Chapter 44: [Rachel] Falling even deeper.

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"Han, say ah!" I look at the other Rachel smiling happily while feeding her beloved.

One of her hands is holding the fork with a piece of octopus-shaped sausage, and that thing is approaching Han's face.

I have been here once in this scene, or should I say event. With the help of the surroundings, such as the wind and the sky, I know where I am. All things are pointing at my lunch with Han earlier on the rooftop. There is no way I would not recognize this place.

Seeing this, I know that I am once again taken to one of the memories inside of myself. It seems that these will trigger under the circumstances with the help of C. He is the connection between me and my previous alterations.

Please, do not show this thing to me, C...I want to cut them all off. They look like me, that is true. However, they are not who I am currently.

I deny accepting that we are the same. Except for our outer appearance, we have nothing in common.

I am not the same person I used to be.

With the fork coming closer to him, Han turns red.

"Rachel! You know someone could be looking at us right now!"

"Come on, Han, don't worry! If someone dares to sneak up on us, I will make them regret it! Besides, there are always two of us here." That Rachel says. Her eyes appear to be dangerous.

They really are violent, are they not...

"R-right..."

"Say ah!"

Okay, this is where I will stop looking. I absolutely can not take another second with this much cringe. Where is C, by the way?

He should be close by, yet I see no sign of that cute faceless person anywhere? Obviously, he can not be within this area since that Rachel can quickly find him and make his life miserable.

My eyes start wandering, searching for a familiar silhouette on this rooftop.

I almost immediately come to the conclusion that C is not here. Who am I kidding...this place is deserted! Even if C was here, he would not be able to hide anywhere.

Cursing my silliness, I make my way toward the door. When my hand reaches out to touch the handle, it goes through without resistance, as if I was a hologram. Technically, I am a projection of my actual body somewhere else, so calling myself a holographic image is not entirely wrong. Therefore, this is not that surprising. If I can not touch the door, I will go through it with this ethereal form of mine. Simple.

Hoping to get out of this place, I advance through the thing in front of me. Behind my back, those two people are still flirting, with one girl holding and feeding the guy her home cooking. My ears can hear whatever nonsense they are spouting. I do not want to pay them that much attention, really.

Although, those two remind me I should cook C something to eat. He will definitely appreciate my meal more than...that person.

Unexpectedly, the moment my ethereal body goes through the door, it also goes through a person. He sits with his back leaning on the wall by the door, and his head tilts downward.

I know him. I know him quite well.

"Rachel..."

"Yes?" My whole body jumps. "I'm here!"

He can see me?!!

"And then, Rachel will reply with a yes." C continues.

"C! C! I'm right here!!"

"What is happiness to you? Han asks her."

This is odd...

"Why are you talking in the third person?" I pull myself closer to him.

"Hearing his question, Rachel smiles beautifully and says happiness is when I can spend time with you like this."

He is narrating the story...

Taking advantage of my condition at the moment, I stand inside the door to check up on the conversation and C's narration all at once. One ear is listening to the other two, while one is listening to C's words. There is, of course, no difference.

C can not see me or hear me. That is similar to the last time I was brought into this memory world. So I should only have to wait until it ends.

Hopefully, this memory is one of the nicer ones, or at least not that sad. I do not think I can take another heart-wrenching moment with C. It is in no way pleasurable seeing and hearing him fighting alone against an unwinnable force like the system.

"Then are you happy?"

"Then are you happy? Han asks again."

"I am."

"Rachel replies with a resounding yes while hugging Han. Sadly, that hug makes Han can not see the glint of pain in her aquamarine eyes. She has deliberately done so to avoid making it known."

It is true. No matter how much I deny it, the other Rachel and I still share some similarities in appearance. There is definitely a flash of sorrow in her eyes.

How much does C understand me? That is not something that anyone could do. It takes both effort and the desire to learn more about me to be able to accomplish such a thing.

I do not believe C could read me so well because he had so much time on his hands. If he did not want to, he could not have done it.

"Why are you asking these questions, Han?"

"...It is the other Rachel's turn to make a question." C says to himself.

"I just wanted to ask. Lately, I have been feeling a bit off. Like something is about to change, you know? Something tells me it has to do with happiness, maybe my love life? I don't know exactly."

"...Han scratches his cheek."

It has to do with his love life, yes. The system is about to force all the girls on one person. To many, that is the ultimate goal. Not to mention all of them are yanderes. People will pay their hard-earned cash just to read about this stuff. Not that I judge them. They should do more if they so wish to!

"Well, is it a good change or a bad one?"

"...Rachel tilts her head slightly, seemingly trying to look cute."

"No idea!"

"...And she missed it. Han did not see her gesture like usual."

*Ding dong*

The school bell rings.

"It's time to head back down. If I continue to be here, those two will notice me." After saying that, C hastily walks down the stairs.

Contrary to the other two, C is only by himself. When I look at his back, all I can see is a lonely figure.

I decide to follow C to wherever he wants to go. No one can see me anyway, so let me be his guardian for a little while.

C walks back to class. However, he decides to not go back inside. My faceless hero only stands from the outside and looks in to check on something. At this point, I can only guess what C is trying to do.

In there, I can see Kurokawa and Laura doing their usual things. Kurokawa is reading a book, while Laura is going around collecting papers that I think are assignments from the shadows. No one would ever imagine how these people, us, could be so violent when the time comes if they were looking at us like this.

