Chapter 18: 17. A Pardon? I’ll Be Damned! Things Are Actually Starting to Work Out!

“Ok seriously. If you’re going to execute me, just do it right now. I can’t stand your jail or your court system,” I said in resignation.

From the moment I reincarnated in Mithuna for the second time, I’ve been thrown from one fire to another, sometimes literally. I’ve had quite about enough of their shit.

Pyra tilted her head. “Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re a merciful Knight Captain, who will grant me my final request of not dealing with either this,” I said, pulling up my leg to show off the magical life sucking accessory. I put it back down. “Or the goddamn RFF and CELL-inners.”

“Ah, that little matter,” Pyra said. “Yeah, fuck them.”

“And seriously your court system is a joke, just kill me no—what?”

“They’re idiots. All of them,” Pyra said, stopping beside me to watch the adventurers rush into the guild hall like school children piling into a bus.

“I-wait, so you’re not mad?” I asked, still expecting some feminist fist of justice to send me back to Aphrodite.

“What do I have to be mad about? That you knocked me out with your Cutting Words spell? I would have put that demon bastard into a full nelson to prevent him from escaping if I had the strength left,” the fiery captain said, smacking her fist into her other hand for emphasis. “Would have been good enough a bang to go out on.”

“So, you’re not going to put me on another trial for sexual harassment?” I asked, finally lowering my guard somewhat.

Pyra facepalmed. “Look, I heard about it. I’ll grill Lucina later. For now…” She pulled out her sword and slashed down so fast I couldn’t even see it, let alone react.

The magical bracelet on my leg was sliced in half, and I was perfectly fine.

“Consider yourself pardoned on all counts.”

I sighed in relief. This was the first break I’ve gotten since I reincarnated that I didn’t have to manufacture on my own.

“So at least you believe me? You weren’t completely out after the demon ran away?”

“I was out cold. I’m just not an idiot,” she replied. “I know your type, Mr. Kouboku.”

And there it was again. Those flaming eyes of hers, knowing me no less than I knew myself. It’s why I knew I would never be able to seduce this crazy fit redhead.

“Thanks for the save, by the way,” she said, pushing her knuckle into my shoulder. “Would have been a real shame for me to end speared on a demon filth’s massive sausage.”

A truly frank, level headed person of authority. The first one I’ve met in this town. Things really were starting to improve.

“You’re welcome,” I said.

The bell over the guild hall was still ringing, quite loudly.

“I imagine you have some sort of crisis to manage?”

“Yes. Yes I do,” she said with a sigh.

She wasn’t going anywhere though.

I expected her to march past me and shove all the adventurers aside.

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But she was still standing next to me.

The two guards that came with her were also just silently standing behind us and staring.

“So… I’ll live you to your—“ I began.

“I hope you enjoyed whatever R&R or side quests you had going while I was out,” the captain said. “Now we gotta get back to work.” She put an arm around my shoulders and walked me to the guild hall, whether I wanted to or not.

Of course.

From one fire to another.

“What about your little groups of militant social justice warriors? Wouldn’t it cause an uproar that you pardoned me?” I asked as we moved to one of the last places I wanted to be in right now.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I have informants in both camps,” Pyra replied. “God, even my own sister is in with those RFF nutjobs.”

“You don’t like the feminists?”

“I don’t like disturbances to my town’s peace, no matter where they come from. Not to mention I have my own sexual harassment policy.”

I probably didn’t want to know what it was, so I didn’t ask. Not that it mattered with Pyra.

“I rip their dicks off with my bare hands!” she declared, grabbing my balls gently. Gently for her at least.

Pyra would just tell you what was on her mind regardless of your opinion on the matter.

“Speaking of disturbances to my town’s peace,” she said, tightening her grip ever so slightly as we kept walking towards the guild hall. “Do you happen to know why the moment this foreigner, this dashing rogue from some far away land, arrives in my town, it suddenly sees more high level threats in a month than it had seen in the past hundred years?”

“I couldn’t imagine…” I said with a grunt. “Maybe the gods are punishing you for your town’s sins? Have you had any gay orgies lately? The god from where I came from leveled two cities with fire and brimstone over those.”

Pyra laughed and let go of my man-grapes. “If we would be punished for orgies we’d have all burned long, long ago. It’s actually the opposite. All these polarizing movements in the town have been pushing out that sort of behavior for years now.”

“I see,” I said, pondering how interesting it would have been to reincarnate in Ratia before all this happened. Maybe I could ask to reincarnate back in time after my next death.

A death that seemed ever more imminent with every moment.

We reached the doors of the Adventurers’ Guild hall.

“I hope you’re ready, Mr. Kouboku,” Knight Captain Pyra said, tapping me on the shoulder.

The light from inside the hall shone on the redhead’s olive skinned face, reflecting from her fiery eyes.

She smiled in excitement.

“We’re going to war.”

Of course we were. From one goddamn fire to a goddamn other. And somewhere above in the clouds Aphrodite was probably eating pink popcorn as she watched.

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