Chapter 4: Forum

After clicking into the forum topic, the content was indeed as festive as the colours in the title. 

Main Building [1]: RT [2], in the 3rd Canteen at noon, the landlord ran into AYX and RNM having lunch and, not only that, the landlord was also fortunate enough to sit next to AYX. 

An Youxi does not need me to introduce him ba, he has held the Yenching University school grass title for 3 consecutive years, the school brothers and sisters who don’t know him can go search up the old posts. As for RNM, he is the man who powerfully dominated AYX and became the newly appointed school grass.

Wow, these two handsome guys unexpectedly sat down next to the landlord and, initially, landowner was excited to death so that even the eating posture was adjusted to be much more reserved.

As a result, the landlord watched helplessly as RNM scooped endless amounts of rice from AYX’s plate onto his own. 

At that time the landlord was like:  ??? Originally, these two have such a good relationship? 

But that’s okay, after all, dormmates sometimes share food with each other when they can’t finish it, however then it became more excessive ah.

Let’s not talk too much, go straight to the photos.

[Image 1] [Image 2] [Image 3] [Image 4] 

Because RNM was sat opposite the landowner, it was easier to take a picture of him, and that’s why he is in every one.

As you can see that the hands and clothes are the same, you can make sure it’s the same person. The time on the pictures is also accurate to the second, to prove that the landowner didn’t fabricate it.

OK, here’s the keypoint. Let’s carefully look at these 3 pics!

Pic 1 shows RNM’s dozens of dishes, Pic 2 shows the dishes he and AYX picked for themselves, Pic 3 shows the dishes he and AYX mutually exchanged between themselves, Pic 4 is RNM helping AYX put the extra rice back onto his own plate……

Uh uh uh. [3]

The landlord just wants to ask: is this some new way of showing off your love? Loving you enough to give you all of the food on my plate and even help you share responsibility for any rice that you cannot eat???

Back to the title: I just want to ask when did these two school grasses get together? This kind of behaviour, no matter how you look at it, it’s completely abnormal ba! This isn’t an ability obtained in the couple of days since the term started? AYX put his hands onto him a bit too fast?? Can you or can you not leave a chance for the rest of us brothers and sisters to eat out with somebody???

1L: Front row, selling British Shorthair with golden gradient colouring [4]

2L: The degree specifications of the two of them are completely different ba! I too never expected they would fit together so well!

3L: Ah ah ah, hands hands hands, these hands! I licked them [5], licked them like crazy!

……

23L: Landlord, you posted this in such an open and straightforward manner, aren’t you afraid of being ridiculed and beaten up? (DogHead) [6]

32L Landlord replying to 23L: Hey don’t say it, I’m really not afraid! 

Firstly: what I said is all facts, secondly: the canteen is a public space so this doesn’t count as invading anybody’s privacy, a lot of people have seen them! Lastly, these two have been straightforwardly indulging in each other’s beauty to the point they were unable to extricate themselves and basically anybody else! I guarantee that even if I continue sitting down next to them tonight, those two absolutely will not be able to recognise me!

……

45L: (RaisesHand) Me, me, me! I also saw them! I was standing in line at the window closest to the front door and these two were too conspicuous. The moment they came in, the atmosphere of the whole canteen went quiet in a second?! According to my observation, the two originally wanted to go to the Sichuan boiled fish stand but the queue was too long.

P.S.: The newly opened Sichuan boiled fish is truly like a needle that doesn’t poke [7], especially the signature Sichuan boiled fish, the suancai [8] in it are excellent, it really deserves having such a popular business.

……

67L: Laughing to death, I was on the self-service buffet side and, at that time, was standing behind them at the back and when the time came to swipe the card the two of them seemingly came to a disagreement because each of them wanted to pay for the other and as a result: guess what? AYX, he actually took out his water card!  Hahahahahaha, the entire queue laughed themselves silly, how come I didn’t find that AYX was so cute before! So ultimately, the only option was for RNM to swipe the card (PutsHandDown)

P.S.: AYX’s ears were completely red! It’s true, it’s true, my language capabilities are malfunctioning, the Madam was too too too sexy [9]! En en en, as long as you all understand! Anyway, RNM stared at it for a long long time! Don’t mention what the situation is with AYX, RNM over here is definitely not normal!

