Chapter 43: Ding-

Ding-

Ding-

Three times.

The bell rang precisely three times.

A sound that was cheerful before now sounds like a bell announcing a death.

“I remember, why can’t you remember anything?”

“………”

The force of my hands strangling his neck seemed to be suffocating him.

Even though I saw him gasping for air underneath me, I couldn’t release the strength I gave to my hands while I watched him panting with pain.

My silver hair fell past my shoulders and to the floor.

His pitch-black hair and my contrasting silver hair mixed for a moment.

“Alastair, you really don’t remember anything?”

I gave my hand as much strength as the pain Alastair inflicted on my neck.

He couldn’t breathe because of it, his distressed eyes watering, but he didn’t lift a hand.

His hands at his sides never moved. Like this, he could die.

“Why can’t you remember?”

“……Serina.”

I impulsively grabbed Alastair’s collar and forced him to rise.

His purple eyes quivered with confusion.

What am I doing to someone who doesn’t even remember?

Chaos flashed in his eyes.

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Just because I recreated it didn’t mean he would remember what happened that day.

So I decided to stop doing this meaningless show.

I took my hands off his collar.

My strength left traces of wrinkles on his shirt.

Honestly, it’s funny to talk about doing things like this, but I was also amazed at what I did.

I was so impulsive that I didn’t even realize what I did until afterwards.

Now, I couldn’t pretend as if nothing had happened.

Of course, if I ignore everything and pretend nothing happened, Alastair will also pretend not to know.

But, honestly,—perhaps I’m being paradoxical—but I don’t want it to be that way.

The water has already spilled.

I must see this to the end for sure. I had no regrets.

It feels good to spill water when the glass is broken.

“Alright, it’s probably better if I clearly explain everything that happened?”

Although my voice contained arsenic, it also had relief.

But Alastair, ignorant of it, looked up at me quietly.

Unlike me, his trembling eyes were trying to keep calm.

I laughed at him and stared at him.

I have long since lost my calmness; I opened my mouth while staring at his amethyst-like eyes.

So where should I start explaining?

“First thing I want to say is…”

I slowly closed and opened my eyes.

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“If your brainwashing is released, our relationship will probably be over.”

I don’t know how many times I’ve said this.

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I have said this countless times and received numerous strong protests from Alastair, but today it will be different from before.

“Serina·······!”

“Listen to me until the end, Alastair!”

I shouted unexpectedly at him.

I was so heated right now that it was challenging to think reasonably.

Countless words came to my mind, but I couldn’t figure out which one to choose.

So I left everything to instinct.

“Do you think I’m joking about this? Without any evidence to back it up? Rather, you’re the one who has no basis, Alastair.”

“What do you mean? Talk to me so I can understand, Serina.”

“So you can understand? How do you tell someone who can’t even remember in the first place?”

Ha! I exclaimed loudly.

Apart from the coolness in my tummy, my frustration still remained in the corner of my heart.

“Open your ears and listen carefully, Alastair.”

“………”

“You tried to kill me. Twice.”

Finally.

I finally said it.

The tightly locked door opened, and there was a moment of bliss.

But the moment quickly passed, leaving me hollow with a frozen Alastair.

“How—that’s not going to happen…. No way—this isn’t it, Serina.”

Alastair denied it.

The guy who’s been eating my sympathy.

The man I loved.

[t1v:OMOMOMO–she admitted it!!!!]

He’s now pressing down on my selfishness that I’ve been trying to hold back.

It was at that moment that I became a selfish bastard.

“Yeah. What I said was actually a lie.”

“······.”

“Would it be okay if that came out of my mouth? Would that make you feel better?”

It’s not that I don’t understand him.

For some reason, he couldn’t remember what happened that day, so moreover, he would have no choice but to deny my words.

But, but…

There was no reason to disbelieve my words.

And it was my ego, selfishness, and self-centered feelings that dominated me at this moment.

“If you don’t want to believe me, don’t believe me.”

“······.”

“I’m not trying to convince you, I’m telling you to finally unburden myself.”

Only

There were countless things I wanted to say.

Among them, there are words that needed to be said and words I needed to refrain from saying.

But right now, I’m having a hard time distinguishing between the two.

“Maybe the ‘real’ you hates me. You—the brainwashed you— says you love me…”

***

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