Chapter 90: Chapter 81 – Sexiest Man of the Year

All monster hunters should consult their Monsterpedia whenever they travel to a new area to check if they will need a hunting permit since many wildlife areas are regulated to prevent overhunting of protected monster species. This is especially true of places that have especially valuable monsters. Local wars have been fought over monster resources, so make sure that you know all of the laws regarding which monsters you can hunt freely, and which ones are protected.

—Monster Hunter Weekly, vol. 71, no. 11

Asteria

After Seraphiel returned with the T-shirt, we made our way to the Creature Carousel, a merry-go-round featuring cartoony, robotic dyr. I had high hopes that Seraphiel would be allowed on it since the ride had a few large dyr that could seat three children. Alas, it was not to be. Though Seraphiel might be able to squeeze into one of the seats, it wouldn’t be comfortable, and he was above the weight limit.

“Aw, that’s too bad!” I said.

“You could ride it,” said Seraphiel.

“Alone? Nah. Let’s go shopping instead! The mall looks great.”

“Yes, I do like the greenhouse look, and I want to see the plants.”

The Alien Adventure Mall was a small but very lovely glass dome that housed a lot of stores. However, the only thing Seraphiel was interested in was the central section where rare flowers from Eatuhea were on display. Such plants were the sole purview of the noble families who claimed to be descended from Eatuhean royalty or nobility. These exotic blooms were so valuable that they were only displayed behind bulletproof glass under the watchful eyes of an armed guard.

The flowers looked similar to blue roses and white peonies from Earth, so I wasn’t too impressed. They were pretty, but nothing exceptional save for the little cards that stated the estimated price these flowers would fetch on the open market. Not that they were ever sold that way, of course.

Tickets to the flower display cost a fortune, and people could only stay in the central area for five minutes.

“I wish I could get some,” said Seraphiel.

“Sweetie, please don’t press your face against the glass, you’re making the guards nervous, “ I said.

He was acting like a child in a candy store who wasn’t allowed to sample any of the sweet treats.

“Are you hungry?” I asked after our time in the flower display was up. I decided not to go shopping since it would be torture for Seraphiel to be that close to the flowers but not be able to gawk at them some more. “We could go to the Future Food Alley.”

“I could eat.”

Small food and drink stalls were scattered all over the park, but Future Food Alley was the place where the restaurants were located. Ravn had booked us a table for two at The View.

“I feel a little nauseous,” I whispered to Seraphiel once we were seated.

The restaurant was decorated with faux windows, balconies, and staircases on the walls and ceiling. Someone also had the bright idea to put funhouse distorting mirrors everywhere in such a way that the mirror images reflected each other. Everywhere you looked, there seemed to be a warped room inside a room inside another room. The effect was less futuristic than stomach-churning.

“Do you want to leave?”

“No, but let’s not order a full meal,” I said.

“Okay.”

We both ordered a plate of sandwiches and a large bottle of sparkling water to share. I tried to avoid looking at the walls while we quickly ate the overpriced snack.

“It’s okay,” I said as we walked out of the restaurant. “I have more room in my stomach for cake and ice cream!”

“Where should we go next? The Tentacle Town dessert stall? You said you wanted the alien cakes,” said Seraphiel.

“Well-”

My answer was cut off by the sound of someone yelling our names. Uriel and Sariel were waving at us from the other side of the Future Food Alley. Uriel was in uniform since they must have come straight from work. Sariel was wearing black and white leather studded with gold buttons and spikes. I excitedly ran towards them.

“Oh, my goddess! Could it be? Aren’t you Folk Magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man of the Year?’ I’m a huge fan!” I gushed at Sariel, fluttering my eyes in an exaggerated manner.

Sariel laughed and said in an excessively deep fake growl, “Thank you, little lady, but it’s actually ‘Sexiest Man of the Decade.’”

“Congratulations!” I said.

“No, please don’t congratulate me until I win the ‘Sexiest Man of the Century’ poll,” said Sariel.

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“You’re sure to win!” I moved closer as though I was whispering in Sariel’s ear, but I spoke in a voice loud enough for the others to hear. “You know, since eight out of the eight judges are your ex-girlfriends.”

Uriel pulled a face at our playacting, while Seraphiel smirked at him.

“Congratulations,” said Seraphiel to Uriel.

“Don’t you start,” growled Uriel.

Sariel and I burst out laughing.

“This morning Uriel’s office was plastered with Sexiest Man of the Year covers,” said Sariel.

I reached into my bag and pulled out this month’s Folk Magazine, the fastest-selling issue in the past decade. A shirtless picture of Uriel was on the cover.

“Could you autograph this, please?” I said to Uriel.

Uriel shook his head at me, but he took a pen from the pocket of his uniform.

“No! Don’t do that,” said Sariel.

Too late, I realized that the autograph had been a bad idea. The moment Uriel finished signing my magazine, a dozen girls started crowding around him, asking him to autograph their copies. One daring fan even asked him to sign his name on her thigh.

Seraphiel took me by the arm and gently moved me away from Uriel.

I don’t know if there was some form of fan telepathy or something because women started magically appearing everywhere on the street, pouring out from restaurants in groups or walking towards us from the other parts of the theme park.

In minutes, Uriel was completely surrounded.

“Aren’t you going to help?” I asked Seraphiel.

“I’m keeping you safe from the crowd,” he said. “Sariel will help him.”

Sariel made a valiant effort to make the fans behave. “Ladies! Please form a line if you want an autograph!”

No one paid him the least bit of attention, and Uriel continued to sign whatever the fans handed him. I guess he was just hoping to finish everything as fast as he could, but women kept arriving faster than he could sign autographs.

Thankfully, the theme park security guards eventually arrived, forced their way past the fans, and opened up a path for Uriel to escape. They escorted us all the way to the parking lot where one of the EL’s black vans was waiting.

“I’m so sorry!” I said when Uriel started driving. Sariel was seated in front with him while Seraphiel and I were at the back. “I didn’t realize that would happen.”

“If Uriel says yes to one fan, everyone mobs him,” said Sariel.

“I won’t do it again,” I promised. “I’m sorry I ruined the day for everyone.”

“It’s not your fault,” said Uriel. “And we weren’t going to stay, anyway.”

“You weren’t?” I asked.

“Public places with large amounts of people aren’t good for us,” said Uriel. “These days, it’s mostly too many fans, but you should be careful. There are a lot of people who don’t like us.”

“Oh,” I said.

That made sense. Seraphiel and I had been out in public a few times, but always in a small or private place, like a restaurant, bar, or store.

“I prefer quiet places anyway,” said Seraphiel.

“Tch. Asteria wants to have fun,” said Sariel. “Don’t listen to those two and do what you want. Just be more careful next time.”

Too bad there wasn’t going to be a next time anytime soon.