Chapter 306: Chapter 279- Letting Bottled Up Feelings Out

[Luna POV]

After picking Velvet and Soleil back up, we spent the rest of the day walking around and exploring the city.  After returning to our inn for the night, we all met up in my room to discuss what we would do from here on.

 

“So, with that surprise meeting out of the way, what should we do now?  Do we move on already, or do we stay a few days and explore the city more?” (Velvet)

 

“I say we stay at least one more day.  I want to do one or two things before we move on.” (Luna)

 

“Oh, what do you have in mind?” (Soleil)

 

“Well, from what I saw today, there are a lot of jewelers in this city, so I want to get my necklace repaired.  After that, I want to figure out what the purpose of those large ballista on the walls and the names carved into the road here are for.  After that, we can move on unless one of you guys finds something you want to do.” (Luna)

 

“That sounds fine to me.” (Skadi)

 

“Yes.  There are some places here that I kind of want to explore more, so I was going to suggest staying at least one more day as well.” (Ophidia)

 

“I’m fine with whatever nya.” (Mio)

 

“If this is settled, Velvet, I want to talk with you about some stuff.” (Soleil)

 

“Alright.  See you guys in the morning.” (Velvet)

 

The two of them left my room and shortly after the other three did as well.  Once I shut and locked the door, I set up a domain and Tamamo appeared sitting on the edge of the bed.

 

{What’s wrong, Luna?  You’re all twitchy.}

 

“I honestly don’t like this country, Tamamo.”

 

{Where is this coming from all of a sudden?}

 

“Don’t get me wrong, it’s not the people or even the cities, not that I’ve been to many of them.  It’s just the place they are located.  How can they stand living underground like this with no view of the sky?  And no, this isn’t some roundabout way of flirting with you, I’m truly just uncomfortable, no, that’s not the right word, what is it?  Gah!  I don’t know!”

 

{Hmmm.  Come to think of it, even when you’ve been in dungeons you’ve always ended up going back to the surface at the end of the day.  Maybe you’re just not good with long stretches of time underground?  I mean technically, you haven’t seen the surface for what, almost two weeks now?}

 

“Maybe that’s it.  But why is this happening to me?  I mean, I’m not necessarily afraid or anything, but it’s like this itch in the back of my mind saying that I need to see the sky again.  And that little bit of what I saw this morning wasn’t enough.”

 

{Oh, I think I know what it is now that you’ve went into more detail.  You are, technically, a demigod of the sky.  Since you have a connection to it with your Authority of Stars, not seeing it or being under or in it is making you a bit uncomfortable.}

 

“There aren’t any sky gods?  Like, there is no Authority of the Sky?”

 

{The closest to any kind of sky gods are me and Quetz and, eventually, you.  Consider it a sub part of our Authorities over the Sun, Moon, and Stars}

 

“Tama, will you comfort me?”

 

{Why even ask when you know the answer to that?  Get over here.}

 

I walked over and sat next to Tamamo where I immediately wrapped my tails around hers and pulled her closer to me.  I leaned my head into the crook of her neck and breathed in her scent.

 

“I’m already feeling better.  Guess it’s a bit of what you said as well as a deficiency in Vitamin T.”

 

{While I don’t know what this vitamin stuff is, I’m happy you’re feeling a little better.}

 

“That vitamin part was a joke, anyway, I really do feel better being close like this.  It makes me feel complete.”

 

Tamamo hugged me closer to her and started petting my head.  We sat in silence for several minutes as we enjoyed the other’s presence when I moved my head from Tamamo’s neck.  I stared into her shining golden eyes that held endless kindness and love and, following the feeling of being pulled into them, brough my face closer to hers.  Our lips met and I could feel all the stress I was feeling vanish as I lost myself in the kiss.  When I felt Tamamo’s tongue invade my mouth, all thoughts vanished from my head, and by the time I came back to myself, the light of the false sun was shining through the curtained window.  I separated my lips from Tamamo’s while continuing to stare into her eyes.

 

{Ufufufu.  Feeling all better now?}

 

“Much.  Though this is only a temporary fix.  I might need more of this when we get to the next city.”

 

{I’ll be ready to administer treatment whenever you’re ready.}

 

“Fufufu.”

 

I laid down on my back and stared up at the ceiling.  Tamamo laid on her side and propped her head up on her hand as she stared at my face.

 

{What’s on your mind?}

 

“Absolutely nothing.  Aside from that itchy feeling that I was talking about last night, I’ve been trying to figure out what that feeling I felt not to long ago was, but I just can’t seem to figure it out.  It wasn’t some ominous feeling like I felt something was going to happen, but it wasn’t a comfortable one.  Just sort of…empty.”

 

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{Hmmm…I got nothing.  What was it that was being discussed when you got that feeling?}

 

“Ummm……Oh.”

