Chapter 94: This time is different

I know that I am taking a tremendous risk here. I really do. Everything built until this point may be destroyed in a second because of my reckless action. All of our interactions, all the new things and warmth I was given... all of it.

I could be losing the new Laura, Rachel, and Kurokawa, or worse: plunging them into a harsher death. There is an imminent chance that I, and my desire to make the girls look at this world at its core, will damn their lives all over again. It is like a guillotine, but instead of a giant sharpened blade, a danger of untold proportion dangles above my head, waiting for a slip-up to murder us all, not just me.

Throughout various iterations, this world has shown me repeatedly that there was a strict rule about telling others what kind of reality they were living in. The consequences of such trials have been clear from the very beginning. To sum it up quickly, it would be a simple NO. Whether the method to convey the information was via paper or mouth,... none mattered.

Whenever I did so, the system would not hesitate to clear everything out instantly. That was the crucial part. Buildings and entities such as main characters and side ones would be turned into dust and smithereens, and their memories would be wiped out, reset to their initial state. They would no longer recall who or what I was, what I told them, what I did to them.

In short, it would be as if my existence did not leave an impact in the first place. Earlier, when I touched Kuro, I saw exactly that.

Most of the time, it was a good thing since the results of my struggles usually meant a drastic change in the storyline for the worse. Living in this hellish nightmare with no one to talk to already damaged my mental health. I would rather them not know me than look at me with scornful eyes filled with hatred and contempt. Jumping off the school's rooftop sounded much better than being viewed as a hideous and disgusting monster that spread sorrow everywhere it went.

No matter the reasons behind my assistance, the girls would not have suffered so much without it. Slowly but surely, I learned to accept that cold-hard fact. I should stop fighting back because it would only cause more grief to others.

Nonetheless, I want to do this, even when the drawbacks of such a dangerous action stay at the front of my head.

...No. Let me rephrase that. What boils inside this chest of mine is not merely a wish. It is much stronger and more straightforward, like the spear of the leading general to a decisive battle.

I need to do this. I must not fail!

Words are failing me at this point. But there is something akin to a compulsory need to express those thoughts to the girls no matter what. This is out of the blue, honestly. Considering how reserved I was about this matter, talking to the girls about our reality while knowing for sure it could trigger a reset seems odd.

Heck! I was still trying my best to stick to the original storyline yesterday. In fact, it would not be weird to say some unknown soul possessed me to come up with such a conclusion.

Somehow, I am different, but not that different. I am still myself, yet at the same time, I am not entirely sure if I am still the same me a couple minutes ago. Ugh! What the hell am I thinking anyway? Like a broken dam or an opened pandora's box, these thoughts keep rummaging through my head without care.

However, there was one thing clear as night and day. I feel as if there was a voice from within my soul instructing me what to do, pointing me in the direction I should take. Weirdly enough, this particular feeling has only popped up recently as if everything part of this particular run has not been messed up to its fullest extent. After everyone has gotten their changes, I guess it is my turn to behave off-rail.

On the one hand, I am concerned about these sudden thoughts and their origins. On the other, it is not groundless one bit. Giving the girls information about this world will only help with general progress. I mean, think about it. In a world where your rivals are miserable as you are, does conflict really need to exist?

What I have seen and what I have felt showed me hope. From the first moment we met, Laura behaved differently from her past versions. In addition, I felt something off about this current iteration. That fact only reconfirmed itself after Rachel. And most recently, Kurokawa. This bug, or error, is probably the best thing that has ever happened to all of us.

Maybe this is just me, but everything that has led to this point seems to tell me all will be resolved eventually. It just works.

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Somehow...

Of course, I wholeheartedly agree with letting Laura, Rachel, and Kuro know what they are living. There is nothing to argue here. Do not get me wrong! These girls absolutely deserve the truth and only the truth. Regardless, I have to be careful with my wording so that nothing serious from this world's system will be triggered, and all these circumstances will be erased. No matter what I feel inside, I need to be extra careful when stuff like this comes up.

"Have you girls ever thought that we lived inside a simulation of sorts?"

After my question, I glance around to look at the girls individually. Frankly, I do not think they pay too much attention to what I am trying to say. On my side, the class rep is diligently feeding me with anything she can grab a hold on. Rachel is looking at me with...well...Rachel's eyes, as usual. And as for our precious bookworm, she enjoys her meal with delicate movements, occasionally putting stuff into my bowl before I can even react. To think that mere moments ago, she was crying her eyes out... Her eyes are clearly still red, too.

This is peaceful. It is good to have such quality time together like this. To have a chance to witness everyone sitting side by side in harmony like this is something I never expected to see in my lifetime.

We seem like a happy family. At least they are not doubting my words or laughing at me for asking such a baseless question. Something like 'our lives are fabricated' does not seem appropriate for lunchtime small talk. Judging their behaviors, the girls seem calm and unburdened, which is the best reaction I could wish for. For now, I believe I will continue to answer any questions that might arise. The flow of things is also rather convenient, as it should make them think I am just blowing hot air.

To tell the truth, if someone I knew was saying things like what I am doing right now, I would first get them to a psych ward. What kind of crap these people talk about would be my first thought. Therefore, I do not need them to believe me one hundred percent. I only need to plant the seed inside Laura's, Rachel's, and Kurokawa's heads. These beautiful girls are much smarter than I am. They will figure out the rest for themselves without my support. Then, their acceptance of this kind of news would be vastly better than me telling it to them straight.

It is like what they say all the time. Give a man a fish and feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. Teach a fish to man, and you have a depressed fish addicted to smut novels on the internet still trying to figure out how taxes work.

...Sorry, I got sidetracked.

I seriously need to stop using metaphors.

At any rate, I shall proceed with my little speech.

"What do you think, Kurokawa? Don't you sometimes feel like we are living in a simulation?"

To make our lives more straightforward in the future and to one day explain how I knew about them so much, I need to keep going. Our bookworm is a good candidate for such a discussion. After all, she is a librarian. The amount of novels and stories Kuro has read is enormous. Definitely, she must have some fascinating thoughts about what I just asked.

Speaking about Kurokawa...it is not like we are done with her yet. After lunch, I should ask the other two to invite the bookworm out. She must not come home tonight. Our previous talk was simply a warm-up compared to the event tonight.

Hearing my words, Kurokawa stays silent for a while, which is normal, given that her mind is racing at full speed. While I wait patiently for a reply, she gulps down some soup before answering. I swear Laura and Rachel are giving her the deathly stares again.

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