Chapter 62: Book 3 Chapter 19: Festival

“Are you sure this is alright?” Joan asked before glancing at Korgron and Bauteut for confirmation. “It feels over the top. I mean, I’m not a demon, and this is demon clothing, right? Isn’t it kind of rude to wear it?”

“Nonsense,” Korgron said with a shake of her head. “We’ll make you an honorary demon instead, if you’d prefer. Then there’s nothing wrong with it.”

“Honorary demon?” Joan asked. “I don’t know. That sounds dangerous and painful.”

“Joan, it’s fine, we talked about this before,” Bauteut said. “Besides, you look cute.”

“Last time I did something like this, I almost got eaten by werewolves,” Joan said before turning to look at her reflection in the magical mirror that Korgron had summoned for her. The dress she was wearing covered most of her body beneath the neck. The fabric itself was a dark blue, almost purple. However, as opposed to the one she had been permitted to wear back when she was the guest of the queen, the skirt of this dress parted down the middle and instead there were dark leggings that covered her legs without impeding her movements. There were a few frills that swirled with her movements, but they didn’t impede her and instead the frills of the dress were more off to the side and back, just long enough they could move when she spun, but not so long she felt like someone might accidentally step on them. In fact, she was pretty sure she could have fought in this dress if she wanted. She couldn’t help it, she did a little spin, just to see the frills ripple around her.

Only to stop dead in her tracks when she saw the looks on Bauteut’s and Korgron’s faces. They looked like they were going to start giggling at any moment, their hands over their mouths. Her cheeks turned bright red and she quickly shook her head. “Okay, that’s it. I’m changing,” she said quickly. She only made it half a foot before she was grabbed on the shoulder and then yanked back by Korgron into a hug.

“Oh, not a chance. This is far too cute,” Korgron said with a light snicker. “You look perfect. Besides, there’s one other thing you’re not considering.”

Joan flushed and tried to ignore how, honestly, happy it made her to know she looked cute in the outfit. “Oh? And what’s that?”

“You can wear your sword in this dress,” Korgron said.

“Wait, I can?” Joan asked, her eyes lighting up. “Wait, that’s allowed?”

“I don’t think I like this idea,” Bauteut said. “Joan armed at a political event?”

“Everyone is armed,” Korgron said before extending her right arm and flexing the hand, showing off her claws. “If you think a sword makes you any more dangerous than half the demons there you’re more naive than I though, bucket.”

“It’s BAUTEUT!” Bauteut said, her voice rising in anger. She then paused and took a small, deep breath. “Anyway. Aside from the sword, it’ll be fine. It’s not like Korgron is going to try and send werewolves at us again.”

“I might you,” Korgron said, tensing up slightly and strengthening her grip on Joan.

“It doesn’t hurt to relax once in a while,” Bauteut said with a small smile before reaching out and patting her head. Joan couldn’t be sure, but she swore she could almost feel Korgron growling, but she didn’t swat her hand away. “You’re still recovering, anyway. Just relax and enjoy yourself for once.”

Joan nodded before glancing back towards the mirror. It was just a celebration, right? A party? She didn’t need to be tense. Didn’t need to worry. What could go wrong? Only everything.

But she was trying her hardest and, for once, maybe a bit of enjoyment wouldn’t hurt her. If what Bauteut said was true, then she was still on the cusp of getting stuck in healer’s shock flu. Taking a bit of time to rest and recuperate would be fine. Besides it wasn’t like she could just run off and go find the other chosen now anyway. Korgron was the only one who could teleport them home and, until she felt ready for it, there wasn’t much she could do to make her.

That and she didn’t really feel like facing the queen again until Hardwin was back. She’d feel far safer with him staying between the two.

Jane looked back at herself in the mirror. “Do I really look cute?”

“You look positively adorable,” Korgron said. “Almost as cute as I did when I was your age.”

Joan gave a light snort. “I find that hard to believe.”

“Same,” Bauteut said. “I can’t really imagine cork-on ever being cute.”

Korgron paused for a moment before turning to glare at the healer. “What did you call me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Your name is just sooooo hard to remember. What was it? Corded? Grounded? Growled?”

