Chapter 8: 8

       Hello everyone, it’s still me today.

 

       Recently, I’ve been feeling more and more that I can’t really do anything right.

 

       In fact, my parents had always spoiled me. They were busy with work, but since I was young, they never forced me to go to any after-school cram school, nor did they keep an eye on their children’s grades as other parents did. They just wanted me to do something that I liked in my spare time.

 

       But even so, I was still unhappy with their busy schedules and had a long rebellious period where I didn’t want to talk to them on the phone and refused to communicate. I complained that they used to care less and now that they were in menopause, they were nagging every day.

 

       Now that I thought about it, I regretted doing so in the first place.

 

       Fake Ze’an completely won the hearts of my parents to the point that I always felt a little uncomfortable when I saw them now. They obviously preferred the fake Ze’an, and they even wondered why I was so different from before.

 

       While Fu Shan…she no longer needed a friend who could only be foolish all day long. Now she needed a confidant who understood her and could help her share her worries.

 

       Then Ji Qin…

 

       Oh yeah, I screwed up work too.

 

       I was really useless, probably because I slept for two years before I graduated from college. At that time, it was fake Ze’an who helped me get the diploma. He was learning to code while working part-time as an art teacher and accomplishing every task so well—instead, I had to refresh even the basics so much when I got the job that I was scolded by my leaders every day.

 

       I was staring at a lengthy tirade sent to me by my leader the other day when someone called me suddenly, and I picked it up in a daze. I didn’t know the person who called me, but the other person obviously knew me well.

 

       “Teacher Fang, I haven’t been in touch with you recently. How are you?”

 

       I knew instantly that this call was not for me.

 

       I was just about to hang up when the other party said quickly, “My child really likes you so much, and he doesn’t take any other art teacher seriously except you. He said that it must be you. So I want to ask if you still accept private work? A week’s salary is negotiable…”

 

       It was ironic, the leader wished I would leave the next day, but the fake Ze’an was so missed by others, and he’s a must. The gap between the two was really too big…

 

       I laughed dryly and said, “I’m sorry, I’ve been very busy lately…”

 

       “It’s okay, Teacher Fang, as long as you have free time, we can always…”

 

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       “I’ve got something to do, I’ll hang up now!” Unable to listen any longer, I hurriedly hung up the phone and fell back into self-loathing.

 

       Jealousy. It was jealousy, and being jealous was undesirable.

 

       Jealousy made people ugly.

 

       …but, I was really jealous.

 

       I went to Fake Ze’an’s studio, where the fake Ze’an usually created works here or taught the students to draw. Ji Qin won’t let me in, but he happened to be away today.

 

       I also wanted to draw a picture, but I didn’t have the basics, I just thought… Is it possible that I actually have a little artistic cell?

 

       Fake Ze’an’s studio was full of paintings. It was full of landscape paintings and still life oil paintings. The colour palette and lighting effects were really beautifully handled and were at a height I couldn’t match.

 

       I wanted to paint a picture, but I didn’t want to do it like him.

 

       Why don’t I paint a portrait of a person…

 

       Should I draw Ji Qin?

 

       I must not be good at it, but when it came to portraits, I could only seem to think of him.

 

       I didn’t want to draw myself, I was so disappointing right now.

 

       My parents, Fu Shan, didn’t love me anymore, and of course, Ji Qin didn’t love me either.

 

       But Ji Qin at least recognized me, albeit in a way that wasn’t friendly but made me feel like the real me.

 

       So, no matter what, he was always special to me.

 

       I sometimes wished I could ask him what he was trying to say to me the day I had my accident. Would it have been what I thought it would be, or was it just an ordinary friend appointment?

 

       If there was time…I’ll just ask.

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