Everyone has heard this phrase at some point. It is often used when we have done something that cannot be undone. A job gone wrong, a dream turned out to be a dream, a life plan gone wrong. We whisper the word when we are clinging to something that will never come around again in our lives.
We seventeen and eighteen year olds are no exception.
University entrance exams, job hunting. Depending on the results, we too will mutter our despair.
I have wondered if I could be a part of that failure. When I failed the entrance exam and chose to become a ronin, would I tell people that I have failed in life?
The answer was no.
The reason is that I don't know what I want in life.
I still couldn't imagine the biggest goal or the end point of my life, such as becoming famous, a doctor, or a wealthy person in the future. Therefore, I could not envision failure. But I might think about it on my deathbed. My life was nothing.
And part of me feels impatient with that. I am driven by a sense of mission to accomplish something.
And then I come to the ultimate question of mankind, "What was the purpose of my birth? If I can understand that, will I be able to have a goal?
Is it correct to say that Comet-kun's career path will remain the same and he will take the entrance examination for college?
The teacher asks my mother for confirmation.
The final survey of the students' career choices. The teacher is in the middle of a three-way meeting with my mother.
'Yes, please.
My mother replies. It is not my decision, nor is she forcing me to take the entrance exam. It just happened naturally. My parents are both college graduates, and that's why the atmosphere is like that.
It's not that I don't like it either. If you enter a university with a good reputation, you will be evaluated regardless of your human nature, and you will have an overwhelming advantage in terms of employment. It's not every day that you get a chance to grow up in a place of higher learning. It is a unique opportunity that you can only enjoy now because your parents are protecting you.
But that's all we know. I can only come up with such flimsy advantages because I don't have what I'm looking for.
After the parent-teacher-teacher conference, my mother left with a single word: "Good luck with your studies. I asked her to go home first so that I could study for detention.
I returned to the lonely classroom and sat down at my desk.
You...'
Don't you mean 'you'? I'm your husband.
'I'm sorry. I'm not used to saying your name.
'You used to be like that. I've only heard my name a few times.
Alina also stayed after school to study. She took her earphones out of her ears and put down her pen.
Summer vacation will be over in half a month.
'That's right. Time flies too fast for students taking exams.
''Do you have plans for summer vacation?''
'Studying.'
'You're surprisingly serious. I thought you'd be playing for fun.
'What's up with you that way? Going to the beach for some fan service?
'No one gets excited about me in my swimsuit.'
'Maybe I'll pass through the excitement and worship.'
It's the last summer to play, but I'm not that active, so I'll probably spend my days studying, resting, and decomposing as usual.
I wonder if I'm the same as you. I study, sometimes I go out, and sometimes I think of you.
'I don't need the last one.'
'Otherwise I won't get your memory back. I told you. That's why I had you quit the homecoming club.''
'Well, yes, but ......'
'This is going to be a boring summer.'
'It can't be helped. You're a student for the entrance exam.
She sighed and got down on her desk. I start to get ready to study, my body twisted back in front of me.
'This is going to be boring.
Alina mumbles again in frustration. Ignore, ignore, ignore. Yes, yes, sine-cosine tangent.
'I miss you.
'Don't miss the rose. What are thorns for?
That day after school ended with Alina's every word making it impossible to concentrate.
It's so boring!
Alina appeared while I was putting coins into the vending machine.
I wonder why she sought me out during this peaceful lunch break to complain about my boredom. Is that it, the melancholy of Alina Hinoha?
What's so boring? You've been acting strange lately.
'I'm bored!
Next, he started to get angry.
I put in some coins and press the button, because if I don't buy tomato juice, not only will the story not start, but the universe won't start. I heard the sound of the tomato juice falling out. Yes, if you are a professional like me, you can tell by the sound of the can. Isn't it strange? How do I know? I have rarely bought anything but tomato juice from this vending machine.
Hey, give it back.
Alina took my tomato juice.
She wrinkled her brow and glared at me, reminding me of a poisonous rose. Come to think of it, she often makes this kind of face.
What's wrong with you? I mean, you don't seem to have enough time.