Korgron gave a low growl then, her eyes narrowing. Joan gulped and quickly tried to distract the two. “Err, so what about my hair? Do you think it’ll look fine?”

“Huh?” Korgron asked. “Oh, for that, I have something extra special. You’ll love it. But it’s a surprise.”

Joan gulped and felt a fresh wave of nervousness wash over her. She had a bad feeling about this. She tried to not imagine the dozens of ways things could go wrong.

 

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Joan took it all back. This was AMAZING. She stared at herself in the mirror, gingerly reaching up to poke the fake horns on her head. “This is the coolest thing ever,” she said, unable to keep any of the glee out of her voice. “I’ve never had horns before.”

“Just try not to break them,” Korgron said, grinning just as wide.

“Why did you even have something like that?” Searle asked, staring at Korgron. “Is this normal?”

“Yeah. Some demons never have horns, or they don’t get them until later. Not all of us are fortunate enough to be graced with the three symbols of perfection I bear,” Korgron said before motioning to the three horns pointing out of her head. “Sometimes they’ll put on fake fangs and claws as well, but I figured that’d be over doing it. Especially with her sword.”

“I still don’t like the idea of Joan carrying around her sword,” Bauteut said, her arms crossed and looking quite annoyed.

“You’re just jealous that you don’t get to have awesome horns,” Joan said before reaching up to poke the two fake red horns on her head. Or maybe they were real and had just come from some monster, she didn’t know. Either way, Korgron had cast a spell on them so they’d stay attached to her head, poking out through her hair and making her look almost demonic. They matched her dress as well. She glanced back to Searle and Bauteut, both in rather simple, if elegant outfits of their own. The same kind of flowing garments that were worn so often back home.

They looked almost drab in comparison to Korgron, who was wearing a dress more akin to Joan’s. Except while Joan’s flowed, Korgron’s shimmered in the light. It looked almost as if it was alive, the fabric constantly moving and catching the light, each flickering movement sending ripples of sparkles through the dress and giving it an appearance of embers rising around her.

“I wouldn’t want horns,” Bauteut said. “I don’t think you should wear those, either. You’re not a demon, nor should you pretend to be.”

“I’m not,” Joan said. “I’m not even pretending to be. I’m just letting myself have a little fun is all. What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing,” Korgron said with a knowing smirk. “She’s just jealous that she has to be a normal, mundane little human while you get to be an awesome demon today. No offense, Searle.”

Searle didn’t say anything, but Joan could almost feel the discomfort he was feeling. She didn’t blame him, the squabbling between the two was getting a bit too frequent these days. “You still look really pretty, Bauteut,” Joan said quickly. “You both do.”

Bauteut gave a small smile to her and nodded. “Thank you. If nothing else, at least you pull off that look much better that corked.”

Korgron gave another low growl, her eyes narrowing on Bauteut, who only glared back.

“We should probably get going,” Searle said quickly before turning to Korgron. “Your sister wanted us to come out with her and Andreas, right?”

Korgron sighed before giving a nod. “Yes, all of the chosen together.” She then glanced back towards Joan and, she couldn’t be certain, but she swore she saw worry in her eyes. “Joan, stay out of trouble. Try not to draw your sword unless you have to.”

“She won’t,” Bauteut said firmly. “I’ll be there.”

“Great, if any trouble starts, shove bucket into it and run,” Korgron said.

Bauteut gave a growl that time but, mercifully, Searle managed to quickly vacate the room, pulling Korgron behind him. Once they were gone, Joan gave a sigh. “You know she can destroy you with a wave of her hand, right?”

“So can a lot of people, it doesn’t mean I’m going to let her push me around,” Bauteut said. “Besides, of all the people who should tell me to be more careful about who I annoy, it shouldn’t be you.”

“I’m just more experienced at it, I don’t push my limits,” Joan said with as haughty a tone as she could muster. That drew a small smile from Bauteut.

“Oh? You don’t push your limits? Since when?” Bauteut asked.

“I’m still alive, aren’t I?” Joan asked.

“Despite your best efforts, yes. But it is only thanks to the combined efforts of all of us that that is the case,” Bauteut said firmly. “Even then it hasn’t been easy.”

