Chapter 24: 23

Should I have talked with him more?

Two days ago, he was so angry that he couldn’t control himself, so he turned down Renato’s offer and left. But after hearing Nasir’s words, he regretted that. It would have been better to have a proper conversation without being swayed by emotions.

As Nasir said, it wasn’t bad to accept Renato’s offer if they only considered the benefits for the kingdom.

He would then become deeply involved in the Empire’s politics, but it was something he was prepared for to some extent when received the position of diplomatic ambassador. But more than anything else, there was something that bothered him.

Renato’s words as if he knew the subtle rift between him and Maryam, his oddly friendly attitude as if they had known each other for a while, and his eyes showing that he really needed him yet unable to hide his guilt.

Until now, there were many people who came to make a deal with him or to take advantage of him, but none wanted him as earnestly and desperately as Renato.

Maybe that was why, although he was disappointed with Renato who offered to marry him to make a deal, he kept thinking about him differently from other people.

“Solving the problem with the current Queen……”

Khalid pondered over what Renato had offered in return for the contract. Then he recalled a conversation he had alone with Maryam before he left the kingdom. It was the day after he received the appointment letter as a diplomatic ambassador.

‘I’m sorry.’

As soon as Maryam saw Khalid, she apologized without even saying a greeting. Because of the sudden apology, Khalid looked at Maryam while pausing his action as he was about to sit down.

When their eyes met, she wrinkled her nose. It was her habit whenever something was bothering her or whenever she was feeling down.

‘Why did you apologize all of a sudden?’

‘Of course I should apologize. I ended up expelling you, my greatest contributor, to a foreign country.’

Maryam sighed with an ashamed expression. When she finished talking, there was a brief silence between the two of them.

‘If anyone looks at us now, they’ll think I’m going into exile or something.’

Khalid sat down and playfully said. He was trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere, but Maryam’s expression only became worse.

‘If I had known it would be like this, I would have listened to you back then.’

‘Back then? Ah, when I said that we should just kill them all to get rid of the consequences?’

‘Yes. If it hadn’t been for my magnanimity and justification, if we had just boldly struck down them without thinking, this would not have happened……’

Maryam’s face flushed with regret. As the civil war over the next throne came to an end, convinced of her own victory, she refused to accept Khalid’s suggestion, saying that shedding more blood was no longer needed.

‘If I had known that I’d have to regret it immensely like this…… Everything is my fault.’

Maryam blamed herself for her past mistakes. Years had passed since she ascended to the throne, but the kingdom was still in internal strife. Nobles who did not belong to the royal faction were criticizing Maryam’s policies and tried to damage her power at every chance they got.

Khalid’s appointment as the Empire’s diplomatic ambassador was also a part of that. It was done with the purpose of keeping him, who was Maryam’s sword, far away.

‘Honestly, I think the situation would have been the same whether we had stopped back then or not. The noble faction led by Duke Vint isn’t the only one that hates me.’

Maryam’s face became darker again. Just like what he said, there were countless people in the kingdom regarding Khalid as a thorn in the eye. It was the case even for the nobles who belonged to the same royal faction as them. Because Khalid was the illegitimate son of the previous King.

‘To the nobles who nitpick about honor and dignity as frequently as having meals, I’d still be a thorn in their eyes. Just how offensive is it for them to have to regard an illegitimate child as the greatest contributor and the grand prince?’

‘Khalid……’

Hearing Khalid’s words filled with deep self-deprecation, Maryam’s expression was distorted. Although Khalid was the greatest contributor to her ascension to the throne, he was not properly compensated. It was because of the nobles’ restraint.

Even the nobles belonging to the royal faction who supported Maryam and joined forces with Khalid took the same position as the noble faction on this matter. When both the noble faction and the royal faction joined forces to attack Khalid, she had no ability to resist.

‘I’m sorry. Just because my power is not enough……’

‘How could it be your fault, noonim? I wasn’t disappointed because I didn’t even expect it in the first place. I have no desire to be approved by them now. Noonim’s trust and approval are enough for me.’

