Chapter 10: Chapter 10

Ch10

 

The hotel that dad booked us into was a part of a chain and felt somewhat impersonal as I sat in the room I’d been given. I was pleased to have a king-size bed all to myself but at the same time I was depressed and emotionally wrung out after all the panic I’d been through. I didn’t really want to be alone with my own thoughts but apart from dad I was the only guy so it wasn’t like I could share a room with anyone.

 

The walls were thin and I could hear one of the girls taking a shower behind my head as I sat on the bed clicking through the channels on the tv. There was no on demand tv, just the free channels that everyone can get and a channel of advertising about the hotel chain. Everything was standardised and impersonal, designed for people who just needed to stop over somewhere on a journey, they even made it one of their selling points about how great the chain was, no matter where you stay, it's always the same. I wasn’t even really watching their advertising channel, it made me even more depressed, so I flicked the tv off again. I would have liked there to be silence but the sounds from other rooms seemed to close in and taunt me. I wanted a smoke to relax me but I hadn’t got any and the whole place was supposed to be a smoke free zone so I couldn’t even go and buy any ordinary cigarettes.

 

Alone with my own thoughts and no guitar wasn’t good for me at that moment, I wanted to be alone but at the same time I didn’t, I wanted someone to take my mind off things to entertain me, to fill up my mind. Instead my mind wandered through memories, showing me a movie reel of all my worst mistakes and embarrassing moments. For some reason the screw up that embarrassed me most at the time was with Louise. She’d been so cool and collected, knowing what she wanted and making it quite clear that she was as easy as everyone at school said she was. I was nervous, unsure and hadn’t really expected the invitation. Things had gone relatively smoothly as we went from kissing to touching and finally undressing, she had not let me undress her, slipping out of my arms and shedding all her clothes in what seemed like a single move, while I had trouble getting my jeans off as though I hadn’t been dressing myself for years already. She wasn’t very good at communicating what she wanted and I had to try and guess what felt good for her though I had no actual experience to base it on so when I tried and totally missed her gspot, so I’d suggested that maybe she should show me, she actually laughed at me. Being that I was usually the guy to dispel myths about sex for the whole school, I was somewhat hurt that she thought it was funny I had no practical experience, I was even more embarrassed that I hadn’t been able to cum. In my minds eye I could still see her laughing and telling me that if I was lucky I might get another chance.

 

I tried to console myself with the thought that I seemed to have made it good for Skye though the nagging thought that perhaps she had just been being polite in her own way persisted. I was also terrified that she might have said something to the police that had tipped them off about what we had done. I thought it was unlikely or they wouldn’t have let me out of the station. I hadn’t had a chance to talk to her all day so I had no idea how she was feeling about it, was she already regretting it? Had I ruined her idea of what her first time would be like? My thoughts were just driving me crazy. I thought about going into the girls room and being with them but I thought that mum and dad would probably think it was weird, although I was supposed to be keeping an eye on the girls this holiday I was usually avoiding them. Perhaps it wouldn’t be so weird if I went to see how Amelia and Jessica were, mum would probably be in there with them though and I wasn’t completely sure that I wanted to be too close to a weepy, upset mum at the moment.

 

I thought about having a wank to dispel the stress of the day but I didn’t like the thought that it was that kind of thinking that had caused half the stress. The hail of thoughts that kept whipping round like a cyclone in my head finally drove me out of the room in search of company or something that could distract me.

 

I tried to be quiet as I walked out of my room but the door seemed to bang like drum in the quiet stillness of the hallway as it automatically closed behind me. The sound was clearly enough to alert my sisters in the next room, Summer poked her head through their door and grinned at me as she beckoned me to join her.

 

“Bout bloody time you stopped sulking.” She hissed “Get in here.” As I got near her, she grabbed my arm and pulled me into her room. She closed the door almost silently behind me before pushing me further into the room.

 

“Skye’s in the shower still, she’ll be a while, she always is when she’s worried and trying to pretend she’s not. It feels weird that we aren’t going to see aunty Irene again but it will be fun having two more sisters, especially as they have mobiles that mummy and daddy won’t be able to take away, means I might be able to get one too, they will have to let me.” She prattled, her eyes glued to the cartoon showing on the tv.

 

“You do get how this is going to change things don’t you?” I asked, a little concerned at her apparent uncaring attitude. She glared at me out the corner of her eye before returning her full attention back to the cartoon.