“Exactly. I know my limits and yours,” Joan said, trying to keep a straight face, but quickly breaking into a smile. “You have all been quite adequate at ensuring I don’t get myself killed.”

“Oh? Adequate? Good to know we get such high marks. My mentors would be so proud,” Bauteut said with a roll of her eyes. “Come on, let’s go. Try not to get into any fights today, okay?”

“Who would I even get in a fight with?” Joan asked with a light chuckle. “If anyone is going to get into a fight, it’ll likely be you. I’m at least passable as a demon.”

Bauteut shook her head. “You’re really not.”

“Do I at least look intimidating?” Joan asked. While she had meant it as a joke, she couldn’t deny that she was a little hopeful the answer was yes.

“Very much so,” Bauteut said, not even hesitating and filling Joan with more pride than she’d ever be willing to admit.

 

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“Joan, slow down!” Bauteut said curtly.

Joan ignored her and just kept going. If Bauteut wanted to wear a dress that made it so hard to run, she didn’t see why she had to slow down for her. It had been so long since she’d been to a celebration like this. It seemed the return of the future queen of their, albeit tiny, nation had stirred quite a bit of excitement in the demons.

Then again, Joan had never known demons, at least those of Kazora, to ignore any reason to celebrate. It was probably one of the few traits they seemed to have that she found endearing. She wondered for a moment if it was a cultural thing or something to do with the demons they were descended from. She couldn’t remember any demons who had been transformed desiring to celebrate, aside from with murder.

Joan shoved those thoughts aside and kept on going, ignoring Bauteut’s struggles to keep up. It was a silly thing, but it had been a literal lifetime or more since she had been here during a celebration and there was one thing in particular she refused to miss out on.

Joan’s eyes lit up when she saw it. Her heart almost skipped a beat. It took everything she had to not let out a giddy, childish squeal of delight because she KNEW Bauteut would never let her live it down.

Whenever there were celebrations, there was food. The foods that demons ate, however, were often quite unique. On top of that, coming here was not something she had done often, even less often during a celebration. Worse of all, there had been many lifetimes where she never even tried it. Many more where the Hero tried it once and, by the time the Hero could come back and try it again, they were no longer here.

“Joan, what has gotten into you?” Bauteut asked once she finally caught up, before nearly falling over and panting for breath. “Please don’t make me run like that.”

“You should have worn something like me,” Joan said. “Here it is, though. Come on.” Before the healer could catch her breath Joan made her way towards the small stand.

“Joan, don’t, oh by the stars. Wolf, give me patience so I don’t throttle her,” Bauteut said.

Behind the stand was a demon with a single horn, though she didn’t seem to be paying much attention at all. Her eyes kept wandering off through the crowds, a look of boredom on her face. However when Joan approached the woman turned to look at her. Her face quickly shifted to a look of confusion.

Joan didn’t hesitate. “I’d like two firebrand pastries, please.”

“Err, I think you might be a little young for that,” the woman said. “Miss, where are your parents?”

Joan blinked a few times, unsure of how to respond to that. She had never received any trouble when she’d tried them as the Hero. “Don’t have them. Is there a problem? I have the money,” she said before reaching for her coin purse. Only to realize that she hadn’t actually brought it with her. “Or I did.”

That made the woman’s eyes narrow. “I see. Kid, I don’t have time for games or pranks.”

“Joan, this is why I said not to run off. Here,” Bauteut said before walking past her and dropping a few coins onto the stand. “Just give get her whatever she wants.”

The demon didn’t move for a few moments before the look of confusion and annoyance turned to anger. Finally she took the coins and then reached back into a small bin, pulling out two red orbs about the size of her fist, before placing them down. “Here. Enjoy,” she said in a tone that Joan suspected was anything but sincere.

“Thank you,” Bauteut said before grabbing both and holding one out to Joan.

Joan quickly took it, though she couldn’t help but glance towards the demon once more. The hostility wasn’t hidden in the slightest. Had the Hero been looked at like that? She quickly started to walk away, though this time she made sure to move just slow enough that Bauteut could keep up.

“What even is this?” Bauteut asked. “Some kind of bread?”

