Chapter 5: Ch 4 – Double Entendre

 

"STOP, EVIL DO'ER!"

 

 

 

The creature turned to look at Jack who had jumped high into the air. Jack had learned that when he flew, it was very, very slowly. He could basically hover, but fortunately, he could also modify the special effect. He imagined his ability to defy gravity was tied to having a brightly glowing halo over his head, ~Let's try bluffing!~ and so he tried looking as absolutely angelic as possible, in hopes this creature had some sort of hang up against messing with god.

 

The being was but a step away from stomping the heroine into the ground. It stopped dead in its tracks and turned to face Jack, "What... the... Fuck?"

 

From Jack's point of view, he was just some bare chested, angel-looking dude. No big deal, right?

 

However, everyone else had a different perspective. Imagine, if you will, a blond hair, blue eyed, buxom, big breasted, eighteen year old girl, with wings, and a halo. Now imagine she was hovering in front you in our world.

 

Topless. 

 

Not merely topless, but she apparently doesn't understand she's topless. You see, people carry themselves certain way. A naked person knows that they are naked. They act like it, even if they are okay with it. Jack grew up in a world where being a man without a shirt meant nothing, and so he carries himself like that. That level of innocence is not something you can fake. It certainly stands out, that's for sure. Now take your reaction, flip it, and assume that is what people from this world were feeling when they looked at Jack.

 

He certainly was a show stopper.

 

Jack was surprised to hear it speak, but tried his best to not let it show. Instead he projected his voice with as much confidence as he could muster, "Excuse me, Sir! What you are doing is in violation of several local, state, and federal laws! I need you to stand down and await the arrival of the authorities so they can take you into custody!" Jack put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest, ~When in doubt, try just asking politely. You never know.~

 

The toad creature blinked with its huge, glassy eyes, then shook its head as if to clear away the insanity of Jack's statement, "Sir?" It started to look pissed, then reached down to grab two sacks of fat on its chest, "Do I look like a Man?" She lifted the boobs that were lost among the many warty growths on her torso and wiggled them at Jack.

 

Jack recoiled in disgust and no small amount of horror, ~Holy Fuck!~ He cleared his throat as he realized that the words, 'what has been seen cannot be unseen', were never more accurate, "My-" He never got to finish as the creature leaped at him with incredible speed. Jack blinked, stopped hovering and dropped like a stone as it sailed overhead, almost taking off Jack's head in the process. Jack landed in a three point crouch as he thought, ~Why am I doing this?~ He glanced at the vanquished heroine, ~Oh yeah. I'm a sucker for Big Boobs.~

 

The creature landed nearby leaving a dent in the concrete sidewalk, "The name's Toady Troll, Asshole!" She slowly turned to face Jack, "Although… I must admit." She paused to waggle her bulbous eye ridges at him, "I like the look." She licked her lips with a large, rippling tongue.

 

Jack cringed upon witnessing Toady's oral theatrics, ~Oh I'm not letting that anywhere near me, time to see just how much damage I can dish out!~ He pointed his finger and imagined a bolt of flame shooting out of his finger tip, "Eat This!" A bolt of flame about the size you'd get from a Bic lighter flew with amazing accuracy to harmlessly bounce off Toady's shoulder. Jack felt his heart sink, ~Not much, apparently.~

 

Toady looked down at where the flame hit, then back up at Jack, "Seriously?"

 

Toady leapt for Jack. Jack braced for the impact, then on a lark shifted his power into teleportation. As she reached him, he vanished and appeared behind her. His plan was to attack from behind. However, trying to cheap shot something with bulging eyes and near three hundred and sixty degree vision wasn't the smartest move.

 

Toady spun around and with a sweep of her arm slammed Jack before he could shift his monads into any sort of defense. The force of the blow sent Jack flying across the street. He slammed into an abandoned car to the sickening sound of crunching bone. Slumping to the ground, he was barely able to stay conscious. One of his wings was clearly mangled to the point of uselessness, judging by the way he was lying on it. He turned his head to cough. Droplets of blood painted his white feathers with crimson flecks, ~FUCK! Got to stay awake! Got to stay awake! Stay Awake, Jack!~ He funneled everything he had into healing in hopes he could stabilize the damage and maintain consciousness s the pain caused the world to swirl around him.

 

The downside was, this left him completely defenseless.

 

Toady slowly walked forward, every step causing vibrations Jack could sense through the ground. He felt the relentless thud of approaching doom rattling his teeth. With a massive, rubbery, suckered hand, she reached down to grab Jack by the hair and lift him off the ground, "Awww... I expected you to be able to take a bit more punishment! I sooooooo wanted to have more fun with you."

