Chapter 183: Chapter 162: PTSD For Everyone!

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- Eastern Abelis, Iacobus City, Outside Command Tent – Rose's POV –

The meeting went on for a while, we still had nearly 7 hours before daybreak but despite that a lot of work was needed to make sure we were ready to attack when the sun rose, nothing that I could help with but, considering my position, I needed to at least be present. So, I sat there, only chiming in when spoken to directly, all the while wondering what had made Arlen so cold since we’d seen each other last. I admit I’d... avoided him whenever possible while we attended school together, and he’d followed my wishes by not being pushy, but he’d never been outright uncaring and standoffish. It was worrying.

I mean, I know he was involved in the fighting for a few weeks longer than me but what could have possibly happened in such a short period of time?

[Excuse me, Lady Rose? Did you have a moment to talk?] - Commander Perala

[Hmm? Ah, Commander, how can I help you?] - Rose

[In... private... please?] - Commander Perala

Glancing back at the tent we’d just left I saw the prince inside, still discussing the next day with the captain. She wanted to talk away from Arlen? Why?

[...okay. Follow me.] - Rose

It only took a moment for me to agree, the way she spoke in hushed tones, the seriousness of her expression, all of it told me how important it was to her. And, most importantly, Annabelle’s nod of confirmation that she thought it was a good idea when I sent her a silent question with my eyes.

Nodding to my demand to follow she naturally fell in behind me, Annabelle taking up the rear. I briefly wondered what she would think of the slime girl currently waiting for me back at my tent but put that out of my mind since it wasn’t important.

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- Eastern Abelis, Iacobus City, House Amchier Command Tent – Rose's POV –

Damn. It was important! I was really important!

[Goddess?!? What got into you to not wait to see who was coming into the tent first?!? What if it had been one of the soldiers?!?] - Rose

[They know enough not to interfere with our love nest.] - Karen

[I keep telling you that it’s a tent! With a whole camp outside within earshot! It’s not a love nest!] - Rose

[Well, you’re just not trying hard enough!] - Karen

I should have checked! I really REALLY should have checked!

I mean I knew that Karen had started getting a bit antsy what with my new status as an “adult” and wanted to bring our relationship to the next level but, now?!?
Backing up a few minutes I’d opened my tent flap, letting in Perala and Annabelle, only to find an anatomically correct slime girl demanding attention towards her extremely... detailed... body. The speechless, thousand yard, stare of the presumably bisexual, considering our race’s tendency to that, Commander spoke for itself. As did the radiant blush from the much older military woman as she suddenly realized what she was looking at.

We had been arguing since.

[Umm... excuse me?] - Commander Perala

[What?!?] - Karen and Rose

[E-Eep! U-Umm... I don’t... umm... mind?] - Commander Perala

[Oho? So, the demure military woman is actually secretly a pervert?!? Yes! I always wanted to add dommy mommy military general to my bucket list! Although she’s not quite a general yet...? Hmm, oh well!] - Karen

[Down girl! Down! I’m sure she meant something else, right?] - Rose

[No! I mean yes! I mean... U-Umm... W-What I meant was... well... it’s normal... being in an encampment I’ve come across... stuff like... that... S-So... umm... sorry for interrupting!] - Commander Perala

[Young Miss, as loath as I am to... interrupt whatever this is, shouldn’t the Commander get to what she wanted to talk to you about? After all I’m sure you want to... talk with Lady Karen about her... actions.] - Annabelle

Ah right! We came here in the first place because the increasingly shy military woman wanted to discuss something with me. We only got derailed because of a certain horny slime.

[Right! Right... Ahem! What exactly did you want to talk about?] - Rose

[…] - Everyone

Perfect! Seamless change of topic! See? Their shocked expressions only prove how well I did that! Despite my confidence however, my personal maid instead sighed before continuing.

[What my Mistress means to ask is what exactly you want her help with? I assume you do want her help, yes?] - Annabelle

[Y-Yes! I heard... well I know... I mean... You’re close friends with Prince Arlen, right?] - Commander Perala

Karen, Annabelle and I looked at each other in confusion. Sure, I’d suspected that this would have to do with the prince considering how secretive she’d been with everything so far but how do I answer this question? I mean...

[I... guess we could say he’s a... childhood friend? Right?] - Rose

[I guess he qualifies, Mistress, yes.] - Annabelle

[I mean, he’s been a bit of an annoyance, but I like him well enough.] - Karen

[I... see... That’s good then. Please save him!] - Commander Perala

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- Eastern Abelis, Iacobus City, House Amchier Command Tent – Rose's POV –

What? What’s she mean? Save him? From who? Or what? I mean sure, if you really pushed the definition, I’d say the prince is a friend of mine, I’ve known him since we were children and, barring our first meeting, he’s been more or less pleasant company (minus the whole possible fiancé thing). But, save him?