……

‘This, this, this, what the hell is this ah!’ An Youxi smacked his phone down onto the table at once and buried his whole face in his hands. Ran Ningmu was staring at him and saw his….How is that possible ne?

His roommate came over to him like a thief gathering with his accomplices and shook his shoulder: “Pomelo, Pomelo! The post, have you finished reading it?”

“Not yet,” An Youxi exposed one eye, “You, what are you doing ah?”

The roommate rubbed his hands together. “Hey, hey, hey, it doesn’t matter, I just want to ask: In the end, what’s the situation with you and that Ran Ningmu ah?”

An Youxi sat up, his eyes flashing: “What do you mean what is the situation?”

The roommate got excited: “Didn’t the people inside the forum post suspect that you two are having an affair? You, the relevant party, quickly speak up: in the end, is there or is there not an affair between you ah?”

An Youxi picked at his fingers: “There isn’t ah, I just met him today for the first time, what kind of affair can there be ah.”

“What ah, I thought my family’s little cabbage had finally started wanting to be eaten by a pig ne……” [10]

However, the roommate hadn’t even had time to start feeling disappointed when he heard An Youxi muttering lightly: “I just want to have a little bit of something with him, but the household still has to be willing ba……”

“En? En, en, en???” The roommate stammered as he pounced on An Youxi. “What’s the situation, what’s the situation? You weren’t in the dorm this morning so anything could have happened!”

“Actually it’s nothing…..”

“Confess! Speak up, is there a situation or not!”

An Youxi’s face flushed slightly and he hung his head, fiddling with his cell phone, as he briefly recounted today’s scene: “……and that was it, as I said, it’s nothing yet you didn’t believe me.”

“Wow, you really don’t chirp but go straight for the sonata [11] ah ” The roommate tsked in amazement. “For three years of university, I haven’t seen you like anybody, now you have had one look and you’ve fallen in love at first sight, don’t say anything, it’s quite romantic!”

An Youxi didn’t say make a sound, his fingertips scrolling carelessly through the forum. With just a single glance, An Youxi finally knew why the forum post was so active.

After establishing that the two of them are indeed single and weren’t secretly together, unexpectedly the residents had begun to have a strange argument where they debated who, between him and Ran Ningmu, had taken a fancy to whom and just like that built up the building until it had hundreds of floors. Of course, it’s not just a simple debate, inside the post from time to time one could also spot rotten girls [12] and love obsessed fools [13] as they fished in troubled waters [14].

485L:  Why must it be RNM who has started liking AYX first? I’m from the group next to RNM and today AYX was supposed to come over to take pictures of the military training ba but, in the end, he simply changed his focus to be on RNM only! 

For! The! Whole! Morning! 

Key point: he didn’t go anywhere, just orbited RNM the whole class! Let’s be reasonable, if it weren’t for watching RNM, who would be willing to bear a camera in such scorching heat to bask in the sun ah! You don’t need to continuously photosynthesize!!!

……

520L: You don’t need to continue arguing on behalf of the school grasses anymore la! Mutual unrequited love is not fragrant ma!!!

……

‘Wow who’s this ah, talk more since you are so capable.’ An Youxi was looking with great interest when Xia Qianqian’s message suddenly came through. 

Xia Qianqian: Bao! Have you taken all the necessary pictures?

An Youxi: You wait a second, I’ll connect to the network and send it to you

You are reading story I Pretend to Be Good, You Pretend to Be Pure at novel35.com

Xia Qianqian: OK

Xia Qianqian: [SittingQuietlyToWait.jpg] [15]

An Youxi transferred all the photos from the camera to his phone before sending it to Xia Qianqian.

Two seconds later:

Xia Qianqian: ……

An Youxi: What, la?

Xia Qianqian: I said to use the camera as a cover and you literally used it for cover and nothing else? Look at the photos you shot yourself: except for Ran Ningmu is there anything else that’s noteworthy in the photos???

Xia Qianqian: Although he really is very handsome, I can’t have only his face all over the page ba?!

