Chapter 6: Regrets of Miyo Shiraki

[Shiraki PoV]

“I like you, Shinzaki-kun, who is kind to everyone and reliable.”

I, Miyo Shiraki, called my classmate Yusei Shinzaki to the back of the school building and confessed my love to him.

It was a confession, but it was what you might call a lie.

Behind me lurked Akari Kinoshita and Yuki Kawashima.

Yes, I was told by these two that I should lie to him because it would be fun.

At first I took it lightly.

But little by little the two of them revealed their dissatisfaction.

I was afraid that people would hate me.

That they would despise me and ignore me.

So I did what they told me to do and lied to him.

But I really liked him.

As to why I liked him, well, it is a trivial thing, but I am prettier than others.

Because of that, there were a lot of people who confessed to me just because of my looks.

I was fed up with that.

But he didn’t show any such pretense and saw me as Miyo Shiraki.

Not just the cute Miyo Shiraki, but as a classmate and friend, Miyo Shiraki.

I was really happy about that.

I found myself following him with my gaze.

At first, I was happy to see him because it was the first time he saw my inner self.

But that was really only in the beginning.

He has a childhood friend, a girl named Himari.

Himari is kind to everyone without discrimination, and she is very active and energetic.

Many boys are in love with her.

When I saw him and her talking happily, I felt a kind of tightness in my heart.

At first I told myself it was just my imagination.

But I still noticed my feelings, even if I didn’t want to.

I naturally followed him with my eyes, and when I saw him talking happily with other girls, my heart ached.

Yeah, I like Shinzaki-kun.

I’ve been lying to myself since I realized that.

No, perhaps this lie is a turning point for me.

I have been looking at him for a long time and all I felt was pain and tightness in my chest.

If that’s the case, I should just tell him how I feel about him and let it all go away.

So I told him how I really felt using the lying as a shield.

After I told him how I really felt, my mind went blank.

I couldn’t think of anything.

I was afraid to hear his answer.

But, to my surprise, he agreed easily.

I will never forget that moment.

It was the kind of feeling that makes me feel as if my anxiety is instantly lifted.

I was so happy, so happy, I was over the moon.

From that point on, I took advantage of the fact that I was his girlfriend and actively tried to contact him.

Sometimes we went home together, and sometimes we ate lunch together on the rooftop.

I really enjoyed my time with him.

However, I confessed my love to him with a lie, so that happiness did not last long.

“Hey, Miyo.”

It was Akari who called out to me.

“What is it?”

“It’s been almost a week, you should dump him.”

Akari said with a laugh.

At that moment, I felt a tremendous sense of disgust.

Why would she say such a thing?

It’s fine, we’re still going out.

That’s what I thought.

But as Akari said, I would feel guilty if I made a false confession and went out with him.

Besides, I don’t want Akari and Yuki to hate me.

That’s what I thought.

So I called him to the back of the school building again.

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He was kind and cool.

Both Akari and Yuki told me to act it was funny.

But I had decided beforehand what I would say.

I tell him that it was a lie, and apologize honestly.

Then I would tell him how I really felt.

That’s what I thought.

I suddenly felt embarrassed and said something that had never crossed my mind.

“I lied to you because I thought it would be fun.”

The two guys came out from behind me, both of them holding back their laughter.

No! That is not what I meant!

But I couldn’t stop myself from saying it.

“Well, don’t give me that look, it was just a joke.”

Thinking in my head about what I said.

A joke, huh?

I’m so selfish.

Mocking myself.

“Hey, say something!”

Mou, I hate this

In the end, I betrayed Shinzaki-kun because I didn’t want the two of them to hate me.

But maybe Shinzaki-kun would forgive me?

If it’s Shinzaki-kun, who is kind and cool to everyone.

That’s what I thought.

And I immediately regretted thinking that.

“Aah, shut up will you”

“Eh?”

I was frightened by his voice, which did not even try to hide the disgust in it that emanated from him.

He paused for a moment.

“Did you lie to me because you think it’s funny?”

He said this in a voice that was not soft like his previous ones, but sounded as if he had given up on something, and as if he despised us in front of him.

“T-that’s right. Is it wrong?”

Of course it’s wrong.

I knew that in my head, but my mouth started to move on its own.

“You can’t be serious, huh?”

Of course I’m not serious!

I wanted to say that, but I couldn’t speak.

My mouth, which had been moving well until a few minutes ago, was not moving at all.

“Shiraki, Kinoshita, and Kawashima, what you are doing is trampling on people’s feelings, don’t you know that?”

I know.

I know that.

“It doesn’t matter, if it’s fun. “

Mou, I can’t take it anymore.

“Well, I’m glad to know you guys are scum.”

With that, he left.

I had big tears in the corners of my eyes.

I deserved everything.

It was only natural.

I was the one who stepped on his feelings.

He eventually disappeared without ever looking back.

It was really over.

Those happy days.

I had become a piece of sh*t in his mind, if only it had been that simple.

The next day I was in despair.

Not because he broadcast yesterday’s conversation.

I felt an incredible sense of guilt that I had changed him from the kind man he was.

That was the true nature of my despair.

Yeah, I really am

a human piece of sh*t.

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