[You’re... going to have to explain yourself if you want me to help.] - Rose

[Yes, I understand.] - Commander Perala

Seemingly relieved at what she thought was an agreement to help, she closed her eyes before opening them again, determination filling her gaze. I briefly noted Karen enveloping me as she turned herself into a makeshift seat, her body lightly vibrating playfully.

[It all started a few weeks ago, right after the Church declared their “Holy War”. The prince and I were leading a small group of soldiers on a regular patrol on the Southern front, we’d been placed far away from where the main fighting was because of his status so we hadn’t expected to see any real action, a small skirmish here and there but no major offensives.] - Commander Perala

She took a breath here, readying herself for what was coming next. I’d heard a little about this, the prince was considered a legend already despite his relatively young age and I’d been a bit curious and asked one of the soldiers why. Unfortunately, said soldier hadn’t been under the prince for long enough to have seen this first hand but he’d heard enough to tell me some of it. This though, was a person that had actually witnessed it.

[That day was different though. At first it was small things, we came across an abandoned farm here and there, a destroyed forestry hut a bit further along, nothing out of the ordinary. At least until we heard it, a scream that echoed across the mountainside, followed by more and more, each cut off suddenly. Until finally, after minutes of agonizing screams, silence.

We hadn’t stopped moving after hearing the screams, hoping to make it in time to whoever was causing it. And soon, after the screams had stopped at long last, we found them. Over 2 thousand Church soldiers, just finished razing a village. Nearly double our own numbers.

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Seeing how outmatched we were we’d decided to retreat and ask for reinforcements. That is... until we saw that they had taken prisoners.] - Commander Perala

Another deep breath, I could tell that this event still weighed heavily on her. Hell, it was difficult to even listen to for someone that wasn’t even there. I even thought about stopping her story based off how much she was struggling to tell it but a short shake from Annabelle dissuaded me and the serious look from the normally jovial Karen all the more so.

[They had... they had killed all the men of the village and were... they were...] - Commander Perala

[It’s okay, you don’t have to say it. We understand.] - Rose

[Thank you.] - Commander Perala

Those monsters! If I wasn’t convinced of our rightness before I was definitely convinced now! As a person from the modern era, I’d always had a bit of a negative view of war of any kind. In an age where there were many sides to a narrative I’d gotten used to thinking of things in such contexts. I’d never been presented with a pure good vs evil war of aggression before, and I was livid!

[Hah... So, the Prince came up with a plan to save the captured women and children. One that would allow most of the soldiers to escape with the captives while sacrificing a small number of them. After asking for volunteers, we set our plan into action and, without my realizing it, he’d joined the sacrificial volunteers. I only realized when the battle began, and I saw him at the front of the column when it was too late to retrieve him.] - Commander Perala

I hadn’t heard this, the soldiers that I’d talk to had mentioned him standing on the front-line but none of them had said that it was at the front of a sacrificial troop! But then... how did he survive?

[I can see the question in your eyes. You’re asking how he survived if he was at the front of a so-called sacrifice. It’s because the rest of us all unanimously decided to charge forward rather than lose the prince. We ended up sacrificing over 500 soldiers in that battle, all of them good women, all of them by choice. But the prince has never forgiven himself for that, he blames himself for recklessly charging forward and losing so many people because he couldn’t stand sacrificing only a few. Even though none of the survivors blame him, even though he’s hailed as a hero for winning such a disadvantaged battle, he blames himself.] - Commander Perala

[I... see.] - Rose

I didn’t understand, not really. I wasn’t a warrior, or a soldier, or a military woman really except as a technicality. I didn’t really understand the guilt that came from losing so many soldiers under your leadership. But I did understand the guilt that came from your actions causing deaths on a large scale. I’d gone through that myself. I didn’t know if the prince’s actions were the right call, I wasn’t an expert at military strategy, nor was I some deeply philosophical thinker that could sus out the right answer for a given moral quandary. But I did know what felt right in a given situation, I knew that I would be more comfortable putting my own life at risk instead of sending people to their deaths. So, I knew that I would’ve made the same decision in his place. Maybe that’s why Perala asked me to help, she knew that having a “friend”, or at least an outsider, confront the prince would be more helpful than someone that may have more experience but not be able to break through the outer shell of the standoffish prince. Although I wasn’t sure I was the best choice considering everything, I wasn’t about to let the prince spiral into darkness on my watch.

[I’ll go see him now! Wait up for me Karen, I’ll be back. Oh, and this time without the perving out.] - Rose

I’d better do this now, while we still had some time before tomorrow's battle. Sure, I’d be exhausted in the morning, but it wasn’t a good idea to go into a dangerous situation with someone that wasn’t fully into it. I’d fix that prince before morning no matter what!

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- Eastern Abelis, Iacobus City, Church Command Tent – Undercover Spy's POV –

While the Alliance forces were setting up camp for the night opposing the Church forces, I watched on as my so-called “owner” and “lover” broke to pieces over the supposed injustice of it all. His rage being taken out on the scouts that had originally been assigned to watch over the patrolling group in the first place.