"I would love to be a part of this world, but I can't." After some time, C mumbles.

That strikes my deepest strings. My whole body trembled to hear those words coming out from C. It is...such a depressing thing to say...

"I just can't..." He then turns at the opened windows. "It's cold today."

...C...

Even though I can not touch him, I still decide to give him a hug. Desperately, I wish my warmth could transcendent space and time to let him feel something. Like when he gave me his thoughtful hand, I now hope I could bring him that, too.

"The lunch today was excellent, Rachel. Oh, wait, by saying that, I mean you are an excellent cook" From my right, I hear Han's voice praising Rachel.

"Really?! Thanks!! I put a lot of effort into making them!" Hugging his right arm, Rachel replies with hearts in her eyes.

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The two sentences were indeed different. One was complimenting the food, while the other was complimenting the one who made the meal. I understand some people would love it more when praised based on their dish. However, I would love it if I were the one being commended.

The more important question is: Why did Han switch his words out of nowhere?

As the two people walk closer to the classroom, they notice C standing outside of it.

"Hey, C! What are you waiting? Class is about to start."

"..."

"Let's head in, Han. Other people can do whatever they want!" Rachel pulls hard on Han's arm, ignoring C completely. In her eyes, there is no one but the love of her life.

This woman...

"Okay! Okay! I get it! See ya later, C!" Han waves his hand. He and his woman then move to their respective seats.

"Since you are such a talker, I will be easy on you tonight!" That woman suddenly speaks of something strange.

"Ha ha...I have no idea what you are talking about, but thanks a lot!" Han laughs wryly.

Since he has settled, Laura approaches him.

"Hey, Han, do not forget that you need some extra classes with me. Private lessons!"

"Ack!! Do I really need to do it?" The main protagonist has tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, you do!" Laura nods. "Your grades are terrible!"

Rachel raises her hand.

"Can I join, Laura? I want to improve, too."

"Can you all be quiet? I am trying to read a book here!" Kurokawa chimes in the conversation.

"Sorry, Kurokawa! We will try to lower our voices." Han clasps his hands together and bows down to Kurokawa.

"F-fine!" She looks away hurriedly.

C looks through all of that without making a move. Every time Han says something, he will either nod or shake his head. I feel C is trying to judge Han's ability.

"With that, they should be a little happier this time. Han needs to focus on the people more, and everyone will have a better life in this run. Maybe we can move further to pass the transfer student arc."

On the outside, C walks away. The shadow people do not notice him. Even the tall, dark shadow man, Mr. OOO, does not call him back as he makes his way out.

Inside a sea of dark figures, there exists a small, featureless individual walking through them like a ghost. This kind of loneliness is unbearable to me, who is only a bystander...

I will also be a ghost for him.

If I can not help him, then I will share his pain.

*Clik clak*

The door to the rooftop does not open for C.

"Right, I don't have the key."

*Sigh*

C sits back down on the top of the staircase where I found him after exiting through the door. He takes out a small, crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.

It has four sentences.

Compliment the girls. They need it more than anyone.

Even when something happens, remember they love you more than anyone. Tell the girls that will make their rage go away.

Pay attention to the small gestures around the girls. They are trying to tell you something.

Happiness is earned. Work for it.

Since I saw his lonely back, my eyes have already been tearing up. Not once when I was with him that I could control myself. I understand that my crying is getting satirical and unneeded, yet I still could not help but cry.

It was him all along.

It has always been him. The past, the present, and the future will always have C's marks within them.

"It was hard getting this thing inside of Han's stuff. At least he was able to read it. Haha. Finally, I managed to do something."

Always, always, he tried his best to find a way.

*Scrrrr*

C tears the whole thing in half, then another, and another, until the note is no longer recognizable.

*Puff*

He blows the tiny pieces of paper away. They fly up high, turning into fake yet romantic snow.

"If only I had someone next to me to share this with. This looks amazing..."

"I am...*hic* here, C. And I am *hic* seeing it. You are absolutely right."

It is beautiful, but not as much as the person sitting here.

"It was quite surprising to see Han asking that question about happiness. Nonetheless, to me, happiness is simple."

"T-tell me, C. *Hic* I will try my best to get it for you."

"To see you girls achieve your happiness is my happiness."

...

I...I do not know what to say...

"I used to wish I could change things to my liking. I used to wish I could have my own romantic story."

...

"After a while, I knew one concrete fact about this world. That wish would never be fulfilled. I don't exist here. My role is one of the least important, too."

"No matter how lonely I am, I would end up the same way."

"I have used up all my hopes. It is now as dry as a desert under a scorching sun. Thankfully, there was one thing that kept me from going insane. I have come to love these girls. Stupid, I know. Still, I would have lost my mind ages ago if not for them."

Please...C...please...forgive me for not seeing this sooner...

"The way they struggle with their daily life, trying their best all the time, or the way they change their hairstyles just to please one person, all of those and more..."

...I...I...

"I admire them. Rachel, Laura, Kurokawa, and many more are my heroine. The girls do not let anyone does anything to tamper with their happiness."

"Unlike me, who has no future, I put all my cards into them because I can see my future in them. If they can achieve their ultimate ending, then maybe one day, I will also have mine. What is the saying? Never put all your eggs in the same basket? Yeah, I put mine into these girls."

"Have you *hic*...ever felt...regret?" I ask him in tears.

C looks to the ceiling.

"I regret nothing."

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