 

Her long tongue lashed out to lick Jack from crotch to face, leaving a trail of disgusting slime along his shirtless body. Jack reached up with both hands to hold onto her hand so he might shift some of the strain on his hair. Mentally he reviewed his options. He couldn’t heal himself with any amount of speed that could make a difference. He couldn’t shift his power to something else without passing out. He sure as hell didn't have the stomach to even try and seduce this monstrosity, ~Well, I ain't going out like a bitch.~

 

He grimaced in pain as he dangled from her grip, "Hey! Could you help me find my shirt?" Toady was caught off guard. She blinked those giant black eyes in confusion. Jack smirked, "I have an entire pack breath mints in my front pocket and you can have the WHOLE thing." Toady's grin turned into a scowl. She pulled back her fist and took aim with the intent of removing Jack's head from his shoulders. 

 

Jack suddenly experienced the sensation of falling.

 

The heroine had recovered and come to Jack's rescue. Watching an apparent Angel who jumped in to save her life get molested by Toady Troll was enough to push the cape clad lass right over the edge. Consumed with rage, she completely blindsided Toady with a haymaker that sent her staggering off to the side, dropping Jack in the process.

 

With her broken arm hanging uselessly at her side, the heroine relentlessly pounded Toady with her right, again and again. She never paused, never stopped, she just kept pounding away at Toady’s giant, hard to miss, face. The heroine's expression was a grim mask of rage so intense, she had clearly gone beyond pissed to pure righteous fury.

 

Her blows basically stun locked Toady reducing her to a punching bag. Finally, reaching the limit of her endurance, the heroine paused. Toady staggered about, clearly punch drunk and unable to focus. At that moment, a woman in a blue outfit, crackling with energy crawled to the opening of the hole in the third floor. The same hole she made when she was thrown through it, "That does it, Toady! Today you-"

 

The red head wound up one last punch, gave it everything she had, and hit Toady in the chin with an uppercut so hard the hulking monster left the ground, sailing up into the air a good ten feet before crashing back down.

 

Toady stayed down.

 

The blue girl stared in awe and uttered a very understated, “Wow.” There was a flash of crackling blue as an arc of electricity lanced down the side of the building and along the ground to end next to the heroine. The blue girl appeared where the lightning stroke ended, “Sass! That was-“ She stopped as she noticed Sass’ arm and how it was dangling at an odd angle, along with the growing blue-black patch where the lower arm was obviously shattered, “Oh shit! Fuck, Sass! Your arm!"

 

Sass was just staring at Toady, apparently unable to comprehend what had just happened, "I won?" She fell to her knees and let out a strangled cry, "FFFFfffiddle sticks!" She grabbed her broken arm as she doubled over in pain, "Jeeze louweeze please find the cheese!"

 

The blue girl held Sass' shoulders, "Why can't you just curse like a normal person?"

 

Sass looked up and spoke through gritted her teeth, "Grease, Why can't you watch your language? Children might be present!" She then blinked, "Oh fudge! The angel!"

 

Grease looked puzzled, "Huh?"

 

Sass gestured by jogging her head toward Jack, "Go Help The Angel!"

 

Grease turned to look in the indicated direction, "Go help the-the-the-the ANGEL?" Grease's eyes fell upon Jack's prone form as he struggled to get to his feet. Her eyes bugged out of her head as she admired his chiseled features, "He's… topless?"

 

Sass smacked Grease in the leg and glared up at her, "Stop ogling the half naked man and get him some clothes!" She paused for a heart beat, "Use my cape." Wincing, she reached up to unclasp the red cape around her shoulders, "And see how he is! He took a shot from Toady."

 

"He did?" The blue haired girl looked over at Jack with a bit of respect, "And he's still alive? Daaaamn." She grabbed Sass' cape. There was a flash of electricity as she did a quick search of the area. She zipped around to check to see if there were any wounded in the area needing immediate attention, before she arrived next to Jack, "Helllllooooooo, Doctor!"

 

Jack blinked in confusion, "Uh. I'm not a doctor. I'm currently unemployed." Jack had been healing his broken wing now that he could focus and take his time. At first he managed to heal it like he did the woman, but that barely managed to reconnect the bones. Apparently he could only flash heal a very limited amount. Enough to seal up the damage, but not enough to completely heal. Not even close.

 

He repeated the flash heal a few more times, but it seemed limited in how much it worked on a given individual. He hoped that amount might reset given enough time. Maybe it was a once a day thing. Instead he focused on regenerating the wound. It seemed that this type of healing worked. Slow and steady seemed to be a different form of healing than... whatever flash healing was. As the woman arrived next to him, he was just beginning to be able to flex his wing without wanting to vomit.

 

The blue haired girl with the pixie cut laughed. She was far more slender than Sass. Her attire was  a pair of blue goggles and a blue jumpsuit with a white lightning bolt on her chest. She was cute in a gum-chewing teenager sort of way, "It's from ah... never mind. I'm Greased Lightning. Everyone calls me Grease." She looked Jack up and down, admiring his form, "And... what do they call you, Angel?"