 

“Of course I do stupid. Nothing wrong with looking at the good side though.”

 

“I suppose.” I shrugged. Hearing the shower stop, I guessed that Skye would be coming out sooner than my youngest sister had anticipated so I crossed the room in a couple of strides so I could perch on the end of the bed, facing the TV. Summer sat next to me and leaned against me like she had before in the hay loft, clearly seeking comfort and support but not willing to make it obvious to anyone else. I could hear Skye bumping about in the small bathroom, but she didn’t emerge before the next cartoon finished and there was some nonsensical advert for perfume running.

 

Skye was wrapped in a towel. She stood infront of the mirror for a while using the end of a second towel she had draped around her neck to dab at the dripping rat tails her shoulder length hair had formed into, trying to dry it and finger comb it at the same time so that she would be satisfied with its look when it was finished. Looking at Summers back in the mirror, I knew she had to see that I was there too.

 

“Your turn.” She offered almost absently. “Anything good on?”

 

“I’ll go in a minute. There’s nothing on really, there were some old cartoons, but I don’t know what’s next.” Summer answered her without bothering to take her rapt gaze away from the inane advert for a car that was on the TV. I couldn’t understand why she was so captivated by it, as far as I knew she wasn’t interested in cars and she wasn’t likley to buy one any time soon. She seemed just as interested in the next advert though.

 

“Now Summer!” Skye commanded. “Things are hard enough for mum at the moment, she doesn’t need you to be awkward and holding everyone up.”

 

“I’m not holding anyone up.”

 

“Summer, its nearly seven already, people will be hungry soon, dad already said that we would go to the restaurant for dinner so it won’t be too long before they come looking for us to go and if you aren’t ready you will be holding everyone up. I don’t want anyone getting pissy because they are hungry and we are making them wait.”

 

“I’ll go in a minute.”

 

“Summer, now!” Skye snapped in a tone amazingly like the one that mum used when she was exasperated with us.

 

“God! Who put you in charge anyway? It’s not like I did anything wrong.” Summer muttered as I pushed her gently till she stood up and stomped towards the bathroom. After she slammed the bathroom door, a kind of quiet descended in the room, it wasn’t silence because we could still hear Summer crashing around in the bathroom and the softer sounds of other people in the hotel as well as the sounds from the tv. I pretended to be absorbed in the tv program that was starting, suddenly nervous to be alone with Skye.

 

“You ok?” Skye asked, turning to look at her I could see she was half watching me in the mirror while she dried her hair. I made some kind of affirmative sound trying not to meet her eyes in the mirror.

“Liar.” She accused with a bit of a smile. I looked back at the tv, realising that I had been trying to be absorbed in the news.

 

“I’m just kinda wrung out I guess.” I huffed, not really wanting to talk about the maelstrom of worries and thoughts in my head or admit to any kind of feelings.

 

“It has been a bit of a weird holiday already.”

 

“How did the police interview thing go for you?”

 

“It was ok, didn’t really talk to Jamie that much so there wasn’t a lot I could say about him. Told them about him watching Jess and Amelia while they were in the bath and about how angry he was when Irene took tea to him in bed. Didn’t have anything more than that to say really.”

 

“Say anything about us?”

 

“Why would I? that’s not what we were there for. I admit I was a bit scared about it when we first got there but as soon as dad told us what we were there for, I knew it was ok. What about you? You didn’t say anything did you?”

 

“Not about us. I was sure that was what were there for so I nearly admitted it to mum in the van but it was mostly about Jamie.”

 

“Mostly?” I had her full attention and she stood still for a moment, the towel around her slowly obeying gravity and coming undone, she made no move to stop it, just letting it fall as she scowled at me.

 

“Jesus Skye, cover up! I kinda got told off about the weed ok? Jamie obviously said something about it.” Skye laughed at me and for a moment I had a mental picture of Louise laughing too.

 

“What? Big brother couldn’t possibly be embarrassed after what we did last night could he?” Her voice dripped sarcasm and she had a wicked glint in her eye that suggested I was going to get teased forever more about it.

 

“More worried dad might come in and think its weird.” I shot back. She cocked her head to one side for a moment and her devilish grin slipped away.

