Chapter 51: CH 47

March 16th, 2023

It was after my conversation with the Michelle siblings had ended. Isaac and Nicole had left earlier, but the royal siblings were still sitting there.

However, the seating arrangement had changed a bit. Rina, who had originally been sitting next to Leort, was now sitting across from him in Nicole’s seat.

Rina watched Leort drinking his tea calmly across from her with a model soft smile on her lips.

“Oppa.”

“Yes?”

Leort put down his teacup and looked at her, raising one eyebrow.

Rina threw away her poker face and looked like she didn’t feel comfortable and grumbled like a child.

“Why did you tell them the truth? Honestly, you could have just kept it a secret.”

There was no need to tell the siblings this information. In fact, not telling them and keeping it a secret could have been a win-win for both parties.

However, Leort did not do that. He had set up the meeting to confirm things, but it only made everyone more suspicious. Even Rina, who was watching from the side, couldn’t figure out what Leort was thinking.

“How do you think they will see us? They will think we are people who use authority to oppress others. What if Baron Michelle gets angry and stops the serialization?”

“Oh, that? Don’t worry about it. Although Isaac and Nicole don’t know, Baron Michelle knows our royal family very well.”

Contrary to Rina’s worries, Leort responded as if it was not a big deal. This made Rina even more doubtful.

Shetoo  had heard many stories about Hawk, who was known as the Red Lion, and therefore had a vague idea of who he was, but she didn’t know the details.

However, Leort said with a nuance that he knows Hawk better than herself. She wondered if he knew even more facts because he was the next emperor.

While Rina had such a question in mind, Leort opened his mouth with his typical relaxed smile.

“Do you know why Baron Michelle retired early?”

“Roughly. I heard he retired early because of PTSD. At least, that’s what I know.”

PTSD, a post-traumatic stress disorder often experienced by soldiers who frequently go to the front lines and overcome death. Hawk is also known to have retired early due to the worsening of PTSD, at least ‘externally’.

No matter how many dragons he defeated, or how he drove out the invading beastmen forces from the borders, he was ultimately only human. It’s normal to suffer from pain when he saw too many colleagues die during his knight life, and his hands were also stained with blood.

Moreover, he received numerous political pressures due to his fame. Especially since he was a commoner, some rude nobles pressured Hawk and treated him as if he was not allowed to live.

Even in the royal family and the military, they desperately tried to prevent his retirement, but Hawk refused stubbornly. In fact, he visited the temple once a day until his symptoms improved, which shows how serious his condition was.

“You probably know that. But the reality is different. One big incident happened.”

“An incident?”

“Yes. We thought Baron Michelle had driven out all the beastmen beings living in the border area, but half of it was right and half was wrong. Some of the escaped beastmen infiltrated the empire.”

“No way… does that mean…”

Rina’s expression stiffened as she realized what Leort was trying to say. She hoped it wouldn’t be the worst-case scenario she was thinking of.

Then, Leort gently placed his hand on Rina’s to soothe her anxiety.

“Fortunately, nothing like what you feared happened. It stopped at an attempted kidnapping. The perpetrator ended up being attacked instead, by the very person he had intended to harm – Baron Michelle’s wife. The Imperial side placed bodyguards around her at Baron Michelle’s request.”

“So, he retired because of that? Because he was worried about his family being in danger like before?”

“Yes. When he retired, Baron Michelle said something like this: ‘What’s the point of having superior martial prowess if you can’t protect the people who are dear to you?’ It’s just my conjecture, but I think he started feeling uneasy since losing his close friend in the Ascanal incident.”

Leort nodded in response to Rina’s question, surprising her with the revelation.

She had thought that he refrained from boasting about his accomplishments simply because of lingering trauma, but it turned out that there was more to it than that. It was why the siblings didn’t know much about Hawk’s achievements.

He must have worried that if he became too famous, there would be people who would target his vulnerable family members in retaliation. He had actually experienced such an incident before, so he would have refrained from publicizing his achievements as a preventative measure.