 

Jack almost answered, then remembered that he was going to have a separate persona for a reason. He thought for a few moments, ~Let's have some fun with this.~ He gave her a smile, "Well... you called me Angel, so I guess my name is Angel?" He smiled as he slowly stood up, flexing his wing as he did, "Ah, much better."

 

Grease frowned slightly, "Wait a sec... you can regenerate? Damn. Not a lot of people can do that." She moved to put the cape around Jack to cover him up.

 

Jack eyed the cape quizzically, "Uh... I'm not cold, but thank you." He pulled it off and looked around, "Doesn't this belong to-" He noticed Sass curled up in a pain-filled ball next to Toady, "Her?" He crouched down then leaped into the air, so he could glide to a stop next to Sass, "Holy Moley! You okay?" As he landed next to her he caught sight of her arm. At the same time, three other heroine types came rushing into the area.

 

One was dressed up in a brown, tattered trench coat over form fitting body armor. She had a compound bow in her hand and a quiver full of arrows on her back. Her face was covered with a gas mask so making out her features was impossible, but her hair was long, black, and flowing. Her over all figure seemed lithe and she moved with a great deal of grace as she came swinging into the area on a rope line.

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Behind her flew a short woman wearing power armor. It was Japanese manga level suit that was quite impractical with how much skin it showed off. Her metallic armor included a strange golden aura that seemed to allow her to defy gravity as she soared along the ground. Her hair wasn't visible under her helmet, but her dark blue eyes were and they looked quite severe and angry at the world in general.

 

The third to arrive did so by teleportation. She stood out as she was obviously not human, even if she was humanoid. She had steel grey eyes with slits for pupils, silvery hair, and a deep red tone to her skin. She dressed in flowing robes and had the appearance of a martial artist of some sort. Her eyes were a bit larger than human normal, as well as she had oversized, pointy ears. As they arrived on the scene, they immediately headed over to Sass.

 

The one with the bow spoke first, "What the Hell, Grease? Why did you-"

 

Sass looked up and spoke through gritted teeth, "Grifter, LANGUAGE!"

 

As the other two arrived, the alien looked Jack up and down, "I thought males of this world were supposed to cover the upper half of their body at all times?"

 

Jack blinked, then shrugged, "Really? Not where I come from." He turned back to Sass, "That looks really bad."

 

As he reached out for her broken arm, the knight interceded and pushed him away, "Pray do not touch our companion, stranger."

 

Sass raised her good hand in a gesture for her friend to stand down, "It’s cool, Gold. He saved my life." Everyone seemed surprised as if the unspoken group thought was, This guy???

 

The alien reached out and touched Sass' forehead, "I cannot do anything for the damage, but I can take away the pain.” She concentrated for a moment then took her finger away, “There. I have left the pain sensation at one percent of normal so you can tell when you are injuring yourself further. You should be able to transport yourself to a health recovery facility with minimal suffering."

 

Jack frowned, "Uh. Why don't you just heal it?" Everyone looked at him with a mixture of surprise and skepticism as he reached out for Sass' arm again, "I'm glad she did that. It'll make it easier to set the bone." He grabbed her arm above and below the break. He closed his eyes and extended his senses towards her to 'feel' the bone's location and status. He had figured out how to develop new senses, but they always had to be hyper specific and didn't work beyond the range of touch. Knowing how the bone was broken, he pulled the arm apart, shifted it to set the bone back into place, then poured everything he had into healing the injury. Everyone just gaped as a halo of light flared around Jack's head for a second. Jack let go, "How's it now?"

 

Sass had shielded her eyes from the light, before realizing she had done it with her broken arm. She slowly stood up and looked at her limb with amazement,  "What the...?" She looked at the alien, "Wanderer, drop the pain dampening." Wanderer looked skeptical, but nodded once. Sass winced and took in a sharp breath, then slowly flexed her arm, "Holy Moley, indeed." She extended her arm repeatedly while letting out a low whistle, "It... still hurts like Heck, but the bone doesn't seem to be broken anymore."

 

The one in black body armor shouldered her bow and grabbed Sass' arm, "Let me see that…"

 

 Sass winced, "Careful! It's in one piece but that's it."

 

Jack shrugged, "Sorry. Best I can do. Hopefully it'll hold you until you can find someone to finish the job."

 

Grease looked at Jack with an expression that could only be defined as awe, "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw." She pointed at herself, "I'm the only one who can heal here and I'm just a regenerator."

 

Wanderer stepped closer to look at Jack from a few inches away, forcing Jack to back up, "Not many can use instantaneous healing upon another being. The last one I knew about that had wings was..." She frowned and narrowed her eyes, "Hold on. Who are you?"

 

Jack replied, "Call me Angel." He smiled brightly in hopes to befriending this suspicious woman.

