Chapter 57: [Kurokawa] Inferiority

I am an only child.

No, let me rephrase that. There are only two people in our family. If you can call it a family, that is. I think it should be clear there is no one I can call my siblings. And, of course, no father as well. The furthest point my memories can go back to has never had a father figure present. All this time, this family has always been keeping the number to the bare minimum, mother and me. Even though she never tells me anything, I believe somewhere out there, one of Mother's clients is my father. At least, that is what I can deduce from the information I gathered from looking at her. As for siblings, I do understand why she does not want to get me a brother or a sister. In fact, I would not wish for anyone else to live here under the same circumstances.

Nevertheless, that seems to be my set-up created by this world. Now, to make everything simple for my mind, initially, I should put aside the aspects of everything being fake. The memories of Mother are what created who I am right now, and that is factual. No matter how much I want to deny it, she is at home every night. I will have to cook for her, clean up the mess she creates, and do whatever she tells me. Unlike Han and Rachel's families, who will never show up, Mother lives here. She will have her voice heard by any means possible. Mother is not a mere description amongst many of the game or a shadow person but a real, living being. The black bags full of trash, the empty bottles of alcohol rolling on the floor, and the pain I get from disobeying Mother is all the evidence I need.

Even when I know this world is made from a bunch of codes and my suffering was for naught, the scars I have on my body are still apparent and throb every time the weather changes a little. It matters not if they are real or fake since they are here to stay for the rest of my life. Whether or not I like them, I have to accept that truth.

Alas, I have gotten acclimated to my situation. Time is indeed a remedy for any kind of illness and disability.

"Ugh!" But strangely, my mouth lets out a revolted sound. I guess this body is still something even the most destructive power of all creation can not correct.

Eyes quickly turn away to look at the door to Mother's room. No longer do I want to look at this broken body anymore. If I could, I would smash that mirror to pieces and destroy the tattered reflection of mine. Sadly, doing that will make Mother tremendously angry. When she is furious, well, things happen.

The author of this game has been so thoughtful of their audience. Their characters are not loved because we are a bunch of tools. No. Rather than giving me a basic and generic back story like how Han could save me from an amateur pick-up artist, they gave me all of this...thing to look at. We could have had a cliche situation where I saw Han saving a kitty and fell in love with him. Or I could have seen Han walking an old lady across the street and thought he was a kind person.

But those were too mainstream for the developers. Too...normal without an impact.

They need to make me three-dimensional.

They need to make me quirky and characteristic. There needs to be a way so that people can distinguish me from all the other characters like Rachel and Laura.

They can go eat crap for all I care.

"I need to get out of this place." Disgusted by my existence and the pungent smell inside the room, I make my way back upstairs to my room.

"School is about to start, after all. He must be waiting for me to come back."

As I drag my feet through the various rubbish on the floor, my head wanders off to his side. The image of that faceless person slowly appears within my imagination, and I smile, knowing he still lives. Even more so, he must be thinking of many weird things about the game and us.

Yeah...us... We problematic few...

In my imagination, I can see two other girls by his side, too.

One is a blond girl with aquamarine eyes as beautiful as gems, and the other is a brunette girl with chocolate eyes as warm as the everlasting hearth.

Rachel suffered with her love for Han, so she became violent. She had never been accepted by her childhood sweetheart, no matter what she did. C helped that blond girl break the chains by giving her his hand, so she imprinted on him instead. Someone like C, who would never be able to hide his emotions, is a much better target for someone as insecure as Rachel.

The class rep is a little odd but still understandable. Laura was raped in the past by the school bullies and was saved by Han. Before that, I think she had a simple life with her family? But she had sex with Han regardless. In the end, that led to Rachel killing her out of jealousy. Even though the current Laura has not had any trauma, she must have been brought into the memory world and was shown the event with her own eyes. If I were in her shoes, I would also have been devastated by circumstances beyond my control. By being a couple with C, that fate is no longer imminent. Although I wonder if the class rep and that childhood friend will fight again since they are now both in love with c.

However, compared to my situation, those two have one more thing in common.

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They can disregard their pain as fake. Everything they have had to take until now can all go bye-bye without care. With C on their side, that is enough. They have achieved their happiness already. No more events to worry about, no more Han. The two girls can simply enjoy their youth with C until the end.

I do not have the same luxury since my misery was painted on me with my own flesh and blood. All the pain and the sorrow haunt me so much that I would not want to be in this world. Living here every day is worse than Hell. On top of that, these ugly scars on my body never forget to tell me how inferior I am compared to Rachel and Laura. Unless Mother no longer exists, there is no way for me to say nothing ever happened in actuality just because of the script.

But they can.

More than anything, I envy them.

Their unblemished skins, unburdened freedom, unshackled fates, everything about them just seems so much better than what I have currently. They can laugh, they can cry, they can be beautiful.

They can be their true selves.

At the least, they do not have to hide their faces. C could just look at it and compliments them, albeit in his heart only.

I have not heard a good thing coming from C's thoughts regarding my appearance. Yet perhaps, that is for the best. It is better for me to not hear anything than to listen to his description of my scars. Although, at this rate, I think he will not do that. C is a considerate person, after all.

In the past, C considered his love a sin. Then what about my envy currently? Is it a crime? Something worse, even?

Water is coming from my eyes down to my cheeks, but I pay them no attention. It is not abnormal for me to do such a thing.

The more I think, the heavier my heart becomes. I do not know what I should do anymore. Without a doubt, I will not let my life be controlled and ridiculed by an invisible system. But what is waiting for me ahead? What event is glancing around the corner, waiting to give Han the chance to swoop in and become the hero to conquer my worn-out heart?

Is C going to save me? Or is he going to let Han do it?

"I want you to do it." My mind thinks of only one person.

Funny guy, he is. Without a face, he somehow still feels charming. I have read many books, but in those stories, the prince is supposed to be someone who looks good. Not only that, prince Charming should talk like a gentleman.

My prince does not even have eyes to see. He talks crudely and makes jokes about silly things. He does not come from royalty. Not at all. In fact, he does not have a place of his own. I have not been there, but in his words, it is made of lines and scribbles.

Most importantly, he makes me laugh. What more can I ask for?

"Where did you go last night?"

Sadly, there is one thing even grander than the event about to happen to me.

She will be here whether I like it or not. After breaking out of the event, she will still control every aspect of my life.

Mother.

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