I was walking in the woods.. my route home. I don't love that home, I'm not fond of that place either. Bad things always happen there although 'There's always a tomorrow and things will get better. 'They constantly say -- I don't see the days getting better I see them getting hard and I wish I could die. I don't want to see you tomorrow. Why should I be optimistic about it as if it never happened?
The trail home always brings me peace and temporary happiness with the smell of the flowers, the damp moss, and the wet bark on the trees but this journey home...This trail makes me sad sometimes, just knowing I'm walking straight to my impending doom.
I finally make it home, home 'Sweet' home as soon as I stepped through the door I hear my mother crying and begging my father to stop hitting her. Honestly, I don't feel any sympathy if the same thing is gonna happen to me.
I immediately ran upstairs to my bedroom shared with my brother and go through the closet desperately searching for extra pants to wear to soften the blows I will soon receive. But I couldn't find any of them.
I felt my brother's gaze full of pity on me I heard him speak clicking his tongue, "Father sold half of your clothing today to... that elderly couple who do those yard sales."
"What..?" I cried out in surprise looking at him, Who was sitting at the top bunk, wriggling his legs in a carefree manner, He's faking his pity and sadness for me. I just know it.
Father never laid his bloody hands on him, Never treated him wrong, Never scolded, or berated him. He treats him better than he treats me I can't help but be envious of him. He's probably the one who suggested for half of my clothes to be sold, None of his clothing on the bottom shelf was touched...still folded respectfully piled up in their usual place.
I was so angry I didn't notice my father with the belt, The belt was covered in my dried blood from the previous day, The belt is only reserved for me.. and it was patiently waiting for my return. In my rage, I didn't hear what my brother was saying. My resentment clouded his words.
"Shut up Phillip! I'm going to kill you! You narrow-minded sh*t breathe!" I pounced on him and started beating him up with my bare fist. As I straddled his waist. I was repeatedly jabbing him in the face. I couldn't hear his cries of pain and him telling me to stop. And calls out to our f father to help him.
But he only watched with a smile I could not understand, A smile I could not see. I'm physically fit like a wrestler, not buff though and I'm stronger than my brother though, Compared to him..he's weak. Even the wind could blow him down. The reason for that is that the father always wanted a son. But he didn't get one so he decided to raise me like a son.
And I believed that I was a boy till my preschool teacher said I wasn't. I didn't believe her words so easily though she had to explain in full detail. I told my father and he said nothing.
But transferred me to another school. Every day I joined him when he exercised in the morning and afternoon. I still do exercise but without him.
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The day my little brother was born his attention shifted away from me. No longer loving and kind to me. But anyways. ..I finally stopped punching my brother when my mother tried to pull me off the boy who was now in so much pain that he could only whimper and no longer scream.
I finally noticed the damage I caused to him. His face was battered so greatly that he looked unrecognizable that wasn't the only place I had mutilated. I had no words to say I wanted to say something but couldn't. His eyes were filled with horror and fear. His body trembled violently when I reach my hand towards him.
I've become. Just like dad, hitting someone only when he's angry.
I got off him and looked at my hands trembling these hands of mine....did that my hands were covered in his blood as evidence. ...
I looked at my mother she held Phillip in her arms comforting him as he cried. "Shhh... it's going to be okay," she said.
I looked around the room I noticed my father in the corner of my eye silently watching at the doorway of the bedroom leaning on the doorframe casually cleaning his nails. And he opened his mouth to speak with a voice that was desolate of anger I was predicting. I was expecting him to be angry...
I damaged his most beloved treasure.
"I didn't expect to stumble on the scene like this, This is better than --" mother who was holding Phillips in her arms threw a shoe at father and spoke. "I'm moving out! I'm taking Phillips with me I can't stand staying in this house anymore! Honey go pack your bags. "
Phillip instantly went to the closet and pulled all of his clothes into an empty plastic basket from the corner of the closet he didn't dare to turn around to face his elder sister, father, and mother.
That very same day I watched my mother and little brother leave the house and never come back again. Mother looked free and as if she left with no regrets. Phillip looked back at the house and flinched and turned his head back around shortly after seeing me at the porch watching them.
I wanted to go with them but I fear that I'll harm them and cause them pain.
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