Chapter 84: Book 4 Chapter 18: Bucket

After experiencing the unsettling sensation of her body being flung across the continent in seconds, a journey that should have taken days, possibly weeks, Joan appeared in the center of a large, stone chamber. She was at least grateful she’d only had to experience it twice today.

Moments before a bucket flew past her and hit Korgron on the head.

“How DARE you!” Bauteut yelled, the fury evident from her voice.

For a moment there was silence in the room. Bauteut was standing besides a wide eyed and confused Queen Emeline, King Ulfraine and a pair of soldiers. Those looks of confusion were quickly replaced by ones of horror.

Then, a moment later, Korgron began to laugh. “A bucket, really?”

Joan just stood there in shock for a moment, looking between the two of them. Bauteut’s fury, Korgron’s humor at the sheer audacity of the attack. Joan couldn’t help but snort and shake her head. “I’m going to go rest,” she said. “It has been a long, long day.”

Bauteut looked ready to yell something else, but that made her pause. “Huh? Joan? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Joan said before she just turned and headed towards the door. “I’m just tired. May I?”

“I think--” Emeline started, but was cut off.

“Yes,” Korgron said. “Go ahead. We’ll deal with this. Your highnesses, I take it?”

“You’re a demon,” Ulfraine said.

“And you can see,” Korgron said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. “Also, I see you armed Bauteut.”

“She said it was important,” Emeline said quickly. “We didn’t realize she intended, err--”

“I’m not sorry,” Bauteut said firmly. “I’ve had it with you and your--”

“Child,” Emeline said, cutting her off. “Behave yourself.”

“Oh, no, please go on,” Korgron said with another laugh. “It’s kind of fun to see her all ragey. Please, bucket, tell me how you really feel.”

“BUCKET? Listen here, chosen or not I--”

Joan tuned them out, though at least their antics brought a smile to her lips. She just felt so tired, her mind awash with memories of a life she had before. Joan had. They felt so wrong. As if they happened to somebody else and she was just watching them as nothing more than a passenger.

 

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Joan was awoken by a few soft knocks on her door. She reached over for her sword before realizing that, unlike when she was staying with Isla, she wasn’t allowed to keep her weapons here. “Come in,” she said.

The door opened and, despite the exhaustion she had felt a moment prior, fresh energy surged through her when she saw who it was. Hardwin stepped into the room. “I heard a little seer arrived to-- whoa!”

Joan couldn’t help herself, she’d jumped to her feet and then off the bed, launching herself at him and nearly tackling him in a hug around the neck. He stumbled back a few feet, an arm wrapping around her.

“Whoa there, kid. That’s, err, I’m happy to see you too. But, ummm, you can let go now,” Hardwin said.

“Don’t want to,” Joan said, unable to keep the glee from rising within her. Hardwin was back. Finally. That meant five of the chosen were ready. Only two more to go. Hopefully. “So? How’d it go? Did you find Thalgren?”

“Ayes, that he did,” a voice said and she glanced down the hall for a moment before her eyes locked on the dwarf. Finally, Thalgren, he…

…

“Who in the world is that?” Joan asked once she had a moment to look him over.

“Thalgren, little missy,” the dwarf said with a rather disarming smile.

Joan eyed him for a moment before letting Hardwin go and walking over towards the dwarf. He was taller than her, which honestly filled her with annoyance. She couldn’t ever remember being shorter than Thalgren. But there was more to it. At first glance he might have passed as Thalgren, but there was no way it was him. She couldn’t even place why, though. His hair was a little too light, but she supposed it could be another sign that things had changed for him. His eyes were that same golden brown that seemed to glimmer in the light, a hint of the dwarven elemental origins. He DID look a lot like Thalgren, but it wasn’t correct. He was too twitchy, even when he was standing still. Thalgren could have passed for a statue when he was still. This dwarf seemed almost hyper by extension. His eyes continuing to flicker between Hardwin and Joan.

“No, you’re not,” Joan finally said.

“Then who else would I be?” he asked with a light laugh.

“I don’t know,” Joan said. “But I know Thalgren. You’re not him. If you’d like, I could prove it. Hardwin, have you given Thalgren the hammer?”

“Err, yes,” Hardwin said. “But--”

“Perfect,” Joan said. “Then if you’re the chosen, if I punch you it won’t hurt you.” She pulled her fist back and then felt a hand gripping her wrist. “Huh? Hardwin?” she asked once she realized he’d grabbed her.