“Yeah,” Joan said. “Careful, it’s really spicy. But trust me, it’s worth it. At least, once you get to the center.”

“Uh huh,” Bauteut said, eyeing it. “Is this why you ran off? A spicy pastry?”

“Yes,” Joan said before glancing back to the other girl. Her eyes went wide and she quickly shook her head. “Don’t!”

“Don’t?” Bauteut asked, just about to nibble at the loaf. “What am I supposed to do, throw it on the ground?”

“Don’t nibble at it,” Joan said. “Full bites, trust me.” She then did as she said, holding the loaf up and biting into it.

Almost instantly it felt like her mouth was on fire, the pastry’s spices erupting in her mouth and making her softly whimper, but keep going. Tears began to fill up her eyes and she could feel her sinuses clearing almost instantly, but she quickly took a second bite. Now her mouth was burning so much she was a little worried it might actually start to melt. But she was almost there. Only one more. She took one more bite and finally got to the center. A creamy coolness washed over her when she finally got to the core, a gooey, minty substance that washed away the heat and mixed with the sharp taste of the pastry to create a strange, delightful mixture. She let out a soft sigh before wiping the tears from her eyes. “Oh it has been lifetimes since I tried that.”

“That looked miserable,” Bauteut said. “I think I’ll pass.”

Joan gave a shrug. “Really? Suit yourself. If you don’t want it, I’ll eat yours.”

“Go ahead,” Bauteut said before holding it out.

Joan took it before glancing over to the healer for a moment. She then sighed. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have headed off like that. When we got out here I just realized they’d still have these and I got excited. Thanks for paying for them.”

“As much as I am loathe to admit it, Korgron paid for them,” Bauteut said. “She gave me a coin purse and said if you want anything, pay from that. I knew you’d forget your coin purse, though.”

Joan’s cheeks turned a little redder and she took another bite of the treat, her lips now burning a little but nowhere near as bad as it had been before. “Still, thank you. I really should have been more careful.”

Bauteut nodded before walking a bit closer to her. “So, uhhh, are these looks normal?”

Joan didn’t even have to ask what she meant, she just nodded. “Yeah. We’re human. Worse, you’re flaunting it with those garments. Could be worse, most demon cities we’d be kill or worse on sight. Even if they’re not exactly friendly to humans here, the most you’ll get is some dirty looks. Oh, and be careful what you eat.”

“Why?” Bauteut asked, her tone wary.

“Some things are toxic to humans,” Joan said with a shrug. “Not these. But some things. Oh, there were these little spider puff things they made that Hardwin absolutely fell in love with the first day. Turned out, to humans? Absolutely poisonous. Would have killed a normal human. But to a chosen? He was out of it for days. He kept calling Korgron the ‘Great Frozen Queen of the Mountain People’. Oh, and anyone who tries to assassinate us will likely try through poison.”

“Wait, what?” Bauteut asked before reaching out to grab her shoulder, yanking her back. “What do you mean, assassinate us?”

Joan finished off the first pastry, holding the second tightly in her hands and staring up at her. “I mean, I think it kind of speaks for itself.”

“Why would anyone try to assassinate us?” Bauteut asked. “Why are you so casual about it? What is wrong with you?”

“Oh, calm down,” Joan said with a roll of her eyes. “Nobody is going to try. Probably. I’m just saying if they did, they’d likely do it that way.”

“That’s not helping in the slightest,” Bauteut said again. “Did someone try to assassinate you?”

“When I was the Hero? Plenty of times,” Joan said before glancing around. Nobody seemed to be giving them much attention, aside from the occasional dirty look, but she really didn’t like the idea of talking about this in public. “But relax. We’re nobody now. There’s not a lot of reason for anyone to want us dead.”

“And the chosen?” Bauteut asked.

“Andreas and Searle already know,” Joan said. “I mean, they probably know. Andreas knows. He’d have told Searle. I think. Maybe?”

Bauteut just glared at her.

Joan gave a soft, nervous chuckle. “Err, I’ll tall him later. Sorry. It just kind of slipped my mind.”

“I swear everything slips your mind,” Bauteut said gently, her voice brimming with annoyance.