 

The red skinned lady slowly quirked her head to the side, "Where are you from?"

 

Jack blurted out, "I'm from another universe." He blinked as he wondered why he was so quick to answer.

 

Wanderer scowled, "And what are your intentions towards my friend Sass here?"

 

Jack sighed and opened his mouth. He intended to say something very pleasant and calming to try and sooth away any of this woman's fears. What he said was quite different, "I'd like to get her in bed!"

 

Jack's eyes went wide when he realized what he said. Before he could do anything else, Sass grabbed Jack by the back of the head and at the same time slapped a hand over his mouth while turning to her alien friend, "What Did I Say About Compelling Civilians To Speak The Truth?"

 

The alien tilted her head to the other side, "He clearly is not a civilian. He also isn't any registered hero that I have heard of. That would make him a vigilante at best, or a villain at worst and-"

 

Grifter cut the conversation short by interrupting with a question for Jack, "What do you mean you want to get her in bed?"

 

Jack, on the other hand, was taking a moment to turn his thoughts inward, ~Mind Control? I'm being Mind Controlled?~ He concentrated to give himself the sense of 'detect mind control' and used it on himself. True enough, in his minds eye he could feel the tendrils of silvery energy that were curling through his brain, compelling him to speak only truths, ~Oh THIS needs to go! This is SO going to ruin my plans!~ He directed his cosmic power inward in an attempt to bolster his resistance to the intruding mental energy. Fortunately, it didn't seem to be that intense and with some effort, he managed to force the effect to dissipate. It felt like the very act of being aware it was being done to him gave him some amount of resistance to its influence. When he opened his eyes, he looked around, then down at the hand covering his mouth.

 

Sass frowned, "I will not have you-" Jack reached up and tugged at her hand. She resisted for a second, then relented. He pulled her hand free of his mouth and smiled.

 

~Oh, I'm so going to make all of you pay for this shit.~ He looked around at everyone as he spoke, "Well, I have been studying your planet's internet for several days now and I believe when someone saves your life, you need to repay them." He looked at Sass, "I may have distracted the large fellow over there, but you defeated him."

 

The Golden Knight interrupted, "Toady Troll is female."

 

Jack looked at her, "Oh? Sorry. Hard to tell." He shrugged, "So I believe that I owe..." He looked back at the red-head, "Sass, correct?" She nodded. He continued, "See? She agrees I owe her my life." He turned back to Grifter and replied as cheerfully as possible, "So I believe I am supposed to sleep with her!"

 

Sass started sputtering but Jack wouldn't let her get in a word edgewise, "No no no! Please! I insist! I have seen many of your websites, like Slutty Angels dot com, and I have every intention of following the traditions of this world." He started counting on his fingers, "For example, I believe you would enjoy tying me up, mounting me, and making me beg to let me come."

 

Everyone gaped.

 

Jack scratched his ear, "I am confused why you would mount me while I was on my back. If I'm going to give you a horsey ride, shouldn't I be on all fours?" He then scratched his chin, "Come to think about it, why should I beg you to allow me to travel with you?" He looked at Sass, "If I am giving you a ride, wouldn't that, by definition, mean I am already coming with you?" He gestured into the distance, "If we are companions, I am already present, so there should be no need to demand permission to travel with you."

 

Grease was the first to speak, "I... don't think you QUITE understand-"

 

Jack cut her off, "Wait! What time is it? I was on my way to an appointment when all this happened!" He fished out his phone and looked at it, "Oh darn it! I'm late!" He frowned, "What a day." He looked up with a sigh, "Ah well, it'll all work out in the end. I'm sure of it." He shrugged, "Well, as your friend pointed out, I'm not a registered hero. I was merely passing by and just wanted to help out." He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, "I should get going." He gestured toward Toady, "I'll leave the rest of this to the professionals, such as yourselves."

 

He turned to Sass, grabbed her hand and started to shake it way too energetically, "I hope I can repay your kindness by enjoying nap time with you, but not now, I'm afraid. I'll find your base's location on the internet and stop by later, if you don't mind." He let go, crouched down, then leaped away before anyone could speak. As he reached the zenith of his jump, he spread his wings and switched to gliding. Catching a thermal, he started to gain altitude as he shouted back down.

 

 

"I LOOK FORWARD TO HAVING DINNER WITH YOU AND PERHAPS DEVOURING YOUR FELINE!"

 

---

 

As he glided off into the distance, the five stood there, staring up at the angelic figure as he road the wind currents between the buildings and flew out of sight. Wanderer turned to Sass, "I think he means he is going to eat your-"

 

Sass cut her off, "I KNOW WHAT HE MEANS!"

 

Grease slowly shook her head, "But I doubt he does." She gave Sass a pat on her good shoulder and smiled.

 

 

 

"Have fun!"

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