 

{Figure it out?}

 

“Maybe.  It’s a sort of sad feeling.  I was saying something about how my time in the mortal world is almost over or something close to that.  Sure, time wise, that isn’t the case, but I’m so close to the end goal that it’s messing with me.  I mean think about it, I have, technically two more tails to go before becoming a goddess, not counting my progress toward my tenth since that is just a bonus I’d get after who knows how many years.  But, at that time, I’d be leaving any non-god, demigod, or Apostle friends behind as well as any possible adventures I can still go on here.  I just don’t know how to describe it.  It’s not regret since I don’t and won’t ever regret leaving the mortal world to be with you, but this is the only world I really know.  And I am intentionally not mentioning my old world since that will just bring out even more of this feeling or possibly some worse ones.  I just don’t know what to do now.”

 

{I see, so it’s a feeling of fear of the future and sadness of leaving all the things you know and take for granted behind to take the next step in your life.}

 

Tamamo smiled at me and moved to give me a tight hug.

 

{Luna, I know that I can’t really say I know what you’re feeling right now since I haven’t experienced what you have, but do know I am here for you.  The others are as well, not to mention your parents and other family.  I will provide all the comforting you need now, but I advise you also bring this up with all of them at some point before you ascend.  They all will probably have better advice that I can possibly give in this area.}

 

“Tamamo, can I vent for a second?”

 

{As much as you need.}

 

I leaned further into the hug and buried my face into her chest.  I felt some tears falling from my eyes as the feeling that I described earlier filled my chest.

 

“Tamamo, I-I want to both live in the divine domain with you AND keep exploring the mortal world.  I know I’m being unreasonable and that I shouldn’t even be thinking about these things yet, but I can’t help it.  It’s just, the thought of this whole journey being somewhat close to the end is-is-is, I don’t want it to.  I love this world and I don’t want to stop exploring it with everyone.  But I also want to live with you for all eternity.  Why!?  Why does it hurt my heart so much to feel this way!?”

 

As I continued to vent all these feelings, some deeper sadness that I’ve been, as of recently, consciously locking even deeper within myself started to leak out.  The tears started to flow even more.

 

“A-and, I’m so sad!  I love my family here, but I want to see my old one as well!  My mom, my dad, my sister!  All of them!  Just knowing what happened after everything that led to now has isn’t enough!  And what’s worse, I can hardly even remember their faces!  Their voices!  What do I do with all of these feelings!?”

 

Tamamo caressed my head as I cried and cried and vented all these feelings out.

 

{It’s ok, Luna.  It’s all ok.  Let these things out, don’t bottle them up.}

 

I wrapped my arms around Tamamo and squeezed with all my strength as the tears started to flow even more.  After another hour of crying and venting, I felt lighter and my head was clearer.  Tamamo was still hugging me and caressing my head.

 

“Tamamo.”

 

{Are you feeling better now?}

 

The warmth and care in her voice almost made me start crying again.

 

“Yeah.  I don’t know what came over me just now that made all of that come out, but I’m glad it did.”

 

{If you want my opinion on this particular question, I think it’s just all built up over time and you being more stressed out due to the environment made it fully come to the surface.  Now that you’ve got it out of your system, you’ll probably feel better for a while.  And remember, don’t be afraid to call me to do this again if you need.  I would stay and say more, but you’ve already spent more time than you probably meant to here.}

 

“You’re right.  Thank you for being you, Tamamo.  There are no words to describe how much I love you.”

 

{Ufufufu.  I feel the same way, Luna.  Now, don’t keep the others waiting.}

 

Tamamo gave me one more squeeze before letting me go, kissing me, then disappearing from my domain.  I stood up as well, washed my face to get the remnants of my crying to go away, and got ready for the day.

 

Chaos Realm:
I feel conflicted.

Atmos: About what?

Well, I want to introduce my daughter to you, but with the whole somber feeling from Luna just now, it kind of feels like an inappropriate time.

Atmos: In my opinion, this is the perfect time to do so.  Break the tension and all that.

Alright.  Come with me.

*We enter the bedroom where Order is laying in bed holding a small baby in her arms.*

Atmos: Adorable.  She has your ears and Order's eyes.  What's her name?

Order: Astraea.  Payto came up with it.

Atmos: And what are her Authorities?  I hope noting ridiculous, but knowing her parents, it could literally be anything.

Balance, Positivity, and one more, but it's vague at the moment, so it's either not fully cemented yet, or the trigger for it to become realized hasn't been met yet.

Order: Honestly, we should have figured that balance would be one, but we were both surprised about it.

Atmos: I mean, now that I think about it, it does make sense.  Payto is the God of Chaos and you are the Goddess of Order, so Balance is kind of perfect.

Order: True.  As for Positivity, we have no idea where that once came from.

Atmos: Anyway, wasn't Crisis also pregnant?  I mean, she and Mordred have been pretty busy since even before they got married, and even with the fertility problems gods have, she got lucky.

Order: Probably soon.  I expect to see her pop up here in a few days in the least.

Want me to run interference?

Order: No. I'll be back to normal by the time she shows up in all likelihood, so no need for that, though if you would hold Astraea for a while so I can sleep, it'd be great.

Of course.  Sleep well.

Atmos: Have a nice nap. 

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