Hardwin only gave a sigh and shook his head. “I told you,” he said. “I don’t know how she knows the things she does, but she does.”

“Ayes, I’ll give her that,” a very, very familiar voice said. A moment later there was a few heavy footsteps and then another dwarf came out from around the corner, a grin on his face. “You just cost me a bet, lil missy.”

Joan’s eyes lit up when she saw him. THAT was Thalgren. Once her arm was released she ran past the other dwarf and nearly tackled Thalgren. It felt like she was hugging a warm statue that smelled like dirt. She missed that about him.

“Hey, now, if you’re--”

“I’ll pay the tab,” Joan said quickly. “You have no idea how good it is to see you. Did you give Hardwin a lot of grief?”

“You have no idea,” Hardwin said with a long suffering sigh. “Apparently while I was gone you decided to go collecting a few on your own. I would have sworn we talked about this.”

“We did,” Joan said. “I only took risks that I absolutely had to.”

Thalgren gave a light laugh and shook his head. “A little gambler then, eh? You know, missy. I only just met you and even I know that’s not true. I’d bet my new hammer that you took a lot of risks you didn’t need to.”

“I would not take that bet,” Joan said before letting him go and looking up at him. She then gave a soft sigh. “It feels really weird to be shorter than you.”

That, however, made the smile fall off his lips and instead he cocked an eye. “I really don’t know how to take that.”

“Don’t worry about it. So, who’s he?” Joan asked before pointing towards the other dwarf.

“My brother-in-law, Zorn,” Thalgren said with a sigh of his own. “I didn’t want to bring him, but I had to bring someone with me if I was to make this foolish journey all the way here and he was the only one my dear wife would accept a vow from.”

Joan went entirely still, her eyes wide with horror. “W-wait. Did you say wife? Oh no. Please. Not Joira?”

“No,” Thalgren said.

“Yuvi?” Joan asked.

“Of course not!” Thalgren said.

“Oh no. No no no. Please, please tell me not Belyn,” Joan asked, shaking her head and praying it wasn’t her. If Thalgren vowed himself to HER of all people.

“Wait, who told you about Belyn?” Thalgren asked.

“You did,” Joan said. “Please. Please tell me not her.”

“By the stars, no,” Thalgren said. “Though, I would appreciate it if you stopped naming every woman I was ever with.”

“I could list the men as well if you like,” Joan said. “Though I didn’t think you started that until after the--” Her mouth was covered with a very strong, stone-like hand and Thalgren just glared at her.

“I like her,” Zorn said with a laugh. “My sister is going to love to hear about this.”

Thalgren just gave another sigh and a look of defeat. “Little missy, you’re going to be nothing but trouble, aren’t you?”

Joan couldn’t talk with his hand over her mouth but she was at least polite enough to give a nod.

“She’s certainly something else,” Hardwin said.

“Indeed,” Thalgren said. “In case you are curious, my wife is Mothr. Do you know her?” He pulled his hand back.

“No,” Joan said. “Did you say her name is mother?”

Zorn just gave another hearty laugh at that.

“Absolutely nothing but trouble,” Thalgren said. “However, you still have a lot of explaining to do.”

“I do?” Joan asked. “Oh, right. Yeah. I bet you’ve got a lot of questions.”

“I’ve got quite a few myself,” Hardwin said. “For example, why my new daughter, despite being laid up in bed, decided to run off through the demon lines to meet with fae, taking the Chosen of the Shield with her. And apparently didn’t come back, instead leaving said chosen to steal two of the weapons to--”

“Technically he didn’t steal them,” Joan said. “The weapons belong to the chosen, only you can move them. As such, he was merely relocating them and transferring them to their proper owners.”

“And yet he threw caution to the wind, apparently ran a blockade, only to reappear a few months later with two more chosen in hand, and my new ‘daughter’,” Hardwin said before she felt a hand come down on her shoulder. “What part of letting me handle this did you fail to understand?”

“You weren’t here and somebody had to take care of things,” Joan said. “Besides, I didn’t do anything. I was just guidance and… oh. Err. Ummm… Right. Did you tell Thalgren everything?”

“I don’t even know everything,” Hardwin said with an exasperated sigh. “And I already have a headache.”