It was likely that the royal family had taken measures to keep Hawk’s name out of the Ascanal incident as well. As a hero among the nobles and military leaders, Hawk had been willing to accept requests from those in higher positions.

Furthermore, it would have been a win-win situation for both sides, as the royal family would have been able to reduce Hawk’s growing influence to a manageable level.

“…Wait a minute.”

Rina, initially fascinated by the story, soon found herself frowning.

If Hawk had retired and forsaken all his honor and reputation for those reasons, shouldn’t they have left him alone?

Leort’s actions towards his brother could only have stirred up unpleasant memories and made him resentful.

“If that’s the case, you shouldn’t have done it. Especially to someone who already has trauma.”

“As I mentioned earlier, Baron Michelle is one of the people who knows our royal family well. Would he really bother to do something just for the sake of it? Maybe he would invite us to the mansion to talk about it.”

It may seem unreasonable for a mere baron to invite royalty, but it’s different when it comes to Hawk.

It’s rare for commoners to receive noble status, let alone a baron almost becoming a count. It can be asserted that his rank may be lower, but his status is by no means inferior to that of high-ranking nobles.

While Rina was thinking about this, Leort seemed to have something bothering him and he said while rubbing his chin.

“But there’s still something suspicious.”

“What is it?”

“Isn’t it suspicious that Nicole accepted it without hesitation? It feels like Baron Michelle is being used as a shield. If it were her, she would never say such a thing.”

“They probably wanted to leave as soon as possible. They’ll be suspicious of whatever we say.”

“It’s heartbreaking that we can’t deny it.”

Leort let out a bitter laugh. He had only invited Isaac and Nicole to confirm the situation.

However, given their positions, it would only seem like a threat to the two siblings. To be honest, if someone of royal birth invited anyone separately, they would have been suspicious of what they were up to.

Leort expressed his feelings somewhat regretfully.

“If I knew this would happen, I would have approached it more carefully. It hurts that I couldn’t control my excitement. It’s not just any story, it’s Xenon’s Biography.”

“But… Do you really think Baron Michelle is the author of Xenon’s Biography?”

When Leort expressed his regret, Rina cautiously asked him for his opinion. Leort raised one eyebrow and rather questioned her doubtful question.

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“Of course. If it’s not him, then who else could it be?”

“…never mind.”

At Leort’s confident words, Rina shook her head. However, she couldn’t help the corners of her mouth from lifting into a smile.

“Hmm?”

Leort looked at her with a puzzled expression, seeing her meaningful smile.

******

After finishing the conversation with the siblings of the royal family and exiting with Nicole. The two of us went into a suitable cafe to have dessert and reserved a room, sitting facing each other.

It was natural to choose a room with soundproofing, just in case. Even though it was a bit expensive, it was perfect for the two of us to have a peaceful conversation.

“Should we just reveal it?”

“… …”

At my words, Nicole looked surprised and turned to look at me. Her golden eyes widened quite a bit, and she seemed quite startled.

However, her expression quickly changed to one of discomfort, as if she was feeling sorry for me. Meanwhile, I had been playing with my coffee with a teaspoon, feeling frustrated, and spoke in a voice that conveyed my annoyance.

“Do we really need to use father as a shield? Can’t we just be comfortable and open about it? There’s no need to hide in the already exposed anyway.”

“Isaac, you don’t have to blame yourself so much. It’s not your fault that Leort couldn’t be honest with you. Besides, even in the royal family, they wouldn’t necessarily touch on that subject.”

I raised my head slightly at Nicole’s words, which seemed to be defending Leort. She was still looking at me with a sad expression.

I asked her why, wondering why she was defending Leort.

“Do you know Leort well, Noona?”

“To some extent. He hardly ever reveals his true feelings. I’ve only seen it once too.”

“When was that?”

“Well…that’s not important right now, is it?”

