Chapter 25: Chapter 25: Psychic Damage

“Um!?” I said. 

 

They looked at each other, and then at me. What they’d said had made its way from my ears to my brain, but somehow there must have been some miscommunication in between because they couldn’t possibly have said what I just thought I’d heard them say. Of course, I’d be incredibly lucky to date even one of them. But… they’d been so into each other! And I could never be good enough for either of them. Sabine was a truly amazing person, as smart as she was capable as she was dangerous, her beautiful red eyes like rubies. And Kazumi was the gentlest, kindest and most helpful person I’d met since I got here, and I would’ve counted myself lucky to be wrapped up by her. That they’d see that in each other made sense. Why would they… It wasn’t computing. I just sat there, frozen, teacup halfway between my mouth and the saucer, staring at them. 

 

They must have noticed the absolute meltdown my brain was experiencing, because they both came over to me. 

 

“Liz?” Sabine tried. 

 

“Aa?” I said. 

 

“Are you okay?” Kazumi asked. I wanted to say yes. Of course I was okay. In theory. If this was actually happening and two of my favourite people in this world were actually saying what I thought they were saying then I couldn’t be happier but there was no way that that’s what was actually happening because that sort of thing just didn’t happen… did it?

 

“Wuh?” I tried.

 

“We want to be with you, Liz,” Sabine said, and sat down on the chair opposite mine and looked up at me. She put her hand on mine and slowly helped me lower the cup to the table. I was too in shock to move it on my own, and Sabine probably didn’t want me dropping the cup.

 

“But… why?” I finally managed. “Aren’t you two... ? With each other?”

 

“Oh, we are,” Sabine said, and Kazumi nodded. “We uh… we bonded…” They looked at each other, with the same look I’d seen them share over the past few weeks, the one I’d been sure had been one of attraction, of deep caring, of genuine love. But then they looked at me that way and I got so flustered my heart stopped in my throat. If that was how they looked at each other and then they looked at me that way… but they couldn’t! Why would they...

 

“I… I noticed that,” I said. “Then… what? Why? How?” 

Kazumi laughed softly and put her hand on my arm. If I wasn’t frozen in place already I would’ve ceased moving altogether. As it was, it took every bit of effort to keep breathing.

 

“We bonded over you, Liz,” Kazumi said. “We… we decided to talk. We both noticed the other had a… a connection with you. And we didn’t want to get in each other’s way.” I could only stare at her. I couldn’t believe what she was saying, no matter how desperately I wanted to.

 

Sabine took over. “And then we realized that the reason we were so willing to get out of the way was because we both cared about each other too much. Or, well… just the right amount.” She smiled at Kazumi. “And we talked to… never mind, what’s important is that we wanted, well, this. If… if that’s what you want…”

 

She paused, her hand still on mine. It was like my hand was on fire, in the best way possible.

 

“Bo-- both of you? But… why? Wh--?” I couldn’t get the words out. How could I make it clear to them that I couldn’t measure up to either of them, that I wasn’t good enough, that I was only ever going to be just me? I began to tear up. 

 

“Oh, hey, no,” Kazumi said and she got closer to me, raising up just a little bit to get up to the height required for her to wrap her arms around my neck and pull me into a hug. It was such a blatant act of kindness and affection that, of course, the only thing I could do was cry. I didn’t just cry. I bawled, in big, ugly sobs. “You’re okay,” Kazumi said, over and over again, her voice as soft as any balm. I could feel her breath against my ear. I didn’t know what had happened, what was happening, why it was happening. 

 

“I don’t understand,” I managed, ugly crying through every word. Sabine squeezed my hand, and I saw through a haze of tears that she was tearing up as well. I felt bad that I was making her feel bad. I didn’t want to make her feel bad, I wanted to be good enough and that meant... “Why… why me? I’m… I’m not…”

 

“You are,” Kazumi whispered, and I broke down again. I didn’t understand why someone telling me I was what they wanted hurt me so much, but it did. It was the sweetest, most terrifying thing imaginable. For all the kindness in the world, I found it so hard to believe that someone might think I’d be good enough. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, would never be good enough, could I? I was a bumbling fool and I never would’ve gotten this far without either of them… 

 

“I’m not…” I began again, but Sabine squeezed my hand again, got up, and hugged me as well, her head resting against my shoulder. Kazumi slowly coiled herself around us, pulling us closer into a hug that none of us were going to, or willing to, get away from any time soon. 

 

“You are,” she said too. 

 

“But…” I began. It was so hard, so weird, to believe this was real. And that they’d really seen me for me? They knew me, didn’t they? Then why? Why did they want this? What?

 

“No buts,” Sabine said. “Just you. And us, if you want.”

 

I sniffled. This wasn’t real, couldn’t be real. But if ever there was a time to take a chance… 

 

“I… really? Do you… I mean… I do, but…”

 

Kazumi pulled away a little bit.