“I’d like to see how much you can remember after having all of that happen,” Joan said. “I’m doing the best I can, really. It just wasn’t really a big deal. Nobody ever tried to kill me aside from poison. Well, except the duels. But those are a big ceremonial thing and--”

“Joan!” a voice called out.

She looked around and, after a moment, she realized who called her out. Qakog. The boy shoved his way through the crowd, quickly making his way towards her.

“Friend of yours?” Bauteut asked.

“I hope?” Joan said softly, already feeling nervous. She didn’t want to fight him again. Especially once she realized he was armed this time. Strapped at his side was a long, narrow rapier. Piercer of Bark may have been his title, but she remembered that rapier piercing through her far too often. Within a few moments he was in front of her once more, staring down at her.

“Can we help you?” Bauteut asked, her grip on Joan tightening a little.

To her surprise, Qakog knelt down in front of her, lowering his head. “Joan, I am here for one reason and one reason only. I hereby challenge you to a second duel.”

Joan stared for a moment, her mouth falling open. But, fortunately, she knew exactly how to solve this one, especially as there was no reason she wanted to fight him with weapons. “I yield.”

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“You yield?” Qakog and Bauteut asked. To her annoyance, the latter sounded more confused by this than the former.

“I yield. I don’t want to fight you,” Joan said quickly. “So I surrender.”

Qakog slowly got to his feet, staring at her. “You can’t! You already defeated me once, you can’t end it like that!”

“Defeated you once?” Bauteut asked. “Joan, you got in a fight?”

“Err, yes, must have slipped my mind,” Joan said quickly. “But it was a fluke, that’s all. Trust me, there’s no reason for us to fight.” She could almost feel that blade piercing her and, frankly, she wasn’t the Hero now. Even if he was nowhere near as good as he would one day become, she would never be as good as the Hero was. Nor could her organs survive nearly as well when exposed to the outside elements.

“I slipped your mind?” Qakog asked, his tone hurt. That made Joan pause. Was he really upset by something like that?

“Joan isn’t well,” Bauteut said. “She’s still in recovery from prior wounds. She can’t duel you right now.”

Qakog’s eyes went wide and then he stared at Joan. “You’re wounded? How? When? When we fought, were you…?”

“I got really, really lucky,” Joan said sheepishly. At the very least, he seemed more worried than angry. That was good. “I’m really sorry, but we can’t duel. Healer’s orders.”

“Exactly,” Bauteut said.

Qakog stared at her for a few more moments before nodding. “Very well. I will wait until you have recovered, then I will challenge you again.”

Joan gave a soft sigh. “Listen, I yield. You win, okay? So there’s no reason for us to fight.”

“I cannot accept that,” Qakog said.

Bauteut shook her head. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what Joan did, but please just let it go. There’s no reason for you to fight.”

“No!” Qakog yelled. Joan couldn’t help but cringe, especially as more eyes now turned towards them. “I refuse to allow this! You have defeated me!” He then reached out to take her hand, but Joan quickly pulled back, almost knocking Bauteut over.

“Enough!” Bauteut said before moving Joan aside and standing between the two of them. “Fine, you want to duel Joan so much? Then you can once you defeat Searle.”

“Very well!” Qakog said, before trying to peer around her to look at Joan. “Do you consider those terms acceptable?”

“Uhhhhh…” Joan said, unsure of how to proceed with that. “I guess? But Searle’s a lot stronger than I am, especially now. I could barely beat him before.”

Qakog gave a firm nod. “It matters not. I will defeat him and then we will fight once more!”

Joan nodded, though she couldn’t help feeling rather foolish, hiding behind Bauteut like this. “I guess? Why do you even want to fight me?”

Qakog stared at her, standing up straight as could be. “You defeated me once. Human or not, that makes you more than worthy. Additionally, you are the only human of your kind, are you not? And a seer as well. Now it falls on me to prove myself worthy of you so I may take you as my bride. That is why we must fight again, I cannot accept it if I have not earned the right for your hand!”

Joan stared for a few moments, only shaking herself out of it when Bauteut began to laugh. “Wait, what?”

“You will become my bride once I have proven I am worthy of your hand,” Qakog said again.