Nicole evaded my surprised question, and I felt a bit suspicious of her reaction. But since she said it wasn’t important now, I let it go lightly.

“Anyway, Leort is very likely to have set up a meeting for confirmation. As much as he’s not honest, he tends to show it through his actions. More than anything, didn’t Leort say this himself? That if they pressure you and stop serialization, they will be the ones who receive criticism? In fact, we both have weapons against each other.”

“If the popularity of Xenon’s Biography drops, won’t it be worse for us?”

“That will never happen, but even if it did, it wouldn’t be bad for us. If you can’t believe me, send a letter to our father. He’ll be happy to help you.”

I felt so surprised that she was speaking confidently, but one thing was clear to me. Nicole was trying to comfort me because she was afraid that I would be depressed.

Thanks to her, I was able to regain some energy, but my heart was still in turmoil. Is it really right for my family to suffer just so I can live well? This is the situation where such thoughts come to mind.

“And the nobles really hate being at a loss. Especially if it’s a fatal loss for a high-ranking noble. So there won’t be anyone in the palace that will directly touch you. This much is true.”

“…Really?”

“Sure. They could help make it difficult for the imperial family to track you, as if you had a reliable backup.”

As Nicole spoke, it seemed like it could help in that regard. However, it was still necessary to send a letter to our father and explain the situation.

I let out another heavy sigh. Regardless, I felt drained of energy today. It seemed like I would have to skip today’s writing.

“…Isaac.”

“Yeah?”

“If it’s too difficult, you don’t have to keep publishing it out of obligation. You write because you enjoy it. You may not realize it, but when your hobby becomes an obligation, your passion fades away. I’m worried that your passion might die out.”

As Nicole spoke with sincerity, I slowly lifted my head and met her golden eyes, mixed with concern and worry.

Following that, she slowly reached out her hand and gently grabbed my right hand. I could vividly feel the roughness of her skin, which had become hardened from holding a sword for many years.

“Do you remember when you first showed me your writing? You gave me your manuscript with eyes full of expectation, saying ‘Look at this, it’s something I wrote.’ Do you remember how you looked when I told you that it was really good? You had a look as if you had the whole world. That was the first time I saw your bright smile.”

“… …”

“But now, I can see that smile fading away. As the world loves your writing more and more, the burden on your shoulders must be getting heavier. Not only me, but our family also wants to help ease that burden.”

Before heading to the academy, my father had touched my middle finger, where I had a pen hook, and said to me, “I am proud of you. This is the honor that you have earned for yourself, and you should take pride in it.”

Nicole’s sincere comfort was enough to make me feel the same emotions I felt at that time.

“So you don’t need to blame yourself. If you really feel like you can’t do it, take a break as you said. Novels are a happy hobby for you, not a painful obligation. Do you understand?”

“…I understand.”

I felt a little relieved inside. Maybe it’s because she’s family, but she understood exactly how I was feeling.

Thanks to her, I could realize once again that family is the most reliable support for me.

As Nicole said, I didn’t need to write novels as an obligation. But ironically, because of that, I wanted to write even more.

I didn’t write for fame or reputation; it was just a hobby. The burden of serialization only arose when its popularity suddenly skyrocketed.

I looked at Nicole with a gentle smile. Nicole’s expression seemed to relax after seeing my face, too.

“Then I will just write up to the 10th book quickly…”

As my free time disappeared, I felt like something was chasing me. But hearing Nicole’s comfort, I could make a firm decision.

“I think I need to take a break until I finish the third grade.”

I also needed to start taking things a little easier. It was a good time to calm my mind and relieve myself of the burden.

When Nicole heard my decision, she seemed a little taken aback at first, but then she awkwardly smiled.

“Well, okay then. If that’s what you want…”

Contrary to the answer, her voice was full of regret.

Translators note:

This chapter was quite difficult to make sense of in some moments, so I apologize if it’s a bit scuffed.

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