Chapter 34: I hate the kitchen.

(Cheesus has cometh.)

*Puf*

My feet touch something soft. I choose to ignore it for now.

The more important question is: Do you know what is inside a kitchen?

Of course, you do. You must have one in your house, maybe even a couple of kitchens. Possibly you have a thing with kitchens. Who am I to judge, eh?

*Puf*

Okay, jokes aside, I take that you know whatever is inside such a place.

There should be a dining table first. Then some chairs, and then there would be a separate corner for cooking, right? Of course, we are making a hugely simplified version of a kitchen here, but we need a bit of context to understand what comes next.

I would get it if he had something like a giant fridge. Something extravagant like a majestic artisan pizza oven would not be too much for someone with Han's background.

*Puf*

Once again, I kick the pillows off my feet.

Yes, the kitchen has these things all over the floor. That is the weirdest problem with this place.

"Don't mind the pillows. I just like to have them everywhere in the house just in case, haha!" Han laughs to himself to avoid the weird looks from the girls.

Just in case? For what?

No, ladies. He is like that because there will be a bunch of sex scenes in this area. See those aprons over there in that corner? Yeah, you girls, with the exception of Laura, would be doing the naked apron thing with him.

"Come in, come in. Have a seat, all of you. Don't be so nervous." He says.

Honestly, Han, give them some time to adjust. Anyone would be quite weirded out seeing a bunch of pillows on the floor like this.

Look at those eyes.

They are simply bewildered beyond comprehension. Me, I have no eyes. So no emotion can be seen coming from this guy.

Poor these girls. If they came when the relationship with Han was better, maybe they would not show such a face.

Oh wait, Rachel should not be that disgusted, though.

But well, what is new?

*Gatan*

Listening to Han's advice, I approach the dining table and find myself a seat. Not going to lie, but I am really looking forward to drinking for the first time. There should be no issues, presumably. I was able to use my mouth to speak without any obstruction, so drinking should be fine.

Oh, wait for a second, before sitting down, should I not have pulled out the chair for Laura? She is my girlfriend now, yes? That is what a gentleman should do?

Damn...that was a huge blunder on my side...

Sorry, Laura...

Fake love or not, she has been treating me very nicely. It is normal to return the favor. Clearly, I am still not very used to this drastic change.

Let me just stand up since she is not sitting down that fast.

"Oh, Laura, wait for me a bit. Let me pull this chair out for you."

*Gatan*

"There you go!"

Laura smiles brightly.

"Thanks, but I will be helping Rachel with getting the drinks. Kurokawa, you should come, too. Let's help the boys out. Together."

At this point, Laura takes her hand off mine. Suddenly, my hand feels a little lonely.

It can not be helped, C. Class rep has to let it go at some point.

"Ah! Wha..!"

However, right after letting me go, she almost instantly grabs Kurokawa's arm and pulls the girl toward Rachel with her. The latter hardly has the chance to do anything at all. I can even hear a small yelp.

Looking at that, Rachel looks somewhat puzzled.

"What are you doi-?"

"Come on, girls. Don't you want to show the boys your most feminine side?" Laura moves even faster. "Now, dear Rachel, can you show us where to get the drinks? This is Your house, after all."

Then, with a look of caution in her eyes, Rachel and the other two move toward the kitchen area where the fridge resides.

"We'll be right back." Laura beams at me from far away.

Not knowing what to do, I just nod and decide to sit back down. At the same time, the protagonist chooses the chair right next to me.

"Hey, C." He talks to me in a whisper. It is clear he is trying to hide something from the girls.

"How did you manage to capture Laura's heart? Come one, share your secrets! You must be a pick-up artist in your spare time, right?"

I can see the look of aspiration in his eyes as if he looks up to me like a teacher or something.

"Truth be told, I have no idea, man."

The answer you are seeking, however, is nonexistent.

In fact, it is I who have to make the question.

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How do you plan on capturing the rest of the girls like this? Rachel is very much paying you less interest than ever before.

Oh, wait! Maybe it IS her plan. She is just playing hard to get!

Of course, I will not say anything like that. I am not dumb. Rachel will put another hole in my ass if she hears me saying so.

*BAM*

"W-what was that?!" Han and I turn and look at the source of the sound.

"*Kuh* No worries. Rachel just slipped and cut the chopping board instead of the orange." Kurokawa explains.

"Oh! Is Rachel okay?" The protagonist stands up.

"She's unharmed. Don't worry about it. You two can sit tight and wait for a couple minutes. We will be right out." The bookworm reassures us.

"If you say so. Now, C, where were we?"

NO! You are supposed to walk over there to make sure she is fine! Do not sit here idly and have a chat while your childhood sweetheart is doing everything!

This is something that you really need to work on if you want to survive longer, Han. The fact that you listen to whatever the heroines say is astoundingly naive.

Sigh.

I have to go have a look. If anything happens to Rachel's hands, she is pretty much dead.

"Don't worry, guys." From behind the kitchen counter, Laura takes Rachel's hands and puts them in the air, showing me the flawless skin she has. "Rachel's fine, right? She just had a bit of a sneeze, that's all!"

That is good.

"Now that everything is safe. C! Please, man! I am dying because of loneliness here! Help a brother out, will you?"

The guy starts begging me for love advice.

Trust me, my friend. You have NO IDEA what dying because of the loneliness really means.

"Just like I told you, I don't know how she got infatuated with me. It is hard to believe, but that is the truth."

Han stops for a second and thinks.

"So you are telling me that you had to do nothing, and still she confessed to you?"

"You are putting it in a very peculiar way..."

"And you are not that handsome, either." He mumbles.

YEAH, I AM NOT HANDSOME LIKE YOU, HAN SOM. SO WHAT?!

WHEN DID IT TURN INTO A PERSONAL ATTACK, YOU FUCKER?

*Crash*

Something just got shattered over in the kitchen area.

"I just dropped a glass! Don't come here, C. There are pieces of glass all over this place, so you better sit tight since it can cut your feet." Laura looks at me with warmth.

But then she turns her gaze to the protagonist.

"EEK!!" Immediately, he squeals. "I-I didn't do anything!"

To be fair, I can not be paying any attention to that guy right now.

Is the class rep alright? Cuts on the feet can be dangerous, especially with no one with medical skills in this house.

"Kurokawa and Rachel are helping me with the clean-up. If you come too close, the shards will cut you, and I don't want that at all."

"What if I put the pillows underneath and slide across the room?'

"No. You could fall! Trust me, okay, C?"

Even though I sit back down, anxiety still rises inside my chest. I guess Han and I both share the trait of being too docile.

But seriously, I do not want to sit around waiting while my girlfriend is doing everything.

This just feels unethical.

*Sigh*

What should I do?

"Teach me, master!"

What if I put more pillows under my feet and one on each arm to sweep them across?

"Master! Please hear me out!"

Yeah! That would work. I could be safe from the shards and help them gather them all at once. But it will be very slippery with the pillows on the floor.

"Master! Please enlighten this stupid student of yours on how to get a girlfriend! Preferably a yandere one!" Han grabs me by the shoulders, praying for help.

Who and what now?

(You can now buy me milk for me to make more cheese!!!

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