“What?” Joan asked again

“He wants to fight you for your hand in marriage,” Bauteut said before breaking into another fit of giggles. “By the stars. I thought this was serious!”

Joan stared at him for many long, painful moments, struggling to grasp what was said. “What?”

Bauteut was almost doubled over with laughing now, but Qakog didn’t seem the least bit ashamed or embarrassed. In fact, he dashed in, now that her shield seemed distracted, and reached out to take her hand. She was too stunned to pull away. “You will become my bride,” he said once more. “I have never experienced such defeat since I was a child.”

“What?” Joan asked, still not able to grasp the situation. “You are a child, though. You can’t be serious.”

“I understand. I will defeat this Searle and then we will face each other once more, in a true duel. I will earn your hand. So please, wait for me,” Qakog said firmly.

“What?” Joan asked. “Wait, no, wait, err, wait!” She tried to pull her hands back, but his grip was a lot stronger than she expected. “Don’t you mean Korgron? Korgron’s hand? Right?”

“The princess? No,” Qakog said. “I will have yours and yours alone!”

To Joan’s annoyance, Bauteut was only laughing harder now, tears in her eyes. She had to nip this in the bud before it got out of hand. How did she used to let people down as the Hero? Right. She knew how to solve this. “Err, listen. You’re, err, you’re great. Really. But I am already betrothed to somebody.”

“You are?” Qakog asked. “To who?”

“To… errr,” Joan said, but quickly ran into a hiccup in her plan. She’d have normally said one of the chosen, but she wasn’t the Hero anymore. The last thing she wanted to do was draw more trouble for them. Panic began to rise in her and, to her almost instant regret, she said the first name that popped into her head. “Bauteut.”

The healer only started laughing harder at that point, gasping for breath and now tears going down her face. “What?” Bauteut asked, though she struggled to form the words. “Oh. Yes. Of course.” The healer managed to, with a great deal of difficulty, calm her laughter and stand up straight again, though the smile on her lips had only grown.

“Who is this Bauteut?” Qakog asked. That, at least, reduced the laughter from the healer.

“Err, her,” Joan said before motioning toward Bauteut with her head. Still, if nothing else, the healer at least seemed willing to go along with it for the moment. Though she was sure she’d suffer for it later. “So, as you can see, I am taken.”

Qakog blinked and looked between the two of them, confusion on his face. She could almost see the thoughts slowly coming together in his head. Finally, he spoke up. “You are both women, correct?”

And that just made Bauteut break down into another fit of laughter. “Yes,” Joan said. “It’s a, err, political thing. For--”

“Then I will marry you both!” Qakog said firmly.

“Oh, oh no, no no, none of that,” Bauteut said quickly, taking a moment to catch her breath. “I can see where this is going. I hereby relinquish my claim. Qakog, she’s all yours.”

“What?” Joan asked, turning to her. “But, but, you can’t just, what?”

“Very well then!” Qakog said. “I will prepare and challenge this Searle immediately! Ready yourself, Joan, for once you have recovered our duel will commence. Then I will ensure that ‘list’ you fear will never harm you.” With those world shattering words he let her go and ran through the crowd.

Joan didn’t move, her entire body locked in place and hands still up. “Why?” she asked.

“I think he has a crush,” Bauteut said, before wiping her eyes. “Oh, that was amazing.”

“Why did you tell him that?” Joan asked.

“Why did you tell him I was your bride-to-be?” Bauteut asked.

“I panicked, okay?” Joan said. “But you didn’t need to do that! You have no idea what he’s like!”

“I don’t,” Bauteut said. “Come on, he’s just a kid with a crush. Relax.”

Joan sighed before grabbing Bauteut’s hand and dragging her away from the crowd, her cheeks burning with shame. Once they were out of the crowd and further from prying eyes, she turned to glare at Bauteut. “No, he’s not just a kid with a crush.”

“Sounded like that to me,” Bauteut said.

“He almost killed me,” Joan said.

That, at least, shook the smile from Bauteut’s face. “Wait, what? When? You didn’t have any new wounds, when did he almost kill you?”

“No, not, not me me. The Hero me.”

Bauteut only looked more confused now. “What? He killed you?”