An Youxi (with a guilty conscience): I’m sorry la! In the afternoon, I will go again! o(*≧▽≦)ツ

Xia Qianqian: ……Do you think I can’t see that you are actually elated to death! 

Xia Qianqian: Tsk tsk, look at your dazed man-obsessed appearance like some self-indulgent ruler, you don’t want your 19th consecutive school grass titles?

An Youxi: Want, what want! Want, what want! Giving it to him, Giving it to him! I’m giving him my life! As long as I get him!

Xia Qianqian: ……

Xia Qianqian: Okay ba, I understand, you don’t want to be the school grass, you just want to be the school grass’s man（。

An Youxi: Speaking nonsense, telling truth [16] (／≧ω＼)

Xia Qianqian: ……

Xia Qianqian: Forget it, forget it, the son is married; the water is spilled [17]. Anyway, I am not in a hurry here, you continue looking if you want to look ba

Xia Qianqian: 3 days, I give you at most 3 days! After 3 days, you must hand over the photos to me ah!

An Youxi: I know la~ Thank you Qianqian~

Xia Qianqian: [Old Father Waving at the Vicissitudes of Life.jpg]

After exiting the chat with Xia Qianqian, An Youxi set changed his screensaver to the first picture he had taken of Ran Ningmu that morning before opening Taobao to order a cute and simple mini Yuelao. [18]

The roommate saw his operation and almost spit the water out of his mouth: “……you, what are you doing ma?”

An Youxi were dusted with the gentle pink of a young maiden experiencing spring for the first time [19] in a display of shy coyness as he spoke: “I am inviting Yuelao ah, I hope Yuelao will bless me to realise my wish to come back and hold the beauty as soon as possible~”

He said he would offer incense to worship Yuelao and he would keep that promise!

The roommate stared at An Youxi’s payment page and thought that this Yuelao really was cheap: Nine yuan and another nine yuan as shipping fee.

He shook his head, looking pleased with himself, as he went back to his desk. Thinking back on what he had heard just now, all sorts of feelings welled up in his mind: “The son has grown up and wants to be fucked by his husband ah……” 

……

Meanwhile in the male dorms across the hall:

Ran Ningmu rested his crossed legs on the table as he tilted on his chair and held his phone, typing impatiently. 

Ran Ningmu: What’s wrong with you? You don’t have your own school forum? You have nothing to do so you run to our school forum to wander around or something?

Li Jingmo: Hahahahaha is it not right for me to worry about your one and only University Life Experience? The hand in the upper photo is precisely yours ba? I recognized it at a glance! So what the landlord is saying is all true? Come on, confess, is there a situation or not?

Ran Ningmu raised his eyebrows, recalled An Youxi’s crimson red ear and pressed his tongue on the pointy tip of his teeth before replying calmly.

Ran Ningmu: En

Li Jingmo: En? What do you mean ‘En’???

Ran Ningmu responded in a plain and domineering manner.

Ran Ningmu: It has precisely the ‘I like him’ meaning

Li Jingmo: ?! What the fuck? Really? You, this old dog, can unexpectedly also like somebody?? Not a skateboard, a motorcycle, guitar or drums but an actual real human being??? 

Li Jingmo: Not only that but….also a man?

Li Jingmo: Wow you really don’t get enlightened but go straight for the divine revelation ah![20]

Ran Ningmu: Tsk, who are you scolding ne?

In the distant Washington University [21], Li Jingmo looked up from his phone with a shocked face, repeatedly opening and closing his mouth, taking half a day to slowly pick it back up.

Li Jingmo: I see, it turns out that it this son who has grown up and wants to fuck his husband ah….

Li Jingmo: [Old Father Weeps with Relief.jpg]

Ran Ningmu: Scram!

The author has something to say:

The shou’s roommate and the gong’s friend: My family’s child has grown up.

