Chapter 35: 35

[Yamamoto's POV]

 

Dreams. That's right. 

 

It wasn't all that sparkling and fun. The stage was always a solitary place where I had to maintain a constant awareness of the girls. And yet, I am trying to go back there. 

 

Why did I have such a dream only today? It wasn't a premonition. If it was, how happy I would be. 

 

With my waking consciousness, I slowly opened my heavily closed eyelids. Beyond them, I saw an unfamiliar ceiling. 

 

"Oh, that's.........." 

 

Where am I? This is not my house. Unfamiliar blankets and bed. 

 

-- At the same time, a cold sweat breaks out on my back. Last night. My memory is so hazy and hazy that I feel as if I were bungee jumping without a lifeline. 

 

Quickly, I roll up the blankets and checks to see if I am clothed. 

 

"Shhh, I'm not.......? I'm fine....... right?" 

 

I don't know who I'm asking, though it's in the form of a question. I just did that to calm myself down a bit. 

 

There is only one possibility I can think of. This is his house, and I was what is commonly known as "taken home". And that I had been asleep until now. Drowning in alcohol. 

 

I haven't been like this in a very long time. And moreover, I've never been seen by others before. The only emotion in me right now was unmistakable, straightforward regret. 

 

(It's worst......)

 

I crossed my hands and put them on my shoulders as if to hide my body. I touch my face, but my makeup is removed. I have no memory of it at all. But my hair and body are sticky and I don't seem to have taken a bath. 

 

Is this the state he and I...... are in? Oh no, I was so drunk that I can't remember a single thing. The soles are disconnected at the beginning when I was asking him for advice. 

 

But I don't have the peculiar numbness in the lower part of my body that is often talked about. I wonder what is really going on. Maybe he's here, so I have to ask him. 

 

Then I hear a gentle tap on the closed door. It was too sudden for my mind to be ready. 

 

As I hesitate to answer, the doorknob slowly lowers. Ah, he's stepping in. My eyes met with someone I had never imagined. 

 

"Oh, you're awake." 

 

Kanako Miya. Eh, wait a minute. If that's the case, is this the office? I don't even understand why she shows up in the first place. 

 

"Eh, Araki-san is......." 

 

"That's the first thing you open with?" 

 

The words leaked out unconsciously. Certainly, it would have been more unnatural to say his name in this situation. But I had been drinking with him yesterday. If he wasn't here, then why I'm here? I fell into a loop of thoughts. 

 

"Oh, no, no, I didn't mean it like that." 

 

"From the looks of it, you don't seem to remember anything at all." 

 

"Ugh......." 

 

I thought about lying and denying it. But I felt like I would be digging a grave, so I decided not to. It's important to be honest here. 

 

But it's very embarrassing to be told to my face. I'm probably as red as a boiled octopus right now. I was supposed to be alone with him, but I was sleeping at Kanako's house. 

 

"Do you want to take a bath anyway? I just puddled up a while ago." 

 

"Eh, but I don't have any spare underwear." 

 

"You can use the washing machine and wash the clothes you're wearing anyway. I'll lend you my loungewear until it dries." 

 

I appreciate the suggestion, but there are too many questions I want to ask anyway. Besides, I didn't feel comfortable borrowing underwear as well, so I would have to wait without putting them on until they were dry. 

 

"It's okay. He left yesterday." 

 

"Oh, yeah......." 

 

Is she an esper? Either that or it was in my face. Probably the latter, though. 

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If that is the case, there is no reason to refuse. It's embarrassing to be in no pants and no bra in front of her. No, it's true enough in front of Kanako. 

 

I got off the bed and stood up, my head hurt a little. I don't feel as sick as a hangover. It's strange after being crushed so much. 

 

"What time is it?" 

 

"It's just after seven in the morning. You could have slept in a little longer." 

 

"Oh, no, I'm sorry about that......." 

 

I just woke up by accident, and I think I would have slept until noon if it weren't for that. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to further belittle myself. Seeing me looking away in embarrassment, Kanako laughed like a fool. 

 

The changing room I was shown was very clean. The washing machine right next to the bathroom was similar to the one at home. So operating it was no problem. She showed me where the detergent was, and I put the loungewear and bath towels she brought me in a basket nearby. When Kanako saw this, she disappeared directly into the living room. 

 

I close the door and open the bathroom door to try it out. It's clean and gives a very good impression. When I open the lid of the bathtub, warm heat stings my face. I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief. 

 

I return to the changing room and take off my clothes. Occasionally, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. The day after a night of drinking, I always look pretty bad. Today was no different. 

 

I take off my clothes, even my underwear, and throw them all into the washing machine. It was quite funny to watch me operate the machine in the nude, but I didn't have time to laugh about it. 

 

Just clothes and underwear. The jeans I happened to be wearing today were fine as they were. So I turned the water volume to the minimum and pressed the start button. It wasn't so much a concern as a desire not to use the water bill as much as possible. 

 

The bathtub lid was open, so the bathroom was warm enough. I closed the lid again to take a shower and covered my head with hot water. I felt the sticky feeling of not having been in the bathtub for a day. It's not a very good thing, but there is something addictive about it. 

 

After washing my hair and body, I felt refreshed, as if I had taken off a weight. In order to further warm my body, which was on fire, I continued to soak in the bathtub. 

 

"Whew......" 

 

It soaks into my core. It's just hot water with no bath salts or anything added, but why does it feel so comfortable? 

 

The fatigue of last night melts away. Even when I soaked up to my shoulders, the water did not overflow. I was a little relieved, even though I had been careful not to overflow the water in someone's house, because it would have been a waste. 

 

I am not the type to take long baths. But today, I feel like soaking a little longer. Why? It's very simple: I don't want to see Kanako. 

 

My mind became clearer and clearer after taking a hot bath. This makes me remember what happened yesterday even more. I want to forget about it, but he is still there in my mind. 

 

"......Mojo!" 

 

It was indeed me who invited him to have a drink. 

 

But I wasn't going to drink until it was that bad, and he should have stopped me. 

 

I wonder if he would laugh if I told him....... I hope he would forgive me. And yet, I feel so much pain in my chest. It's hot. 

 

The hot water I got into and was submerged in. I want to sink deeper, so I'll drown myself to the mouth. 

 

I try to make myself look like a manga character. I don't look that cute, but I want to. 

 

When I look up at the ceiling, the steam hits me, and eventually it comes down to me as drops of water. I never paid attention to it, but now, strangely enough, my attention is drawn to it. It's as if I have some kind of strange antenna. 

 

"......Idiot." 

 

I meant it as a scolding to myself. But my true feelings in the back of my mind were flatly contradicted. 

 

After I realized that it was an accusation against him, I felt very sorry. I closed my eyes to avoid thinking about anything, but it was only at times like that that the thoughts would circle around and poke me in the chest. 

 

He and Kanako must have known each other in some way. They were talking to each other as if they knew each other, so I could guess that. 

 

He may have turned to her when he saw me drunk. It would be somewhat better than taking me home himself. 

 

It was like him to do so. But. 

 

"No guts." 

 

That's the real accusation. 

 

He did nothing wrong. He was thinking of me, and that's why he acted the way he did. 

 

The words I mumbled drowned in the bathtub. I watched myself sink into the water, and I compared my sinking to my own heart.

 

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