Chapter 33: 33 – Buffer

School, as always, felt like a drag with everything going on in the meantime. It felt like we’d made some progress in uncovering the mysteries of the game world and the portals yesterday. But at the same time, it felt like the answers were just out of reach.

But more frustratingly, I’d begun asking the question of who I was, lately. Was I supposed to be transgender? I still didn’t know what my true form was like, but the not-true form was female. And I liked being in that form. No, I loved it. And I couldn’t lie, running around in that dress yesterday felt so natural, so nice. I’d felt happy just… being. Part of me wanted to live through yesterday again despite nearly being skewered.

Oh. And then there was the whole… Who was I? On a more existential level. Was I an interdimensional demon? An alien? The first esper? A descendant of a legendary fox tribe? A goddess?

I mean… I didn’t feel… well, evil, so I didn’t think I would be a demon or an alien. The chances of me being the first ever esper were low, although maybe there already were some, just hiding. A descendant of some tribe could be easily disproven. I just had to do some research on my family tree. The last theory made me the most uncomfortable. It made me feel… arrogant. As if I was somehow above all the puny mortals, and could decide their fate… or something.

Well, enough of that. Hadn’t I told myself to stop humoring Frank’s wild theories? I should really do that. There was no concrete proof for any of them.

Still, I couldn’t help it. They all sounded both insane, and also kinda maybe a little plausible. After all, I didn’t know what supernatural or magical rules were at play here.

In the end, it all came back to the portals. What were they, really? Why were they there? Had I subconsciously made them? Or had they always been there, and I was the first, or among the first, to see them? There was still that refugee from the flooded world who had to have the same ability to see them, right?

The teacher then called my name and I scrambled to get out of my head and focus on the lesson again.

Third time today… I just couldn’t bring myself to pay attention to classes lately. My mind was too scattered. Too much to think about.

Despite that, I did my best to ignore the snickers of my classmates and read the passage the teacher wanted me to read. As soon as I finished, I began losing myself in my thoughts.

Again.

Eventually, the bell rang, marking the end of classes for today. I barely even remembered anything from the lessons. I chided myself, thinking about all the inevitable upcoming tests. I couldn’t help it, though. There was just too much suddenly going on.

“Heya. You alright?” Frank greeted me on our way out of school.

“Yeah, just… thinking about stuff,” I said absent-mindedly. “We’re gonna try going through another portal today, right?”

“Right… well, I was thinking… how about we take a break for today?” he suggested.

“A break?” I turned to face him.

“Yeah, you know, it’s not like we need to immediately go exploring the portals and whatnot, right? It’s been a crazy rush ever since you showed us the portal. Hell, it’s been only two days but it feels so much longer!”

Huh… Come to think of it, it hadn’t even been a week since I found out about the portals myself. And yet, it felt like I’d had more experiences in those few days than the last… I don’t know how many years of my life combined.

Maybe I did need a break?

“I… I thought you were excited about a fantastical adventure?” I quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Of course, I am!” He grinned before raising a finger. “But! Master Casey also taught me the art of not being thoughtless! And you!” He pointed his finger at me. “You really look like you could use a break.”

…

Huh… I glanced at Casey.

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Casey facepalmed. “You’re not actually supposed to say that you had to be told, Frank.”

“Details! All that matters is the result!”

“Well… Alright. We can take a break for today, I guess. It… has been a lot to digest for me lately… and for you too, I bet, so this is probably a good idea.”

“Of course it’s a good idea! It’s my idea!”

I instinctively rolled my eyes.

“I can at least work on leveling up and getting that shield in the meantime.” Frank nodded.

I quirked an eyebrow at him. “The break doesn’t apply to you?”

“Eeeh, this doesn’t count.” He waved his hand side to side. “It’s just grinding in a video game like normal and not exploring a fantasy world.”

“Well… sure.” I didn’t try to argue with his logic.

“And I kinda wanna get back to writing my novel again,” Casey said. “It’s kind of ironic… All of this has been giving me ideas left and right.”

“Well, you know what they say. Reality is stranger than fiction,” Frank reminded her.

“Yeah, true,” Casey agreed before turning to me. “What about you? Do you have any relaxation plans?”

“I…” 

I thought about it for a second. I really didn’t. The game used to be most of my relaxation. I couldn’t really call it that anymore. Besides the game, I usually killed time in one way or another on the internet. I didn’t think I could do that either now, though.

My mind automatically gravitated toward one of Frank’s wild theories and reminded me of something.

“Oh, right. I wanted to try and look through our family tree.” I turned to the two. “You know. Just in case my great-grandma had suspiciously fox-like features or something.”

Frank barked a laugh. “Sounds like fun. I hope you find something interesting.”

I shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t actually know much about my great-grandparents.”

We soon split up, and I headed toward the bus station.

Mom would still be at work when I arrived and I didn’t want to dig through her things without her permission, so I would have to wait.

I thought about what to do to drag my attention from constantly thinking about the portals and it immediately jumped out at me.

“Transgender…” I whispered to myself as the bus left the station.