Chapter 6: 6

I wonder how many people remember Momoka Aimi's allegations of infatuation. Only a month has passed, but people's attention has drifted to someone else's infidelity or scandal. The consumer brain is truly a cruel thing.

 

I, for one, was a shell of a person after Momo-chan disappeared from the stage. I had lost the pleasure of living. I become a machine in the shape of a human being who pours out her flesh and blood for the company.

 

The season had completely changed to summer. My emotions have stopped since the day I met Momo-chan.

 

If I wanted to, I would have admitted that I had become a lover with an idol... I feel empty when I fantasize about such a development as in a light novel. Let's not do that.

 

The recent movement to ban smokers is very annoying. I'm even thinking of striking back at them like in the party banishment novels.

 

I'll tell you what happened to me after a drink with my coworkers after work. I am walking around looking for a smoking place, because I want to smoke. It's a tropical night. It's not a matter of going home and smoking. I want to smoke now. I'm just being honest about my cravings because I've had some alcohol.

 

The last train has long passed, and the station is closed. The only way to get home was to take a cab, but on this particular day, I felt strangely inclined to walk.

 

I thought there might be an ashtray in front of a convenience store, so I started walking with a light heart and it took 20 minutes. My legs were almost at their limit. I regretted taking a cab earlier if I was going to be in such a situation.

 

When I am drunk, my mind can only think of what I like. Therefore, my brain is now filled with thoughts of Aimi Momoka. I become the same or even less than a machine that has stopped thinking.

 

"Haa, I'm tired of ......."

 

Every such soliloquy is drowned out by the sound of cars. It is because I am walking along the national highway in the city, even though it is the middle of the night. I am a man, but I don't like quiet streets at night. My instinct tells me to get in a cab as soon as possible, but for some reason, my alcohol-infused rationality overrides this appeal. That is what it means to be drunk.

 

It has already been 30 minutes since I started walking. I was getting steadily closer to home, but if I smoked at home, I would feel like I had lost the game. So I want to find an ashtray at any cost. I don't care where it is.

 

"--There it is."

 

I don't usually walk around this place, so I didn't even know there was a convenience store here. And moreover, I didn't know there was an ashtray I was looking for. Let's call this place "the world" from today.

 

I take out a cigarette from the chest pocket of my shirt and light it. I inhale vigorously and send it into my lungs. The taste that escapes through my nose is irresistible. No, it's not a delicious thing at all.

 

I exhale the smoke with my breath. It is midnight in front of a convenience store. No one else is around. It's my own ashtray. It's a little funny, because I've never wanted to monopolize it. It's hot and humid, and my neck is covered in sweat. It doesn't matter. No one else is around.

 

"The new song, it's selling well. ......"

 

With a cigarette in one hand, I scour the Internet news. What caught my eye there was the topic of the new Sakura Romance song that Momo-chan has released since she took a break. Apparently, the song was popular among high school students on a popular app, and the music video had the most views on a video distribution site of any group.

 

For the "Momo fans," this is nothing but a complication. If she were to join the group, it would disrupt the successful format of the group. What will the office, which is always good for sales, make of this? Even though it was an attempted scandal, the damage to her image is inevitable.

 

(I wonder what Momo-chan doing now.)

 

I'm tempted to say she's my ex-girlfriend. But she's not even finished with me yet. I tell myself that such a pathetic thought process is all due to alcohol.

 

As far as the recent release is concerned, she plans to return next month, but I wonder if that's really true. The songs are selling well, and I can't help but feel that the Internet is going to get riled up again. It's not her fault, yeah.

 

Her back-up account, "Blue Rose," hadn't moved since that day either. She hasn't even said a word, let alone sent a message. Maybe she's completely logged out. She can't ego-search. If so, that's a good thing.

 

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I just feel like I've lost my one and only connection with her. I really feel a little sad. No, it's not a big deal to have a connection to begin with.

 

When I finish my cigarette, I feel a great sense of release. I push it into a tube ashtray and put it out. It's about 10 minutes to my house, but I want to take a cab. For a 32-year-old, walking this far is a struggle.

 

But I feel like I'm wasting my money. I decided to buy something at a convenience store and go home.

 

I picked out a drink and breakfast for tomorrow, and paid at the cash register. I was puzzled by the cashless payment, which I was not used to, but I am glad I was able to do it. I was struck by a feeling of "convenient but troublesome" that I didn't quite understand.

 

As I left the convenience store with the receipt in my wallet, I received a call from my colleague who had just had a drink. He had just left. He's a very conscientious guy. I replied, "I'm walking home," and started walking down the bustling night street again.

 

(I wonder what I'll do tomorrow...)

 

Since Momo-chan went on a leave of absence, I stopped following Sakura Romance itself. It's not that I'm not interested in the other members, but I realize that for me, the cherry romance was Momoka Aimi.

 

My holidays, which are very important for working people, have been wasted for the past month. Even though I'm an indoor person, I stopped chasing after the girls and stopped leaving the house in earnest. This is how the dolphins are disappearing. It's kind of fleeting when I think about it.

 

I didn't mind when I was chasing Momoka Aimi, but I'm already 32. I will be 33 this fall. If things continue as they are now, I'll be living my life alone, which makes me sad, or something. It's not that I had any desire to get married, but the instinct to fill the hole in my heart with the opposite sex is kicking in.

 

(Should I start a matching app......?)

 

I heard that many young people these days are dating through this. But from my point of view, I just couldn't get rid of the image of dating sites. The extreme limit of the voluntary declaration system is the matching app. If the person says so, it is a typical example of what happens on the Internet.

 

To begin with, I have no confidence in my face. I've never been told I'm cool or cute in my entire life.

 

I'm just there, so to speak, even though I'm not conscious of it. I'm the type of person who is told that I can't date, but I'm welcome to be a coworker or friend. My hair is healthy, but I don't know when it will end. I work with a sense of trepidation inside.

 

After all, it is a world where people with good looks benefit. I believe this has been true since the birth of mankind. I don't know.

 

I know the result is obvious when I reveal my face photo. I'd rather stay as I am than fall for a scam and get cheated. It's not an escape. It's a practical decision.

 

If I don't do anything, I'll waste another Saturday and Sunday. I want to do something, but having nothing to do is so frustrating. I envy those who have many hobbies, and I wonder if those who have no hobbies have a hard time living.

 

The closer I got to home, the quieter it got. It would be very conspicuous if I return it to the roadside like this when I am drunk. I'm fine with it, though, because I don't feel bad.

 

The skies of this world are connected. The sky is black now, but in a few hours it will illuminate people's lives.

 

I wonder if she is watching it too. I wonder if she is watching this cloudy night sky. Is she already sleeping? Of course she is.

 

Even if Momo-chan returns to work, she is destined to quit eventually. That won't change, but the fact that I'm hearing it from her own mouth makes it sound like a very real problem.

 

I am sure she will hold a handshake session for the last time. What should I tell her then?

 

Well, I guess I'll have to think about what I want to say. I guess I'll send her a thank you note.

 

I could easily imagine myself crying and saying, "I'm glad I'm become Momo fans." It was so funny that I snickered to myself. Such a nighttime road.

 

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