Chapter 3: 1) Well, Fugu my Life

"Terry Gluzou, you have died." Were the first words I heard after the accident.

"Wha."

I looked around, finding that I was in a garden in an infinite featureless void. Standing before me was a beautiful…. Girl? Boy? It was hard to tell. They were pretty, and seemed to have an indistinct set of animal ears and a tail that seemed too vaguely off to call to mind any actual animal.

"You have died. Got wasted. Your mortal coil has drawn it's last breath. You decided to eat Fugu on the same day the chef's wife left him and took the dog."

I got the sense that they were somehow annoyed by my confusion. I sighed, slumping. "So I'm in purgatory?"

"Do you want to be in purgatory?"

"What?! No! Of course not! I'd much rather be continuing my Japan Food Tour!"

"Then this isn't purgatory…. And also not Japan."

I just stared at the… Furry.

"I'm not a furry. I'm a god, and you are dead."

"Yes, you… Said that already. Wait, you can read my thoughts? Nevermind… So, why am I here?"

"You already know. Died before your time, reincarnation, popular fiction topic, blah blah blah. So what do you want to be when you get there?"

If my jaw could hit the floor it would have. I had to take a minute to think about it. Fortunately, I wasn't just a man addicted to food.

"Fantasy world?" I asked.

"Closer to gas-lamp and steampunk, but magic and by your definition, fairly 'modern'. All the fantasy species and monsters… No you can't fuck them."

"Culture level? Technology? What's the food like?"

"We gods haven't been as tyrannical as your set, and the world and biodiversity is large, so there's not much issue there besides the occasional extremist group. Again, magipunk gaslight steam. Though with an equivalent technology level as your 20th, 21st centuries. Food is fairly regional unless you're wealthy, but you won't be inventing much new."

"Oh thank fuck. I would hate to have to try and replicate my favorite foods."

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The deity crossed their arms. "Would you like to finish 20 questions or actually pick your cheat abilities? We can do pretty much whatever you want."

It was my turn to cross my arms. What did I want… I could wish for mega ultimate power, but I might reincarnate into a demon lord or something. I don't particularly feel like a hero, so…

"Man I wish I could eat as much as I want. Kind of a stupid power though…. You know that giant dinosaur creature that just hibernates and wakes up to eat basically everything? From that popular western TTRPG? Thing has three stomachs. I'd love to have that thing's abilities… Physiology, maybe? I just wanna eat good food…"

I couldn't help but ramble. I gazed up at the bright blue sky, watching a cloud drift by… looked like a hamburger… wait, cloud?

My gaze snapped back down, only to find that the void world had been replaced by a world world. A small slime that looked like an oil bubble was staring at me with large eyes. If anything, it looked as confused as I was. Kinda cute actually.

".... WAIT! DID YOU GIVE ME THE ABILITIES OR NOT YOU IMPATIENT GODDESS!?" I shouted to the sky.

Then I heard the growling behind my back… Turning to look back slowly, it seemed to be an exceptionally large gray bear. "Oh f-"

It's a good thing this is an autobiography and not a comic book, I absolutely would not be allowed to show you what state I was left in. Fortunately, that shitty god did actually give me the abilities I asked for… kind of.

I wanted to be able to eat and try anything without having to worry when I picked my power. I didn't expect to get its godly levels of regenerative abilities. So, did I literally turn into a monster?

It's thanks to that though, that I was able to see what happened to the bear and slime…. The slime won. It just fucking exploded all over the giant gray bear, dissolving it down to almost nothing in a few heartbeats. How a slime barely taller than my knees bested that thing is beyond me, must be a high tier variant or something.

Ah, shit. It seemed to notice my parts. Fortunately a good portion of my torso grew out from my severed head by now. Unfortunately the slime exploded all over my direction to start eating up my giblets.

There wasn't much I could do, though, as I didn't exactly know what I could do. So I sat there in agonizing pain as it ate it's fill. And it never seemed to fill.

Finally I had an idea. They said it's like the typical Isekai right?

"Status! Ow. You gotta stop sometime dude."

And up it popped. My status screen. I looked first at my health, and saw that it was creeping up slowly. This thing was eating me fast but not as fast as I could regenerate. I had nothing to compare my max amount to to know if it was high or low, so I simply moved on. At least it was trending upward one hit point at a time.

—
Name: Terrance Glutzou
Age: 20
Health: 44/350
Mana: 30/30
Level: 1

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