“No,” Joan said. “Almost. Listen, when I was the Hero, he often won Korgron’s hand and became either her husband or the prime contender for the role. Err, assuming the Hero didn’t. However, when the Hero fought for her, he almost killed the Hero. Do you understand now?”

“That kid?” Bauteut asked. “I think your memories are acting up again. Didn’t you just beat him yourself?”

“Yes I did, now,” Joan said. “When he was unarmed. He, however, is going to become incredibly powerful and now, thanks to you, he’s going to try and make me become his bride!”

Bauteut stared at her for a few more moments before grinning. “I think you’re overestimating him. He’s not going to be able to beat Searle.”

“You give Searle too much credit,” Joan said.

“And you don’t give him enough,” Bauteut said.

“I probably don’t. But I don’t want him to have to deal with this,” Joan said.

“Why? It’s fine. Once he realizes what’s going on, he’s going to be happy to. Well, maybe not happy. But he won’t want you to marry some random demon, either. Why did you even tell him you were engaged to me?” Bauteut asked.

“I told you, I panicked,” Joan said.

“And your first thought was me? Not one of the chosen?” Bauteut asked, a teasing grin on her lips.

“No, I used to use the chosen as an excuse when I was the Hero,” Joan said. “But I’m not, now. The amount of trouble I’d cause for them and for me if I said I was betrothed to one of them is not worth it. I just kind of… don’t… really know anyone else I could think of. I’m sorry.”

Bauteut gave another soft laugh. “Wow. You’re terrible at this. Did it happen a lot as the Hero, then?”

“All the time,” Joan said, awaiting another laugh from the other girl.

Bauteut didn’t laugh, though. In fact, the smile slowly faded from her lips. “Joan? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Joan said, though she honestly didn’t believe it.

“You’re not,” Bauteut said. “You’re doing that thing you always do. That panicked, frantic thing. This really has you freaking out, doesn’t it?”

“Of course it does! Wouldn’t you? Who wouldn’t freak out over this?” Joan asked before she started pacing. “It’s just, he’s, I don’t, I’m not ready for this. Okay?”

She was stopped by a hand on her shoulder. “Joan?” Bauteut said in a soothing tone. “That’s not all there is, is it? Are you really that scared of a crush?”

“I’m not scared!” Joan yelled, unable to keep the panic out of her voice. “I’m just worried, okay? I don’t have time for this. I don’t--”

“Joan? Joan, you’re panicking,” Bauteut said. “I need you to look at me.”

“I’m not--”

“Just look at me,” Bauteut said.

Joan sighed and looked up at her, but she didn’t see how it could help. She still felt so nervous and her heart was pounding and she really was panicking, wasn’t she? She tried to pretend she wasn’t, to ignore it, but it didn’t stop. “It’s not helping.”

“You’re not marrying him,” Bauteut said gently. “You’re not marrying anybody. Okay?”

“But I’m not going to be able to beat him eventually. He’s going to be stronger than me. I can’t--”

“That doesn’t matter,” Bauteut said in as soothing a tone as she could, both hands on her shoulders now. “You don’t need to worry about this. I promise.”

“You can’t promise that,” Joan said softly.

“I can, I did and I mean it,” Bauteut said. “You know what else? Searle will help me if it comes to it. I’m sure the chosen will too. Hardwin definitely will. Because we all care about you. So you’re going to be okay. No marriages. No betrothals. Okay?”

“Okay,” Joan said, staring up at the other girl. “I’m not scared.”

“I know,” Bauteut said. “Are you okay?”

“Not really,” Joan said, shaking her head. “I don’t know.” She didn’t really know how she was now. She wanted to start crying, or throw up, or hide under the bed or any number of other things. Worst of all? She wasn’t sure this was entirely her. She had memories of feeling like this as the Hero as well. She settled for just leaning forward and resting her forehead against Bauteut’s arm. “I used to feel like this before too.”

“In the academy?” Bauteut asked.

“No, as the Hero,” Joan said.

Bauteut gave a light snicker. “Oh? Was he nervous about the idea of getting married too?”