Khalid added strong words of sincerity, then smiled at her to say he was okay with it. He took up the sword to fulfill Maryam’s dream, who accepted him into the family. So he did not need the trust and approval of others.

‘……I know that my existence is a huge burden on you, noonim.’

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Maryam’s eyes opened wide when she heard what Khalid uttered with difficulty. Looking at Maryam whose composure had collapsed, he bitterly smiled.

In the past three years, people had used Khalid to shake Maryam several times. Not liking it, he deliberately wandered around more. Nevertheless, the situation only got worse.

‘I’m okay with going to the Fleurette Empire. I heard that the situation there isn’t good recently, but it’s still better than a battlefield where life and death couldn’t be predicted. Rather, I’m worried about you, noonim. Will you be okay by yourself?’

‘……Even if I’m not okay, I have to be okay somehow.’

Maryam paused a bit when she heard Khalid’s question, then weakly answered. Suppressed by the weight of the crown, she couldn’t regain her former self-confidence.

‘I am ashamed to admit this, but I have failed to take control of the nobles. We won by military force, but lost by political power.’

Maryam meekly admitted her failure. The last three years had been a time of defeat for her.

‘But I have no intention of continuing to suffer. It will be different next time. Just wait five years, no, three years. Then I’ll call you back again.’

‘Please don’t push yourself too hard. Five years will be quick. We will never know. Maybe I will meet a nice Omega and put down roots there.’

Khalid joked to soften the tense atmosphere. However, Maryam’s expression could hardly be relieved.

‘I promise you in my name. It will never happen again. I’ll try to make sure you can peacefully return to the kingdom, so just consider it a vacation.’

Maryam struggled to make eye contact with Khalid. Her eyes were filled with regret and guilt.

The moment their eyes met, Khalid realized the real reason why Maryam felt regretful toward him. She was feeling guilty for not trusting Khalid and was shaken even for a moment.

Even if royal authority was weak, the right to appoint was the monarch’s right that no one could encroach on. If Maryam had refused to the end, this would never have happened.

But Maryam didn’t do so. Why? Because her identity was no longer Khalid’s sister, but the Queen of the Khan Kingdom.

For a moment, Khalid was overwhelmed with indescribable emotions. Everything felt futile when he found out that the affection he thought would never change had cracked.

I wish I hadn’t known.

Khalid quietly despaired. Perhaps he and she would never be able to go back to the way they used to be. When he realized that fact, he felt like a huge hole had pierced his chest.

“Now I have to change as well……”

Escaping from the old memories, Khalid muttered in a bitter voice. He knew that Nasir and the other knights were upset because of his weakness toward Maryam. It was also because they had not been properly compensated for their efforts so far.

When he thought about it, he felt sorry because he thought he had overreacted to Nasir a while ago. Nasir’s positive reaction to Renato’s proposal was not only because of the benefits to the kingdom, but also because of the concern about Maryam’s change and the wish to prepare a countermeasure for it.

Because if his relationship with Maryam got worse here, not only Khalid but all the knights would be in danger.

As Khalid’s aide and the Knights Order’s strategist, Nasir, who had to take care of everyone’s safety, seemed to have decided that Renato could be a good insurance policy.

“Huu.”

Facing a problem that could not be easily answered, Khalid let out a heavy sigh. He knew he had to change for the sake of those who believed in him and followed him, but his foolish lingering feelings were holding him back.

“Should I warm up after a long time?”

Frustrated, Khalid got up and grabbed his sword to change his mood. When his head felt complicated, it was best to move his body without thinking.

* * *

“It will sting a little.”

With a brief warning, a sharp needle pierced into the delicate skin. Soon, the transparent syringe was filled with red blood. In an instant, Renato’s body stiffened.

Experiencing the terrible sensations he had forgotten for a while, he felt a strong sense of repulsion. But he couldn’t make it obvious that he hated it. Renato closed his eyes to turn away from the scene in front of him.

“It’s done.”

The blood was drawn from the syringe until it was full, and the Marquis carefully transferred it to a glass bottle as if handling a precious jewel. Then he covered it with a handkerchief and put it in the secret space inside the doctor’s bag.

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