Chapter 9: 9

Volume 1, Chapter 9: Mother

 

My life was smooth-sailing. I got married to the person I liked and had two children. Both were adorable, and my husband was extremely gentle. This was probably the happiest time of my life. But it didn't last long.

 

A few months after my eldest son, Manato, started middle school, my beloved person collapsed. The cause was overwork. After that, in no time at all, my husband passed away.

 

I regretted it. I regretted so much that I couldn't even regret it enough. Even now, I still do. But I didn’t have time for regrets. I had two children. They were the proof of his existence, as well as my treasures. I must protect even at the cost of my life.

 

That was why I resisted the urge to shed tears and occupied myself with work. I worked from morning until evening. Thanks to that, I was able to obtain a decent position in the company. Our lives became well-off.

 

That was the story at the time. When I began working, I wondered, could I even keep it up while raising children? I couldn't help but be anxious, and sure enough, those fears came true. Manato, who was in middle school at the time, was already able to do most things on his own. But Nana was still an elementary school student. It was natural that Nana would only be doted on by her mother.

 

I spent most of my days at work while still spoiling Nana. I acted tough in front of my children because I couldn't afford to look exhausted to them. And then, Nana, who had a dark expression on her face ever since my husband dies, started smiling. I was really happy. After all, I was glad to have given birth to that person's children. I honestly thought that at that moment.

 

But I had forgotten. I was so preoccupied with Nana that I forgot Manato was still a kid. Which led to the situation now.

 

One day, I came home from work late as usual, only to see Manato seated on a chair.

 

"Manato...? Why are you up at this hour? You have to go to bed now, don't you?"

 

I called out to Manato, sitting alone in the darkness.

 

"...Mom, today's my birthday. No, that's wrong. It was my birthday yesterday."

 

I was shocked when he said that. Did it show on my face, I wondered? I hadn't forgotten about it. I could assure you that. I was actually planning on holding a birthday celebration today. But because of work, I wasn’t able to.

That fact made me feel guilty, and I choked on my words.

 

"Of course, I remember."

 

Naturally, I affirmed him that.

 

"...You're lying."

"Huh?"

 

But Manato responded that what I said was a lie, and those words felt like somehow, he had given up on something.

 

"If that's true, why’d you look so unpleasant just a while ago?"

 

The way he ended his words wasn't something that Manato usually did. If I spoiled the event here, the meaning of the surprise would be lost. I had to avoid that.

 

"That's..."

 

I had to say something. While I was thinking that, Mana spoke up.

 

"It's fine. I understand. Mom never loved me."

 

Manato's eyes had a deep, sunken, and clouded look. The moment I saw those eyes, I realized. I made a mistake.

 

"!!! Manato!"

 

I had to explain myself. Thinking so, I called out to Manato, but he went upstairs without looking back at me.

 

"Manato..."

 

All I could do was speak out my beloved child's name.

 

The next morning, as I did my usual preparations to go to work, Manato woke up.

 

"Oh... Good morning, Manato."

 

I called out to him a bit awkwardly. That just happened last night. But was it okay to think that, that situation couldn't be helped?

 

"Good morning to you, too. Maki-san."

"!!! M-Manato?"

 

Hearing the words that came out of Manato's mouth, I could feel the blood drain from my face at a rapid pace.

 

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"Is there something wrong?"

 

Honorifics as well...

 

"Eh, O-Onii-chan?"

 

While I was at a loss for words, Nana called out to Manato. Nana must have noticed that something was wrong with Manato. She seemed confused.

 

"What is it? Nana-san."

 

Even to Nana, Manato added honorifics. Such a thing...I couldn't believe that he would even use that to address his own sister...

 

"W-what happened? You're talking like a stranger..."

 

Nana asked.

 

"What, you say, I just don't have a family to call my own."

 

What was he saying? We were undoubtedly family.

 

"H-hey, Manato. What's wrong?"

"Y-yeah, Onii-chan. Stop talking like that."

 

I really didn't understand what Manato was thinking. As to why would he suddenly say those things.

 

"It’s just that I realized. I've never been loved by anyone."

"Why would you think that?!"

 

It wasn't like that. I loved Manato with all my heart. I thought of him as my precious treasure.

 

"Why, huh. Maki-san showed it to me numerous times. You always put work before me. Nana, as well. You've been ignoring me for the past six months."

"That's not it, Manato! That!"

 

Wrong! That wasn't my intention! I worked hard because I wanted to make it easy for you kids!

 

"I-I didn't mean to ignore you...!"

"Rest assured. I don't care about you two anymore, so you don't have to try and mend things now."

"! Please, Manato, don't say that..."

 

Again. Manato's eyes were sinking deeper and deeper.

 

"Onii-chan, it's all my fault! I'm really sorry, so please stop!"

"Please calm down. I understand. I won't bother you two, so I hope you let me stay at this house. Please."

 

Manato bowed deeply as he said this. Had I driven Manato this far? To the point where he had to bow and beg to be allowed to live in this place that was his own home? Just how bad of a mother was I, huh.

 

"You don't have to do that, this is your home!"

"Please go back to how you always were, Onii-chan!"

 

We appealed to Manato.

 

"The usual me...what kind of person was he."

 

Manato's self-mocking smile looked very painful. That sight of him made my heart tighten again.

 

"I'm going to school now. Oh, I'm grateful to be allowed to stay here, so I don't need money for breakfast."

 

Manato left at that, quickly getting ready and headed out front door.

 

"Wait!"

"Onii-chan!"

 

Nana and I tried to stop him. But Manato walked out the front door without ever looking back.

 

All I could was stand there, watching his back wondering, was I really qualified to be his parent?

 

⸻⸻⸻ (ﾉ*ФωФ)ﾉ ⸻⸻⸻ TN Notes: You know, a lot of things could be solved simply just by talking to each other. Communication is key in a relationship, after all. I do think both parties were in the wrong here. Tell me what you think down on the comments.

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