Serving drinks to the various officers I silently watched the rest of his command structure lose their confidence with the floundering man, already laying plans to jump ship to a new informant. I’d already had a bit of success with someone in this very tent in fact.

[How did those damnable freaks get here so quickly?!? I thought they were taking a leisurely patrol route along the border? Why didn’t you inform me?!?] - Commander Devotion

[I-I'm sorry sire! Our new interception technology seems to be interfering with our Image Stones, they weren’t able to get a signal.] - Unnamed Scout

[Excuses excuses! All I hear are excuses! Execute them for breach of duty! Captain, send out messengers to our reinforcements assaulting towns to the south, inform them that we require them. Send one to the main forces at the pass as well, informing them of the newfound limitations of this technology they’ve given us.] - Commander Devotion

It had truly been a surprise when the force of several thousand Alliance soldiers had crested the hills surrounding Iacobus City. Goddess, it had been glorious though, it had taken all of my willpower to keep a stoic expression. I’d known a while back that, because of my status as a spy, I’d likely have to watch things that I warned headquarters about happen anyway and had been fully prepared to see such horrific things happen. Still, seeing my warning taken seriously nearly brought me to tears. Even as I had expected to be executed for being a spy.

Somehow, I’d gotten away with it though, no one seemed to suspect anything. I’d only learned of the new interception technology after we’d taken the field but perhaps some other spy had learned of such things and warned them? Otherwise, I can’t imagine that I wouldn’t have already been strung up.

Here’s hoping my string of good luck continues.

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- Eastern Abelis, Iacobus City, Command Tent – Rose's POV –

Now, for the moment of truth. It had been several years since I last talked with the prince in such a genuine way and, to be honest, I wasn’t really sure how to begin. I knew what I needed to hear, Karen had helped me with that personally, but I had no idea if that was the way to help the prince as well. I wasn’t the prince, nor was he, me. What I meant by that was, though I’d forgotten most of my previous life at this point, and the rest had faded away, I still had the combined experience of two lifetimes. I only really remembered major events by this point, but it still made all the difference in the world. I’d never considered the prince immature of course, hell I was way more so than most my “age”, but I still wasn’t sure how easily he’d accept my argument.

Regardless, I couldn’t stay out here all night, so, steeling myself, I pushed through the tent flap to find the prince still combing over a map of the city.

[Hmm? Oh, Lady Rose, what brings you here so late at night? I was just about to head to bed myself.] - Prince Arlen

He was lying, I could tell. The hot cup of a Lucrum next to him on the table told me everything about his plans for the night. And none of them involved sleeping.

[I’ve heard what happened to you since we last saw each other.] - Rose

[W-Whatever could you mean? I’ve just been away at the Knight’s Academy.] - Prince Arlen

A flinch, before he deflected. He knew exactly what I was referring to.

[It’s okay.] - Rose

[...Rose.] - Prince Arlen

[Really, it is. It’s not your fault.] - Rose

Another flinch, this one more pronounced and obvious, his voice pleading me to stop as he called my name. I realized that this had even been the first time he’d called to me without some form of decorum. It showed just how far gone he already was.

[But it is!] - Prince Arlen

[Eep!] - Rose

[I’m sorry, but it is my fault. I was the one that ordered us to assault those bastards. I was the one that decided to do it on a volunteer basis! I was the one that forced the entire army to commit to a suicide mission because of my own unwillingness to honor the sacrifice of only a few! That was my fault!!!] - Prince Arlen

I wasn’t a tactician; I wasn’t sure what the correct decision was in that position. But I did know one thing...

[I’m not a military genius. To be honest I don’t really get it when it comes to battle. But what about the soldiers under you? Do they blame you for your actions? What about the different military leaders? Do they think you made the wrong decision? No. They call you a hero, a legend. None of them think you made the wrong choice.] - Rose

[But I’m not a-] - Prince Arlen

[After the- After the explosion at the Arena I was hailed as a hero. I didn’t think I deserve that title, I still don’t. But the people in that Arena, the opinions of those that matter, all agree. Maybe you’ll never get over the guilt of what happened, maybe you’ll never think of yourself as a hero. I know I don’t... But at the very least know that it wasn’t your fault, just as it wasn’t mine, just as it isn’t any of the soldiers currently fighting against the Church right now. It’s always the aggressor's fault.] - Rose

That’s it, I was done. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I’d done enough, wasn’t even sure if it was all the right words to be honest, but I’d spoken from the heart. I didn’t think Arlen would ever forgive himself, I never have, but at least he shouldn’t have to continue to be debilitated by that guilt. He could...

[E-Eek! W-What are you doing?!?] - Rose

[I’m sorry about this, and thank you.] - Prince Arlen

[Fine! But only this one time!] - Rose

Hugging?!? I was being hugged?!? That damned prince and his puppy dog eyes! Sure, I wasn’t too pleased with suddenly being hugged out of the blue but he wasn’t trying to do anything else so I guess I could at least comfort him a bit...

Wonder how I should explain this to Karen...?

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