'I don't think so.'
'You're right. Give it back.'
'Oh no'.
'Fuuuuuuuck! Big brother is going to use force!'
I said this and moved my finger like a sea anemone bobbing in the waves to intimidate it, and it gave me the creeps back. I knew I had to do something creepy at a time like this.
'I don't know ......, but...'
''Hmm?''
'I don't know, but I'm in a hurry.
'Are you taking an exam?'
'That's true, too. But not in a big way. Maybe it's you.
Me?'
'I was afraid I wouldn't remember you. I'm in such a hurry.
She turned her head and clutched her skirt. Why is she in such a hurry? She probably knows, but it is more likely that she will never be able to remember. It will take her years to remember, and she knows that there is no point in being impatient.
I don't expect you to be able to remember it in high school. It doesn't have to be in high school. You're not going to die.
'I know that. But it's not. It's something else that I'm rushing to do, I think.
'So you're saying you're in a hurry, you're in a race against time? What are you fighting with? Are you a Martian?
'I don't know. But I think he's in a hurry because it's very important. It's a woman's intuition.
Huh.
Okay, this is the crazy stuff.
It happens to all of us during puberty. We all suffer from feelings we can't communicate, Alina. We're all a little late to the party, though. It's best to be kind in these times. You need to give them the approval they crave.
I know, I know. I know exactly what you mean.
'You don't understand.
Somebody help me.
I can't help myself, so I reassess her as an extraterrestrial intelligent being with whom I can't communicate, and I try to make conversation appropriate as I lead her back to the classroom. In the meantime, I decided to give her a little history lesson of the earth. From the sea to the land, life grew roots and ran through the earth, and the earth was ruled by a tremendously large organism. After a tremendous amount of time, a large meteorite hit the earth and destroyed that species, but the age of mammals had come. We humans, with our high intelligence, increased our numbers, created fire, and mastered language. We created civilizations and developed science. I explained to him that we became the rulers of the earth and the keepers of the earth, but nothing he said helped. It seems that he is an alien in human form after all. Let's treat him politely.
Please sit down. This is your chair. Chair, chair. Do you understand English? Do you know, English? DISISAPPEN. Hamburger? Computer? No, apparently he has the intelligence of two potatoes.
'Your analogy doesn't make sense.'
'Oh! You, japanese-- wrong, you don't speak Japanese.
'That's enough. Let's just say I'm wrong and we're done talking about it.
If that's the end of the story, so be it. I'd rather be talking with a clunky AI that recommends searching the web whenever I ask it a question than facing Chaos Alina.
Makoto in the back seat teased me with 'Stop fighting with your wife~', so I said 'Makoto-kun, the badminton player who lost to the homecoming club, should pluck bird feathers for the rest of his life', a line that would make enemies of all the badminton lovers in the country.
''You and your wife ......?''
Alina straightens her back and looks at Makoto. Makoto instinctively trembled with fear. Goodbye Makoto. I'll be at your funeral.
But Makoto was not killed. Alina smiles, the corners of her mouth turning up.
'What do you mean, what do you mean--'
Makoto becomes suspicious of the goddess's descent.
Alina smiles and turns to me. I have a bad feeling about this.
Comet. I've been thinking about it for a long time. Please go out with me. I really like you.
''What?''
I didn't know what that meant. There was no mood or anything, but it was a so-called "confession.
But how could Alina confess so easily? So I thought it was a fake. To cover up something. But maybe it's true. In fact, Alina's cheeks are flushed and she puts her hand on her chest. This confuses me even more.
Maybe I'm overthinking things, or maybe I'm just cynical. Is Ugin right, love transcends theory?
No, what? Huh?
I can only respond in such a way because I cannot think straight.
I am more doubtful than happy. What do you mean?
'Pigaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaowwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!'
Makoto's scream, reminiscent of Munch's, echoed.
The girls in the class also made a lot of noise, saying "Kyaa" and "Hyu-hyu-hyu.
I look at Alina. She's looking me straight in the eye, waiting for an answer. What's going on? Why are my classmates making a fuss as if it's a natural consequence? And why am I not so happy?