 

“Yea ok, I gotta give you that one, not like I’ve got a whole choice of what to wear though.” She crossed the room and rifled through the heap of clothes on the floor beside the bed pulling out her pants and casually stepping into them as though I wasn’t there.

 

“I don’t have any idea how long we will be stuck here, I wish we could just go home now, the holiday thing is kinda ruined anyway now. Did anyone say anything about how Irene died? I tried asking but they always deflected my questions so no one actually got round to telling me.”

 

“I didn’t even think of that. No one said anything to me, I guess they were trying to shield us or some kinda bullshit. Probably best not to ask the twins, I assume that someone will have to tell them. I’ll try asking dad later.”

 

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“He might tell you I suppose.” Skyes voice was a little muffled as she climbed into her bra and pulled her Tshirt over her head. It struck me as odd that I’d seen her half-dressed before, usually rushing through the room to find something, I’d even seen her completely naked over the years but for some reason this time seemed different, more womanly, more sensual somehow. She bent over and started pulling her jeans on as I watched, my thoughts completely derailed by the sight.

 

“Enjoying the view?” She asked looking up into my eyes as she started to pull the denim up her legs.

 

“Huh?”

 

“You were staring.” She smiled, clearly teasing in a much gentler way than usual. Summer burst from the bathroom in a cloud of steam, a towel over her head and her clothes in one hand as someone knocked on the door.

 

“Do you want to come get food girls?” Dad asked through the door.

 

“Five minutes dad.” Skye shouted back, “Summer just got out the shower.”

 

“Ok, I’ll go get Ken.”

 

“I’m here dad” I spoke up quickly so he didn’t walk off before he heard me. I stood up and crossed the room in a couple of strides, pushing Summer back towards the bathroom as I did, indicating that she should go back and get dressed in there. Skye did her jeans up quickly and I opened the door for dad.

 

He looked tired and drawn, it occurred to me for the first time that being an adult wasn’t really any different from being a child, there were just more things to worry about and generally the biggest worries were more serious. Skye was fussing with her hair again as dad came into the room and she watched him in the mirror. I didn’t know what to say and dad didn’t seem particularly to question that I was there rather than in my own room so I didn’t offer any extra comments. The silence that fell in the room was punctuated by Summer bumping about in the bathroom. Skye turned and hugged dad, offering him support she thought he needed.

 

“How are you managing?” She asked him softly, clearly knowing that he needed more.

 

“I’m ok, sweetie.” He smiled, trying to seem as though he was. I heard her call him a liar but I’m not sure if he heard her or not.

 

“No one ever told us what happened.” I blurted out, not wanting to feel so awkward in the silence. Dad glanced at me before he squeezed Skye in a tighter hug and moved her away from him a little. It was quite clear that he couldn’t ignore the question in her eyes as she gazed up at him, he swept the room with his eyes, either looking for a way out of the situation or making sure that Summer wasn’t there.

 

“You sure you want to talk about that?” He asked softly. I nodded and Skye made an affirmative sound as she turned back to the mirror to fuss with her hair again.

 

“Jamie murdered her.” He added quietly.

 

“Yah, you told us that bit, what actually happened?” Skye quipped in a slightly irritated tone.

 

“I’m not entirely sure what led up to it but they were arguing upstairs and I heard him hit her before she fell down the stairs, when I got there, he was beside her with one of the steak knives from the kitchen covered in blood. The look on his face was pure anger, I’m glad that none of you saw it. We’ve got to try and protect Summer from the details though, she’s too young to need to know everything and too innocent to need to know about how evil the world can be.” The words poured out of him as though he’d been holding them back with an effort. Skye had turned to face him while he was talking and she impulsively moved forward and hugged him tightly again. I don’t know if I was the only one that noticed that it had gone suspiciously quiet in the bathroom suggesting to me that Summer had been listening.

 

She burst from the bathroom noisily and flew to hug dad with Skye, chattering as though she hadn’t heard a thing and was her normal happy self.

 

“Yay daddy, can we go get dinner now? I’m starving. Where are mummy and the twins? What are we having for dinner?...” I tuned her words out as she machine-gunned questions at dad, I was begining to see how she had kept us all in the dark about what she’d been through and managed to make it seem as though nothing was wrong. I tried to make a mental note to ask her if it was a conscious choice she had made or if she’d just slipped into it. Dad led the way out of the room making sure that we had our key-cards to get back into our rooms.