–

During a conversation with my gay friend, I said:

One particularly embarrassing thing: my gong’s name initials are RNM, which at first glance looks like ‘fuck your mother’ (rì nǐ mā) so when I first wrote this abbreviation in my story, I was worried that readers would laugh but unexpectedly, the real situation far exceeded my concern

First they had a good laugh in the comment section, then they stopped shouting “gong” or gong’s name in my comment section and just abbreviated RNM

As a result, my comment section is full of RNM/Fuck your mother

…

Me:  The coquettish smile reveals a little bit of grievance 

 

T/N: Trying to speed these updates up so that I can potentially pick up an esports novel maybe

As said before in Chinese, forum posts are called buildings with the OP often called the Floor Owner/Building Owner/ Building Owner. In this case, Main Building just means the forum post that OP made. Further down the replies would be referred to as First Floor (1L), 2nd Floor (2L) etc  Short for 如題, meaning “nothing else to say”, “as title says”. There isn’t a short equivalent in english (that I know) so I will be leaving it as RT  呃 – sound of affirmation/nodding/etc  RAWs: 前排出售布偶英短金渐层 – Typing ‘front row’ is like typing in ‘First’ in the comment section. In chinese forum posts are often treated as the first replier sits on the sofa (thus the front row) then the following people take the ‘chair’ and everybody else sits on the floor/ground. British Shorthair is a type of cat breed (that’s supposedly rare?) but why that person wants to ‘sell some’ under the post I have no clue. Could be related to RNM’s hair (which I think is blond based on novel image??) but I am really not sure. Picture of the cat will be available below.  Not literally, it’s just a way for a person to say that they really like something.  An emoticon in CN platforms. It’s like a tone indicator like /j or the eyes emoji (Image available below) It can be used to denote that something is a joke and also that there is an ambiguous meaning.  针不戳  – slang meaning that something is really really good  酸菜 – traditional Chinese pickled Chinese cabbage or Chinese mustard, used for a variety of purposes. It has a refreshing sour flavour that really helps offset heavier flavour profiles.  太太太太那个了 – where 太 on its own means ‘too’ but 太太 means Madam/Wife (also a person who writes fanfiction or is just otherwise great, also 太 in novels is often used to refer to men lying down because 人 means human and the extra line is… well  ) The RAWs don’t actually give a description they just say ‘too that’ but according to other translators it probably refers to somebody being too sexy  My family’s [whatever] is just a way of expressing familiarity/closeness to something. Pig eating a cabbage is a way of saying that a man has found a person to marry/have marital relations with but in this case AYX’s roommate thought that An Youxi (the cabbage) had finally found a pig (a husband)  不鸣则已，一鸣惊人 which is a metaphor for making amazing achievements all of a sudden without outstanding performance. It comes from 《史记·滑稽列传》and the full saying roughly translates to “If this bird does not fly, it will already soar into the sky ; if it does not sing, it will become a blockbuster.” (aka immediate fame, not…. Not the modern day meaning, i just couldn’t find an equivalent orz) Here I replaced blockbuster for sonata because I thought it sounded nice and like it vaguely had a melodic feel.  腐女 – fujoshi, women who like BL 花痴 – people who are addicted to love and affection , and forget themselves and lose themselves. Often used to describe girls who fall for boys when they see them, drool when they see handsome guys, or scream involuntarily. The translation was given as ‘nymphomaniac’ but I felt it didn’t fit so I will just refer to them as love obsessed fools (affectionate).  浑水摸鱼 – acquire profit in time of trouble  乖巧坐等 – Another picture meme, example available below  瞎说什么大实话 – idiom meaning you tell the truth but it is the kind that others don’t mind. Can be considered a joke. 泼出去的儿子嫁出去的水 – a play on 嫁出去的女儿泼出去的水 (lit. married daughter, spilled water) which means that once a daughter has been married then it is like water has been spilt and (her) parents cannot intervene.  月老 aka ‘old man under the moon’ is a god of marriage and love in Chinese mythology  怀春 – begin to think of love, or become sexually awakened ; be in love  不开窍则已，一开窍惊人啊这是！based on the 不鸣则已，一鸣惊人 phrase from footnote 11 but with 开窍 meaning enlightenment (about love) so I just did my best.  华大 – I’m gonna be honest I have no idea what that is, I baidu’d and googled it in a bunch of different ways and the only one that made a lick of sense was the WashU which is apparently an acronym for Washington University? I don’t remember whether that character studies in the USA but let’s just assume he does for now and if later he ends up to have always been in China I’ll come back to change it to….something….

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