< To have been born without a soul yet still pretending to be a human being by prancing around like that! How terrible! >
It had been such a long time ago. Roelin eventually realized that even in her own dream, the voice that could be heard was already buried deeply in her memory.
However, even though she had realized it clearly, she just couldn’t get out of that same dream. Her mind, which couldn’t awaken at all, was still wandering in the nightmare-like memory—blurry.
< Get rid of that thing right now! Just lock her up anywhere, so that she won’t be able to go around! >
It transpired when she was still a child. She needed someone to take care of her since she had been very young. However, none of the maids who got assigned to the Separate Palace had taken care of the young Roelin. Rather, she was just left unattended without anyone’s shred of attention at all.
As a result, Roelin had learned how to play alone in her own way. It was how she amused herself by walking around the Separate Palace while secretly peeping at those maids who had been cold to her.
Then, on that particular day, she accidentally went outside the Separate Palace. She didn’t really remember whether it was due to the ultimately great sunlight or some other reasons. In fact, that wasn’t really important at all. It had been important for her to just ‘go out’ instead.
……And therefore, she finally went outside the Separate Palace—and eventually met her mother.
Perhaps, that was actually the first time that she had in fact, seen her mother’s existence with her very own eyes.
The first emotion that she felt at the instant she saw her mother, Carolina, was an overwhelming joy. Then, it became exciting and emotional as well.
However, as soon as she saw Roelin, she trembled as if she was suddenly having a seizure and began spewing harsh words just to get rid of her right away.
It was only then did she finally understand. No, it would be more accurate to say that only then she knew that she was merely a ‘thing’, whom they never wanted to admit at all.
The fact that she was just that to her own mother.
The fact that her family didn’t even exist anywhere else.
She had gotten out of her mother’s stomach after 10 long months together, but she was turned into a fake simply because she was born just a little later than Erita.
All because they were the ominous twins.
< How could I give birth to such a thing? >
Carolina’s expression that seemed shaken as she muttered just like it had been something creepy had clearly come to mind in her dream. In addition, the pain which she felt at that moment was vividly revived once more.
“Heuk heuk…”
Roelin cowered dreadfully while still lying on her back as she struggled. The early morning’s moonlight from the window slowly revealed the cold beads of sweat that were adorning on her pale face.
She grabbed onto her blanket tightly while striving repeatedly. However, she didn’t let out a single loud moan at all. Only her soft groans that were leaking out successively had revealed the fact that Roelin had been struggling to get out of her own dream at that moment.
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It was then did she finally catch a short breath before she began to move up and down rather loudly.
“…Heuk heuk.”
Roelin eventually managed to get out of her dream as she jolted and sat up—gasping hard. Then, she decided to start breathing by rubbing her neck and cheeks. Her cold fingertips were already having their own convulsions.
“Whoo…”
With her trembling hands being wrapped around her head, she gathered her knees around her chest and recoiled.
It was utterly cold.
This hadn’t been the Separate Palace that she lived in Rakain, but nevertheless, a terrible chill still came over her.
Unlike in Rakain, the bedroom’s interior was so warm. The firewood thrown in the fireplace was sputtering while burning well with a crackle. The tightly closed windows and those thick drapes never gave any room for wind to leak in as well.
Nevertheless, she was still cold. It wasn’t the kind of chilly feeling that could be felt with the body. Since birth, it had turned into a psychological cold that was stuck persistently to her up to this moment.
‘No. I absolutely detest it now.’
She left Rakain all because she had loathed it. Instead of her twin sister, she had left Rakain in order to become a wife to a man, whom she had never even seen before.
To become the wife of a man, who was called a monster.
She wanted to get out of Rakain even if she were to become the bride of a monstrous Emperor, who apparently enjoyed tearing people apart while killing them.
“Hmm…”
Roelin forced her head up while heaving heavily.
Her own mother had treated her like a monster. She rejected her, all the while professing her to be a terrible monster instead.
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“Come to think of it, the man wasn’t the actual monster—it was me.”
Roelin mumbled while clenching her thin, trembling fingers tightly before she smiled.
“I don’t know if I’m going to be the bride of a monster—or if he’s going to be the groom of a monster instead…”
She thought he was already being deceived in many ways. It wasn’t the ‘Erita’ whom the Emperor had wished for, nor was it the Royal Daughter that had grown up being loved—all unlike herself.
“But there’s nothing I can actually do about it. This is just the best for me.”