“Yeah,” Joan said before she glanced to Zorn. “Err… no offense, but this is chosen matters and…”

“Beat it?” Zorn asked before he reached out and lightly patted her on the head. “It’s okay little missy. I understand, don’t need to be so nervous about it. And don’t let these two give you any trouble, I’ve had to spend the last few weeks listening to them bellyache. If anyone has a right to a headache at this point, it’s certainly not them.” He then gave another laugh before walking away.

Joan watched him go before glancing up to Thalgren. “Okay, he is way too friendly to be related to you. He didn’t even make me bribe him.”

Thalgren cocked an eye. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

“That you’d have made me pay you to leave,” Joan said. “I thought that was pretty clear.”

“You really keep talking about me as if we’ve met before,” Thalgren said. “I thought you were supposed to be Hardwin’s daughter?”

“I uhhh… guess I really do have a lot I need to tell you, don’t I?” Joan asked. She glanced around for a moment before pausing. “Where’s Wendalin?”

“Who?” Hardwin asked.

“The guard. She always watches my door and makes sure I don’t try to sneak out,” Joan said. “She took my weapons when I got here too.”

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“And now they are arming you. Delightful. I asked her to give us some privacy,” Hardwin said with another exasperated sigh. “Truly this is going to be another long day, isn’t it?”

“Eh,” Joan said with a shrug before grabbing Thalgren’s hand and tugging him towards her room. “Come on, I have soooo much to fill you in on!”

“What? Hey, calm down little missy! I’m not going anywhere,” Thalgren said, though he let her tug him along none the less. He glanced towards Hardwin. “An excitable little thing, isn’t she? I honestly expected the one in all those songs to have been a bit more tame.”

Joan froze and the smile on her face began to fall. “I uhhh… misheard you. Correct? You didn’t just say ‘songs’, did you?”

“Don’t!” Hardwin said, his voice on the verge of yelling. “Just don’t. My headache is already growing.”

Joan could see that mischievous glint in the dwarf’s eyes though. “Why, Lord Hardwin, I am surprised at you,” Thalgren said. “I would imagine you would want to sing all of those wonderful tales to your dear, dear daughter after being apart for so long.”

“Thalgren,” Hardwin said through gritted teeth.

“They were quite the spectacle, little missy,” Thalgren said. “When I first heard them. Why, Lord Hardwin’s tale of his defeat of the Troll of Reflections and the revealing of his brand new baby daughter.”

“I swear by the lion,” Hardwin said firmly, his right fist bursting into flame. Joan felt herself getting a little bit nervous. As enjoyable as she had often found it to poke and prod at his anger, now she wasn’t really capable of enduring it for long.

“Of course, from that there came a whole slew of delightful melodies,” Thalgren said. “Tales of his grand lordship’s forbidden love. Their tragic separation, spurred on by his life of a chosen. Her gradual rise to power in order to reunite with her father. His--”

“With all due respect, Thalgren,” Joan said. “Both of my parents are dead, today I found out it is likely my fault, Hardwin isn’t my father and I’ve managed to only hear a few lines of that terrible song and I’d rather avoid hearing any more of it. So please, come with me and I can explain everything.”

That, at least, got Thalgren to go silent. Hardwin lifted his head and stared at her. “Wait, what? Your parents are dead? I thought you--”

“Orphan? Yeah,” Joan said. “I just figured they didn’t want me or were killed in the war with the demons. Turns out they’re dead and it’s likely entirely my fault. It was a whole thing with a river hag. Not really relevant right now, though. Let’s get Thalgren up to speed, okay? Oh. Right. And Korgron, Andreas and Searle already know. Oh, as does Korgron’s sister, Isla. And Bauteut, who’s kind of my personal healer now. Oh, right. Also, things aren’t like I thought they were. Turns out Searle isn’t nearly as bad as I thought and there’s a good chance things are already going far faster than they should and I only get the one chance at fixing everything or we’re all damned. By we I mean the world, not just the chosen. There’s really a LOT to go over, so if you don’t mind I would really like a chance to go over everything with you, if that’s okay?”

Hardwin just stared at her, his mouth open. “I was only gone a few months. What happened?”

