Chapter 4: 4

TL/Editor: Alcatraz/Latte

The next morning, I felt renewed. Even though it was the same as everyday, I felt different today. It’s probably because of my current mindset.

Actually, it was.

I knew that even if I didn’t meet the ‘author’, I would eventually meet my end one day.

Nonetheless, I lived my life normally like how I used to—as though my death was still far away. Honestly. I’ve almost forgotten about the topic of death itself!

But frankly, I felt like a fool. As long as a person lives, they are going to die one day, nothing should’ve changed despite knowing that it would come sooner.

Maybe I did live carelessly before…

I came down to the dining room and had my usual breakfast with my parents.

Now, even these trivial routines felt precious.

I was a fool.

To think that I spent these treasured times recklessly and take them for granted…

I laughed and went along with the conversation. I thought I had behaved normally, yet my father questioned my behavior.

“Bianca. Are you okay?”

My heart was pounding against my ribcage. Was I acting that differently than I usually was? I was trying to behave normally. I just wanted to treasure every moment, but was I being too obvious?

I struggled to manage my expression straight as I fumbled for an answer.

“What do you mean, father? It’s just because I’m feeling a bit better today. I’m excited for the upcoming spring.”

My father eyed me suspiciously, however he stopped asking any more questions.

Now, let’s not go overboard. I should behave as usual. Calmly, like how I used to be.

Back in my room, I was preparing to go out to the salon, where the young ladies of my age gathered.

Did you know how strenuous it was to maintain my position as the flower of society? There were many places where I had to show your face, and there were many places to attend to. Everyday, my schedule was filled to the brim.

Maybe it was better to spend my time quietly as my death’s approaching, but I was a social butterfly. If I wanted to live my life as myself, I was better off mingling with people.

My exclusive maid, Miranda, stood beside the dressing table and asked in an accustomed pompous tone, “How should I do your hair today, miss?”

What kind of hairstyle do I want today?

I pondered for a while, but to no avail. Then, I remembered that Miranda was always posted on the latest trends and fashion. Thus, she should be able to style my hair perfectly without having me make a decision for myself.

“You may do whatever you want.”

Miranda’s face frowned.

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Is this request too much of a burden to her?

“Then, I’ll let it down naturally and brush it.”

This… I told her to do whatever she wanted, maybe she thought it meant I wasn’t not going to do anything…

Well, it doesn’t matter.

“Alright. Great.”

Her expression turned odd as if she just saw a ghost.

I raised my brows, inquiring about her actions. However, she immediately shook her head and started brushing my ebony-like hair gently.

My eyes closed instinctively at the therapeutic combing. With my eyes closed, I thought of Miranda’s preferences.

Miranda is a year younger than me. She had started working as a maid early to help with the living expenses of her family. It’s been her third year since she became my exclusive maid, and she was the maid I took as soon as I debuted in the social world.

She was quite a snob, but I think it couldn’t be helped. She was born in a poor family and since she was a child, she had been working on all kinds of chores to earn her living expenses, maybe money was her favorite thing. It was evident that her salary from the count could cover most of her living fees. Though, I had never seen her buy something for herself. She looks as though everything around her was cumbersome, but in truth, she has greater potential to see things far differently than many other people.

I asked her candidly, there’s a high-chance she will not respond truthfully. It would be nice to do something for her before my death. 

…Should I just go for it either way?

“Miranda, is there anything you want to buy? Talk about it before I change my mind. I will buy you anything you want.”

As expected, Miranda’s look through the mirror. From her expression, it was evident that she was startled by my sudden question. Nevertheless, her hand didn’t stop combing.

“I do not know, miss. I’ve never thought about it.”

“Do you? Hmm, alright then.”

Miranda asked, staring at me through the mirror.

“You’re being unusual today, miss. What happened?”

Sigh. I was really bad at this. My father caught me before, and now Miranda too?

“Well, maybe it’s the spring breeze. So tell me your answer. Just entertain me.”

Miranda, looking at me dubiously, before she finally answered. 

“…I want to try on an evening gown.”

My expression turned vague for a second.

I, who was by her side, didn’t even notice that she was a girl my age. Seeing myself, dressed up gorgeously and attending a party, I wondered how much she had longed for it.

My eyes were getting hot from contained tears, before I managed to reply with a cheerful voice.

“Good. Then when we go out, we should stop by the dress shop.”

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