 

The restaurant wasn’t anything special, clusters of tables and chairs arranged as close as possible while trying to make it see as though each was cosy and separated from the others. The menu was glossy and full of pictures that suggested the food would be delicious and made the mouth water. Summer spent forever deciding what she wanted despite being the one that kept complaining she was hungry. The conversation was somewhat stilted and boring as we all tried to avoid the topic on our thoughts until Summer pointed it out in as innocent and thoughtless way as she could contrive.

 

“Are we not allowed to talk about auntie Irene now she’s dead?” She demanded suddenly while we were waiting for our food to be brought out.

 

“We can still talk about her.” Dad laughed, somewhat surprised. “She died, it’s not like she never existed.

 

“How long did you know her then?”

 

“Well I met her after I started going out with your mum. So she was probably about 10 when I first met her, she was a cute kid and always wanted to stick to Willow like a burr. I think she kinda resented that Willow could do so much more than she could and she hated that Willow had gone away to university, for a while I think she kinda hated me too because I took your mums attention away from her. She started getting a bit wild after that, small steps at first but it escalated quickly from what Willow said. Gandpa and Grandma Walker were always worried about her and couldn’t control her at all by the time mum and I got married. She was always in fights and I’m pretty sure she was already into smoking by then.”

 

“How did she go from being so wild to getting married to Jamie then?” Skye asked, apparently somewhat enthralled by the story and taking advantage of dads talkativeness.

 

“Well just after Ken was born, she came to see mum and confessed that she thought she was pregnant and didn’t know how to tell Grandpa and Grandma Walker, we finally teased out of her that she’d already had one pregnancy and had terminated it without anyone knowing and she didn’t want to go through that again. As all the details came out over the next few weeks, the father got fired by the school and Grandpa Walker managed to smooth things over, I have no idea what he did or how he managed it but he talked the father, Jamie, into making her an honest woman as he put it when she was sixteen and the twins were born a few months later.”

 

“Wow, you mean when she was the age the twins are now, she was already pregnant with them?” Summer seemed impressed.

 

“Yes, that’s why we’ve always tried to make it clear to all of you that you can tell us anything. No matter how bad it is we’re always here for all of you. We’ve tried to make no secrets about sex and so on, we don’t want you to think its something you need to hide and feel that you can’t come to us if you have trouble with something.” Summer was suddenly unreadable and didn’t look at dad for a moment as she fiddled with her paper napkin. Skye wanted to know more though.

 

“What happened after that? When did Jamie get so nasty to Irene then?”

 

“He always was, he blamed her for him loosing his job driving the school bus. She had to drop out of school because she couldn’t look after the babies and take her exams at school so she didn’t have any qualifications to be able to earn a living though they both spent money like water, meant that he had to work twice as hard to make enough money and he resented it, kept coming to us to borrow money, he didn’t dare ask Grandpa Walker as far as I know. I’d love to know what Grandpa Walker said that made him agree to marry Irene. She never really changed from then on, always telling people what she thought they wanted to hear, drinking and trying to keep him happy enough to stay with her.”

 

“Why didn’t they just get divorced if they weren’t happy? Lots of people get divorced, its nothing special.” Skye wondered aloud.

 

“Grandpa Walker wouldn’t hear of it and Irene couldn’t support herself and the twins. He has some strange views on some things and made sure that Irene knew he wouldn’t help her again if she left Jamie. I don’t know if he was worried about what it would look like to his friends, I know he was always embarrassed to have her even mentioned among his friends.”

 

“Grandpa likes you though doesn’t he?” Summer broke into the conversation again.

 

“Well he likes that I’m better than Jamie. I’m not looking forward to being the one that tells him about what’s happened though. He still disapproves of how we’ve brought you all up.”

 

“What do you mean? does he not like us?” Summer looked sad.

 

“He loves you all but he thinks that you should have more bible in your lives and less freedom, I think its partly that he’s angry with himself for letting Irene become so wayward, he wanted us to make up for his mistakes, that’s what I think though, he’s never actually said that. Sometimes it’s a bit difficult to get him to see that the world is different from when he was a young man.”

 

When we had finished eating I went back to my own room while dad and my sisters checked on mum and the twins. I had a lot to think about and I had eaten more than I should have. I put the Tv on to watch something as I lay on the bed but being full and exhausted, I fell asleep almost the moment I lay down, the TV droning in my ears.

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