and not in blood!”

That rap bastard took another straight hit to the face, getting blown away in the process. I really don’t get their relationship at all.

“A-Anyway! It seems like your opinions have been written in stone without any need for this meeting. That makes things easy, we’ll do war. Fight war as much as you want…However.” I took a short break. “I have a doctrine to not fight any mindless war. Counting higher numbers is great and all, but I personally prefer the substance. Hence, unless no truly interesting war occurs, I will not participate in battle. I will do the bare minimum of giving out orders.”

“T-That’s…!”

“Don’t think badly of me, Chaostell. You can fight as much as you want, but that will be for you all to deal with.”

“…I…understand…” Chaostell seemed like he wanted to say something, but the other two accepted my words.

Alright, this is going great so far. Now I’ve established the bare minimum of reasoning that I don’t have to fight myself. At the same time, Vill stepped forth.

“Then, I, Villhaze, will adjust future plans. If you have any wish or desire, feel free to inform me, and I will try my utmost to fulfill such. Please treat me well.” She grabbed the hem of her skirt, showing a slight blow.

That improved my opinion of her. I thought she could only pull off dirty jokes, but I guess she can be serious when it comes down to it. Also, that means the meeting is over, right? That went much easier than I expected. I feel like an idiot for getting all worried. Welp, guess I’ll continue with my novel some more once I get home.

“—Now then, this brings us to Her Excellency Terakomari’s reward time. Her Excellency has evaluated your efforts during the previous battle against the Laperico Kingdom, and decided to hand over befitting rewards. Anything besides military affairs and battle is allowed, so just let out your inner desires at your leisure.”

“Hey hey hey hey!?” I pulled Vill to one corner of the room, glaring at her with blood-shot eyes. “What is this reward time!? I was planning on heading home now, you know!?”

“Didn’t we just talk about it? If you praise and reward your subordinates, the chances of you being overthrown will be lessened drastically.”

“I mean, that’s true, but…Well…”

“It’ll be fine. Komari-sama, you are the superior of these hooligans—A Seven Crimson Deva. They won’t ask for the impossible. If they dared to request a chance at sniffing you, or touching your breasts, I will bring down the death penalty upon them.”

“So is it okay if I have you executed?”

“In my case, it happens upon consent.”

“I don’t remember giving my consent though! Also, you always just—”

“Your Excellency!”

Someone called for me, and I turned around. Chaostell flashed a bright smile, as he looked at me.

“W-What is it, Chaostell.”

“How generous of you, listening to a request of ours.”

I don’t remember ever saying that. But, taking it back now won’t work either.

“…Indeed. I have to offer merits for your hard work.”

“Wonderful! Did such a generous Seven Crimson Deva ever exist, I wonder! Her Excellency is the greatest Excellency in all of the previous Excellencies!”

What is he even on about?

“Then, I would like for you to grant my request right away.” With these words, Chaostell started gathering magic power.

I thought I’d get killed now, and froze up, but he actually used high-ranking magic, called <Gate to Hell>. It is a type of space magic, which allows you to store objects in an empty space for later use. On a side note, this type of magic can only be used by around two or three sorcerers in the royal palace, so this guy ain’t just your average pervert. I waited for the object Chaostell would summon—Wait, is that…a camera?

“Then, let us hold a photoshoot. Your Excellency, show me a smile please.”

“Eh, why…?”

Flash, Chaostell ignored my confusion and took a picture…Hey, I never consented to this, you know.

“Ah~ A serious expression isn’t bad either. However, I would love to see a smile now. Your Excellency, I’m sorry to request this much, but could I ask for a more softer expression?”

“Hold on a second, why are you taking pictures now?”

“Because this is my request?”

“……”

“Of course, I will not misuse these pictures, so rest assured. In recent days, there have been less people applying for the Mulnight Empire’s Imperial Army, and after thinking about it, I figured that the existence of Your Excellency alone should be enough to solve this problem. By creating pictures and goods, such as calendars or posters, we can lure in more lolico—Excuse me, more courageous youth, using the beauty—excuse me, the admirable presence of Your Excellency. And it won’t end there. With all these goods, the credibility of this corps will rise as well, which will score us more popularity as a squad.That’s why, taking pictures of you is definitely not a personal desire of mine. Really, I swear on my life.”

Chaostell kept blabbering on, his worlds full of obvious excuses, as he pressed the shutter of the camera relentlessly. Snap, snap, snap!

“You only had one request, you know? Taking that many pictures is…”

“No no no, my request was for a ‘Photoshoot session with her Excellency’, so this is all fine.”

As if I’d accept such a stupid logic like that—Hey, Vill, can you give this guy the death penalty?

“Let us increase the variation of clothes as well. I have prepared maid clothes, a swimsuit, and even a kindergartener uniform.”

“Alright, death penalty! Death penalty for the both of you!”

The second I realized this betrayal, I tried to run away, only to have my arm grabbed by that rotten maid, my chin pushed up, and the words ‘Strawberry Milk’ whispered into my ears. I was wrong, I have to find out her weakness right away, or I will die. In more than one way.

“Stop joking with me, I won’t allow this!”

“Komari-sama, if you don’t listen to your subordinates requests, they will be disappointed in you, and they might overthrow you as a result. Are you okay with that?”

“Ugh…!”

“You aren’t, correct. That’s why, let me help you change into all the various clothes I have prepared just for you. Some of these might be a bit revealing, but you don’t have a problem with that, right?”

“You perverted maid—!!!”

*

From there on out, a hellish fashion show opened up.

“Can’t I just wear some normal clothes…”

Of course, my plea was ignored beautifully, as I was forced to wear clothes with frills all over, or clothes that revealed way too much for my taste. Naturally, Chaostell continued to take pictures this entire time, and I was only released when the Western sun shone into my office. I can’t become a bride anymore. Can I just go home? Of course not, as a man’s hand stopped me.

“Yeah! Rap battle!”

“…Huh?”

“Rap battle!”

I was baffled. I totally forgot that I had to fulfill the wish of all these three guys, not just one. But, this guy wants a rap battle? Is he stupid? What did you say, Vill? He’s one of the most dangerous ones in the group so I have to play along? Alright then, for crying out loud!

—I’m pretty sure I was lost beyond the point of no return during that time.

“Yeah! Is your hobby slaughter, your Excellency? Are you going to make the crimson-red flower bloom? My hobby is easy to see, always excited and hype, agree? I’m the blood-victim rapper Melaconcy, once I start singing they scream reeee! Only you joined me, is everybody else dead, crazy?”

“YO! YO! I don’t get it, but I gotta join in! I am the great commander Komari, the absolute ruler absolutely fancy! I’ll slaughter whatever enemy stands in my way, so just keep them coming, ‘kay! Who do you idolize? The great me that is wise!”

Like this, our rap battle continued for about an hour. Night had already arrived, and my body was at its limits, but Melaconcy seemed satisfied, so I’ll take it. Right after we were done, I happened to meet eyes with Belius, who just gave a nonchalant ‘I’ll save up my reward for later’. I guess he was more normal than I previously assumed.

Like this, our first executive staff meeting came to an end, but…the heck even just happened? Why did we go from a photoshoot to a rap battle? Did I come to the wrong place?

“Today’s meeting was a great success, Komari-sama. You managed to realize the desires of your subordinates, so the results for this meeting will show in the near future, I’m sure.”

I don’t really get it, but can I go home now? I’m tired.

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