Chapter 8: I’m awake

"Too bright'

This was the first thing, I thought after opening my eyes. Sun seems to shine today especially bright. Which made me actually feel quite pleasant but at the same time kinda blinds me with its sun's rays.

I took a minute or two to adjust my eyes. Then I tried to lift my body from the laying position. Which turned out to be a bigger task than my physique can handle at the moment. So I helped myself with my hands and finally managed to sit on the bed.

Looking around the nicely decorated room, I didn't find anyone else besides me in it. So I glanced out at the window and saw what I was looking for.

My reflection, even though this glass wasn't as perfect as a mirror. It's impossible to forget eyes like these. They seemed to shine more than the morning sun and looking too much into them would easily make you lose yourself in their depth.

I put my right hand on the window and shortly after, I took it away. Only to trace my face? with one of the fingertips. The girl in the refraction doing exactly the same.

Am I angry? disappointed? sad?

Yeah, I am sad but not for myself.

Tears suddenly started slowly, unconsciously trickling from my eyes.

When was the last time, I feel like that?

I don't remember.

Why I am feeling like that?

I don't understand.

I wiped the teardrops from my face but when I did it, more seems coming.

How can I make it stop?

I don't want to cry.

Then why am I crying?

I put myself to lie down on the bed again and cried like I never did.

But it wasn't a normal cry. It was the cry of someone that just hold it to himself for far too long...

After some time, I stopped sobbing and my head cleared a little. It's surprising how crying can make you feel slightly better...

To summarise everything, I can now confidently say that I was reincarnated as a girl. Which I didn't expect at all.

I thought about plenty of things but I would never guess that I would be reincarnated as a girl. I even took into account that I can be reincarnated as some kinda monster like a goblin or even something worst like an ugly tentacle anomaly or even a fucking rock or tree.

But this was out of my imagination.

Which made it hard to accept and even made me regret things.

I didn't know that memory, I would receive would affect me that much.

Seeing her memories one after another, chronologically. Ability to feel what she feels. From the child to teenager and then adult. I saw them all.

Of course, I didn't see all her memories like that. I think, I only saw the most memorable and important of her memories from a perspective like from the first recollection.

But when I woke up, I could suddenly remember all of her memories but this time they were like the information written on paper. For example, I could remember her likes and dislikes and the content of the book she read before but I couldn't feel anything. They were just memories with no feelings attached.

And now, I feel a little different.

I mean, I am still myself. I didn't suddenly experience personality changes or something like that. It's just that comparing myself from before and now. I can confidently say that I was "A frog in the well".

But now, I finally understand. I am a bad person. Self-centered, selfish, and only caring for people that are useful to me guy. Using excuses for my bad deeds and even though, I have a talent for reading people and I know perfectly well how they feel.

I just don't care.

When did I become like that?

Did I become like this after joining the military or I was always deep down like that?

Maybe I shouldn't think about it now. I have more important things to do.

But foremost I think, I gonna sleep again. I know that I just woke up but I am mentally exhausted after absorbing all this knowledge.

So I relaxed and cleared my mind of all the unnecessary things and had one of the best naps in my life.

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Entering the patient's room, I was assigned to take care of from today onwards because the doctor that was assigned here and at the same time my mentor is really busy as of right now.

'They really push all the boring work on me'

I thought when, I was told that this patient was in a coma and I just need to monitor her condition, periodically changing the drip bags.

"Uh...' and this is exactly when I was finally happy about me not needing to attend these boring, long lectures in medical school.

But maybe I shouldn't expect too much, after all, I am still just a doctor in training and even this is a valuable experience for me.

"Sigh.."

Okay back to work. I set on one of the couches in the room and started reading her date from the tablet. Even though, I was already given a brief summary of her situation. I started reading from the start.

It's important to know your patient.

It took me quite a while almost an hour but I don't have anything to do at the moment so I took my time.

And then it hit me when on the last page, I saw :

'Estimated time left: 7 days '

It seems the report was updated 2 days ago. So that would leave only 5 days.

She is only 21 years old this year, so young. No medicine seems working on her and even seems to have an adverse effect if she takes any.

So basically, she is left here to die.

Working as an intern already a couple of months, I worked with quite a few patients, some of them even had serious illnesses.

But even then there was always a way, I could help them somehow. In those times with a help of modern medicine, there are almost no illnesses that cannot be somehow fought back or delayed for a long period of time.

I hate feeling hopeless. The feeling that I can't help people in need.

When I was younger and my mum died because of sickness. I swore to myself that I will become the best doctor so other people wouldn't have to go through the same things I did.

This was my motivation for all these years and not one's one of my patients died on my watch. But in this case where even Dr.Rozenberg gave up.

I don't know what to do.

Obviously, I am only here to monitor her condition not to cure her. Still, I want to help somehow.

I put a tablet down and took a couple of deep breaths.

Maybe that is a test? faster or later I will have to face the reality that not every patent is possible to be saved. So maybe they want me to get used to it?

"Argh" I don't know anymore. I shook my head and thought to just be done with it.

I stood up and saw that her bag is almost dry. So I changed it. After that, I looked at the screen near the hospital bed to check her vitals and become surprised when I saw that everything seems to be within the norm.

A person that is about to die in five days shouldn't show such normal signs.

Even on the data, there were written actual numbers...

"Hey"

After saying this word we keep staring at each other in uncomfortable silence. I just couldn't pretend anymore that I am asleep.

Actually, when she first entered I decided to pretend to be still in a coma. But when she keeps being here for such a long time. I couldn't maintain my act anymore.

The thing was that I couldn't really see what she is doing. My head was directed to the ceiling and I couldn't move it for obvious reasons. I was just nervous.

Honestly now, I am not sure If I don't have some kinda PTSD.

But coming back to reality is she really gonna keep staring at me like that?

'Do you know how much courage, I had to gather to just say this world?'

Unaware of me, I unconsciously started pouting after thinking how embarrassing it was for me to just start the conversation.

I am not usually like this but it seems the memories that I got, freed some of my deep hidden feelings that I usually do not show on my face. On the other hand, that may be just a body that I am currently in that is affecting me.

Yeah, that sure is the body. There is no way that I am such a socially awkward person.

The girl before me is opening her mouth and closing it soon afterward. Like she wants to say something but can't.

Is it that surprising? Waking up from the coma is really that uncommon here? Well, I guess so but we don't want to keep it awkward that long are we? So I will help you.

"I'm awake"

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