“Yes!” Joan said, her voice filled with so much anger that it even stunned her and wiped the smile off Bauteut’s face. “Yes, he was! I mean, I was. I mean, I just… there were so many expectations! I was the Hero. I was expected to be strong, and charming, and powerful, and viral!”

Bauteut stared at her for a long moment before speaking. “Did you mean virile?”

“That too,” Joan said. “Everytime. Everywhere I went, people threw themselves at me. Elves, humans, dwarves, fae, even some demons. Do you know what that was like?”

“I mean, not really,” Bauteut said. “I imagine being the Hero, he was--”

“I didn’t want that most the time. I didn’t…” Joan felt tears welling up in her eyes. “I was expected to be that way. I was expected to be that strong bastion. To take… to take…” Red began to flood her cheeks. “I have memories of that. Of taking… partners. I have so many memories of it. And I remember feeling so confused and bewildered after. Trying to keep up this act. Trying to portray the Hero all the time. To be that strong presence when I was so scared and confused. To make people feel safe. To make them believe I knew what I was doing. Yet everyone expected it. Everyone was jealous of it. Because I was the Hero. I didn’t really… none of them really cared about me. Knew me. I didn’t even know me. I still don’t think I know me. The only ones I ever really felt anything close to were the chosen and… and now even they’re… I can’t…”

“Joan, it’s okay…” Bauteut said softly.

“It’s not okay!” Joan screamed before trying to shove the other girl off, but she refused to move. “That’s what I’m trying to say! It’s not! It was never okay! And it doesn’t matter!”

“Joan, what you went through wasn’t okay,” Bauteut said. “But it is okay that you feel this way.”

Joan was about to scream again, only to pause when she was told that. “What?”

“It’s okay that you feel upset by that,” Bauteut said with a small smile. “I’m sorry you felt that way. I’m sorry you feel that way now. But it’s okay that you feel that way. That you have these feelings.”

“No it’s not,” Joan said softly, shaking her head before reaching up and trying to wipe the tears from her eyes. “It’s not. I still, I don’t have time for this. I’m so stupid. I’m breaking down over nothing. The world is on the edge of a knife and going to teeter into the flames and I’m worrying about a stupid demon who has a stupid crush and this isn’t right at all.”

“Joan, it’s okay for you to have feelings,” Bauteut said gently. “It’s okay for you to be upset, or stressed, or panicked. It’s okay for you to not be sure how to proceed. It’s okay for you to be scared or cry or distraught. And you know what else, Joan?”

Joan sniffled and stared up at Bauteut. “What?”

“It was okay for the Hero to feel like that too,” Bauteut said in a soft tone. “I can’t imagine the kind of pressure he felt. I can’t imagine the kind of feelings that went through his mind. Your mind. I can’t imagine the confusion and the distress he felt every time something new and terrifying came. I can’t imagine any of that. I certainly can’t imagine the stress that was pushing down on him all the time. On you. I can’t do much about it, either. But I can tell you it is okay for you to feel this way. It’s okay to be upset.”

“But it doesn’t matter,” Joan said softly.

“It matters to you, doesn’t it? So yes, it does,” Bauteut said.

Joan nodded before gently wiping her eyes. “Really?”

“Really.”

“Thank you,” Joan said before glancing back towards the crowds. “We should get back to celebrating, right? Ummm… please don’t tell the chosen about this.”

“Oh? Why?” Bauteut asked.

“I think they worry about me too much as it is,” Joan said. “They still depend on me, right? So I want them to know they can. I don’t want them just seeing me as a big emotional wreck. Besides, I don’t want them to laugh at me.”

“If you want. But I want you to know, I am sorry for laughing like that. I really shouldn’t have,” Bauteut said

“Thank you,” Joan said softly.

“Okay. We can head back then. Or do you want to wait out here for a little bit longer?” Bauteut asked.

“Maybe just a few more minutes,” Joan said, though she did feel a little better. She still wasn’t sure how to deal with Qakog, but she at least now felt like it was okay for her to have a little bit of a freak out over it. It really was just a crush, he probably would lose interest in her before long, anyway. She just needed to calm down and focus on enjoying herself, that was all. He’d probably fall for Korgron again eventually, then it would all be over and she’d never have to worry about it again.