 

“Are you sure?”

 

I nodded. Now that I’d said it, it felt a little bit more real. 

 

“Yeh. Are you?” 

 

She nodded back, and smiled. I looked down at Sabine, who also returned the gesture.

 

“But like… both of you? How?!”

 

Sabine giggled. “I… Let me put it this way, Liz. Do you… do you think you feel about us the same way we feel about you?”

 

“I… I mean, I was scared to… I wouldn’t have dared hope…” I stammered.

 

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“But do you like us, Liz?” 

 

I swallowed, and nodded. “I feel very strongly… about both of you.” This was hard, harder than I would’ve liked to admit. Throwing my feelings onto the table was a scary thing to do, but being held by the two of them helped, helped a lot. “I… If I had the option, I would very much like to be with either of you.”

 

Sabine smiled and took my hand in hers. Her hand was tiny compared to mine, but she still squeezed it softly. “Then, do you believe that we can both… feel that way about you too? And each other.”

 

I nodded. That made sense. 

 

“There’s enough room in my heart for two people,” Kazumi said softly, and she reached out and took Sabine’s other hand in her own, and they shared a soft moment that, for what was probably the silliest moment, I was envious of. They were literally both wrapped around me. 

 

“And it sounds like there is in yours too.”

 

I nodded, and began to cry again. 

 

“So… when? How long have you, you know… wanted to?”

 

Kazumi looked at Sabine. “Each other? I think we started to fall for each other when we got settled in here at Whitehallow?” Sabine nodded in confirmation. “We just… we spent a lot of time talking about you, Eliza. How amazing you are. How kind. How beautiful and wonderful. How tall.” She giggled. “We realized we had you in common and neither of us could stop talking about you, but I think we kind of just… connected over that.”

 

I sniffed again. I wasn’t crying anymore, but crying had a tendency of getting my nose all stuffy. “And… and me?”

 

Sabine laughed softly. “Well, I can say it wasn’t love at first sight.” I couldn’t help but laugh as well. Our first introduction hadn’t exactly been kind to either of us. Back then, the difference between Queen Eliza and myself would’ve been hard for her to see. And my first impression of her had been her attacking me and then a lot of yelling. You know. After killing her. Which was technically not my fault. And I fixed it. She continued. “But it wasn’t long after I came to… confront you? I started feeling things for you… maybe around the first time we had tea in the Room of Relaxation?”

 

Holy… 

 

“But that was so soon after we met! Why would you… but I was…” 

 

She put her hand on my collarbone and her chill touch sent a very pleasant chill up my spine that shut me up completely. 

 

“You were wonderful. You tried to do what you could for someone who thought you were someone else and hated that other person. You were kind and sweet and as soon as I realized who you were, or rather, who you weren’t, I was smitten.”

 

“Aaa.”

 

“Yeah, that was my reaction too,” she laughed. 

 

“Wh-what about you, Kazumi?”

 

“I think… just before we left. When I… when I got scared. When I was scared you were… her. That you were going to hurt me…” I started to protest but she put a hand on my cheek. “I know. I know you wouldn’t. I think that’s when it hit me that you weren’t her and you’d never be her, and I properly let myself fall for you.”

 

It was still so hard to wrap my head around. Not one, but two of the most amazing people I knew had fallen for me? I was the luckiest person in the world, by that metric, and I couldn’t help but chuckle softly. They both looked at me, and I just shook my head.

 

“I can’t believe this is happening to me. It’s… scary, honestly.”

 

“Good scary or bad scary?” Sabine asked, her voice soft.

 

“Good scary,” I smiled. “I… I care about you both a lot.”

 

“We care about you too, Eliza,” Kazumi said. “And, well, I think I can speak for both of us that we’d like to explore those feelings with you.”

 

I smiled and tears were welling up in my eyes again. They both squeezed me a little tighter and I finally had enough control of my body back to hug them right back. 

 

“Thank you, both,” I mumbled.

 

“This is all your fault,” Sabine said, and I could hear the smile in her voice. She was as wonderful as ever, they both were, and I couldn’t help but smile back. 

 

“Thanks anyway, Sabine. Kazumi. I… thank you.”

 

The word, the big word, hung on my lips, and I felt the others had refrained from using it as well, even though I felt I could say without hesitation that our friendship had deepened to a level where its use would be entirely warranted. But somehow, using it now was a lot more important, and I think all three of us wanted to be sure to say and feel it at the right time. There was a lot of lesbians in the air. It was Kazumi who finally broke the silence. 

 

“So… there’s this thing… Sabine and I discussed it, actually. For a very long time.”

 

“What is it?” I asked, a little worried. I hoped there hadn’t been an argument. 

 

“Nothing to worry about, Liz. Let’s just say that Sabine won.” Then she moved in very close, and her face was suddenly very close to mine. “Just… let me know if this is too fast for you, okay,” and kissed me.

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