“Oh, a whole lot of things. Which I would explain if you would just please come into my room so we can have some privacy,” Joan said firmly. “I already had one issue with someone listening in on my explanations and I’d like to avoid doing it again. Oh, also, Emeline knows I’m not your daughter and I have to explain to her who exactly I am before we leave most likely. Oh, and my brain is being destroyed or something and I likely only have a few years to live unless we get that fixed too. But, to be honest, the world may be destroyed long before then so if you two don’t mind I’d really like to focus on getting information to you as soon as possible so we’re all together on the same page.”

Thalgren just stared at her before glancing to Hardwin. “I… feel she makes quite a… powerful point.”

“I need a drink,” Hardwin said. “A very strong drink.”

“Mug of ale and a pat on the back?” Joan and Thalgren asked.

“He used that one on you?” Joan asked, unable to keep the smile off her lips.

“Indeed he did,” Thalgren said with a light laugh. “I told him my prices were a wee bit higher.”

“Happy he paid it,” Joan said. “And once we’re done, I think you will be too. As investments go, I think this one will be one you don’t want to let slip by.”

 

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Joan let out a soft sigh once she was finally done talking. Her throat hurt and her mouth was dry, but alas the only drink in the room was the ale that Hardwin had asked for. She considered asking for some, but after her recent poisoning she really didn’t want to have anything that could be deemed poisonous in her body. She let herself fall back onto the bed with a sigh. “And that’s the story. Crazy, huh?”

“It’s certainly something,” Thalgren said. “So we just kept failing?”

“Yup,” Joan said.

“All of us went mad and became the new Demon Lord?” Thalgren asked.

“Most of you,” Joan said. “Andreas and Hardwin didn’t. But I wouldn’t worry about that too much, it was kind of my fault.”

“Kind of hard not to worry about that,” Hardwin said.

“Listen, once the Inferno God is dealt with, that’s it. It doesn’t matter past that,” Joan said.

“How do you reckon?” Thalgren asked.

“That’s why I’m here,” Joan said. “Inferno God comes, we fail to stop it, world gets separated from the gods and then everything goes poorly. Over and over and over. Well, except the one time we didn’t actually stop it and everything went worse and the world died but that’s, you know. Same thing I think.”

“And why won’t it matter past the Inferno God being stopped?” Thalgren asked.

“Because that’s the whole reason I’m here,” Joan said. “After that? I’m entirely, utterly useless. I’m no longer the Hero, I have nobody I can save, no more forbidden knowledge of what’s to come. Sure, I have a lot of other things I’ll try and help you all get sorted but after that’s dealt with? The big reason I’m needed is gone.”

Thalgren gave a small nod, a hand moving up to rub his chin while he stared at her. “You know, little missy, I don’t think that’s quite true.”

“Can you please stop calling me that?” Joan asked. “I know you just met me, but you always used to-- OH! Right, Hardwin, that reminds me! I don’t know my name.”

Hardwin gave another sigh and took another drink of his ale. She wondered if she drove anyone else to drinking. She’d likely drive Bauteut before long. “It’s Joan.”

“No no, my name when I was the Hero,” Joan said. “Can’t figure it out. That’s part of the whole brain thing, I think. Has Bauteut pretty freaked out.”

“And you?” Hardwin asked.

“Eh,” Joan said with a shrug. “I think I’m handling it pretty well. Seeing the world die over and over has a way of making you pretty calm about things like that, I guess.”

Thalgren loudly cleared his throat. “If I may interject here?”

“Oh, right, go ahead,” Joan said.

“You say you’re pretty useless,” Thalgren said. “But if even half of what you’ve said is true you’re anything but. Now, I know a good investment when I see it.”

“You’re not going to ask me to prove myself?” Joan asked. “Or try and make me go through some challenge? Maybe explain a lot of deeply personal bits of your life that only someone close to you would know?”

“Why waste time on that?” Thalgren asked. “You’ve managed to gather five of us and you know where the other two are. You know where the threat we were chosen to destroy is and you’ve earned the trust of the others. If they vouch for you, how can I do anything but trust you?”

“Oh, right,” Joan said. “I need to make sure I never lie to you.”

“Wait, why just him?” Hardwin asked. “And I never said I was vouching for you.”

“Because he’s a dwarf,” Joan said. “You don’t lie to a dwarf unless you have to. You definitely never break a vow with them. It’s the whole elemental side of them. It-- oh! Thalgren, can you look at my sword later?”

“What? Why?” Thalgren asked.

“I killed an elemental with it and now it’s doing weird things with fire,” Joan said.

“What? An elemental? When?” Hardwin asked.

“Oh, right, I guess I skipped over that part,” Joan said before she sat up. “Oh, I still need to have Korgron look at that orb, I--”

She was cut off by Hardwin suddenly putting hands on her shoulders. “Joan.”

“What?” Joan asked.

“Thalgren, can you give us a moment?” Hardwin asked.

“No,” Joan said before reaching up and trying to lightly push his hands off her shoulders. They didn’t budge.

“Joan,” Hardwin said again, his voice firm.

Joan looked up at him and she knew that look far, far too well. How many times had she seen it when she was the Hero? A few times in every life. She knew what was coming, but not this time. “No,” Joan said. “I know what you’re going to say.”

“Oh?” Hardwin asked.

“Something about pushing myself too hard, needing a break, needing to calm down, maybe get some sleep,” Joan said. “Or asking how I feel. How I feel? I don’t know. Do you know how many breakdowns I’ve had in the last few months alone? It’s like my entire life is just this string of boredom, then frantic attempts to survive, then boredom, then panic. Then finding out something else I should have known but didn’t know and trying to piece it all together.”

“Like your parents?” Hardwin asked.

“Like my parents,” Joan said. “My parents I don’t know, by the way. Because I have some memories of them. But it’s all buried, just like a lot of other things. And so the river hag probably killed them because I, being the idiot I was, decided ‘I should be an orphan in this life!’ So of course, here I am, an orphan. And now I have memories of almost dying, my parents likely dying then. Being shipped off and it doesn’t really matter. I just feel kind of numb. I know I should feel something, right? But I don’t. I don’t feel anything. I just feel kind of tired. They died, I probably killed them, albeit indirectly. It sucks. But you know what? I kill a lot of people indirectly. I kill a lot of them directly. If I mess up here, I’ll kill the entire world. And I guess that’s why I just am not really upset about it. I never had parents, likely never will. That’s fine. I don’t need family. I just need to… I just need to… please stop looking at me like that.”

“Joan,” Hardwin said, his tone softening. “I think you need to rest.”

“All I do is rest,” Joan said. “I just spent weeks doing nothing BUT resting. I was sooooo bored. And you know what was happening then? Everyone else was going on these big adventures. Me? I go on one tiny little quest that I’d done a dozen times before and I almost get killed by the Demon Lord and Isla scolds me and then Korgron almost dies and then I kill my parents and I don’t know how to feel about any of it. I just don’t. That’s fine.”

“Joan,” Hardwin said again. “I really think you need to rest. We’re going to go and--”

Joan reached out and grabbed his sleeve. “Don’t…”

“What?” Hardwin asked.

“Please don’t leave me,” Joan said softly. “I don’t know what I feel right now. I don’t know how to feel right now. I feel I should be sad or angry. I just feel annoyed at myself. A river hag? Of all the tiny things to waste everyone’s time on, of all the important things I forget, why does that one have to be the one I figure out? My parents are gone. They’re just gone. I don’t know how to feel about any of it. But when I lay here alone I just feel hollow. But when you’re here, when my friends are here, I can feel so much more. I can feel happy. I can feel excited. So please, don’t go.”

“Joan, I think you’re in shock,” Hardwin said softly.

“I think it’s a might more than shock,” Thalgren said softly.

“I’m sorry,” Joan said before letting his sleeve go. “You’re right. I just need to rest. I’ll just do that. You can go.”

Hardwin gave a sigh and then shook his head before sitting next to her, putting an arm around her shoulder. “I wish you’d stop making those faces. No child should make faces like that.”

“I do a lot of things children shouldn’t do,” Joan said softly. “Oh, you might have to fight a demon later so he stops trying to marry me. Being my father and all now.”

Hardwin didn’t respond to that, not that she was sure she could blame him. “Want to hear about my adventure?”

“I really do,” Joan said with a small smile, resting her head against his side.

Joan didn’t know them, she could barely even remember them. But she knew her parents had lived, once. She hoped that when they did pass, someone had at least been able to remember them. Someone had cared for them. She prayed to the gods that they wouldn’t hate her for not being that person.

Joan hoped they would forgive her for getting them both killed and involving them in a fate they had no control over. She hoped they would forgive her for, eventually, falling into a dreamless sleep while Hardwin told her of his battle in the nest of the Devouring King.